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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2008-01-10, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 2008. PAGE 5.Bonnie Gropp TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt I smell. Everything. Well, the year 2007 is fading to a microdot in history’s rear view mirror, and not a moment too soon – particularly if you answer to the name Claus, S. It was not a good year for the jolly gent from north of 60. Santa was fingered by the Thought Police and wound up slugged, mugged and everything but tasered into a ball of molten tinsel ‘neath the Christmas tree. First indication I had that Santa was in for trying times came in an e-mail back in early December from my pal, Roy. “Dear Arthur,” it reads. “I just read a piece in the paper noting that certain politically-correct organizations are changing Santa’s classic cry to ‘Ha, Ha, Ha!’The reason? They don’t want to offend persons of Asian descent.” Actually, Roy, I think some sadistic fiend out there in cyberspace just dreams up this crap to make us all crazy. The variation I heard was that “Ho, ho, ho!” was being dropped because it was ‘offensive to women’. Bluestockings felt that it sounded too much like a pimp taking a staff roll call. That wasn’t the only assault on Santa’s sanctitude. The U.S. Surgeon General bad- mouthed him too. Rear Admiral Steven K. Galson griped that Santa was setting a poor example for the nation’s youth. Why? Too fat, too lazy, too addicted to junk food. “It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise”, the Surgeon General harrumphed. Then there was the troubling question of Santa’s – ahem – moral character. The U.S Postal Service required all volunteers answering Santa’s thousands of letters last year to sign a waiver releasing the Post Office from all liability for lawsuits from ‘disgruntled’ parents. Pretty much the same story in England where Microsoft Corporation was forced to shut down a British ‘Talk to Santa’ website after the chat ‘twixt kiddies and the Head Elf turned a little blue. A Microsoft spokesman said the company’s engineers tried to sanitize Santa’s salty vocabulary, but finally just pulled the plug on the whole program. Even we here in the Great White North joined in the slagging of Father Christmas. Moya Green, president of Canada Post declared war on “inappropriate letters” exchanged between some volunteer Santas and a few of the Canadian tots who, each Christmas, write to Santa, care of “North Pole, Canada, H0H H0H”. “We apologize to those families affected and are taking every step possible – including co- operating with the police – to find the people who did this and to ensure there are no repetitions,” Ms Green said. Cindy Daoust, the director of the Santa mail program, told reporters: “We are now ensuring that we have a full record of the names of each letter-writer alongside the volunteer handling the response. We will keep a master list or signoff sheet that will allow us to track who is responsible for each letter.” O, Brave New Letters-to-Santa World. And just how many of the million-plus Canadian children who write to Santa each year received tainted letters this past Christmas? Canada Post has had exactly nine reports of families getting mail with inappropriate messages. Nine out of a million. Not exactly a landslide of corruption and moral turpitude. But one can’t be too careful when it comes to portly strangers bearing gifts in these perilous times – particularly bearded strangers in outlandish suits. Strangers who laugh …. just a little too much. Frankly I’m surprised this guy wasn’t busted years ago for running a sweatshop manned by vertically-challenged migrants slaving in penal servitude. And where the hell’s the SPCA? Why aren’t they slapping Santa silly with cruelty-to- animals charges? Eight wild reindeer lashed to an overladen sleigh and expected to haul it around the world in one triple-overtime night shift without so much as a coffee break? Jack Layton – are you reading this? And if the Ministry of Transport ever gets wind of Santa barreling through restricted air space in an unregistered UFO with no horn, no brakes, no running lights – without so much as a flight plan or even a licence plate – if they ever pull him over Santa will wind up making licence plates from now until palm trees grow where his workshop used to be. Or alternatively, we could all just….lighten up. I leave the last word to Julie Gale. She runs a world-wide campaign against child exploitation called Kids Free 2B Kids. Her take on the Santa kerfuffle? “Gimme a break,” says Gale. “We’re talking about little kids. Leave Santa alone.” Amen and a hearty Ho Ho Ho to that. Arthur Black It’s there. No one else is aware, some even question my surety. And I in return am surprised by their inability to sense its presence, because for me the odour is so pungent it’s sickening. A strange phenomenon arrived for me with middle age. Having seen the effects of dancing hormone levels in mother and sister, I was prepared somewhat for heart flutters, memory lapses, lack of concentration, flashes, insomnia, mood swings, and on and on. But mom never told me about this one. Since hitting my late 40s, I smell. Everything. I have no idea if it actually is related to this time in my life, but I do know that it began about the same time as every other strange thing that’s been happening over the course of the past several years. And I also have heard the same from a few other women my age. Either way, let me say, having the power of a dog’s sniffer is both a blessing and a curse. Something that may barely register on the olfactory scale for another, is nauseating to me. An aroma that others find merely unpleasant will literally choke me, even from time to time triggering a mild asthma attack. And it’s not a fleeting experience. Cigarettes, manure, cheap perfume, body odour, wet dog — I can smell them all, not just when they’re here, but coming and going. There are, however upsides. One example: I received a gift at Christmas, a warming blanket