HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Signal, 1882-10-27, Page 6lir u.nox 8LGJAI, FRIDAY. OCT. za,1882.
s
the Poet's tomer.
Lel M AJislee.
I'm • grumpy old file►ds►,
Grimly sed arse.
1 am eivesand-toed
if I am a day.
1 am fumy crusty.
Aad dry a bone :
Su ladles 'Sud ladle. -
Just let me alone I
Ge shake your
Aad beam out la ,
Ge tinkle your trinkets.
And show of your wiles.
Bewitch and bewilder
Wherever roe len ;
Bat pray -pray remember.
I abs Rot the man !
I'm trona to bleebs
lin press/against eyes :
I'm hardened to simpers.
And stony to sighs.
I'm tough to each dart
That young Cupid can Loa ;
I'm .et in the market
At way edvenoet
1 sew my own buttons.
1 darn my own base.
I hoe my own *pommel.
Aad fold my own clothes,
1 mind my own business.
And live my own life;
I o -raw the Makers -
Be plagued wtth • wife!
Aad yet then', alae.ptamers
Who believe me their fate ;
runes two amen widows
Who'd Maori their motets.
'metals/111 Tomas maWaus
Who blush et my bow;
An -ell beat os marrytng me.
No matter bow 1
I walk forth in trembling.
1 oome home in dread ;
1 don't fear my heart,
Bat I dofear m, tee
]ay etvns,t speech
Is•mord ard•Lod :
And that -Heaves save me i-
ts
is -charming*, odd r
Yo, ladies --dear ladies -
J wt hear me. I Arty
I speak to r•••• 'it.
- rely.
As luau can to ---
11 Lwool marry roe.
Pray -don't watery rete l
is es sassy respesfia hem all its
r.4
edeesrors that h.se was footed to abra-
s kis labar.aviag eabas.o dear to the
art of the ambitious and pains akillg
repartee.
"I have pealed people for twenty-two
70ars4" ho°esetter'ed, Wks meting hism-
sellf at hie table, "sad I ises brad at it
I seta not is the masks Mona teyfeilk
I sigh fee .00dltiag sew. i[y loagialg
anal septet's to origi telity. I had tether
ahem a m.• a edema {kris pat; hies les
Waft I will write rep theme metes in •
Ara that will hate, se bast, the moat et
originality, and will oleate waft*
who doesn't bad bis name i, the paper
to-teoaow. "
His pencil dew ever the ghosts tipper
like a walking satob; the sarcomas star -
awe of the foreman usa«d, the distant
clamor of the intelligent compositors was
hulked, and curly now and thea thei
mulled grains that cease sadly down
the speaking -tube told that some printer
was endeavoring to decide whether a blot,
a keg waving lire, two dots, end a dash
was "commencement," "ooessealon,"
''iacineration," or "emancipation." Mr.
Stiehlpen laughed boarsey am he beard
the greases.
"Howl for copy, will your he chuckl-
ed defiantly. "I'll gigs jos copy that
will make y our hearts ache."
And he wrote more wildly them mer,
and only said, "Ha, hal' when word
pane thus the dietitians& preolorpd•r in
the oast Trow had hanged himself.
s s s s • •
Next morning, while Godfrey Sti,•N-
pen slept, the Tamboree was opened at a
thousand happy breakfast table, and joy
was turned into mourning aa,acmid weep-
ing acd whining sod gnashing of teeth,
e first thing the enbecriben rami was as
follows :
A PiraTOY Hoes. - Ben Harrigan
came all the way to oar office last even-
ing to tell us that he had just received an
imported invertebrate thorobred frost
England, a magnificent stepper, with a
record of 2:25, that rust him nine hon-
ored dollars. Warnock, at whose stables
this matchlees wonder is housed, informs
at tlmt it is a Maxsll County horse, sev-
enteee years old, and worth about two D
ty dollars for lady's driving. It seems
to us Harrigan lies worse as he draws
nearer the grave.
