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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Signal, 1892-10-6, Page 66 TWE SIGNAL : OODERICIH, ONT., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1892. AVER'S sarsaparilla Is superior to all other prepare- tionsdaiming to be blood -purifiers. First of all, because the principal ingredient used in it is the extract of genuine Honduras sarsaparilla root, the vanet�rtest in medi- cin:et ptopertics. Also, because Cures Catarrh dock the ye ,beinllow g raised expressly for the Company, is ale ays fresh and of the very best kind. With equal discrimina- tion and care, each of the other ingredient • selected and com- pounded. it is THE superior Medicine b:.ause it is always the same in appearance, fl.tvur, and effect, and. being highly concentrated, only small doses are needed. It therefore, the most economical bla.'J-it_trifler in existence. It Cures makes food nour- ishing, work SCROFULA pleasant, sleep refreshing, and lit. otitavable. It searches out all impurities in the system and expels them harmlessly by the natural channas. AYER'S Sarsaparilla gives elasticity to the step, and imparts to the aged and infirm, renewed health, strength, and vitality. ASTER'S Sarsaparilla pr�.p.,.d chem J C. Ayyer a Co.. Lovell. Mae 5.4J t,a at'�Dratggist.: Pry, $' , ra butts.. tit. Cures others, will cure yse USING A PHONOGRAPH. VI LZA DER fL KEYSER- 1 am one of these odd meo who believe in turning everything to some moral purpose. la making this personal statement, 1 do not mean to be egotistical, not in the least, but seemly to express a patent fact of which all lay acquaintances are cognizant. For example, while I like an entertaining story as well as anybody, I want at to be something more than that : 1 wast the author deftly to point a moral lesson. Not ubstruaively,of course, for that would defeat the very purpn.e of the tale, but with suf- ficieut clearness to make it Ay to the mark like an Indian's arrow. Well, you see, 1 noticed on levers! oera- mons In my travels that certain hawkers dos played the marvels of an Edison phonograph at tire cents a display for each person While they made a mercenery use of this wonderful instrument, the thought struck ate in a kind of sudden, spontaneous way.es all the inspirations of genius do, that I might stilts. the phonograph for the moral better. anent of to)- own neighborhood. And so 1 procured one of these instru- meota and took it borne. Why, Cantwell, w bat under the blue dome are you going to do with that mach- ine!" exclaimed my maiden ester, as I en- tered the house. • Oh ! you'll en is good time,- I replied reservedly-. a • I hope so," she said, Laughingly. " No doubt it's one of your odd furors again." Furor or no furor, I had a well-defined plan in my mind as to the use I expected to make of my new Edison machine. My op. portunity came sooner than 1 expected. The next day I noticed incidentally that Mrs. Te1W was paying a visit to Mrs. Lap - sus Linguae, and knowing that they were the most notorious gossips in the commun- ity, keeping it in a constant broil, 1 hur- ried up to my room for the phonograph. Then I hastened down to the bonne of Mrs. Lpsus Linguae. • Why, Mr. C-a-a-rtwell Jo -o -ns., what are you doing with that' machine'" broke out that lady, as 1 stood in the door. "Are you going to tura agent'" , Oh, no, not •t all," I returned ruavely-. " 1 have • very cunoua instrument here, with which 1 intend to give an Instructive public exhibition in a few days in one of the halls down town. ran I leave it here in the room a couple of hours' It is a little anwieldv, and I should like to go down town and attend to state husiuea; and then i will come back with an express wagon tor the machine. Have you any objections to or leaving it' " "• None at .11," she replied obliran ly. " Hadn't you better bring it into the par for where It will nut be spoiled "• It isn't necessary," 1 hastened to ex• plain. " 1 will set it right ben oe the Nand. There are no children about to med- dle with 11.- 1 put it on • small table as near as i could to the place where i supposed the tomo comps wouldsit, and then aljwtd the receiving diaphragm " so that it would faithfully register on the wax cylinder env erythins that was said. •' it is to bat for the machine to be in operation while 1 am gone." i sepia:sed, " You needn't he afraid of it. It isn't in the least dangerous. 'nerviest), be a slight ticking, but that need not interrupt your emarmeat ion " f Ih ' we shan't mind it at all. assured lire Iapetus Linguae. 1 west my way, but cogld scarcely keep my face from betraying my feeling of tri. *mph as 1 lifted my hat_ It was several hours 1.efore 1 fouled it cn.iven,..t to return for my phnsogr•ph. Whet do you call this machine'"quar- eel INta. Tellall. as 1 entered the noon " A phonograph," 1 answered. " Well, what kind of an exhibition are yogi going to give "• If rat arc very anxious to know," i re- joined, .mileng blandly, '• I will give yeti a an•ple r.f the Werk dews. Ivy this wnnd•rfnl instrument Io on Dare to hear it •" "tt1., yes both muses erel.imd al most in concert it took me hut • .torment to rentor. the " revel* ng diaphragm.- and slip in the re srn.Inctng dianhrwgm and sd$W the other parts of the machine so that it would report the latest impreesome it had reasrded. Time tae women were perfectly gimlet for coos is timer hon., listsmiig intentt when sudden - oily alehaat.! imitt is the prseise tome a� •• Have re hotted of w atrial .salol hone( eir.etaMWe Pur.imam ! "d abase Why, no whet is the world le t. t " tied to m.ei.. 1. the Iageiritive teem of lira Laguna laag... , Yes maws would have •angio it. 1 kaow, het they a tam they want to to Tastere last even with that s.morsotr Mrs. dempl and here the'homograph gave • remised d mob a sake bet of goalp that it W01144 have reeled to arob-eaandal manager d the world. I glanced over at my two oompaa1oss, tad observed that they had turned as white as the puppies !gabbing aur to wnsdow. Thor eyes began to dilate wider tad wider as they mored at to talkie/4 Ta more it reported of the od thZicritt had joint been eagagsd to, the mors they be- came horrified, until at Iength Mrs. lapses Liagtas sprang to her feet and at, Mimed, in • vows tomes with anger ; ' Mr. Cart - won Joao, shut op that talkie' maahiae's month this very e.in*W ! " ' Why ! " I questioned u.00s.tly. " It is doing troll. isn't it wonderful! Just hams ! How precisely it nous the Wein of those two ladies rorsi themsel- ves with that choice morsel of scandal It would be • pity to interrupt the inter- esting oo.v.reatioa. 1 w anxious exc.ed- agly &&stints, Mrs. Lapses 1ruguae, to hear the sed er it." ' Mr. Cartoon Jonas," she again broke out, "do you hear me' Remove that talk - nog =schuss at ones, this m1t:ate." Thai you enjoy the ladles' dialogue!" I asked, pretending to be surprised. "Can I be mistakeu in my judgment ot your char actor1 auppo..d you would find such • coareratioi lust to your taste" Mts. Lapses I.i ngu•e sank back int., her chair with • deep sigh, and not . word was td fur Boum momenta save by the phono- graph, which had passel glibly from one piece of gossip to another. Ugh " greased Mea. Tellall "1 caa't bear this any longer. Stop it, Mr. dimes, atop it for -for heav-for pty's sake ! D -o -o d -o -o, stop it ! " " I hope It doesn't worry you Ladies," 1 rejoined. '• This is to be part of the pro- gram for my exhibition down town next Friday evening.' •' You don't intend to make that machine tell all that ,tuft before a public audience In the town hall, do you, Mr. Jones' " cried Mn. Lapsus Linguae, starting to her feet in dismay. " Certainly," 1 replied, more or Ism non uhalautly. • That conversation will be very edifying." .lust thou 1 stopped with some surprise, for the pb000graph was saying in Mrs. T.tW I's confidential toner : " 1)o you know, Mrs. Linguae, that the report is going the rounds that Mr. Cartwell Jose has been jilted by Mir Dunbar •-" "Oh, o -o -h ' for Pity's rake, Mr. loam, do turn it off ' 1)o ! ' pleaded Mn. Tellall coming towards me, and wringing her hands, while the pearly teals stood on her cheeks. "111 never tattle again about my ueighbors-never, if you'll only turn oil that horrid machine" •• Well 1 guess I will," 1 said seeing that the phonograph dialogue was beocmtng rather personal. I kit my face flushing, too, at the reference to nay bring jilted by my betrothed. So I stopped the phono- graph, and lead gone to the door with it, w hen Mrs. L ap.ua Linguae interposed. •' You won't let that awful machine go over that horrid talk of ours, on Friday evening, will you!" she said, bursting into tears. • Why not'" i asked naively. "011, it would be awful ! Hoo, hoo, hue, boo , , Don't you like the conversation," I asked a little sharOy. , No I don't. Boo,hoo' I never knew before how awful it must sound for two women to rpend three hours in nothing bat goesip. I'll never do it again, never.' •' Nor i, chimed in Mrs Tellall. •' All right, ladis•e," I said leniently. "On those conditions 1 promise not to let my phonogrash report you at the exhibition, (hood day)." - ' (;ood day, Mr. 1. nes they said tear- fully-. I walked home In • very meditative frame of mind. "What a wonderful isvat1011 is the phonograph '" 1 said to myself. "Edison," i conttnud, apostrophizing the inventor, "you are a greater genius than you suspect If i may vary Buren' famous lines to suit the circumstances I should say that you have, by your marvellous ingenuity, en- able, us to bear huntel's as tither. hear Permit me to add, en peasant, that my phonograph is still engaged in • work of moral trnovstion int;my neighborhood. - - New 'York Observer." maay A Yeats man. ‘1' hen from over -work, possibly assisted by an inherited weakness, the health fails and rest or medical treatment must he re- sorted to, then no medicine cud be employed with the mite beneficial results as Sttr.tt's Emulsive. 2 A Telae retaking. The wont about that citizen who turned up alive after he was torrid u that it giro the envious entail soiled cities of the land • chance to say Philadelphians are so .low they don't know when they're dead. Ieteer Thais fist/. ttr'rt.reatt,-I have used Fowler's Ex- tract of Mild Strawberry for bowel coni. plaint and can say there is no other remedy as good. Mea JAMES Thomson, 2 Lake Ion, Ont. Tike hers, Knew. Woman (to herself. it scares me half to death to drive this horse. i wonder what he'll do next. Horse (to himeelf)-That must oe a woman driving or 1 wouldn't he jammed isle every thine on the read. ewe The S. N. A. Aon • The great British North America art now. • days is to buy • bottle of H. H. B , and cure yourself of dyspepsia, constipation headache, liver complaint or had blood, and complaint it i, an act that always attains the desired result. - 2 A Maser. Muss (;asket fat 11 30 p no 1- i)o yes know, Mr Sappy, 1 am sure you would make an excellent editor of • sewapapsr. Sappy (plowed) - Weally. n ,w, Miss (;as- kN Miss t: sks, Indeed, 1 do. ''our .mote amnia to he, " i have cane to stay." -- Worm w Weaker. (;s'irt.awts, i mnfered for three days very e.v.r.ly from Summer ev+mpkaint sad could est get relief bat kept gettiag warm and worst till ohm pain woe almost nnhoar- •l.le and i became very weak. Some friends adviawl Ur. Fowler s Extract of Wild Strawberry, and after 1 had taken ohm fire dope 1 rotted mach relief and it did sot fail to mire use. 1 tie sot intend to be without this valuable .sdici.e if 1 nen help it. Wu. T Oe.y+e, 2 Wilfred, Ont. .Pf'N.,A. MOIORILe. Wawa anima Isom mese the, le eat tea is When • measer-steabs M area dew • Itrebellious a .w. child Qat gees oat d tie roses wham the old mean smash- W them► Weems sever Meteor. When they wast toshey sem ay "yes" without • stammer. Amy pesos cat pi thee bat the qua" bus is what is he going to do after his arrives. t'otmata -"Rattled tokiem.• " "Hoer uspsd•str "But he was interspi.d." Row ponying!" Yoaaa Housekeeper -Have yyaaee scene hese alt? Gomm Yes, ma'am. Yeaag hauls keeps- la it fresh! When mea pictures • haven for Wawa he always has 6w owe entasia right in to Dater of at. Hu Rep.tatiee-••l dost thiak—" I m- gaa Howell titbit's•. '8o I have hard," garckly responded to cruel girl It is • terrible wrench to oar's ooefidssm in human mature when your family phyma ci•m any. he's sorry to find you Ill Helen If papa doesn't like George why is he so ourdial : Tom --He says it's such • mvi..g of the ps tor him to visit often. It has not yet occurred to to dictio.•ry- sakers to classify "phonograph" as • form. neat uogin, amply because 11 talks back. Possibly the future politician's earliest im- palas to smash the ,late ls whee as • boy ha Ws to go back to school after venins. She-len't that sign Deer the door- •liente' Clothin' - horrible lsngluh' H. - Oh, no ; that's • three -dollar pouts Mama "Al, she murmured, as her father bustl- ed two would-be visitors from the frost door. "I think 1 hear the rustling of the leaves.." Walking is said to be the beat exorcist for brain workers, and it is worthy of not* that brain workers can seldom afford to do anything else. Then is • great deal in the papers now about lightweight., but we believe the or- dinary ton of coal is still the champion bight weig Sinl --Doss your husband still practioe t. aeon ou aa he did when be was single' Wile , no ; be contents himself with preaching it tome. He -Ike you dawnoe' She (who has bean informed that he is • bore)- No. He - Neither do I. Let's spend the evening just talking to each other. A t -•cation in Town. -Analis--Ihd (Sola Ise Bohrman enjoy his vacation at the sea- side! Amelia -I don't Insole, but his friends in town did. Chappie-I did not catch Mrs. Hietnpa's tenet. I wonder if it was Unneeded for me! Bea --No, 1 know it was not, for ss. and, "A word to the win u enough." He was a very absent-minded mad "I am very fond d•f fruit," she said. '•I just dote on lemons." "Yam." he melted, "you know the eaying-':)wests to the sweat' Minnie- -I simply couldn't have refund Jack after be offered me this beautiful ea• gagement ring. t;l•dys-Yes, Jack has al- ways placed gnat reliance in that ring. May -Can you look me in the face and tell me you weren't intoxicated last nipght! Frank Yes, darling ; but I couldn't look you in the face tad not be intoxicated now. Eve --Addy, my dear, Pm going mhopp{olag this morning. Can you let me have $1100, Adam -Great heavens, Eve' You seem to believe the report that I'm made of dust. Visiting Jeweler -I aveu't seen an opal - faced watch .none I carne to Ashbury Park. Patrolman --Vis, sor. It's ag'in ordhers. Figgen is not allowed to be ism and OS the bache. Irate passenger (sa train is moving DIT)-- Wby t6dn t you put my luggage in am I told you! Porter- Eh, moos ; Ivo 1. is not sic • fule as yet.el'. Ts re i' the wrong train. The e;reen-Eyed Master. -less --They went to the mountains on their wedding trip, and Ethel was wretched. Bess - What was the trouble' .Jess -George fell in love with the scenery. Mother -New you have broken my cup. You deserve • whipping. Come hen. Frit: --No ; I won't come. Mother -Come, Frit:, till I whip yon, and then you shall have tslice li f cake. An Oversight.