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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2008-03-06, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MARCH 6, 2008. PAGE 5. Bonnie Gropp TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt Another world They closed Haleakala National Park on the Hawaiian island of Maui last week. Too much snow. The newspapers carried photos of kids clumping their very first clumsy snowmen together in the Haleakala parking lot. One local dad was snapped avidly shoveling snow into a picnic cooler. Said he was going to take the stuff to his daughter’s pre-school class ‘to show the students what this stuff is like”. The Hawaiians were enthralled, amazed, mesmerized. As a visiting, hoar frost hardened Canuck I was merely bemused. Here I was in a tropical Garden of Eden, when my biggest problems should have been choosing between snorkeling or hammocking; jumbo prawns on the patio or lining up for luau tickets under the palms but no…they were closing parks and issuing severe weather alerts because it was snowing in Hawaii. And I thought: of course it’s snowing in Hawaii – I’m here. But perhaps we haven’t been introduced? Hello, my name is Arthur. I am the Darth Vader of Vacationing. The Hellspawn of Holidays. The Typhoid Mary of Tourism. Wherever I choose to spend my sabbaticals you can rest assured that the winds will wrack, the heavens will weep and old Mister Sun will be a dedicated no-show. It’s a hands down, lead pipe given. Two winters ago I flew to the southern tip of the Iberian Peninsula in order to spend two weeks on the ‘Costa del Sol’. That’s Spanish for ‘the sunny coast’, and it’s not just a cliché. There are cheery, multilingual roadside signs welcoming you to ‘the warmest winter destination in all of Europe’. And well it may be – when I’m not there. During my fortnight an Arctic-class wind lifted picturesque tiles off the roofs of picturesque Spanish casas and smashed them on the ice-glazed, picturesque streets below. The rain came in like machine gun fire from the bleak grey Mediterranean, tattooing our windows until I thought the panes would shatter. The colourful, local marketplaces were deserted. The bulls in the plaza de toros fled to Mexico for the winter. The flamenco dancers wore mittens. Mind you, it didn’t rain and blow for the entire two weeks. A couple of days were merely overcast. I should have known better. A few years back I took my sweetie for a winter vacation to the Canary Islands. What could go wrong? The Canaries are off the coast of freaking Africa – practically on the equator, for crying out loud. “You’ll love it,” I crooned. “It’s desert country. Palm trees. Cactuses. Blazing sunshine dawn til dusk.” All true – until Yours Truly cleared customs. During our two weeks it was so frigid even the hardy German and Danish women tourists declined to go topless. And so wet that the Ministerio de Turismo was reduced to issuing flood warnings and road washout alerts. I will never forget the defining moment of that trip. We were in a taxi, my increasingly tight-lipped sweetie and I, sloshing through the sodden streets of Las Palmas. As the overburdened wipers strained to deflect the deluge pouring down on the windshield, the taxi driver was earnestly assuring us that ‘nunca’ – never – ‘en veinte-cinco anos’ – in 25 years – had the Canary Islands been buffeted by monsoons like this. Oddly, this failed to thrill us as much as it did the driver. I hate to go all superstitious but I think it’s pretty obvious that the Weather Gods have it in for me. You’d think I’d have learned that by now. After all, I’ve been tornadoed in Texas, deluged in Delhi, flooded in Florida, swamped in Swaziland and involuntarily inundated in Indonesia. Mexico? Don’t speak to me of Mexico. I’ve been to Mexico and back, trailing hailstorms, whiteouts, cyclones and torrential downpours in my wallowing wake. I’ve had the same effect on Colorado, Arizona, Louisiana and New Mexico. My talent for attracting bad vacation weather became so unnerving that last year I decided to save myself a wallet full of money and an ice chest of grief. When winter vacation time rolled around, I passed. I decided to stay in Canada for the duration. Remember what a crummy winter we had last year? Mea culpa. My fault, folks. Sorry about that. Next winter? Well, I hear wonderful things about south Queensland in Australia. It’s officially tropical. The Aussie tourist propaganda refers to it as the Sunshine State. More to the point, it took the title for hottest place on earth one day a couple of years back – 69.3°Celsius. That’s a mercury-popping 156.7 on the old Fahrenheit scale. Sounds good to me. That’s where I’m headed next January. You might want to consider cornering the Queensland umbrella and ear muff market before the stampede. Arthur Black Other Views A dream vacation? Don’t follow me The party that ruled Ontario for 50 of the last 65 years is down, but it is a mistake to think it is out. The Progressive Conservatives keep accumulating problems. They will hold on to a leader, John Tory, who lost an election and his seat in October, mainly because he proposed funding private faith-based schools, which many feel would divide youth. This will be held against him at the next election, because the Liberals will make sure of it, and is heavy baggage. The Conservatives could have opted for a leader with mere hand luggage, so Tory was not the most prudent choice. They took on extra kilos through a convention in which they kept their leader with little enthusiasm – if a party cannot be enthusiastic about its leader, who can be? – and wound up with news media calling him indecisive, dithering, weak and guilty of ridiculous and alarming behavior This was because 66 per cent of delegates voted for Tory to stay, but he waited three hours before announcing it was enough and reporters felt he should have responded immediately. Tory could be said to have a right to ruminate before committing to a course so important to himself and his party and the media – dare it be said? -- were irritated partly because they had to meet deadlines, but some kept up this attack for days and this further damaged the party. The whole process has prompted predictions the Conservatives will be divided, struggling and no threat to the Liberals at the next election in 2111, and this is a possible scenario, but not inevitable. Parties normally have divisions after leadership contests and Tory still has to try to bring back many Conservatives who prefer the far right policies of former premier Mike Harris. He could help by a few policy changes, not too far right, and personal overtures, because many in this once powerful party are now alerted to the danger of not sticking together. Tory will need a stricter process for screening policies. It remains one of the great mysteries of Ontario politics how he came to promise funding for faith-based schools, when anyone around when funding religious schools was an issue in the 1971 and 1985 elections should have recognized the danger. Tory will have to avoid gaffes, because he is seen as a loser and will be ridiculed for any misstep, much as the admired federal Conservative leader Robert Stanfield was for fumbling a football in a makeup game. But the Conservatives’ best hope of luring back the discontented would be a strong performance by Tory. He is handicapped by lacking a seat in the legislature from which to ask questions, criticize the government and spur on his MPPs and needs one quickly to prove he can lead effectively. Conservative MPPs almost unanimously supported Tory to stay as leader and this should prompt one to step aside. Tory is capable of strong questioning, as when he held the Liberals to account for failing to protect buyers of lottery tickets from fraudulent retailers and appearing to steer grants to immigrant groups run by Liberals. He also proved a more effective debater on TV in the election than Premier Dalton McGuinty. Tory will need to get more production out of his MPPs and they should be willing to provide it for reasons including they overwhelmingly wanted him to continue as leader. He has ability there that has not been fully tapped. Veteran MPP Bob Runciman, who stood in as party leader in the legislature in the few days it has sat since the election, made the sharpest attack the Conservatives have made on the government in months, particularly for its loss of $100 million in subprime mortgage investing, which had almost escaped criticism. It also should be remembered most governments are not beaten, but dig their own graves and the Conservatives can profit merely by establishing themselves as an alternative, which still is a long shot, but could happen. Eric Dowd FFrroomm QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk Conservatives down but not finished Paddocked pastures enclosed by rolling hills of lush green. The classic beauty of historic architecture amidst the cosmopolitan modern world. Pristine seas, clear azure skies, colourful flora and fauna that simultaneously stimulate and soothe the soul. I have become a world traveller. Really. And described above are some of the many scenes I’ve had the joy of visiting recently. Besides being introduced to many American towns and cities, I have travelled extensively through Great Britain, seen its busy urban centres and quaint villages, explored the picturesque countryside. I’ve been to Honduras, the sunny shores of Spain and Hawaii. I’ve passed through Croatia, Hungary and Poland, seen wildlife in South Africa and enjoyed a spell or two Down Under. But unlike many who journey to far away locales, I’ve been treated to sights beyond the typical. Besides a look at the landscape and usual points of interest I have been welcomed into homes, from the humble to the most luxurious one could imagine. And all from the comfort of my chair. Only slightly abashed to admit it I have developed an obsession with the plethora of real estate programs (or as my son succinctly describes them, Mom’s lame shows) offered on channels such as HGTV. People looking for homes are guided by ‘experts’there to help them find their dream house. As noted above, the search isn’t always conducted on familiar territory. Many of the shows are about searching abroad. In a recent episode the hunt was on for an apartment for a young Czech couple desperate for a place of their own. Seeing what their money would buy and listening to their comments certainly made certain comparisons inevitable. The American and Canadian shows are all about perfection it seems. House hunters want it all and want it right. If there is not furniture, houses are often staged for best effect. Buyers draw attention to minor flaws with all the gravity of discovering severe structural damage. The list of grievances is laughable for anyone who has grown up without having it all. The appliances aren’t new, the basement’s not finished, the bedroom’s not big enough are all common complaints in the land of the privileged. The countertops aren’t granite. And my goodness, how could anyone possibly function with only one sink in the master bath? One woman wondered how they could possibly live in a house with three children and only one bathroom. I had to snort at that one. We had four children and managed alright, even when extensive renovations were being done to the room. In the UK, people spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on property that certainly wouldn’t work for the spoiled North American. Converted barns and stables are common and many city homes, even the finest, are terrace or row dwellings. Quaint cottages are lovely, but present interesting challenges such as low ceilings and doors. Then there was the young Czech couple. Their choice, their pick of three, was an apartment that had less than 1,000 square feet of peeling paper, exposed plumbing and minimal kitchen space. Thin plastic walls formed the bathroom. To these eyes, which have certainly seen less than optimal living conditions from time to time, it was dirty and depressing. They however were ecstatic. They would make do with the tiny kitchen, they said, and were happy to have a little balcony. What mattered most was having a place to be together that met most of their needs. And I don’t think granite was one of them. People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them. – George Bernard Shaw Final Thought