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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Signal, 1881-04-08, Page 22 THE HURON SIGNAL, FRIDAY, APRIL 1881. A LIFE FOR A LIFE. 17 term ,tint boa f1.PT1j xxv. It was $ 4ead fame --not frightful look at, beirmtital name, as the mueels§ slowly settled—but dead, quite dead. 1 laid him down aglain, still resting his head a ainat my knee, till he gradually stiffened and grew cold. This was just at moonrise; he had said the moon would rise at two o'clock, and so aha did, and struck her first ar- ruwy ray across the plain upon his face —that still face with eta half -open mouth and eyes. I had not been afraid of him hitherto; now I was. It was no longer a man, but a corpse, and 1 was the murderer. The sight of the moon rising, is my last recollection of this night. Probably the fit of insanity, which lasted for many months afterward, et that instant came on, and under its influenoe I must have fled, leaving him when he ley, with the gig standing by, and the horse quietly feeding beside the great stones; but I do not recollect anything. Doubtless, I had all the cunning of madness, for I contrived to gain the coast and get over to France; but how, or when, I have not the slightest remembranoe to this, day. As I have told you, I never saw Dallas again. When I reached Pau, he was dead and buried. The particulars of his death were explained to me months afterward by the good cure, who Catho- lic as he was, had learned to love Dallas like a son, and who watched ever me for his sake, during the long, melancholy mania, which, as he thought, resulted from the shock of my brother's death. Some day I should like you, if possible to see the spot where Dallas is buried— the church -yard of BiIheres, near Pau; but his grave is not within the church- yard, as, he beings Protestant, the au- thorities would not allow it. You will find it just outside the hedge—the head- stone placed in the hedge—though the little mound is by this time level with the meadow outside. You know, we Presbyterians have not your English feeling about "consecrated" ground; we believe that "the whole earth is the Lord's," sad no human consecration can make it holier than it is, both fur the worship of the living, and the interment of the dead. Therefore it does not shock me that the cattle feed, and the grass grows tall ever Dallas's body. But I should like the headstone preserved— aa it is; for yearly, in different quarters of the globe, I have received letters frotn the old cure and his successor, concern- ing it. You are much younger than I, Theodora; after my death I leave this charge to you. You will fulfil it for my sake, I know. Must I tell you any more ? Yes, for now comes what some might say was a crime as heavy as the first one. I do not attempt to extenuate it. I can only say that it has been expiated ---such as it was —by twenty miserable years, and that the last expiation is even yet not come. Your father once said, and his words dashed from me the first hope which ever entered my, mind concerning you, that he never would clasp the hand of a man who had taken the life of another. L --- literal "worm that death not, and flee de sand it, that question will have been that is never quenched," IAisiekssieR anewU eao do you nu Mips smile Bulkiest are the • it for �minute I think you as my n t, wife' I .. friend, child, mimeses, spiritual belt ' SomeMrqtls, if Satan to rouse me in a boy net tweedy -before toe, to los. ai fury against a pee wi o semi have been depraved to the core, a rnsae whom I had no personal good s, 01 whom I sow nothing but his soma Yet must I surrender my life for his --be tried, condemned, publicly disgraced --finally die the death of • dug. I had neve' been a coward—yet might after night I woke, bathed in a cold sweat of terror, feeling the rope round my neck, .sed suing the forty thousand upturned faces—as in the newspaper amount of the poor wretch who was hanged. Remember, I plead nothing. I know then are thou who would say that the moat dishonorable wretch alive waa this same man of honor—this Max Urquhart, who carries such a fair reputation; that the only thing I should have done was to go back to England, surrender myself to justice, and take all the consequences of this one act of drunkenness and un- governable paaaien. However, I did it not. But my sin—u every airs must -- be sure—has found mo out, Theodore it is hardly eight hours since your innocent arms were round my neck and your kisses un my cheeks—and now! Well, it will be over soon. However I have lived, I shall not die a hypo- crite. I do not attempt to retrace the