--He-1)o you know it has I always seemed strange to me that I hays' never sonic' She -Dar me, haven't any of the girls ever given you their rete is 1 for refusing you' Mamma (to the profeasor,wbose ears ays been lacerated for an hour) -Don't you think the dear child should have her voice cultivatel' The professor (grimly) -Yom, if she must sing. "1 hope you appreciate the fast, sir, Chet in marrying my daughter you marry a large. hearted, generous girl." 'I do, sir (with .amotionsl, and 1 hope she inherits those qualities from bee father." Little Tommy Wbykia hal been area - hag with • piece of hardtack. "Mamma," Oddi he, after a silence. "What is it!' "11 pullparrota get all the cracker they ask for, I dos .% wonder they learn to [Maim -This is the best parrot we aye, bat i wouldn't .ell him without letting you know his one fault ; he'll .wear if kis fend doesn't suit him. Mies Fits --I'll take hiss; it will ..em quite like having • man in the house. Mrs Chugwater-Josiah, last Saturday was my birthday, and you forgot all aboet it ' Mr. Chugwater -Why, Samantha, dear, the time per.. ---b en -e. swiftly 1. your society that your birthdys-er-dams rotted before I know it. Mr. Lather Excuse nee, Mie Snapper, but I have long sought this opportunity to Mie Snapper -Neve mini the pre- amble, Nr. Lurker. Run right in ted ash p.. He's been expecting this would eons for the last two yearn His one hops. -"I suppose there is De way of soaping this doowid .pdemmie," - Iiloquised ('hippie,'lint .neon it hoe M cane i hope we may get it by way of cosh old Lun.os." To which Cae11y lettered a devout and nnsstlag "Haw 1" "How in to world did y Fidgety oomne to marry the 'MOMS he dirt' Why. .he is fifteen yarn older than ha, at the Inst. " 1 don't Imola how ith•ppmd I dla asked Fidg.ly the other , •af 6. admit- ted dmitted that he hadn't figured it out yet him - ..If. Garsletos (in the mountains) -1 tioeght it was against the rules of this hems to give tip.. Waiter --So hit am, ale ; but I ain't heard eh say isle 'gairst • relines leadin' um•11 tome to a waitah on iodated*, time, wif no .tpertatiess oh interest or totem X01) III lanterry, ash.triad, I nes mot necsal to troth hepeer m yea ..7 bteg�. Yoe hay..te) half whiner to Nve." Editor(aeries(feebyI-- hooter, will you please tell the fereaa., wham i me gems, to place ley obituary es the fleet page. top e1 a beano, mit to panattest 1 treed., If 1 am eztrevspt is myself f is theelasery In was la y t - Syrup ff Martinsville, N.J., Methodist Pu- sonage. " My acquaintantfr with your remedy. Boacbee's German Syrup, was made about fourteen years ago, when I contracted a Cold which resulted in a Hoarseness and a Cough which disabled me front filling my pulpit for a number ot Sabbaths. After trying a Physician, without obtaining relief -I cannot say now what retuedy be prescribed -I saw the advertisement of your remedy and obtained a bottle. I received such quick and penncntut eelp from it that whenever we have had Throat or Bronchial troubles since in our family, Boachee's Ger- man Syrup has been our favorite remedy and always with favorable results. I have river hesitated to report my experience of its use : others when I have found theri troubled in like manner." Rsv. W. H. HACOAATY, of the Newnrk, New A safer Jersey, M. E. Confer- ence, April 25, 'coo. R•mody. • C. G. GREEN, Sete Maa'fir,Woodbury,NJ. tetra tad the /free Teems nem The wise old Hassam sat In his door, when three young men pressed eagerly by. Are ye following after any one, my saw '" he said. •• I follow after Pleasure, " said the old- est. •• And I after Richer, " said the second. " Pleasure is only to be found with