The Citizen, 2009-07-16, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JULY 16, 2009. PAGE 5.
Bonnie
Gropp
TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt
I’ve heard a lot of definitions of a Canadian,
but my current favourite sprang recently
from the lips of a standup comedian on the
CBC radio show The Debaters.
“A Canadian,” said the comic, “is just an
unarmed American with a health plan.”
Amen to that – especially the unarmed part.
Nothing distinguishes us from our
frenzied cousins as much as their fanatical
devotion to lumps of hardware, the chief
purpose of which is to put holes in other
human beings.
It’s a devotion that goes back to the
country’s beginnings, when Americans
embedded in their constitution ‘the right to
bear arms’.
Back in 1791 that made some sense. The
British yoke had just been shaken off, but
Britain was still a mighty – and acquisitive –
world power.
But this just in,America: that was more than
two centuries ago. It’s 2009. Britain’s
shriveled to an alcohol-sodden nanny state no
more bellicose than – well, Canada.
You’re safe, America. Contrary to what Paul
Revere said, the British aren’t coming.
And even if they were, the chances of
redcoats being turned back by a pack of
paunchy middle-aged chartered accountants
wearing NRA ball caps and waving Saturday
Night Specials are sketchy at best.
Americans obsess over a lot of spectacularly
stupid subjects – from Britney Spear’s
underwear to whether Obama puts Dijon
mustard on his hot dogs – but there’s a
contagion in their midst that’s gone viral
and they seem incapable of connecting the
dots.
Consider these statistics: In Alabama a
whack job shoots 11 people, counting himself,
to death. On the same day, a guy storms into a
New York nursing home and fatally shoots a
nurse and seven elderly patients.
That same week another gun-toting nutbar
in Graham,Washington toasts his entire family
– including five children – with a handgun.
And in Binghamton, New York a disgruntled
Vietnamese immigrant uses two guns to kill 13
students and workers in an unemployment
assistance centre.
Oh yeah – meanwhile in Pittsburgh and
Oakland, seven cops are gunned down in the
line of duty.
More than 50 gun killings. If this happened
in Canada in one year, the newspapers would
be full of headlines about crime waves and
Don Cherry would be telling kids to wear their
hockey helmets to bed at night.
They happened in America in one
month. And these were just the juicy,
newsworthy shootups. Lots of unsexy
behind-the-dumpster, midnight-in-the-trailer-
park shootings never even made the news.
I think most gun lovers simply don’t see
their guns as agents of death and destruction.
They see them as ‘equalizers’ – social
‘erasers’ that, cartoonlike, magically redress
injustice.
Got a problem? Pull out a gun and blow it
away. Poof – no problem.
Recently I had a skin cancer excised from
the side of my face. No big deal. The doctor
put in some freezing, hacked away for a bit,
then prepared to sew me up.
“Want to see the wound, before I close it?”
he asked. Sure, why not? He held up a hand
mirror.
I nearly fainted. I had what looked like
a red glistening eye socket where my
cheek used to be.
“Christ, it’s HUGE!” I cried. The doctor
laughed.
“Nah,” he said. “That’s only about the size
of your average .22 calibre exit wound.”
And .22’s are the pea shooters of handguns
and rifles.
Guns don’t just wreak massive tissue
damage, they do it mostly to innocent
bystanders. In 2004 (the most recent figures I
could find) five people were murdered by
firearms in New Zealand. In Sweden the figure
was 73; in Canada, 184.
And in the U.S. – 11,624. Imagine gunmen
swarming into the towns of Dawson Creek, or
Steinbach and slaughtering every man, woman
and child. That’s how many Americans die
by the gun – in their own country – each
year.
The U.S. murder rate is higher than in any
other – I use the term loosely – civilized
nation.
And none so blind as those who will not see.
John Lott, a commentator on Foxnews.com
recently opined that he knew how to put a stop
to these American massacres.
“If more citizens were armed,” he advised,
“these madmen wouldn’t have the courage to
start shooting – or they’d be quickly shot
down.”
Goes without saying that John Lott is a card-
carrying member of the National Rifle
Association which spends millions of dollars
annually to beseech, belabour and flat-out
bribe congressmen and senators not to mess
with Americans’ right to shoot each other.
Reminds me of two stickers I saw on the
back bumper of a pickup in Alabama. JESUS
IS COMING read one.
And right beside it: THIS VEHICLE
PROTECTED BY SMITH AND WESSON.
Jesus, huh? Long-haired guy? Radical
agitator? Middle East accent?
Better be wearing a Kevlar robe.
Arthur
Black
Other Views The United States or Guns ‘R U.S.?
Ontario’s new Progressive Conservative
leader is quickly off and running and
in a direction that could bring him
some easy votes in the 2011 election.
Tim Hudak is putting early emphasis on
criticizing labour unions at a time when
they are their least popular in years. He will
find residents more sympathetic than
usual.
On his first day in his job he pointed to
30,000 city of Toronto garbage collectors,
paramedics, daycare and other social ser-
vice employees striking and causing
inconveniences, particularly parks piled with
rubbish.
Hudak said members of public sector unions
need to “get a grip” and realize they have
an easier life than many of the people they
serve.
Many taxpayers are worried, because they
have lost or may lose jobs in the recession,
he said, and will not accept public sector
employees making excessive demands and
stopping work when they are not met. Their
unions will have to face this reality.
