HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2009-05-07, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MAY 7, 2009. PAGE 5.
Bonnie
Gropp
TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt
Mother and child
K vetching: to complain persistently
about everything. (Yiddish).
Henry Perowne is standing naked
before a mirror. You’d never guess that he is a
successful British neurosurgeon in the prime
of life, healthy, with two successful, grown
children.
There’s no way to discern from his fit but
middle-aged body that he lives in a splendid
heritage townhouse in downtown London,
drives a Jaguar, plays squash, loves classical
music.
But naked Henry Perowne is not reflecting
on any of that. He is thinking about hot water.
Henry Perowne is the main character in Ian
McEwan’s bestselling novel, Saturday. Here
is what Henry Perowne is thinking as he steps
into the shower and turns on the tap:When this
civilization falls, when the Romans, whoever
they are this time round, have finally left and
the new Dark Age begins, this will be one of
the first luxuries to go. The old folk crouching
by their peat fires will tell their disbelieving
grandchildren of standing naked mid-winter
under jet streams of hot clean water…
Hot clean water. Everyone reading these
words has had access to it pretty much every
day of their lives. When’s the last time any of
us – aside from Ian McEwan – recognized the
simple miracle of that?
We need to cultivate, as the cliché goes, an
attitude of gratitude. And here’s the ironic
kicker: thanks to the Big Bubble Burst – to the
layoffs, shutdowns, downturns, the pancaking
investment portfolios and the scorched earth
real estate debacle – thanks to all the recent
Bad News it looks like people are…becoming
more grateful.
For sure there’s a lot less whining going on.
There aren’t many of us who haven’t been
adversely affected in some way by the Big
Bubble Burst. It has sideswiped us all,
reminding us that there’s more to life than Big
Macs, Wal-Mart Specials and Britney Spears
knickers or lack thereof. We have all been
reminded that life, at bottom, is not frivolous.
It is serious.
And that reminder, in a paradoxical way,
seems to be making us more content.
Take purple bracelets. You may have seen
someone wearing one.
If you haven’t you probably will soon. Some
six million North Americans sport purple
bracelets on their wrists already and the
number is growing faster than the bankruptcy
rate.
Purple bracelets are the brainwave of a
Protestant minister, Will Bowen of Kansas
City, Mo. He runs a non-profit called A
Complaint Free World, Inc., the mission of
which is simple: to encourage people to quit
bitching and start living.
Thus the purple bracelets.
Reverend Bowen challenges wearers to
switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other
every time they complain about something.
The goal is to go 21 days without switching.
By the time you manage that, chances are
your outlook on life will be a whole lot
sunnier.
The Reverend Bowen has offered his
bracelet as a handy daily talisman against the
rough patch the world is currently weathering.
He figures an adjustment in attitude is as good
as a course correction.
“In good times,” he told a Wall Street
Journal reporter, “people often take for granted
what they have and whine about what they
don’t have. Bad times make people more
grateful.”
Me, I’m not crazy about the idea of wearing
more jewelry, purple or otherwise – but I
admire the concept. Here’s what I recommend.
Start your day off like Henry Perowne –
naked, in front of the bathroom mirror. Now
instead of moaning about the crow tracks
around your eyes, the love handles amidships
or the, as Leonard Cohen puts it, ‘aches in the
places where you used to play’– instead of all
the petty junk, enlist in my Two Step Recovery
Program.
Step One: conjure up three simple things in
your everyday life for which you can be
grateful.
Could be little stuff – your nice smile, the
robins chirping in the lilac by the bathroom
window, the smell of coffee brewing in the
kitchen.
Could be big stuff – your kids, the roof over
your head, the air in your lungs.
Step two: be thankful.
And if you’re still feeling sorry for yourself,
step into the shower and turn on the hot water
tap.
Arthur
Black
Other Views Quit kvetching, start living
Premier Dalton McGuinty has been
accused of installing one-man rule in
Ontario and he needs reminding all a
party’s brains are not a premier’s corner office.
Progressive Conservative interim leader
Bob Runciman said the Liberal premier
is refusing to give his backbench MPPs
the chance to say what they think
about policies and there is some evidence of
this.
Runciman pointed out Conservative MPPs
are being deluged in their ridings with protests
against the Liberals’ plan to “harmonize” the
province’s sales tax with the federal goods and
services tax, making it more efficient for
business, but payable on more products and
services.
The Conservative leader said Liberal MPPs
must be swamped with similar complaints, but
none has been willing to say so in public and,
because the Liberals have a majority in the
legislature, an important voice is not being
heard.
The Liberal MPPs also have been up to their
necks in the complaints and some have told
McGuinty in the privacy of their party’s
caucus they are worried it will hurt their
chances of winning the next election in 2011,
and even that the tax is unfair. But none has
said this publicly.
One also passed this on to a newspaper and
McGuinty responded angrily he would never
make public confidential discussions in his
caucus, a warning he would deal severely with
whoever informed the media.
In a similar incident a year ago a Liberal
backbencher leaked to news media some
backbenchers had complained in caucus
the Premier was creating unnecessary
controversy by such acts as promising to stop
MPPs reciting The Lord’s Prayer at the start
of daily sessions of the legislature.
McGuinty warned then he did not want his
MPPs talking for public consumption on
such issues.
McGuinty’s MPPs, in fact, have dissented
rarely, publicly or privately, and less often then
those in previous governments, first out of
gratitude, because he has led them
successfully, winning two majority
governments in a row and continuing high in
polls.
The backbenchers do not want to suggest
their party lacks unity, which might hurt
McGuinty’s chances of winning the next
election and their own, because those running
for MPP depend a lot on their leader’s image.
They also want to protect their prospects
of being promoted to cabinet, because
even the most pedestrian backbenchers
usually have ambitions one day to be in
cabinet.
Everyone who ran for leader of any political
party in Ontario in decades also has promised
to give MPPs more opportunity to speak their
minds and that includes McGuinty.
But almost inevitably they forgot their
promises, because it is more convenient to run
a government without having to consult
several dozen elected politicians.
Mike Harris, Conservative premier from
1995-2002, once described caucus as a place
where “Premier William Davis would call
us all in and tell us what we had decided to
do.”
McGuinty has backroom aides he relies on
particularly for advice and obviously they are
doing many things right. But they have
made mistakes.
The premier has just had to back down on a
plan to require every owner selling a home to
provide an audit costing about $300 showing
how energy-efficient it is, which would
be useful to buyers, but an extra
burden on homeowners already feeling
pinched.
McGuinty said because times are tough for
business he would delay a promise to increase
the minimum wage even to a meager $10.25
an hour next March. But someone reminded
him the poor cannot wait either.
The premier thought it would be fairer if
MPPs stopped reciting The Lord’s Prayer at
the daily start of the legislature until he was
persuaded many would miss it and prayers of
other religions could be added.
The premier should have learned his
unelected gurus in their ivory tower have their
roles. But he should encourage his MPPs to
speak up, because few understand better what
the public wants.
They also are cheaper than hiring a
pollster.
Eric
Dowd
FFrroomm
QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk
So what will you be doing to honour your
mother? Sunday is Mother’s Day, a time
to say thanks Mom, for everything.
I approach the celebration from three
different directions, as a mother, grandmother
and child. With the former two, it is nice to be
remembered, thought of, or pampered, even if
just a little bit. I am thrilled if my kids can fit the
long trek home to see me into their busy
schedules. And presents aren’t necessary, but I
won’t lie and say I’m not thrilled to get them.
Mostly, however, what I appreciate is their
acknowledgement of me, at this specific time.
While their successes help affirm to me that I
didn’t do so badly as a parent, this recognition
allows me to hope that they agree.
That’s the thing we all know about parenting.
We do it the best way we know how, generally
with mixed results. Great parents can produce
rotten kids and vice versa. Figuring out why is a
puzzle.
Trying to untangle any mystery is
challenging, particularly if you’re too close to it.
And that’s why we have grandparents. Which, I
must say, it’s much nicer to be. The been-there,
done-it generation may not have all the answers
but experience generally helps people get their
priorities straight. Add to this a grandparent’s
unconditional love, viewed with some breathing
space, and they are forces to be reckoned with.
I remember preparing, with heavy dread, to
confess one of my teenage misdemeanors to my
maternal grandmother. I respected my
grandparents. I valued their opinion of me.
Not so my poor Mom then. Our relationship
during that time was, well, an ounce of rum with
a tablespoon of vinegar. Each of us on its own
had the ability to enhance life, but we weren’t so
great together.
Blessedly over the years that has changed.
There is nothing like growing up and having
children of your own to put things into
perspective.
One of my earliest memories of my mother
has done that as well. My grandmother had
given me a beautiful baby doll for Christmas.
Soft and pink as a newborn, it would fold into
my arms and each night I took it to bed to
cuddle.
And as mom came to tuck me in, she would
stand for a minute or so, hold that doll and
smile. She would laugh about how real it felt,
how nice. The doll may have been fake but that
look on her face could only be described as
serene, yet wistful. There would be no more
babies for her until she welcomed
grandchildren. I didn’t get it then, but I know
now what feelings were stirred when she held
that doll. For brief moments she let herself go to
imagination and the memory of new life’s
wonder.
And it may be this very memory I can thank
for having had four children of my own. While
there was no mirror before me the first time I
held my oldest child, I know that what I felt in
my heart and soul was hinted at on Mom’s face
those nights. Four times in my life I fell in love,
beyond reason, with someone who had caused
me months of discomfort and some pretty fierce
pain.
Pretty much sets the tone for parenting when
you think of it. There are occasional rough
spots, yet the adoration only grows. It is what I
came to learn about being a parent, but more
importantly, what I came to see about being a
child. I’m happy that my children’s lives today
indicate I wasn’t a horrible parent but feel truly
blessed to have had the time with my mom to
finally get the child part figured out too.
McGuinty needs his MPPs
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