course of reasoning by which I persuaded my- self to act the way I did. I waa only • bey; this long sleep of mind had re-es- tablished my bodily health—life and youth were strong within me; also the hope of honor, the dread of Shama Yet sometimes conscience struggled so fierce- ly with all these, that I was half tempt- ed to a medium course, the coward's last escape—suicide. You must remember religion waa wanting in me—and Dallas was dead Nay, I had for the time already forgot- ten him. One day, when, driven distracted by my doubts, I had almost made up my mind to end them in the one sharp easy way I have spoken of, while putting my brother's papers in order, I found his Bible. Underneath his name he had written—and the date was that of the last day of his life—my name. I looked at it, as we look at a handwriting long familiar, till of a sudden we remember that the hand is cold, that .no earthly power can ever reproduce of this known writing a single line. Child, did you ever know -no, yuu never could have knew—that total desolation, that help- less craving for the dead who return no more. After I grew calmer, I did the only thing which seemed to bring me a little nearer to Dallas --I road in his Bible. The shapter I opened at was so remark- able, that at first I recoiled as if it had been my brother—he who, being now a spirit, might, for all I could tell, have a apirit'sknowledge of all things—speaking to me out of the invisible world. The chapter was Ezekiel xvu. , and among •that wosid have bun ink - of coming would have to me who, my whole lib.' Think ' o issieli 'jive tried to make it to you Thia of sitting by my fire= side, hewing that you were the gaily one required to make it happy and bright; that, good, and pleasant, and dear as many others might be—the only absolute necessity to each of us was one anoth- er. Thea the years that would have hol- lowed, in which we never had to say Rood-by—in which our toe hearts would daily lie open, clear and plain, never to have a doubt or a secret any more. Then—if we should net always be only two !—think of you as my wife, the mother of my children—— fsum what has been dune, 1 may at last be able to detail thus events. Fer both Mao's sake and my own, it seems best to do it, unless 1 mould make up my stied to destmy ago whole juttntaL An un- finished record is wui . than uone. =our lifetimes we /►all Guth pre - lir secret; but many a chance Wags dark things to light, and 1 have goy Max's harmer to guard ea well as my owe This afternoon, paps being out driving, and Penelope gone to town to seek fui a maid whom the governor a lady will re- quire to take out with her—they sail a naonth'heuoe--I shall seise the oppertnni- ty to write down what has befallen Max and me. My own pour Max ! But nny' lips are un his ring; this hand is as safely kept fur him se when he first held it in his breast. Let me turn back a page and see where it was I left off writing iuy journ- I was unable to conclude this last night. Now I only add a line before going into the town to gain information about—about this person; by whom his body was found, and when buried; with that intent I have already been search- ing the cathedral burying ground, but there are no sign of graves there—all is smooth green turf, with the dew upon it, glittering like a sheet of diamonds in the bright spring morning. It reminded me of you, this being your hour for rising, you early bird—you little methodical girL You may at this moment be out on the terrace, looking up to the hill -top, or down toward your favorite cedar -tree., with that sunshiny spring moving face of yours. What would he say to a man who had other verses were these: taken a life and concealed the fact for " When the wicked *dart turneth away twenty years 7 Ism that man. from kis wickednw that he hath corn - How it came sheat, I will tell you. nutted, and doeth that which is lawful For a twelvemonth after that night, I and right, he shall esus his soul was, you will remember, not myself; in alive. Because truth, a maniac, though a quiet and ha conaidenth and turneth harmless one. My insanity was of the I away from all his transgressions that he sullen and taciturn kind, so that I be- ! bath committed, he shall surely live; he trayed nothing if indeed I had any re- membrance of what had happened, which I believe I had not. The first dawn of recollection came through read- ing an English newspaper, which the old rure brought to amuse me, an account of a man who was hanged for murder. I read it line by line—the trial—the ver- dict—the latter days of the criminal — who was a young lad like me - and the last day of all, when he was hanged. By degrees, first misty as a dream, then ghastly clear, impressed on my mind with • tenacity and minuteness all but miraculous, considering the long blank which followed—came out the events of that night. 1 became con- scious that I too had killed a pian, that if any eye had seen the act i should have been taken, tried, and hanged for mur- der. Young as I was, and ignorant if Eng- gliah criminal law, I had sufficient com- mon sense to arrive at the conclusion. that, as things stood, there was not a fragment of evidence against me, indi- vidually, nor, indeed, any clear evidence to show that the man was murdered at a11. It was now a yes- ago—he must have long since been found and buried— probably with little inquiry; they would conclude he had been killed accidentally through his own careless, drunken driv- ing. But if I once confessed and de- livered myself up to judice, I myself alone knew, and no evident.* could ever prove, that it wee not a comae of wilful murder. I .heidel be hanged --hanged al. "I never will leave yuu as lung ea I live. " Then I ran back to Penelope, and told her I should walk home with Dr. Urqu- hart; he had something to say is one. She tried anger and authority. Booth failed. If we had been summer lovers it might have been different, but now, in his trouble, I seemed to feel Max's right to me and my love, as 1 had never dune before. Penelope might have lectured for everlasting, and I should only have listennd, and then gone back to Max's side, as I did. His arm pressed mine close; he did Rot say a secured time, "Leave me. "Now, Max, I want to hear." No answer. "You know there is something, we shall never be quite happy till told. Say it outright, whatever it shall nut mind." No anawe'r. "Is it something very terrible 1" "Yea" "Something that might come between and part us '" and, I trembled, though not much, having so strong a belief in the impossibility of parting. ]'et there must have been an expression I hardly intended in the cry, "Oh, Max, t ell me," for he again stopped suddenly, and seemed to forget himself in looking at and thinking of me. "Stay, Theodora—you have some- thing to tell me first. Are you better? Have you been grow/lug stronger daily i You are sure 1" "Quite sure. Now—tell me." He tried to speak once or twice, vain- ly. At last he said: "I—I wrote you a letter." "I never got it." "No; I did not mesal you should until my death. But my mind has changed. You shall have it now. I have carried it about with me, on the (thence of meeting you, these four days. I wanted to give it to you—and—to look at yuu. Oh, my child, my child." After a little while, he gave me the letter, begging me not to open it till I was alone at night. "And if it should shock you—break your heart 10 "Nothing will break mp heart." "You are right, it is too pure and good. God will not suffer it to be broken. Now, good -by." For we had reached the gate of Rock - mount. It had never struck me before that I had to bid him adieu here, that he dil not moan to go in with mato dinner; and when he refused, I felt it very much. His only answer was, for the second time, "that I did not know what I sou saying." It was now nearly dark, and so misty that I could hardly breathe. Dr. Ur- quhart insisted on my going in immedi- ately, tied my veil close under my chin, and then hastily untied it. "Love, do you love me? He has told me afterward, he forgot then, for the time being, every circum- stance that was likely to part us; every- thing in the whole world but me. And I trust I was not the only one who felt that it is those alone who, loving as we did, are everything to one another who have most strength to part. When I came indoors the first person I met was papa, looking quite bright and and pleased; and his first question was: "Where is Dr. Urquhart ! Penelope sod Dr. Urquhart was coming here." I hardly know what was done during that evening, or whether they blamed Max or not. All my care was how best to keep his secret, and literally to obey him concerning it. Of course, I never named his letter, nor made any attempt to read it till I had bidden good -night to them all, and smiled at Penelope's grumbling over my long candles and my large fire, "asif I meant to sit up all night." Yes, I had taken all these precautions in a quiet, solemn kind of way, for I did Lot know what was before me, and I must not fall ill if I could help. I was Max's own personal property. How cross she was that night, poor Penelope! It was the last time she ever scolded me. For some things, Penelope has felt this more than any one could, except papa, for she is the only one of us who has • clear recollection of Harry. Now, his name is written, and I can tell it—the awful secret 1 learned from Max's letter, which no one except me must ever read. My Max killed Harry. Not intention- ally - when be was out of himself and hardly accountable for what he did; in • passion of boyish fury, roused by great cruelty and wrong; but—he killed him. My brother's death which we believed to be accidental, was by Max's hand. I did s', and it was more than I could bear at the time. I have had to take another day fur this relation, and even now it is bitter enough to recall the feelings with which I put my pen by, so long ago, waiting for Max to come in "at any minute." I waited ten days; not unhappily, though the last two were somewhat anx- ious, but it was simply lest anything might have gone wrung with him or his affairs. As for his neglecting or "treat - me ill," as Penelope suggested, such a thought never entered my head. How could he treat me ill i — he loved me. The tenth day, which was the end of the term he had named for his journey, I, of course, felly expected him. I knew Pray for nee, soy love, my wife, my if by any human power it could be man - Theodora. aged, I should ase him; he never would break his ward, I rested on his love es in waking from that long aick swoon I had rested en his breast I knew he would be tender over me, and not let res sudor one 'sons hour's suspense or pada than he could possibly avoid. 1 have found his grave at last. "In mgtnory of Henry Johnston. only son of Reverend William Henry John- ston, of Rockmount Surrey, who met his death by an accident near this town, and was buried hen. Born May 19, 1806. Died November 19, 1836." Farewell, Theodora. CHAPTER XXVI. HRH STORY. Many, many weeks—months, indeed, have gone by since I opened this my journal. Can I bear the sight of it even new 1 Yes, I think I can. I have been sitting ever so long at the open window, in my old attitude, elbow on the sill, only with a difference that seems to come natural now when no one is by. It is such a comfort to sit with my lips on my ring. I asked him to give me a ring, and he did so. Oh, Max Max ! Mai ! Great and miserable changes have be - and it is is, I so -ming in some book, sad thinbiig I me true it was—it is straw bow goon a i pest unsery gi sews Blear. Wa hing up from the firer few mini* of tope b. walikiresent, I su.oel to bare besti aware all these twenty yews that my Max killed Harry. 0 Harry, my brothel, whom I never knew—no mon than shy stnngsr in tl.s street, and the faint um awry of whom was mixed with au inde6ni of wickedness, *aguish, and something to us ell, if 1 felt not as I .w,lht, then or afterward, forgive cue. If, though your sister. 1 thought less of you dead than of my living Jlax--my poor, poor Max, who bad borne this awful burden fur twenty years—Harry forgive me' Well, I knew it --as an absolute fact and certainty— though as one often feels with great personal misfortunes, at first I cauld not realize it, Gradually I be. came fully conscious that an overwhelm. ing horror it was, and what a fearful re- tributive justice had fallen upon papa and us all. For there were some things I had not myself known till this spring, when Pe- nelope, in the fullness of her heart at leaving us, talked to me aguod deal of old childish days, and especially about Harry. He was • spoiled child. His father never said him nay in anything—never, from the time ho sat at the table, in his own ornaanental chair, and drank Cham- pagne out of his own particular glass, lisping toasts that were the great amuse- ment of everybody. He never knew what contradiction was till, at nineteen, he fell in love, and wanted to get mar- ried, and would have succeeded, fur they eloped (as I believe papa and Harry'i mother had done), but papa had pre vented them in time. The girl, some village lass, but she might have had a heart neverthless, broke it, and died Then Harry went all wrong. Penelope remembers how, at times, shabby, dissipated man used to meet u children out walking, and kiss us am the nursery maids all round, saying hi was our brother Harry. Also, how h, used to lie in wait for papa coming au of church, fellow him into his library where, after fearful scenes of quarrelling Harry would go way jauntily, laughin to us, and bowing to mamma, who alway showed him out and.shut the door upon him with a face as white as a sheet. My sister also remembered papa being suddenly called away for a day two, and, on his return, our being a put into mourning, and told that it we for brother Harry, whom we must neve speak of any more. And once when ah was saying her geography lesson, ani