After this came the annexed para.
grePh
Ceti*? Pio. -Farmer Thistlepoxl drag-
ged us seven blocks through the scorch-
ing sun yesterday down to a freight de-
pot to see his two-huodred dollar im-
ported piv Marshall Henry afterward
told us that is was a pig that had been
in pound for three weeks, and Thistle -
pod only paid two dollars for it It is
of the genuine prairie -schooner breed,
with a snout thirty -eight inches long,
and can jump a stake -and -rider fence
without touching a hoof. Thistlepod
has always been notorious for keeping
miserable stock.
The usual eagloistic "personal.' para-
graph was supplanted by the following :
PRitsoNAL-Old Archie McIntosh left
town last evening to the great delight of
all his acquaintances -he has no friends -
for a trip to Mud Lake. He left a note
for us, stating he was going for his
health. This means a two weeks' drunk.
We wonder who lent him enough money
to got out of town !
But the crowning glory of the Morn-
ing Tamboree was the concert notice. It
read es follows :
GRAND CONCa6T.-The regular annual
exhibition of good cktbes and bad music
that has grown to be a feature of the
musical world in Shawneetown, came off
last evening at the Opera Houma Every
seat in the hall was taken, for our pa-
tient community has become accustom-
ed to this affliction, and submits to it
without a murmur four or five times a
year, very much as they take quinine in
in the spring.
are Whin filmy tram the kq., erre
was hie, and he .koeld either desire
his Maks sr hiss voAfiis.
)sen' « wait It use *sial rad.
a Preach tame i• the preview* ; ltd
everyone knows what le easing niter the
Itl(sm asegeLits finally slate the pieno
tie reed lets precisely the right ptace -
whiai is always jut where it stood be-
fore ria * it mored the tied tiear-
ad, ease asatw hem* ler the We*
time, &ally
iles
�elou'a un sg habit of
Marin hes gloom W the pias°, elan le
espying seven minutes is resowag sham
fa not ea affeetMros. It le as std of stor-
ey, and gives the people nearest the
door as opportneity to slip ret Wore
she helms to play. The reporters et the
ski pram ased to go out at this time t
bet eine B•ngalon has taken to standby
at the door to watch gime" that' bees,
with excellent trate and better Paige -
meat, abandoned the era's.. sed sassi-
ly swallowed their cap of misery. As
Mrs. Hawke lea the stage, Job
Garbey who was asap in the gallery,
fell °Rids chair, aad,lablakislg the notao
for an °masse, Ms imeide a reused
and pounded vett the 'Belies'• Prayer."
Homebody ought to kill the* Asan Ow -
hey.
"Professor" Sewnpest Own a
solo -De B.rloess "soweath Mr." Iiv-
rybody was grateful that he didn't try
the eight The prolamin dresses like •
waiter, and handles • fiddle tyle a rad-
iate from a side show. He is in great
demand at all the damns down at Wyse-
ker..
ysss-
kers Branch and the H•sesfrae Bottoms,
and it is believed, in tad, that all his
.amdeal education was acquired at Den
Coleman's store, at the old ford, us Cly-
m•r's Creek. Hs is trying W get up a
class in this city, and if this man at-
tempts to teach our boys to play the fid-
dle as he does, he ought to be lynched.
And he will be, if the Tambora has any
inluenoe in musical circles.
It was masted as • circsa to hear Mad-
ame Psrapluie sing •`R.bert, lot quo
faints." If the old lady's lungs were
as big as her feet she might sing more
and w'heese less. As it is, candor com-
,peL us to say that a case of asthma
weighing two hundred and seventeen
pounds is no artistic addition to a con-
cert
Miss Upperoea played the same old
"Improvisation" she began playing in
these concerts eighteen year ago. It
lasts about aa well u her diamonds, and
changes about as little. h. is time she
had it published and improvised some-
thing new.
Jim Thorlow came out and sang his
unchanging "Ah, so fair." The agony
of the audience during this time of trial
was fairly insupportable. His high notch
are greatly admired, becalm° his voice
always breaks into a falsetto squeak on
them, and he can't make so much now
as he can on his chest tones. If Jim
had been born dumb, or his audience
deaf, the world would be much happier.
Some time he will go away from home
and sing, the judge will give him sixty
days for it. Still this would not be ex-
travagant. His singing is worth it every
day of it.
The only excuse tor putting Miss
Maltby on the programme every time
there is • concert in Shawneetown, is
that her father is worth eighty thousend
dollars and owns the biggest brewry in
Lowell County. With' a voice, musical
education, and general ability about up
to the grade of "Baby Mine," she enb
her old stand-by last night, the "Spin-
ning -wheel Song" from "Faust." If
Marguerite could have sung it as Min
Maltby sang it, it would have seved the
poor child a world of trouble. It would
have scared Faust, Mephistopheles, and
the whole gang of them out of the coun-
ty. There is more music in Mr. Malt-
by's bung -starters than there is in his
daughter. Much has heretofore been
said in these column about Mw Malt-
by's beauty While the spirit of truth is
upon us we aro free to admit that she is
pretty in the dark.
WS lee a silver wash; batt the man who
Bat aha atllsea& !*e ieeeght u beck,
paid ewes dollars 'Mott, Red stet his
Rad we sleypeaa s* tidmre °co
sir jw $hawasst len will bs hats* by
IMts vsssebl. uightssare unto tee polies
lNssdaaa.
Our reader will be delighted to leges
That *hie the lea ase n of the a essoat
tend a Gas sate go to the Open ileum is
gaiety for the nest aix mouths.
Tb rnosipts of the seedemowam were
lore hurdled and thirty dollars, and old
Hardwick, proprietor of the hall, with
his aauoetooed :*patty, gobbled nearly
on•-loorth of that sums f er the use of as
old barn that looks shabby iu oomper-
iioa with a second-rate market -house.
81z of the thickest -beaded young men in
Shawnees/son noted u ushers, and soled
emit weeteydly at that. Takeo a1 -
together, it was the dreariest uooasioer
that lies bored a loag-eaAsring commun-
ity gees the consort that waded it
s s e •
At the office of the Tambora people
waited toe W. HNs&lppa, .lei h►did not
ossa As the day were away men
n ought Iia et hie lodgid's, but he was
n ot therm All that its ticket-ageat
at the railway station could tell sur that
w be balg& his ticket for San Ma
tondo, Tmaa, Mr. elil.hlpas Ahead that
ler hell boas appointed United Stage
Ml aister to that poet, and bed been or-
dered to proceed lithe lead tater ups
we twice at case, sol tint in all lice%
hoed b. would cot return to this coon -
try until the Peruvian troubles were all
settled.
Them perm vole his again. But 1wg,
lo o� 11 cared, st ck* but
to the urelpbers of the "Meodelesoba
Churua society of 8hawo..tows, asking
them to sing hies something easy: And
eft es they read them the vocalist• chok-
ed • riving sigh, sad as they thought of
the absent reporter, wished that, where -
ever he was, the earth might open and
swallow him up. --[B.. J. Burdett*.
CANDID RPORT1NG.
A Leval adaMr Asteaea•es mos Readrrs-
Ni,,nt Doodad over the scene -a habit
that night has between the housed sun-
set and sunrise. During those hours the
sun rarely shines in our latitude, and
night has everything Its own way, with a
clear field to itself.
Godfrey Stiehlpen sat at his table in
the sanctum of the Morning Tamboree
his idle pencil in his listless figers, and
his aching head resting upon one weary
hand. The solitary bell in a distant
steeple had just tolled 1:00 A. se There
was • famine of copy on the hook, and
the echoes of the clamors of inappeas-
able compositors came nibbling in ghost-
ly cadences down the speaking -tube, and
once the &eremitic tones of the forman's
voice penetrated the dismal sanctum,
conveying to Mr. Stichlpen the entirely
superfluous information that this "was
not an afternoon paper," end further-
more that he "would like to go to press
before the men went to dinner." Mr.
Stiehlpen sighed heavily, and in an ab-
stracted manner turned over the closely
written pages of his notebook.
