The Exeter Times-Advocate, 1970-01-22, Page 8Tirne-Advacata,, January 22, 1970
ADMIRING A SHIRT sent to her from another sister in India is Mrs. Deep Singh, James Street, Exeter.
With her is her sister, Mrs, H. Dhindsa who delivered the gift personally.
Fly from New Delhi
To make new home in Canada
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SWEATERS . 20% OFF
SEPARATE TOPS . 1/2 OFF
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ARRIVALS FROM INDIA Mr. and Mrs. Harjeet Singh Dhindsa and little boys, Boby and Roby, are
shown in the home of their relatives Mr. and Mrs. S. Singh. They flew here front New Delhi, India last
week and plan to make their home in this country.
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If a great omnipotent voice
would thunder over all the
World, "Silence! Be Quiet!
Listen!" and if the whole world
did stop its noise and become
quiet and listen, I wonder what
Would happen?
I wonder if we noisy,
chattering, banging, crashing
humans could stand to be still
for even a minute and LISTEN?
Some psychologists and
others who study the human
species have declared no one no
longer knows how to listen.
It has reached the point
where courses are being
developed for people to learn
the simple rules of listening, One
of these is conducted at
Wainwright House, Rye, New
York and is called 'Receptive
Listening'. The time taken to
cover the course is six full
week-ends.
*
The fact that we really don't
know how to listen was brought
home to me a few weeks ago
when I attended a seminar
sponsored by the Huron County
Registered Nurses Association.
We were divided into groups of
six or eight, and one of the tests
we gave ourselves was for each
of us to take turns talking while
the others in the group listened.
When each of us finished the
person next to us had to feed
back what she had heard us say.
Most of us failed the test
miserably. None of us could recall
(and this was directly after the
other person had spoken,
remember) exactly what had
been said. And in most instances
we all missed something vital
that the speaker was trying to
put across.
* * *
Just recently, we had a letter
from an old-time friend who is
now up in her 80's. One of her
complaints about being old was,
"Nobody listens to me
anymore."
The reason is not just because
she is old (as she felt) but is the
sad fact that nobody listens to
anybody anymore.
Why?
Because everybody is bent on
talking, talking, talking, little
caring what they say as long as
they are Making a noise.
We are so anxious to get our
'view points and advice across
that we. no longer talk with a
• •
person 'but past him. Parents talk
past children, husbands and
wives talk past each other,
teachers talk past students,
young people talk past old
people and old people talk past
young people.
* r *
conversation often becomes a
competition. We can hardly wait
for the person speaking to stop
and take a breath so we can
jump in and start our own piece,
that we never hear the substance
of what is being said.
Consequently we miss a great
deal. I was at a gathering not
long ago where a gentleman
there had something very
interesting and informative to
say. However, another guest was
so determined to get in her two
cents worth she interupted him
time and time again. Finally, he
gave up and retreated, The result
was we all missed a meaningful
exchange of good conversation.
Erich Fromm points out in
his book, The Art of Loving,
"Most people listen to others
and even give advice without
listening. They do not take the
other persons' talk seriously,
they do not take their own
answers seriously either. As a
result, the talk makes them
tired. They are under the illusion
they would be even more tired if
they listened with
concentration. The opposite is
true."
Of course!
Being in a group of
competitive, nothing talkers is a
tiring and boring way to spend
an evening. But get in a group
where conversation is spoken
and listened to thoughtfully on a
partnership basis rather than on
a rivalry basis and the hours fly.
On such rare occasions even the
silences that fall when no one
speaks for a minute or two and
digests what has been said are
stimulating.
* * *
But silence is something
increasing numbers of people
can no longer stand. They view
any lag in the conversation as
awkward and a danger signal
that people are getting bored
and so they rush talking inane
banalities that mean nothing to
themselves or to anyone else.
People used to believe the
maxim 'Silence is Golden', but
now we surround ourselves with
noise. When we have a chance to
• IP IP •
be alone and be silent many of
us turn on the radio, the
television or the stereo. Are we
afraid to listen even to
ourselves? . . to our deepest
feelings? . . to learn to
understand ourselves?
Smiley Blanton,
grand, old man who- Was the
Director of the Religio-
Psychiatric Clinic, New York, up
until his death a few years ago,
was a •,firm, believer in creative,
relaxing silence,
He strongly advised his
patients to have a daily period of
quiet to "let go and become as
limp as a wet leaf on a log. He
Claimed it was a wonderful
energy restorer, the best
tranquilizer and greatest way of
getting to know yourself he
knew.
* * *
It would appear that the
phycologists are right in saying
we have lost the art of listening
both to others and to ourselves.
What are we to do? Surely we
must begin to practice listening
and to start hearing what others
are saying. Often, they do not
understand what they are saying
themselves . . . they camouflage
their feelings behind words and
sometimes, especially young
people camouflage their words
behind their appearance and
mannerisms.
The high school 'hood' with
his fancy hairdo, strange clothes
and habits and his look of
wolfish disdain might break your
heart if you could really hear
what he is trying to say. We
must listen carefully and then
sometimes interpret what has
been said.
L'et's start by being Quiet,
and by being quiet we can
Listen, by listening we can Hear
and by hearing we may Learn
something so wonderful about
others and about ourselves we
may never be the same again.
To 'a reader' who wrote to
say this column was "foolish,
personal daydreams and a joke",
let me assure you M'am, it is no
dream and no joke . . A
nightmare, maybe . . . and hard
work, yes.
However, thank you for
writing. I'm sorry if I bore you
but at the onset of writing this
column I knew I could never
"win 'em all!"
duet 4Ner
The Exeter Times
Advocate is pleased to
wish Happy Birthday to
the following people who
are celebrating their
birthdays:
MRS. ELIZABETH
MARTENE, Huronview,
Clinton, formerly of RR 2,
Crediton, will be 90 on
January 23,
MRS. HATTIE
LINDEN, Davis Nursing
Home, will celebrate her
88th birthday on January
25,
MRS, EDNA
PATERSON, Hensall, will
have her 80th birthday on
January 28.
Add to the pleasure of
the day by visiting or
dropping them a card.
If you know of
someone who will be
celebrating an 80th
birthday or better in the
near future, write or
telephone The Exeter
Times-Advocate. There is
no charge for this service
and we are pleased to hear
from you,
Mr. & Mrs, Jack Dickins were
guests at. the 25th wedding
anniversary for Mr, & Mrs.
Martin Korevaar, Lucan at the
,Orediton Community Hall on
Friday evening.
Saturday the Dickins
attended the Mende-Dickins
wedding at Lambeth Trinity
Church,
Mrs. Iris Gratton with her
two daughters Dianne and
Deborah from .Los Angeles,
California are visiting with: her
mother Mrs. Marjorie Dilkes. for
two weeks and attended the
Tomlinson,Ross wedding Friday
night in London.
Mr. & Mrs. Harjeet Singh
Dhindsa and sons, Boby and
Roby are visiting at the home of
Mr. & Mrs. Swann Singh, James
Street, Exeter, Mrs. Dhindsa and
Mrs. Singh are sisters.
The Dhindsas flew from New
Delhi, India in two days,
stopping over in London,
England one night to visit
relatives there. They are in
Canada on permanent visas and
Mr. Dhindsa hopes to find
employment in the automobile
or related industries. He is a
qualified automotive engineer.
Asked why he would pull up
stakes in India and move his
family to a new country he
replied that he felt he knew all
he could about India and wanted
to live in another country and
learn another culture. "We are
all citizens of the world and the
only way we can understand
other nationalities is to get to
know each other better."
Leaving their native land
provided some difficulties
besides breaking strong family
ties. Emmigrants are allowed to
take only $8.00 out of the
country per person plus about
$30.00 in jewellery.
They are, however, allowed
to bring as many personal effects
as they wish and gifts for friends
already living here.
Mrs. Dhindsa, especially, will
find Canadian life different. In
India, where the population is
dense and unemployment high,
servants are kept by even the
moderately well off. Indian girls,
in this class, are taught the fine
arts and sewing but not the
domestic 'arts' of scrubbing pots
and pans, cooking, cleaning, or
washing clothes.
"It frightens me to think of
trying to do these things,"
exclaimed Mrs. Dhindsa. "I have
no experience."
'Experience', she is now
getting as her sister, Deep Singh,
puts her through the paces of
the duties of a Canadian
housewife. Mrs.Singh arrived here
two years ago to join her
husband, a teacher at S.H.D.H.S.
and since that time has learned
to manage her home like an
expert, that would put many
Canadian housewives to shame.
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