wanted to go and ask papa some qua tions about Stonehenge and Salisburj mamma stopped her, saying she mm take care never to mention these plat to papa, for that poor Harry—she calla him so now-- had died miserably by i accident, and had been buried ne, Salisbury. She died the same year, and son afterward we came to Rockmount, liver handsomely inline grandfathers mune; and proud Cid. we had already begun 1 call ourselves Johnston. Oh me, whi wicked falsehoods poor Harry told alai his "family." Him we never age named; not one of our neighbors h� ever knew that we had a brother. The first shock over, hour after hog of that long night I sat, trying by ai means to recall hits to mind, my fathn son, my own flesh and blood—at least I the half-blood—to pity him, to feel as ought concerning his death, and the of that caused it. But do as I would n thoughts went back to Max—as the might have done, even had he not be my own Max, out of deep cwmpasai, for one who, not being a precuediati and hardened criminal, had suffered f twenty years the penalty of this sing crime. It was such, I knew. I did n attempt to palliate it, or justify hi Though poor Harry was worthless, a Max is—what he is—that did not all the question. I believe, even then, did not disguise from myself the truth that my Max had committed, not •fat but an actual crime. But I called h my Max still. It was the only word tl saved me, or I might, as he feared, hl "broken my heart." The whole history of that dread night, there is no need I should tell any human being; even Max himself 1 never know it. God knows it, and t is enough. By my own strength, never should have kept my life or re on till the morning. [ro es ooterrttran.) It may here seem strange that I had never asked Max where he was going, nor anything of the trimness he was going upon. Well, that was his secret, the last secret that was to be between us; .o I chose not to interfere with it, but to wait hi. time. Also, I did not fret much about it, whatever it was. He loved me. People who have been hungry for love, and never had it all their lives, can underetaad the utterly satisfied ctfn- tentwent o1 the one feeling ---Max loved me. At dusk, after staying in all day, I went out, partly because Penelope wish- ed it, and partly fur health's sake. I never lost a chance of getting strong now. My sister and i walked along silently, each thinking of her own affairs when, at • turn in the road which led fallen us, and now Max and I are not not from the camp, but from the moor- lands, she cried out, "I do believe there is Dr. Urquhart." If he had not heard his :.amt', I think he would hare passed us without know- ing us. And the face that met .:nine, was not. Nor did we judge it well to I when he looked up -1 i.cier .has. foir- inform Lisabel. Therefore, papa, Pene- get it to my dying day lope, and I keep our own secret. It made me shrink back for a minute, Now that it is over, theY on of it and then I said " Oh, Max' hare you been ill r.. smothered up, and all at Rockmount ..Ido nut know. Yes—PueaiLly, goes on as heretofore, I sometimes won- „When n didt you ms back t" der do strangers or intimates—Mrs.I f e Granton, for instance—suspect anything i " o comefour days ago. Were yuu coming to Rockmount ?" Or is ours, awful as it seeing, no special „ 13.ockasoiint' oh' in Be shudder - and peculiar lot 1 Many another family ed, and dropped my hand. may have its own lamentable secret, the burden of which each member his to ' Dr. Urquhart seems in a very un - bear, and carry in society a cheerful un- certain frame of mind," said Penelope, countenance even as this of mine. severely, from the other side of the Mn. Granton said yesterday mine was. read. "R• had better leave him. "a cheerful countenance." If so I am Come, Don. glad. Two things only could really have She caroted me off almost forcibly broken my heart—his ceasing to love me She was exceedingly displeased. Four and his changing so in himself, not in hu days• and never to have Dome or written. circumstances, that I could no longer She said it was *fighting and insulting worthily love him. By "him" I mean, the family of course, Max—Max Urquhart, my be. " A roan, too, of whose antecedents trothed husband, whom henceforward I and connections we know nothing. He can never regard in any other light. may be a mere adventurer—a penniless How blue the hills are—how bright Scotch adventurer. Francis always the moon ! So they ought to be, for it said he was. is near niidaummer. By this day fort- " Francis is But I could not night — Penelope's marriage -day — we stay to speak of him, or to reply to Pe - shall have plenty of