For twenty-two years he had sat at
that table and praised everything that
ever came within fifty miles of Shawnee -
town. Horses, bird-dogs, new houses,
ministrel troupes, new goods, lectures,
eminent citizens, big radishes, tall corn,
long jumps, speeches, braes bands, im-
ported comd, fine waltzers, new road -
wagons, fancy gates, concerts, fairs, hops,
and debating societies. He had noted
the uprising of the eminent citizen, and
observed his lying down; he watched his
coming and going, aid to -night he was
weary. He had written up two speeches,
a social hot), a nine hundred -dollar
horse, an imported pig, a new fence, a
big egg, a seventeen -pound tumor, a
lecture, and here was a concert to be
written up. He knew what a delicate
matter this was. He knew that woe
waited upon his footsteps if he failed to
notice each performer at length and in
perfect detail Wroth and denunciations
hovered above his bead, ready to fall in
one destroying deluge if he said anybody
ung and played better than anybody
else. How could he meet the father
of the young lady who wore the most
expensive dress on the stage, and yet
got a notice four lines shorter then the
shoemakers daughter who had nothing
in the world but her voioe to commend
her at all to public notice 1 How could
he look Mies Uppercea in the face when
in his description of her exquisite rendi-
tion of "Monastery Bells" he forgot, or
perhaps with malios aforethought inten-
tionally omitted, to mention the cost of
the diamondst He sighed as he remem-
bered bow often be had been through all
tbia, and here it was one o'clock in the
morning, his hand was tired and his bead
ached, and the notes of kis ooe hundred
and .l veoth ornoert were still eoboing te
his own traneeription.
He roes, sad deemed from its dusty
sllglt ala std ltosmd volume of the Taw
hams, looked over abase of his old re-
poses, with • view d shearing the dates
and area and ale than over, to save
tins aid taesli%% es he bad often date
hays, Det hi heed was hooey, .led
the meas ee of the previous sweating die -
HA DWARE.
ale To----
rrMCPO" 11,^ let lit iilho dited
js` 'sl
40 BUY YOUR
Farmer's Hardware
YOUR --
Builder's Hardware
an -arils used to some
YOUR
K-NIYES AND SP :ONS,
fOftKS
la fast, .terytbiag you want in his line
Mt SS DOITZTD TO SILL 0113.62
Those people who came stamping in
late, as usual, after the Shawneetown
style, are to be congratulated this time
La they escaped hearing the "Anon
Quartette" sing „Here in Cool Grct." It
is due to the "Anon Quartette" however
to say this was not the worst singing of
the evening. The audience thought it
certainly would be the worst ; and so
indeed, it was, until later in the evening
the same quartette butchered "Come
Where my Love Lies Dreaming." It
was dres lful beyond description, sail
the deafening applause which followed it
only testified the great joy of the audi-
ence, on being assured that the "Aries
Quartette" would sing no more that even-
ing.
Miss Abigail MMOinnesy rendered e
recitive and aria, by Oappola, in the
manner that has long ago become .o
sadly familiar to our suffering people.
and a always a s.eur•oe of pr.foorrd ela
bsrraesment to the a000mpanhst, w
&oesdeeed along lest eight is the
but vain hope of getttag even with YS
ginger somewhere lir esrsmbiing sieve
Iota, sad haedlag her of is mate unmet
• 37 prelougs& net Bet this lees ba-
rmaids, and singer Rad a000spanle
were sever walla sig bans of mob oiher
duriag the weals of the allaRed perfum-
eries. lie. Pemadees. the sateheenossi
acoospanist is a thew satire, by the
was. did orso worse thea mad lest eve-
niag. We are pained lie moose that W
Wit d phty'ing at the odes el the ph
Thouesnds bear witness to the posi-
tive curative powers of the ORSAT Our-
NAN Irvraoa4*os, the only remedy that
has proved it..1t a specific for general
debility, seminal washout impotency,
etc., and all diseases that arise from self-
abuse or overtaxed brain, finally ending
in oonsomptio•, insanity and a plena -
taro gave. Sold by all druggista, or
will be sent free on receipt of $1.00 per
box, or six boxes for M. AddrWs It'. J.
