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14 THE BRUSSELS POST .AUGUST 15, 1979
What to do about nearly everything
BY USE GUNBY
Every ,nuw and then you find a
non-fiction;` book which is especially
delightful/Bert Bacharach, father of Burt
Bacharach the composer, and father-in-law
of Angie Dickinson of Police Woman, has
written such a treasure.
It's packed full with hints and tips for the
consumer. Remembering them, let along
Almost every day in the summer I drop
in at The Oasis, as I think of it.
I know, I know. Nasty-minded readers
are already thinking it's some kind of
watering-hole for dry old Bill Smiley. One
of those air-conditioned bars that are so
dark you can't see a thing for five minutes
and have to count your change by the
Braille system.
Not so. 1 strongly dislike those joints.
,v1ost of them are dark and dirty and stink.
They have a few poor, lonely souls who
have nowhere else to go, and very often a
construction gang or a road gang, noisy
and beer-swilling and profane, sousing it
up on the company's time.
Nope. I avoid those places like the
plague. The Oasis is nothing like that. It
doesn't have a braying television set,
soul-mouthed roisterers and cold-eyed
waitresses. It's just the opposite.
True, it is air-conditioned. But not the
kind that makes you wish you were wearing
a fur coat after five minutes.
And true, it •is not brightly lighted. But
there is enough light to see what you are
imbibing, count your change without using
your fingertips, and read a book or a
newspaper.
And that's exactly what I do there, and
why I think of it as The Oasis. It's a
charming little place to stop and refresh
oneself, to cool out and meditate a bit, and
gossip and just plain, sip, before plunging
back out into the desert of life.
What The Oasis provides for the
wandering bedouins who stop there is a
little peace and quiet.
It has none of the plastic jazz of the chain
hamburger and submarine joints. But it
has a number of the things those places can
never offer: charm, friendliness, good
manners, courtesy.
The customers are not made to feel that
the management is doing them a favour by
serving them. They are greeted warmly,
they are served quickly and efficiently, and
they are thanked graciously when they
leave, even though they've spent only
thirty cents and taken up a seat for half an
hour.
How many public places to eat and drink
are there like that in this country? You.
could count them without taking your socks
off.
Sure, we have fancy restaurants in this
country where you can pay $50 for a so-so
dinner for two, and be patronized by the
wine waiter. And we have eleventy-seven
thousand snack bars and lunch bars and
grills where everything tastes the same.
But we have scarcely any placed like The
Oasis. It's not much, physically. Just a half
trying to practice them, would be imprac-
tical due to the sheer volume of unique and
interesting ideas. Any single person armed
with all of Mr. Bacharach's suggestions
wouldn't have time to spend money!
Here are some of the hints and tips from
How To Do Almost Everything that I found
particularly innovative or intriguing.
-When pinning a heavy piece of costume
dozen or so tables in the back of a store.
Very much like the sort of tearoom you can
still find in England, if you get off the
beaten track.
The menu varies little, but there's a
good soup du jour, good coffee and hot tea,
fresh-made sandwiches, and a lot of
goodies that are baddies for the many little.
old ladies and all the vulnerable young
ladies who frequent it: home-made pies,
butter tarts, muffins loaded with calories.
Part of the fun, for me, is sitting there
getting a jolt from my coffee and listening
in.
"Just a pot of tea, thanks. Well, what
are you going to have, Ida? You are? Well,
what kind do you have? Well, maybe just a
square of pineapple cake. And just one
butter tart to get started on." And half an
hour later, those the gentle ladies are
walking out with about six hundred calories
they didn't need. Each.
Even when The Oasis is busy, there is no
sweat. No barking of orders. No getting
cross. There's time to laugh and joke with
old customers, be pleasant to new ones,
and make sure nobody is being neglected.
I've watched tourists come in, a little
uneasy because they're not used to such
informality. They tentatively, order soup'
and a sandwich, find them excellent, wind
up with a whacking great piece of pie, pay
a modest bill, and go out looking as though
they couldn't believe what had happened
to them.
It's a place that brings out the decency in
people. Seating is limited. The other day,
four people walked in and there wasn't a
table for four. A young couple, with a babe
in arms, offered to move to a table for two
that had just been vacated, transferring
their food, utensils and baby. The
new-corners were so shocked they could
scarcely say thanks.
Very often, The Ticket-Seller is there.
He sells tickets on every lottery you've ever
heard of. He loves children and jokes and
talks to the little guys in The Oasis. He
drinks a coffee, displays his tickets, usually
selling one or two, and hits the street. The
Columnist observes.
Two teenagers grab a table. The
Columnist listens. "So, I said to him, not
on your life." Giggles. "So, guess what he
says?" Giggles. And so on.
Despite what my wife thinks, I am not
enamoured of the lady who runs The Oasis,
though she does have a beautiful face,
figure and walk. In fact, she doesn't walk.
She sashays.
I am in love with a little place of sanity,
sense and serenity in this increasingly ugly
world.
jewellery on clothing, hold a piece of felt
beneath the fabric. Run pin through this
added thickness, and it will save dresses
from pin marks.
-Run an ordinary lead pencil up and
down a sticking zipper. The graphite will
lubricate the parts and make the zipper run
smoothly .. . For those hard-to-reach back
zippers, straighten out a wire hanger. Put
hook into eye of zipper and pull up.
-A small piece of white chalk in the
costume jewellery box will keep the
contents from tarnishing.
-Cement a rubber jar ring to the bottom
of a dog's feeding dish to make it
skidproof.
-Coat book covers with clear shellac;
dust will wipe off easily . . To clean book
covers, rub them briskly with a clean cloth
wrung out in a solution of one part vinegar
and two parts water . . . Rub book covers
with , waxed paper and they will stay
cleaner.
-If white handkerchiefs are discolored,
try using a little cream of tartar in cold
water.
-Save tiny soap leftovers; tie them in a
soft piece of flannel, and dip into boiling'
water until they're soft. Then hold in cold
water until firm - and you will have a good
solid ball of soap.
-Keep leather-covered furniture from
cracking by polishing regularly with a
cream made from one part vinegar and two
parts linseed oil.
-After sanding a surface, pull an old
nylon stocking over your hand and rub it
lightly over the wood. This will located
even the slightest rough spot.
-Don't throw away ashes from wood
fires; they are perfect fertilizers for
rosebushes.
-To keep flowers fresh longer, cut a piece
off each stem and plunge the stems into
warm, then cold, water before arranging.
The stems expand to take up more
water... Or, cut the stems of fresh flowers
a little bit each day to prolong their life, or,
if you cut the stems on the diagonal, with a
knife, and dip in salt, they will stay fresh
for a whole week.
-Fresh fruits and vegetables give off an '
ethylene gas harmful to flowers. Do not put
fresh flowers on the same tables with a
fruit bowl containing apples, pears, or
bananas.
-Moisten a sponge, sprinkle it with
parsley and place it near a window; it will
soon become a clump of foliage.
-Keep a lawn mower in top condition by
wiping the blades with an oily cloth after
each use.
-Keep a box of baking soda in the glove
compartment of the car as an effective
emergency extinguisher for an engine fire.
Should a fire occur, turn off the ignition
and toss the soda on the engine. Soda also
smothers a blaze should a fire start in a
seat cushion or floor mat... Keep a
sprinkling of soda in the ashtrays. It will
prevent cigarettes from smoldering in the
car.
-Sprinkle grated nutmeg in a cup of
coffee.
-Keep your spices in a cool, dry place. If
stores over the stove, they are liable to
deteriorate.
-Keep cake from sticking to the pan by
wrapping a towel dipped in hot water
around the pan when it is removed from
the oven.
-To get a flakier, tender crust, form the
ingredients into a ball after blending and
allow to rest for 15 minutes before rolling
out.
Instead of using oil or butter, fry fish in
water or in grapefruit juice (or your
favourite fruit juice); the taste will be
terrific.
-If short one egg in a recipe, substitute
one teaspoon of cornstarch. It's an almost
perfect replacement.
-Brush pork chops with a thin film of
molasses before baking or broiling.
-When warming leftover meat, put in a
heavy skillet and cover it completely with
lettuce leaves. Cover with tight lid and heat
in moderate oven. Tastes as good as if it
were just made.
The Expositor welcomes suggestions for
future consumer columns. Anyone with
ideas or problems please call 527-0240.
Sugar and spice
By Bill Smiley
Oasis in the desert of life