roses. All the nelepes bitter words All 1 thought better; I would not like it to be a dull was how to get lack to Max. and entreat wedding, though so quiet; only the Tre- him to tell what had happened. He hernes and Mrs. Gunton as guests, and would tell me. He loved me. Se, me for the solitary bridesmaid. without any feeling d "proper pride," as "Your last appearance, I hope, Dora, Penelope called it, I writhed myself out in that capacity," laughed the deer old of her grasp, ran hank to De. Urquhart, and took possession of his arm—my arm lady. "Thrice a bridesmaid, neer a bride, which couldn't be thought of, you - -which i had a right to. • know. No need to speak --1 guess why "Is that you. Tiedovat' your wedding isn't talked about—the old "Yes, it w L" And them 1 said 1 story man's pride and woman's palates. wasted him to go hoists with me and tell doing'to be married. Penelope's mar- riage also has been temporarily podpond for the same reason, though I implored her not to tell it to Francis, unless he should make very particular inquiries, or be exceedingly angry at the delay. He shall not die. "For I have no pleasure in him that dieth, saith the Lord God: wherefore turn yourselves and live ye." I turned and lived. I resolved to give a fife --my own—for the life which I had taken; to devote it wholly to the saving of their lives; and ef; its close, when I had built • good name, and shown openly that after any crime • man might recov- er himself, repent. and atone, I meant to pay the full price of the sin of my youth, and openly to acknowledge be- fore the world. How far I was right or wrong in this decision i cannot tell—per- haps no human judgment ever can tell. I simply date what I then resolved, and have never swerved from -till I saw yon. Of necessity, with this ultimate con- fession ever before me, all the pleasures of lite, and all its closest ties—friend- ship, love, marriage - were not to he thought of. I set them aside as impossi- ble. To me. life could never hoe entoy- meot, but simply atonement My s.be.geent hertoty you are ac- quainted with—how, after the needful term of medical study in Britain (I chose Dublin as tieing the place where I was utterly s stranger, and remained there till my four years elided), i went u an army surgeon half over the world. The first tins* i ever set foot an England again was not maty west. before i saw, in the ball -room of the Cedars, that sweet little face of yours. The mune face in which twn days age, 1 read the look of love which stirs a nian's heart to the very mere. le • moment it nhlitevatsd the by the neck till 1 vise dead . and my reenlutions, ronftiete, sufferings, of !wea- ns/no, car nems, ilall.s'• and mine ty years, and restored m* to • man's blasted forevermore right and privilege of loving, wooing, The wee** that rd'ter hat elrp..i I marry--, Shall .e eves be iisarri- • eouvery of reason we.s sloth that. Olen „di 1 Jose eeaaehar'a hnes iha Ht the etas yue !lad lbs. 4 .vat Never mind. Nobody knows, scythes* me what W **mad but me, and i shallkeepa quiet tongue a- "Balls. Dot. hour* Ro horse with bout natter. Least said soonest mended. 7uwr aiatatfter." All will come right anon, when the den "i W fines raj here 1 mean te tor is • little better off in the world." *AY bora' I let her suppose sn. it ie of little He stopped, took both my hands, and moment what she or anybody think*, se forced a salla ' Yon are the deter• that it is nothing if1 of him. mined lith. Indy yen always were; but „Thrice a bridesmaid, never a Midi" yvu do eat know whet yoe are saying. Even so. Yet, would I chimes lots with Tde led better go hems end les.* roe." oar bride Penelope or any other bride 1 i was sees them some great miser? To suppose one teals a gnat Maw se No wee epaewe/hisg us i tried to read it featly et the instant U • mistake- A Now that no mind has been settled to is hie fen "Do 70S -" did he still dune rather than wounds k.pecially its uveal laved has had time so view love wee i was shout to ask hot there when it trainee in a letter ,cut in quid War calmly tc sstufv Itself shat we. wo ai.e't !� my •news - vs. and al""es ne u 1 -ew, Ida' • +atter that weld hare bees dons di/Weft beset rd poet" y h, and ns. 1 ,.mem bar attwrward I write this down calmly, now ; but it was awful st the time. I think 1 mud have read on nmehamically expeoting something sad. and about Harry like- wise; I soon guessed that bad man at Salisbury must have been poor Harry— but I never guessed anything near the truth till i same to the words "1 mur dared hies." A thoroughly neat woman is never unchaste one. 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