HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Signal, 1882-10-13, Page 7THE HURON SIGNAL, FRIDAY, OCT. 13, I$S2.
Full ittto) 12riCV.
Lon( pwutsl dt1ger calls are fuhiou-
able •twwrt wrsla.u, bat they will never
be popular with seaevied teen.
"glare pity ub me "' bis .lel au Irish
soldier a.ndetn ed to be shot. "Have
ofa me I 1 see to death, but don't
l
It u the f-ttber of twine who knows
whet it is to Iw up all nig It with the
bur's -When a man says apologetically,
¶
May 1 have one word with you in pri-
ce, Mr r you may be sure that one
aeon' is "Money."
It aka• 80.1 full-blown roses to wake
a tabl.-sp...nful of perfume, while a rhil-
ling's *oral of c•.,ked seems will scent
a neigh bo.urh.eel.
One .4 Ibis regular exercises at uurui•I
schools is writing words front dictation
and giviug their meaning. One .1 the
word. given out was "hazardous," which
the yeuug'ttdy pupil spelled "hazard-
ed"' and defined •'e female hazard."
Mr. l'rrtltuttou laving beard ,her sou
syr that there was • vr'est many anec-
dotes in the paler, begged hint t . cut
then' all out, as she had heard that
when amvhoxly WAS poi oned nothing was
necesarry but to eine him an nate:dote
and it would cure hint.
"Wed," remarked a l oung M D..
just from c.dltve, "I suppose the next
thing will be to hunt a good location,
and then wait fur something to do, like
"Pttience on • monument." "Yes,"
said • bystander, '`and it won't be long
after you d.. begin until the monuments
will be on the patients."
"Why do they call bine a brakosinzn i"
asked the child, after that excellent
official had looked in at the car door
and "hollered" one of the lamps out.
"What does he break 1" "He breaks
the silence,- said the father, and the
train rolled on, laden with truth.
When Dr. S urzbeiw, the phrenolo-
gist, visited Edinburgh, Hogg, the Et-
trich &epherd, went to the founder of
the new science to have his head exam-
ined, and the cranium of the pastoral
poet was found te be covered with
curious bun.ps, upon the reeseesiun of
which the phrenelogibt highly compli-
mented the canny Seethe'in, who drily
rejoined—"My deer ,nae. it few knots
and swells make a skull of lei o i., I can
assure rve seen m.my a alt e'.iel sup-
plied with a swappjnl intellectual organi-
zation in leu than t we, iniuutei' ti ht at
Selkirk Tryst." l
Surae years a,t11 iu a Carolina town a
crazy man was brought before the exam -
ming board to settle the question as to
whether or not he should be sent to the
asylum at Columbia. After the doctor
got through with his examination, one
of the committee, an old farmer, said :
'•My friend, did you ever borrow
any hags or jags r "yes, lots of
them." "Did you ever borrow Jour
neighbor's newspaper r "Yes, many a
time." "Well, now, what became of
the jugs, bags and newspapers?" 'Why
I carried them all back." The old farm-
er gave • blow *almost as loud sea whis-
tle, and said : "Gentlemen, he's no lun-
atic' Just simply a omnmun liar, and
all the asylums in the world can't cure
him of lying."
nes very mine$.
A young man with a nose like a razor
. and an eye which would have raised a
blister on sheet iron ou a hot day, halted
a pedestrian on Gr.tiot-avenue, and
stated that he was trying to rano money
to reach the bedside of his dying sister
in Chicago. He was too proud to beg,
but if the citizen would give him a quar-
ter he would show him a trick worth $5.
"Vhas is dot dnck 1" queried the citi-
zen.
"It is to make ten cents go further
than a dollar. You can play it on the
boys and male $10 a day."
"My friendt, I Defer plays twit der
pops"
"Yes, but you can have lots of fun,
you know."
"I vahs no handt for fun. If I efer
get off some shokea I nefey la@:"
"Yes, but this is something new.
When you come down to the grocery of
an evening you—
"I duan' oome down. I vash home on
der atheps all der eafnings."
"But you could have • little fun aith
your neighbors ?"
"I toldt you I vhas nut a funny mans.
I likes to schmoke and read der morning
paper. •.
"Well, I don't want to beg, and 1 am
offering you the trick very low in order
to get home and see my sister die. Have
yon a dying sister !"
"I doan't expert 1 hafe. Vhas ist dot
dricks r'
"To snake 10 cents go further than
$1 "
"Lind while she do it
"She will "
"Lind 5 cents goes more oak half a
OW* r
"Just so
-
"end a cent goes patter ash a dime r
"That's the ratio."
"limit enttiltgtt at all goes patter ash 5
emits r'
"1-1—I think it does"
"MO, pies sheet sounder you kat all
der seethe aha was end you will be in
ObisRge t.ngasvew I Oil Try let to dM
dying sister rad tell her dot yogi saw sae
veal. Toter: poem flet nen ssbeisi
waggons to draw, dose aiekels down to
der ra k ds t Ipsk a kwtle oedt
her some Deleh.ans ghat bas been eat
ins class netvina Me 1-
1"
A hypocrite is i• Wedf bath 11/e
weber sod the .sett, MA hethsee sheet -
fag et bis owe prelim or profit.
W• an told to imrk at the chid faith is a
sew light. Might is ant be well to look
at sew 110e1 it ekes aid $ t ales t
Let
; Mewls* Mick �syto a
iuttt ran
sal n he5$ It
t'rseseee Error..
WW'i,at absurd mistakes we make in, our
dress cul habits. Many people brush
their teeth iu the *Denting, tee, eleven
or twelve hours after they had partaken
of keel ; yet, clearly. the proper time to
cleanse the teeth is after a meal. Then,
our clothing is absurd. In this climate,
where throat and lung diseases aro p
titularly prevalent, we expose flit thru.,.
to the night air with but slight protec-
tion, while we cover it securely in the
daytime. Women who suffer from ca-
tarrh and cold. in the head, wear bats
which are purely ornamental end afford
no protection. They put warm clothing
over the body, but are guuurslly insuffi-
ciently clad about Ile luubs. The weight
.1
their clothes is ,•o their hips, instead
.•f ..n their shoulders, which las a ten-
dency to aggravate all the distaste lecu-
lt.tr to the sou. Instead of wearing
shoes to protect the feet, high heeled
abominations are worn, which cripple
the movements, and plague the wearer
with bunions and corns. Again, in the
matter of food and se; •t. In all the an-
imal creation, sleep follows feeding, and
in wann countries people take a siesta
after a meal ; but the modern ran and
woman dash from the club table to the
theatre, tall or club, and bring all the
powers of mind to bear at a time when
the process of digestion and assimilation
is going on. In diet, attire and general
habits, cannot we all sympnthise with
the nae who said he believed in the doc.
tnne of Metempsychosis, for he could
distinctly remember the time when he
was an au.
Wky Slea.0 tt'reaeJas_.
"I uhderstand, Uncle Amos, that you
have quit preaching," said the Secretary
of State to an old colored man, wito for
years has had charge of a church in Lit-
tle Lock.
"Yes. boss, I'se step aside."
"Why did you quit
"Wail, ear was numerous uressures
brought to bar Agin the old man. Tla
charged me with stealing a ham for one
thing, and 'vise me ter quit."
"They couldn't prove that yuu stole
the harp could they r"
"No, sah, da couldn't, an of I hadn't
knoledged it da neber would lab probed
"Why did you acknowledge it r
"Case da found de ham under my bed,
ash.'
M McQuade, of Egmondville, takes
he 820 prize to the fanners of the Pro-
vince for the beat essay on manures.
There is a cigarholder which will enable
man to smoke three cigars at one time.
A man that would smoke three cigars at
one time ought to be sent to the lunatic
asylum.
Blandin, the hero of Niagara, in spite
of his 58 years, has again made his ap-
pearance on the tight rope at Berlin,
greatly to the delight of the phlegmatic
rliners, who suspend their breath dur-
ng his performance, but applaud him
alt the more vehemently at the clone.
Hon. Mr. Mansons health was so bad
that he had to retire from public life,
and cease serving her country as one of
her representatives in the House of Com-
mons. Being incapacitated for work, he
became qualified for a place in the Sen-
ate ; and to that venerable body he has
just been appointed.
The lakes of Manitoba are filled with
excellent fah, which at present are
caught in large quantities, the -oil being
fed to dogs and the fish left to rot. The
Government should take some means of
conserving this great source of food sup-
ply. If the present state of thing is allow-
ed to go on, it will not be long before
the present well -stocked lakes will re-
quire to he artificially replenished.
• mains at a. flee.
Capt. Harry Piper, Alderman and
Superintendent of the Zoological Garden
lately communicated the following facts
to a reporter of one .If Toronto's most
influential tapers: "Some time ago we
purchased from the collection of animals
at Central Park, New York, a monstrous
Russian bear, which we have named
'Peter the Great,' on account of his tre-
mendous size. Not long after 'Peter'
arrived we found that )te was suffering
from the rheumatism, and in a pretty
bad state. Pete was not the only one in
the 'Zoo, wide& had a touch of that de-
licious torture; the lion likewise had it
and in fact I was just being cured of a
bad case of the rheamstism,mysetf,by the
use of St. Jacobs Oil. the Great German
Remedy. I found St. Jacobs Oil an ex-
cellent remedy, tar it eured mein a short
while, mod my case was a veryaggravated
one. I argued that if it cured men it
inust be good for animals as well;
• Mc ■rdleal rrolka.$.a. saw ell whose
M req ween.
Phewphatine, or Nerve ]rood, a Phos-
phate Element based upon Scientific
ltisets, Fot'n►rlated by Professor Austin,
M. 'D. of Bastes, Maas , cures Pallmos-
ary Coestsntpllar., Sick Headache, Nee -
Tons Mamba Vertigo and Neuralgia
and aft webs dioses of the human
(plena PlIngehotine is not • Medians.
Vitains so
ewable bemoan i< ern
11,� tis.reei
liimed la e i bele.
4uL lb OLM bottle Lowsme &
58 iiehu>'aeftorTtentop* mini on
The presoriptiob of a skillful physic's&
of vegetable drugs tit
ttaili ail Uteri pertly
ths bleed, Klee tuns teed vigor to tike
d/tfi.w, ewe Dyspepsia and indigestion
when all ether Ieedieines fail. Have
=tied id Bold by Draggles, 50r. a
The safest, best end cheapest mdieise
in the world i• Dr. Carson's 8tomaeb
and Constipation Bitten. Sold in begs
tenths at b emits by all f .ggilatte
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CHEAP - GROCERIES f,
—��•+�AN SW1FT I`
:• - u .uuor to the pwople of Goderich and this rection ..t Huron, that ht l.a
p,n .ase.l inert llir. A. P1tlh11N his stock 01 Groceries, .etc., and will
trrutir,ue the bearers in the old stand, ou the
Corner of Victoria and Bruce Streets.
Hatwl ton••ht the goods for cash, arid as I intend to make all my purchases from
wholesale hien for cash also, I will be in a position to sell at
Very Low Prices for Cash
My tiwk will always be fresh. 1 will keep the best brands of teas, good bugars,
and everything in th gr eery line from the best producers. Bacon, Spiced Meats
toe.. always on hand in season. I am determined to please, both in:quality and price
cerf1all at the stand, Victoria street, opposite the Fair Ground, near D. K
3trt:hnn's
machine
shop.
!ans 9th, 1882. .T_SWIFT .
Extensive Premises and Splendid New Stock.
G_
CABINET - MAKER AND UNDERTAKER
Hamilton Street, Goderich.
Adieu,
1:-11,111'1and .' snob as a.1 a, tuir, • Mild wwlsoat.dt.l'upbbtr-d.t d -breads. MattrtrusVsbh-tanLnafee, Sorsa, What -Note,
Looking Id tastes.
N. it -A complete assortment of Coffin and Shrouds always on hand 'slim Ilearct for h
at reasonable rate .
Picture FrantinC • SWei1tlty.—A call sultciier,.
1751
BOOTS&SH0Es
=4.10-wraii-10Wedd.up
Beg t. announce to the Public that they have opened be..l eta in the t.! ole Stroe
in the store lately occupied by Horace Newton. Hating purchaietl a large and
well assorted stock of Spring and Summar Goods at close figures, we are determired'
to give the Public the benefit.
QUICK 8111E8 8l11LL PROFITS SILL BE OUR MOTTO
Re -Please call and examine our goods before purchasing elsewhere.
Pe'Remember the place, next door to J. Wilson's Drug Store.
$*Custom work will receive our special attention.
6tft'None but the best of material used and first-class workmen employed.
.ad -Repairing neatly done on the shortest notice.
Gourmet). March 9. 1882. DOWNING & W E D D U P
Twe.tyfear years' Mots Meme.."
Says an eminent physician, convinces
me that the only way to cure nervous
exhaustion, and weakness of the sexual
organa, is to repair the waste by giving
brain and nerve foods, and of all the
re.aedies compounded, Magnetic Medi -
clue is the best.,, $ee advertisement in
another column. Sold n Goderich by
Jaa. Wilson, druggist. —1 m
Meklea'a •realea salve.
The best salve in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Ulcer., Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores, Tetter, Chapped Hands, Chil-
blain', Corns, and all Skin Eruptions,
and positively curet Piles. It is guaran-
teed to give perfect satisfaction, or
money refunded. Price 25 cents per
box. For stile by Jas. Wilson. ly.
Under a c;ntract with the county of
Syracuse, N. Y., Mrs. Freland receives
painter babies, and ads" ta'ce, chtidren
for voting women who don't want to be
• b•therrd with them. A child, which
reoentiv died on her hand*, WAS found
to have h• -.•n left out ie it woodshed all
meth elate fatally in. (' t.er luthies in
her keeping Mere atert•ea to e pitiable
a•nditit.n. Mrs Frel .n 1 says she is not
paid etto.t_h to keen thele pe,gerly.
iniE KEY TO HEALTH.
iUnlocks all the clogged avenues of the
Bowels, Kidneys and L1vsr. carrying
off gradually without weakening the system,
all the impurities and foul humors of the
secretion,* ; at the same time
Acidity off theD�8to ur.
ci
Dng
lineal, Heart ole. - ten.
Dryness of the 8iin, DtoM, D
YWon.Jaundice, salt RINI=
Scrofula. Fluttering of
the gsa t, Nervousness sad General
Debility ; ail these and many other Simi-
lar Complaints yield to the ha influence
of BURDOCK BLOOD
.
Sample Bottles 10c ; Regular size $L
For sale by all dealer.
IN MRI a cm., rreoesseses, *s'eees
GERMAN INVIGORATOR
wktok hive, .' d penman. n L . nr• - lee•
(teeseus ••1 b, excesses of ea kind i
Weak... ••sad all diseases that fol-
low as a est ase.. • • 11 Silt -Above, as Iowa of en-
Fdo• est ory, universal lassitude,
n le . .t•• 1. dimness of vlidos. prima-
ereoL1 • , d many ..tl.er diseasees tint
lead to to • r comano l ; : on and a maw tureens` -.
