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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2008-02-28, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2008. PAGE 5. Bonnie Gropp TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt The bad sleep Ever come across a book you wish you’d read? Happened to me last week. The book is called Breaking Bad Habits in Parrots. I wish I’d read that book 25 years ago. That would be just before I laid out 600 bucks for Sydney, a blue-fronted Amazon. Sydney, the pet store owner assured me, would prove an affectionate, intelligent and altogether heart-warming pet. The pet store owner lied. Sydney was a feathered fiend. A winged wolverine. An avian antichrist. ‘Sydney’??? His name should have been Satan. Sydney had three prevailing habits. He shrieked and shredded and shat indiscriminately – frequently all three at once. He shrieked when he was in his cage; when he was let out of his cage he destroyed everything he could put his beak to, and that which he couldn’t besmirch he be-guanoed with gusto. When I began to entertain fantasies of grabbing Sydney by the neck with one hand, my 12-gauge Remington with the other and taking both out on the front lawn for a spot of impromptu skeet-shooting, I knew it was time to divest myself of Sydney in favour of a more benign animal companion, such as – oh, I don’t know – a rabid wharf rat, perhaps? A black mamba? Sydney went back to the pet store, the owner of which refused to give me my money back. I didn’t mind. Knowing he would probably spend the rest of his life with Sydney was recompense enough. It was just the luck of the draw, I guess. If I’d been hanging around a pet shop in Stamford, Connecticut back in 1977 I could have shelled out a few bucks and bought Alex, a one-year old African grey and possibly the smartest parrot the world has ever known. Scratch that. Alex became the smartest parrot, etc., thanks to Dr. Irene Pepperberg, a Harvard scientist. She bought Alex, and over the next 30 years she taught the bird to describe objects, how to make his desires known – even how to ask questions. In doing so, Dr. Pepperberg turned the science of animal linguistics on its pointy little head. Until her experiment with Alex came along, most researchers had concentrated on trying to teach chimpanzees and monkeys how to speak because, well, they’re more like us, right? Closer on the evolutionary scale and all that. Only problem is, as much as simians resemble us, their vocal chords simply aren’t up to the job of reproducing human speech. Whereas parrots can at least…well, ‘parrot’ what they hear, be it a telephone ringing, a barking dog, or human speech. But Dr. Pepperberg took linguistic ability in animals to a whole new level. She proved that not only could Alex talk like a human – he could think. By his mid-20s (still young for a parrot) Alex could identify and name 50 different objects. He could also name their colours, their shapes and even the materials they were made from. He understood concepts such as ‘bigger’ and ‘smaller’, could count up to six – even appreciated the concept of ‘zero’. And he had personality to burn – including a finely-honed sense of mischief. Once, at a press conference, Dr. Pepperberg struggled to get Alex to vocalize the shape and colour of an object she held in front of him. Alex snootily ignored her, and the crowd of reporters grew restive. Desperate to give the press something to write about, Dr. Pepperberg left the stage to bring on another African grey, hoping the presence of another bird would stimulate Alex to ‘open up’. As soon as she had left the stage, Alex looked at the audience, leaned into the microphone and murmured quietly, “Triangle. Purple.” Just how smart did this birdbrain get? Smart enough to have a vocabulary of 150 words; smart enough to ask for specific objects – and to reject items that were not what he asked for. On the evening of Sept. 6 of last year, as Dr. Pepperberg prepared to leave the lab, she bid Alex good night. “You be good,” said Alex. “I love you.” “I love you too,” said the professor. “You’ll be in tomorrow?” asked Alex. “Yes,” said the doctor, “I’ll be in tomorrow.” Doctor Pepperberg would, but Alex would not. He died in his cage that night, of natural causes. He and Dr. Pepperberg had had their last conversation. I’d tell you about the last conversation I had with my parrot, Sydney, but this is a family newspaper. Arthur Black Other Views A tale of two parrots Premier Dalton McGuinty is planning to end a longstanding tradition and it raises just a whiff of expectation he may be starting, at last, on a promise to bring change. The Liberal premier has said he wants the legislature to stop reciting The Lord’s Prayer at the start of its daily proceedings, because it no longer reflects the province’s diverse population. This may seem a minor issue, because few see the legislature and prayer even on TV, but the ritual is a symbol Christianity is Ontario’s dominant faith and has been a practice since the Legislative Assembly of Upper Canada first met in 1792. For most of that time Ontario’s population has been overwhelmingly Christian, but it now has large immigrant groups including Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and Sikhs, plus a small but vocal population of Jews. McGuinty has a valid argument when he says a prayer in the legislature should reflect the views of all the population and the current prayer should be replaced by one that does. The Progressive Conservatives, when in government before the Liberals, rejected several attempts to stop the legislature reciting The Lord’s Prayer on the argument this discriminated against prayers of other faiths. A Conservative Speaker of the legislature also dismissed an argument reciting it violates Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which he claimed has no jurisdiction over the internal practices of the legislature. The Conservatives will resume their fight to continue