Citeser, Toledo, Ohio, sole agent for
the Unttd States. Send for circular
and testimonials of genuine cures_ Geo.
Rhynaa, Ooderich im
'L' tiafdeiag •mol Sn>•ser• See his FENCE WIZ{;, the beat y. t.
2.X.cNZ "
Wetwe llirlae..we eseesg u�ssoe et
ver tNatat. bateAra." C�LeYttrWstlia`'i'e'
ee„r.ttpa ++e es
paere
use mare with �^a'e �eptaW Ltsmr PNb.
whim thr dtrecl a ���� with.
They an rarely �lw"ntnM� you
give
1111 Mats.: so.
(*swim, osnit.A_
to
W sL
�s�b
butts -
The lea...... w: As kgs; t
sad ISthe
trial seeelwcta5�aeon gd1e141 rweetpt
d • 1 Aar dale MOB aT•aR
Seetltbh 3s Wealth I
A simple herb fooled on the sunny
plains of a Southern clime has,under the
skilful manipulation of Dr. Von Buren,
proved one of the greatest blessing ever
•ant to suffering humanity. Dr. Van Rio
ass s Kidney Cure is acknow lodged &lithe
world over as the only perfect remedy
tor kidney troubles. Your druggist has
it. J. Wilson. Goderich. 2m
Mr. Bellows sang "Oh, ye Tears." Mr.
Bellows has a rich baritone voice -a
wheelbarrow tone, that is. Unfortun-
ately for his effort last evening, nobody
knew he was singing until he finished
the butchery of Art and bowed himself
off the stage. Everybody thought he
was jug trying his voice. If ever his
voice is triad, it will he oosvkted on its
owp ethanol..
Jaws H. Blowsos Rad Elbert Hafut
sing "larboard Watch." it is a great
pity thee* young mcg are not aware that
their mouths were made to catch dim
with, mdse than for eisong. Habit's
voice le split* a tog -hors that he may be
prd0Md for a trndebe► to sing marine
Nees t but male from a plea of natural
iaparft aalV i'aiisatieopy there
la rearms .*stat Is Rowasa'. ars
1,�,�,g Glc AN ht f Thew lair
guided young mea were Bows as the
programme for a weed streaky, but it
wag ossw.iefied at the urging meat a1
the ae&isooa
Time pion° used at this mesalae was
the same *shag old haaryisheed bus
the omit More of Jiggle, Jingle a 0a,
that has appeared for a free pig Med
legal estemess d a swerM1 images ler tis
part tmeaatl loam. Ida{ i4M. OW
Mrpelig ►oma %Wel e/ rhe ell 1.1 1-
Mat et All.
Our rigorous and eh ble climate,
and our mode of life induces frequent
colds, that often lead to severe Coughs,
Bronchitis and other lung troubles that
are liable to end in Consumption. The
Nato -
beet and most pleasant reined known
for these difficulties is Hagya s Porto-
ral Balsam, to be obtained of any Drug-
gist2:
Ttritilledelesseeteis
b
Da. E. C. WNW, 1RysnnTwist-
Meese
T-
sl s aOsav guaranteed
7 Menem Neumlita.
r ilemerta,
B05* ' s. garrets P b the
M of sisenst er wbemn► 1 ibo , . iLeOreesit--
lt��ta � lb bM-
mei
each. I' e ere Age. B•renMenl
IAes a.�tte•
McCOLL BROS & CO -
TORONTO_
MANUFA('TUKERS
et Power is maw linter, LBW*
hese. reload by ia, eettabuas or .vertndulp SOe.
One be. will etre retest tree& lima box eon -
tants ase meatb' treatasest. one dodia a box.
or balestorsnuby meg etqyermowegatee des
to acre sq ems With each order re-
ceived by as for sit Dome, s+co.paa
the fullers. ere wig end the purchaser our
wrtrtea gearenba ao rennet the money it the
a=sse dbe&G uarantes
� Rfasole authe-
Med agent nrr t b. GetJOHN .NLST
00.. sole
-OV
LARDINIG OIL
-AND-
C'Y7+i7�ni4:,Gn+.
AGENTS'"Pay Pay Light
Work. Constant employment
ogptt,lm
aired. Jas Las & l:o. M..n-
tlus•sc 1761
)tsar MediaeMei err thee. ,__ l. ILII=4 •
the. � is the °►e.. et
Northam Pacific R.R.
as MINME:OTA. DAKOTA.
Awk
BIG CROP AGAIN IN 1881
Law MOO: tams Tars: Rata rou nernovu•
SOW; N r -- FArts AND IrnSIO mr TO Sernnta
Foe PALL *in5AZrote merles
R. M. NEWPORT. Geta tam° L.T.
mosso nos a.et ST. PAUL. MUM
ere .sneers, ,+se's w t..ss t.. WWI* 1
TSS WHIM rut CURING
CONSIIMPfiIOH, COUGHS,
OOLAB, ASTHI[A. OBOUP,
*11 Blseases et the Threat, Leap Rad
!Unwisely Outset
ar ITS r.ITer*pL se■
oo sv>trTlS5 au serol °VReml
Whim ether i em•ias sad Pbablate brim
tolled t• else{ a ear.
pesos. . ev+er• wM�•s
given M •eras _ ,,rem, f
da au IL itam as Remit
It is homese M the )Leet tomes MOIL
es aseemaee liar Para&
glirDireeturne .OPIRM 0. mar
e!"h sang ea >oruslesam►e•eh bsttls.
WILSON ' S
Ptd
DRUG STORE
11*8. PUNKSAYt00f[FOtll(D.
HALL CAUSES COMA
Aueowr TLOWID.
1t111*D00t WOOD eirma
OpplargLast AS Dtetltr R IL ID-
casausr.
11/1111P1110111W DI OOTZRT.
DOOM I14oigit'!70 YED:CiNI.
I'll A*HICA RAM.
1111111001110
1'11 MOW H OAXD?.
f
MAN U FACTU RERB
Aad all leen running asc hlotea�maawin iszt
money _by min umti
r ode. 0.0.14er Lastsmr
YLINDAR OIL t.as i,o equal
louder thou word*. , 11.r public eae�ietr
that the foregoing assert too s are tree. by try
Ing nae sample of our. 00. prices ego.. on sp
,t...atlon to
ICColl Bios & CO ToTuto.
The Iardtae L foe este is Codeeteb by
R. W. McWENZIR, G. H. PARSONS,
C. CRABB, and D. K. STR.ACHAN.
talo•
I
S(�^
P'RrNCIPMt,'+LINE
TONL
OUTE•
.GO/ON— 6
edls`w,•. .t
lir
AM ail
plats la
Nebsabe,rllseotA.II.
IBC ROW
OM NO
Toa •HUetTLIT, QUICxriIT aa/
+.• DEBT K Jaw*,
Ile to
Iowa,: �1, ultimo. Tapeta. Deas•
'r ssa,Dal:ea.OM•
Welles, A neves 1st ' fed - wase.
Thlaa
V
H I V g Mar O
mot. ib.. Meted* tar Aden
Vol_es_Y-
MlssNpete R Post.
cad
Itettes•Dy repots/ m
M MO bee eesMM M
>s�e ami. and mor •
s at trs.e
10411110t
KANSAS CITY
!.mases
Th......is
Od,bosd
susses
troy
101280.
AL
.sauaattsse este �&
Qw
aeq 1a 1:r1as
,
� t T,,..
• sae roe ata
u .. ed trowel*, e
oasis�45457.1500
m••
foassot.
I.
al T.'►
4 altilisa P Res. Alit,
Toremo, Ont_
Germ R. Taint :raA, (iodeeiah.
1 itinial!lt. AO& 111
a MAIN
•. w w.Aap„u. run +e•a TreCame.reseM••er roe 000111.
raw WILL WI tl.a.5Mw 511W~ ...GAT not
et•
"summer 1.1* ilOrTL"
a ler. sow
Oft
w
e>leseay
toiltomisoo. els she fuss sae eve&
a0011I1111J►11111Ts16
a..."4"iiret-rna