Ned am o
lth 1 • iniata tee. by
mall. t' TOR i* 601.1 at 51 per
bo er horn1tR ea, by all d1111(4111.01.nr '
wUlbe heed >iree pi.* 11, fprerel; .vales!. on
*/
regiOp- Pro. ressut.RRtmfa•
t.m,nit t4t.,'1'eir40, tibio
Goo. 31111211.1 t.
MM Are (inderich.
Ofiet
itentery, 010.0,
airaseatlilimmei r Taint ; halt.
aka= ROSA" acid all Cofn-
en/uwllar ft children teeth-
ifMif drill be found equally
igncilinlal for adults or children.
IM
SAIJI /r ALL MNCNT$.
T. MILBURN • 00.,
Proprietors. T oroot..
II r FOR =0
MANITOEIA
The Great Western Railway will run
their excursions to MANITOBA and
DAKOTA points during May and June
every two weeks, commencing TUES-
DAY May, 2nd, 1881.
Fares Reduced.
For nformation, tickets, etc., apply t
GEO. B. JOHNSTON.
S,:ecial Agent (creat Western Rahway
Goderich, April. 28. 1882. (loderlo 1, Ont.
836.
1836.
MRS. \VARNOCK
Begs to acqnaint the ladle* of ioderi,h
vicinity. that she Is now showing
Spriii and Su ll Her Millinery
1t her shop, Hamilton Street, in t and
beautiful variety. ;the hae seenred the ser-
eioea ofa olty milliner• and feels assured that
she oan give
5A'Z'SIFAC T I ON
IN BOTH
STYLE AND MAKE.
:'tc in. -es to be favoreol with a visit from her
• •...., ., aad the ladles generally.
Vi !S. \1' R\(`(`K.
'OIEEfl
C
-Thousandaof graves
are annually robbed
of their tkt WM, Ilves
prolonged, happiness
and health restored
by the use of the great
HALL'S
ATARRK URE
fa Recommended by Pttsfelana.
CUi2Fr3
Catarrh of the N I Clpvity - Ctronic and Ukeratlrq
Cattail yr this ar. EE s or hro tt.. It b taken
INTERNAM . woof acts IRtiCTLY upon
the Blood and Mucous Surface of the
System. tIIt tits best Bleed Per$.r
the WOR D, and le worth All
that 1s� ch rgaltlders.. for it. for
THA
• THK
ONIT iNTERNAL CURE FOR CATARIII!
tar iN TIRE MARKET art
$ 100 ;tiiger tter t v:,11 :soy
tans t' $ 100
Wat.uwo, UM,Marsh la, lent
My little •1anaMwr was trealrW with oaten',
row tan sows and wail seri =web bsatto4 by
via ass of ' Hall', Catarrh care 8b. 1s stow
shout earsA. w T. HOUSE.
W■t.tr,q Ont Marsh 20, tea,
. have used " Ileal', Catarrh Caro," awl Jud*
ahs from Mw good tssallo 1 dotred from ono
wont., NWvw It will ewe the mart stubborn
moat of Os*arrh if its nee be rnnttnoed tor n
t„ssssable Laewb of tiro*
W. R. HELLEHO.
Wst.l.exn Oat., Marsh e0, isao.
r. J. ew,d
xtrav a Co.. T,t.lo, 0
Beata. -Rare add Ran'sCatarrh Coe for V a
new year. aad 11 dv.. .nitro natlataetton.
ynsrs tet
H. M. ROBSON, Draelisl.
Hall's Catarrh Curb
,old by ail Wkel.sele sad Retell Tersorrlate
sad itwwlorf to !west tddtetw
the U.,Wd tl,/►o: sad ceases.
pR'UC
Cents a Bottle. *S.00 a Duly.
Tim ealy oedemas Heil a f antash Care Is .. •ane
atlas se ,r. J. i'lt r 417.I a CO.. Wenn 0.
Illrasolaro'1 Itoltat..r s.
goosed sue hi Owta le trade by
H. W. t.UC3ON, Welland. Ont.
GI :ORGE MYNAS,
Vale Aent. Godo
1