meant to soothe away all that ails you, from the physical aches and pains to insomnia and stress. Heated in the microwave it unleashed a fragrance of lavender that was so immediate in its soothing quality I could literally have cried. So blissfully capable of inhaling the subtle essence of this nourishing scent, I felt my spirit lifting, my mind gently clearing. It was emotionally powerful. The sense of smell is the strongest and most vivid for long-term memory. The heady fragrance of a peony takes me to Grandma’s garden and carefree play. Vinegar transports me to my other grandma’s kitchen. I see the boiling pots, the upturned jars, the stacked shelves of canned goods leading down to the basement. And better still, I see her at the counter. The exhaust from a snowmobile, as long as I’m not directly inhaling its noxious fumes, takes me back to the courting days with my hubby. Ahh... romantic times indeed. A fragrance can bring to mind a departed love or a cherished friend. Lingering in the air, left behind by a passer-by, it urges forth a name and face, gone but not forgotten, and I’m grateful. Helen Keller in her book The World I Live In more eloquently wrote: “Smell is a potent wizard that transports us across thousands of miles and all the years we have lived. The odours of fruits waft me to my southern home, to my childhood frolics in the peach orchard. Other odours, instantaneous and fleeting, cause my heart to dilate joyously or contract with remembered grief. Even as I think of smells, my nose is full of scents that start awake sweet memories of summers gone and ripening fields far away.” I don’t really know for sure what has caused this olfactory super power, whether neurological, psychological or just that time of life. I do know that when faced with unpleasant, or intense odours, it has been a bit of a misery. But I also don’t know how long this may last, so I am going to have the good sense to appreciate the good scents around me and the memories that come with them. Other Views 2007 a bad year for S. Claus The biggest con-job in recent Ontario politics was Premier Dalton McGuinty’s announcement of a new statutory holiday, Family Day, and it is now turning into a family-size row. The Liberal premier said in the Oct. 10 election campaign he would designate a day each February as a holiday for all with pay, but glossed over the cost and is having to come to terms with the fact there is no free lunch. If workers don’t work but receive pay, employers will have to foot the bill, and among other downsides some workers will not get extra time off or cash. McGuinty tried to justify the holiday by saying Ontario has long winters, workers deserve a break between New Year and Easter and working parents need more time together. But the Liberals are imposing new costs on employers when the economy is weakening and have failed to explain why they can afford this now. McGuinty had no estimate of costs and did not even ask business. Greg Sorbara, finance minister at the time, claimed governments had talked for years of a new statutory holiday, which was untrue. Individual backbench MPPs had asked for another holiday, but no government had shown interest in agreeing to one. Sorbara also said the economy can support one now, but did not explain how. The real explanation is the Liberals were looking for votes to sew up an election at that time they were not certain of winning. They had four years in government in which they could have announced the new holiday, but waited until the vote. They promised the new holiday the same day Progressive Conservative leader John Tory officially launched his campaign and, because it was novel and not hinted at before and another day off for all is among the biggest news, news media reported it extensively and Tory went as unnoticed as if he was campaigning in outer space. This was such an obvious bribe, a day off for your vote, residents should have felt insulted that McGuinty believed he could buy their votes so readily and it should have cost him support. It was the most blatant bribe offered in an election campaign since another Liberal premier, David Peterson, promised to cut provincial sales tax one per cent in 1990 and was chased out of office. But most Toronto media helped keep the focus on the joys of having another day off and McGuinty did not lose the respect he should have. The cost to employers, who include many small businesses, has now emerged as substantial, but uncertain because of complications. The value of a day’s output of manufactured goods and services is about $2 billion. But many employers will not have to give all their employees an extra day off. One reason is they already give employees more days off each year than the statutory holidays the province requires and may be able to designate one of these as their Family Day. Some workers also will come back re- charged by their extra day off and their increased productivity will help offset the lost day of work. But economists and business groups still estimate the loss from the new day off as a minimum $500 million. The political fallout also has been bitter. Tory, when the holiday was announced, said he was all for families having an extra day together, but the Liberals’ timing suggested they were interested mainly in winning votes. This was prudent, because his popularity was slipping and most voters appeared pleased with what they heard about the new holiday. The Conservatives’ leader in the legislature, Bob Runciman, has now said the Liberals’ announcement of the new holiday shows they are failing to understand the problems facing manufacturers particularly and his party wants it re-named Unnecessary Fiscal Burden Day. The Liberals are retorting this flip-flop is no surprise, because the Conservatives have never cared for working families or even for families – this day is not drawing Ontarians into one big happy family. Eric Dowd FFrroomm QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk A family-sized row over Family Day Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise.