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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2009-05-07, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MAY 7, 2009. PAGE 5. Bonnie Gropp TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt Mother and child K vetching: to complain persistently about everything. (Yiddish). Henry Perowne is standing naked before a mirror. You’d never guess that he is a successful British neurosurgeon in the prime of life, healthy, with two successful, grown children. There’s no way to discern from his fit but middle-aged body that he lives in a splendid heritage townhouse in downtown London, drives a Jaguar, plays squash, loves classical music. But naked Henry Perowne is not reflecting on any of that. He is thinking about hot water. Henry Perowne is the main character in Ian McEwan’s bestselling novel, Saturday. Here is what Henry Perowne is thinking as he steps into the shower and turns on the tap:When this civilization falls, when the Romans, whoever they are this time round, have finally left and the new Dark Age begins, this will be one of the first luxuries to go. The old folk crouching by their peat fires will tell their disbelieving grandchildren of standing naked mid-winter under jet streams of hot clean water… Hot clean water. Everyone reading these words has had access to it pretty much every day of their lives. When’s the last time any of us – aside from Ian McEwan – recognized the simple miracle of that? We need to cultivate, as the cliché goes, an attitude of gratitude. And here’s the ironic kicker: thanks to the Big Bubble Burst – to the layoffs, shutdowns, downturns, the pancaking investment portfolios and the scorched earth real estate debacle – thanks to all the recent Bad News it looks like people are…becoming more grateful. For sure there’s a lot less whining going on. There aren’t many of us who haven’t been adversely affected in some way by the Big Bubble Burst. It has sideswiped us all, reminding us that there’s more to life than Big Macs, Wal-Mart Specials and Britney Spears knickers or lack thereof. We have all been reminded that life, at bottom, is not frivolous. It is serious. And that reminder, in a paradoxical way, seems to be making us more content. Take purple bracelets. You may have seen someone wearing one. If you haven’t you probably will soon. Some six million North Americans sport purple bracelets on their wrists already and the number is growing faster than the bankruptcy rate. Purple bracelets are the brainwave of a Protestant minister, Will Bowen of Kansas City, Mo. He runs a non-profit called A Complaint Free World, Inc., the mission of which is simple: to encourage people to quit bitching and start living. Thus the purple bracelets. Reverend Bowen challenges wearers to switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other every time they complain about something. The goal is to go 21 days without switching. By the time you manage that, chances are your outlook on life will be a whole lot sunnier. The Reverend Bowen has offered his bracelet as a handy daily talisman against the rough patch the world is currently weathering. He figures an adjustment in attitude is as good as a course correction. “In good times,” he told a Wall Street Journal reporter, “people often take for granted what they have and whine about what they don’t have. Bad times make people more grateful.” Me, I’m not crazy about the idea of wearing more jewelry, purple or otherwise – but I admire the concept. Here’s what I recommend. Start your day off like Henry Perowne – naked, in front of the bathroom mirror. Now instead of moaning about the crow tracks around your eyes, the love handles amidships or the, as Leonard Cohen puts it, ‘aches in the places where you used to play’– instead of all the petty junk, enlist in my Two Step Recovery Program. Step One: conjure up three simple things in your everyday life for which you can be grateful. Could be little stuff – your nice smile, the robins chirping in the lilac by the bathroom window, the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen. Could be big stuff – your kids, the roof over your head, the air in your lungs. Step two: be thankful. And if you’re still feeling sorry for yourself, step into the shower and turn on the hot water tap. Arthur Black Other Views Quit kvetching, start living Premier Dalton McGuinty has been accused of installing one-man rule in Ontario and he needs reminding all a party’s brains are not a premier’s corner office. Progressive Conservative interim leader Bob Runciman said the Liberal premier is refusing to give his backbench MPPs the chance to say what they think about policies and there is some evidence of this. Runciman pointed out Conservative MPPs are being deluged in their ridings with protests against the Liberals’ plan to “harmonize” the province’s sales tax with the federal goods and services tax, making it more efficient for business, but payable on more products and services. The Conservative leader said Liberal MPPs must be swamped with similar complaints, but none has been willing to say so in public and, because the Liberals have a majority in the legislature, an important voice is not being heard. The Liberal MPPs also have been up to their necks in the complaints and some have told McGuinty in the privacy of their party’s caucus they are worried it will hurt their chances of winning the next election in 2011, and even that the tax is unfair. But none has said this publicly. One also passed this on to a newspaper and McGuinty responded angrily he would never make public confidential discussions in his caucus, a warning he would deal severely with whoever informed the media. In a similar incident a year ago a Liberal backbencher leaked to news media some backbenchers had complained in caucus the Premier was creating unnecessary controversy by such acts as promising to stop MPPs reciting The Lord’s Prayer at the start of daily sessions of the legislature. McGuinty warned then he did not want his MPPs talking for public consumption on such issues. McGuinty’s MPPs, in fact, have dissented rarely, publicly or privately, and less often then those in previous governments, first out of gratitude, because he has led them successfully, winning two majority governments in a row and continuing high in polls. The backbenchers do not want to suggest their party lacks unity, which might hurt McGuinty’s chances of winning the next election and their own, because those running for MPP depend a lot on their leader’s image. They also want to protect their prospects of being promoted to cabinet, because even the most pedestrian backbenchers usually have ambitions one day to be in cabinet. Everyone who ran for leader of any political party in Ontario in decades also has promised to give MPPs more opportunity to speak their minds and that includes McGuinty. But almost inevitably they forgot their promises, because it is more convenient to run a government without having to consult several dozen elected politicians. Mike Harris, Conservative premier from 1995-2002, once described caucus as a place where “Premier William Davis would call us all in and tell us what we had decided to do.” McGuinty has backroom aides he relies on particularly for advice and obviously they are doing many things right. But they have made mistakes. The premier has just had to back down on a plan to require every owner selling a home to provide an audit costing about $300 showing how energy-efficient it is, which would be useful to buyers, but an extra burden on homeowners already feeling pinched. McGuinty said because times are tough for business he would delay a promise to increase the minimum wage even to a meager $10.25 an hour next March. But someone reminded him the poor cannot wait either. The premier thought it would be fairer if MPPs stopped reciting The Lord’s Prayer at the daily start of the legislature until he was persuaded many would miss it and prayers of other religions could be added. The premier should have learned his unelected gurus in their ivory tower have their roles. But he should encourage his MPPs to speak up, because few understand better what the public wants. They also are cheaper than hiring a pollster. Eric Dowd FFrroomm QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk So what will you be doing to honour your mother? Sunday is Mother’s Day, a time to say thanks Mom, for everything. I approach the celebration from three different directions, as a mother, grandmother and child. With the former two, it is nice to be remembered, thought of, or pampered, even if just a little bit. I am thrilled if my kids can fit the long trek home to see me into their busy schedules. And presents aren’t necessary, but I won’t lie and say I’m not thrilled to get them. Mostly, however, what I appreciate is their acknowledgement of me, at this specific time. While their successes help affirm to me that I didn’t do so badly as a parent, this recognition allows me to hope that they agree. That’s the thing we all know about parenting. We do it the best way we know how, generally with mixed results. Great parents can produce rotten kids and vice versa. Figuring out why is a puzzle. Trying to untangle any mystery is challenging, particularly if you’re too close to it. And that’s why we have grandparents. Which, I must say, it’s much nicer to be. The been-there, done-it generation may not have all the answers but experience generally helps people get their priorities straight. Add to this a grandparent’s unconditional love, viewed with some breathing space, and they are forces to be reckoned with. I remember preparing, with heavy dread, to confess one of my teenage misdemeanors to my maternal grandmother. I respected my grandparents. I valued their opinion of me. Not so my poor Mom then. Our relationship during that time was, well, an ounce of rum with a tablespoon of vinegar. Each of us on its own had the ability to enhance life, but we weren’t so great together. Blessedly over the years that has changed. There is nothing like growing up and having children of your own to put things into perspective. One of my earliest memories of my mother has done that as well. My grandmother had given me a beautiful baby doll for Christmas. Soft and pink as a newborn, it would fold into my arms and each night I took it to bed to cuddle. And as mom came to tuck me in, she would stand for a minute or so, hold that doll and smile. She would laugh about how real it felt, how nice. The doll may have been fake but that look on her face could only be described as serene, yet wistful. There would be no more babies for her until she welcomed grandchildren. I didn’t get it then, but I know now what feelings were stirred when she held that doll. For brief moments she let herself go to imagination and the memory of new life’s wonder. And it may be this very memory I can thank for having had four children of my own. While there was no mirror before me the first time I held my oldest child, I know that what I felt in my heart and soul was hinted at on Mom’s face those nights. Four times in my life I fell in love, beyond reason, with someone who had caused me months of discomfort and some pretty fierce pain. Pretty much sets the tone for parenting when you think of it. There are occasional rough spots, yet the adoration only grows. It is what I came to learn about being a parent, but more importantly, what I came to see about being a child. I’m happy that my children’s lives today indicate I wasn’t a horrible parent but feel truly blessed to have had the time with my mom to finally get the child part figured out too. McGuinty needs his MPPs Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. 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