Riches." •' And you, my little one'" 130 asked of the thiel. • I follow after Duty,- he modestly maid. And each went Ms way. The aged Haeao in be journey came urea three men. My sou, " he said to the eldest, " me- thinks thou were the youth who was fol lowing after Pleasure. Dhd'.t thou over- take her'" •• No, father,' at/teeny' the tan. •• I';•+euro is but a phantom that dine ss ose approaches. " „Thou did'st not follow the right way• My w.. ' How did',t thou fare"be asked of the second. •• Pleasure is not with riches, " he answered. •' And 11.0.'7' continued Haman, addrvs nog the youngest. , As 1 w*lkeel with Duty, " he replied, " Pleasure walled ever by my side. "• It is always thus, " said the old man. " Pleasure pursued is mot overtaken. Only her Oath.. is caught by him who pursues. She herself goes hand in hand with Duty, and they who rake Iluty their companion have also the compsaiosship of Pleasure. Tatars • arstmsas is Melling rF E:Xt J WLER'5 OF WILD ThAWBER'A GQL'C + HOLMoRA CHOLERA DIARRHOEA DySENTERYstrmpiER CONSLAKS CHILDREN orADULTS DIWAME Price IMITATIONS R. B. HOLLAND DUNGANNON JUST TO HAND Another consignment of English Tweeds and Worsteds, suitable for Ladies' Jackets and Gents' Suiting', quality unsurpassed. ODD LINES and SUMMER G000S Market down away below the regular prices to clear out and and make roots for New Fell Stock. Boots and Shoes in this Department I have • large and trek -selected stock, di- rect from the hest manufacturers, hence i can guarantee the hest possible value for the least mon- ey --quality considered. DINNER and TEA SETS in chore patterns and A 1 qual- ity, ('heap. Also • lot of Travel- lere' Samples, and odd lines in (ll•eaware, eta., which I have se- cured at • bargain, and will sell sway below their actual vale. Full lines in Family (lroceriee. A full supply of all kinds of Paint. and Chia kept constantly on hand. Patent Medicines a specialty. R. 8. 1COLLAITD, GENER.Ai. MERCHANT, DUNGANNON. New GOOD8 ♦T FRASER & PORTERS, Artistic designs in Stetting Silver and Silver Plate ; the very best, only; suitable for Wedding Gifts. In Fancy China we lead. Carlsbad Dresden, Elite Limoges, &c., in Um- brella Stands, Rose Bowls, Salad Bowls, and other lines ; also an ele- gant line in German China, much cheaper. The only display of Banquet and Piano Lamps in town. Lemaire's Opera Glasses in Orient- al, Smoke and White Pearn. Solid Gold Pens, Pencils, Button Hooks, &c. FRASER & PORTER, Stationers and Booksellers. GOODE'S CONDITION POWBER Hones need 1t during Pall mirk. HEALING OIL usserp.ss.d roe hose ftbeuldsrs, tuts, ea. oto., a Horse. BEATEIALL Stove Pipe Varaisi CLINAX FURNITURE POLISH PRESCRIPTIONS Prepared is • erodes. matter, day or might. Quallo 1• of am timarausee. W. C. COODE, - THE CHEMIST. FALL TRADE .e. In BUILDERS' SUPPLIES now prepared. y� .01 lad all that la required. aad at prlesake as stay. - In FENCING MATERIALS _ foo _ haveeot got io this dep•nmeUt. tka PAINT and OIL Tht is where we shim-a.rryiag oke mo. complete hoe in this musty. hie mop goods allowed to the sere. Our general Mr lw•re stock is sort complete and well bought. Our Prim solidt u tendon sad we your patr.asae- R. P. WILKINSON & Co. NOW TAKE BOOTS : AND : SHOES FOR I1ISTANCE. It makes little differ- ence what others say, the leading place in the trade for years and years has been occupied by E. DOWNING, O r. Ifmstst sad Square. P.S.—The latest and beet Spring and Summer design just to hand. NOTIOE TO THE PUBLIC. We have just .naiad • way asks hs e[ NEW TEAS! —OOlratirrnra ay — BLACK, GREEN AND JAPANS Which we guarantee to sell at least 10 Cents per Pound Cheaper Than can be bought from pedlara A trial order vireos - wince you of the truthfalae■s of this sseertion. sell the beat OOFTZE obtainable. REES PRICE & SON.