On his first TV panel show since being
chosen leader, Hudak said residents want to
avoid strikes that deprive them of essential
services and disrupt their lives.
But he said they must be settled on terms
that recognize taxpayers have difficulty paying
more and show proper restraint.
Hudak was stepping up attacks on unions he
made during the leadership campaign, when
he suggested the province should scrap wage
agreements it made with public sector unions
while the economy was buoyant and negotiate
arrangements it can afford.
Hudak also suggested the province freeze
the pay of its non-unionized employees as
long as the recession lasts, both drastic moves
not contemplated even by the former far-right
Conservative premier Mike Harris.
Additionally, Hudak advocated more
curbs on unions in both the public and
private sectors, including requiring them
to hold secret ballots in votes that could
lead to joining unions and empowering
members to opt out of their dues being used
for political activities they do not
approve.
The Conservative leader will find residents
more inclined to support his criticisms than
they would have been a year or two ago.
Liberal Premier Dalton McGuinty at that
time encouraged the province to agree to
pay raises of more than two per cent a year
over several years for some public sector
unions, particularly teachers’, partly in
furtherance of his claim to be “the education
premier.”
The premier also wanted to maintain the
generally peaceful relations he had with
unions that had not existed between Harris and
unions and most people welcomed.
But the economy is now in recession and the
province’s revenues down and more are
recognizing it treated public sector unions too
generously.
Residents also have seen how high pay and
benefits secured by unions helped make
Canadian-made cars uncompetitive in price
with those from other countries and were
partly responsible for the collapse of the
companies here with huge losses of jobs.
More recently, high-profile strikes by
municipal employees in Toronto and Windsor
have reminded of the excessive demands of
some public sector unions.
One demand of strikers in Toronto was to
continue a system common in the public sector
in which employees are allowed up to
18 days off sick with pay each year and,
if they are not off sick, keep those days and
add them to their already generous retirement
pay.
This appalls many in the private sector, who
feel rightly that employees who are not sick
should go to work and not expect extra pay for
it.
Newspapers have been jammed with
complaints that public sector union members
get excessive pay and benefits and show no
responsibility to the public.
Not much is being said about how unions
have helped secure valid increased pay and
improved working conditions for many, which
also is true.
McGuinty has not restrained pay and
benefits and the New Democratic Party takes
the view unions are never wrong.
This presents Hudak with an opportunity to
gain among those who are dissatisfied with
unions and these days they are many.
Eric
Dowd
FFrroomm
QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk
Man that is one sweet sound. It
explodes, a rich, full trumpeting
straight from the heart destined to
blow any negative energy right out of the room.
It was sleepover and movie night with our
grandson recently. Lazy evenings are the only
time there’s a chance he’ll forget he’s no longer
of cuddling age. Fully absorbed in what’s
playing out onscreen, and with the smooth
mellow feeling that comes with end of day
seeping into his core, he lapses as he slides
over to relax against me.
And then it happened. A character in the
movie said or did something that struck the
funny bone prompting one of those glorious
full-belly guffaws that really do make you feel
just all warm and fuzzy. Hearing that kind of
spontaneous joy that bubbles from the toes out
with an uninhibited gusto is better than any
music. And I love music.
Each and every time he laughed, I laughed
with him, sometimes just from the pleasure of
hearing him.
I should thank him for that. I can be a little
chintzy with my laughter. Sure, I chortle or
chuckle plenty. I will smile at a stranger, at a
compliment or in empathy. Tease me, I may
giggle, tell a good joke, I will do the same.
But it isn’t often that I let loose with one of
those explosions of unadulterated glee.
Which, it seems, is unfortunate for me.
Apparently, there is solid proof behind the old
adage. Laughter is the best medicine.
Research has shown that there are many
health benefits from making merry. Some are
obvious, some a little less so.
Stress is a common problem in today’s crazy
world, and researchers say that laughing
actually reduces the levels of stress hormones,
while increasing health-enhancing hormone
levels. A hearty ha-ha will increase the anti-
body producing cells and enhance the
effectiveness of T-cells which translates to a
stronger immune system.
As well, a good cracking-up cleanses,
providing a physical and emotional release that
is good for you inside and out.
When something makes you laugh, it turns
the focus away from negative things. And
studies have shown too that finding the humour
in a situation is therapeutic.
As French revolutionary and Figaro
playwright Pierre de Beaumarchais said, “I
quickly laugh at everything for fear of having
to cry.” Stressful events can be altered by how
they are viewed, whether as challenge or
threat. Humour can offer a light-hearted
perspective so that things are seen as simply a
trial rather than menacing.
And imagine something as pleasant as
laughing being worked into your fitness
routine. That good belly laugh my grandson
enjoyed the other night was as good as a belly
crunch, exercising the diaphragm and
contracting the abs. It even relaxed his
shoulder muscles and provided a workout for
his heart.
Finally, there is a social benefit to laughter as
it connects us to others and helps them laugh
more. Thus, by incorporating it into our own
life we enrich the life of others around us.
There are a number of ways to add some
chortles to your days. Entertainment and time
with friends will certainly increase the giggles.
But be sure to look for the humour in little
frustrations too. Sometimes what seems
irritating or depressing was actually quite
ridiculous when you look back. Strive to see
the comedy in the errors before they get you
down.
And if all else fails, fake it. Better a half-
hearted chuckle then no chuckle at all.
Tories seek those mad at unions
When you’re laughing