reciting The Lord’s Prayer, or at least have it included in a new prayer. Some evangelical Protestants also have said quickly The Lord’s Prayer should be retained because Christians created Canada, but by this measure Aboriginals could be said to have an even prior claim, because their religions were here earlier. McGuinty’s move inevitably will be seen as an attempt to please immigrants over longer- established groups and win their votes. The latter should not be ruled out. But the public in the end is more likely to accept the view an institution such as the legislature should serve the needs of the population of today. McGuinty in any case has enough votes in the legislature to ensure it approves his plan. Ontarians can be forgiven for feeling apprehensive of change, because it has not brought only benefits. All political parties once viewed gambling as immoral because it takes money from some who need it for the necessities of life, but government now pushes lottery tickets on every street corner and helps organize cheap bus trips and top entertainment acts to lure people to its casinos. Successive governments have managed their affairs so they cannot pay their way without them. The province used to sell alcohol in stores with windows painted over so passers-by could not see money being exchanged furtively for bottles, but now proudly displays them and showers residents with slick, glossy magazines to coax them to buy. The province ended a ban on Sunday shopping, so mothers who work weekdays can buy groceries weekends. Now many take their kids around stores as their Sunday outings and others have to work in them and have lost the day on which most families can be together – are these improvements? McGuinty won the 2003 election with the slogan “choose change,” but he has not provided much real change. He has initiated few radically different or novel programs. He won his second successive majority government in October, which should enable him to feel he has a mandate for change. The Liberals, in addition to changing the prayer, have announced they want the legislature to sit normal business hours and, if their past is a guide, will have O’Canada sung in the legislature once a week, which they supported in opposition. The first is mere tinkering and the second could offend only music-lovers. But the Liberals now have more power than they have had in more than half a century. If they are to make real changes, this is the time. Eric Dowd FFrroomm QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk McGuinty starting to bring changes First it’s the stillness you notice, a silence as dense as being underwater. Not a whisper of sound flows through the air. Then it is the darkness, total and complete. You have ensured it. Panels hold back any possibility of even a chink of light shining through. You are cocooned by it, wrapped in this opaque blackness, peaceful and relaxed in total isolation. Gradually, however, the contentment begins to fade as realization dawns. Eyes become accustomed to the night and shadows of images around you begin to be revealed. You become aware of the slow, rhythmic breathing of your partner beside you, of the gentle stretching of the pet on the floor nearby. And of the fact that you are about to enjoy yet one more sleepless night. Like many women, I long ago forgot what it meant to have a good night’s sleep. It would be safe to say that there hasn’t been a good eight hours, or five for that matter, of solid, restful sleep since sometime BC. Before Children, that is. Even blessed with babies that slept through the night didn’t save me as I would often lie listening to them or for them. It was at this time that I began to wander a bit in the wee small hours, checking to make sure blankets were tucked in, children were deep into blissful slumber. What happened when they hit their teens is not something I need to explain to other parents. Sleep patterns were often displaced by restless times of worry, pacing or impatience. Even when my kids’ well-being was assured, sleep was elusive until all the birds were safely back in the nest for the night. I heard each creaking door, every tread on the stair, the making of any midnight snack. And with a gap of 10 years between youngest and oldest, these times of fitful dozing and waiting stretched out over quite a lengthy period. So it was that there was at least one promise of the empty nest I longed for, a home where the end of the day generally came at the same time for all inhabitants. I looked to that with great anticipation; it would be the good in what otherwise felt not so good, the reward for me bravely facing my children’s departures. Some reward. There is still no night of good sound sleep. Basically, all I can say now is that my insomnia is predictably unpredictable. First there is the mystery sleep ... will I, or won’t I. Then, conversely some nights my head blessedly hits the pillow, and the light is immediately extinguished only to be switched on to wide-eyed wakefulness in the pre-dawn hours. There are occasions when I seem fearful of missing some mid-night fun, my busy mind in battle with my tired body and spirit and winning. Irritating hours are spent not in an unconscious paradise, but riding a wave of turbulent power naps. Finally there are the times when the witching hour casts its spell. It can happen anytime between midnight and 3 a.m. The mind awakes and for the next couple of hours I toss, turn, flip and flop beyond exhaustion, beyond frustration. Apparently this is the wrong approach. Everyone says rather than fight, get up, read a book, have a cup of tea or do some work. Easy to suggest, but when I think of spending the next day at a job, that idea never has seemed particularly attractive. It would relinquishing any chance for sleep. Once up, I’m up. So I choose instead to battle back to oblivion. It is, after all, better to go down fighting, I’ve always thought. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise.