HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2009-02-05, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2009. PAGE 5.
Bonnie
Gropp
TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt
Shining lights
I t’s not easy to find positive portents in the
economic abyss that’s yawning at our feet,
but surely one tiny bright spot is this:
The love affair with the Hummer is over.
The Hummer – the automotive apotheosis of
American Grotesque. A vehicle so waddling
humongous it constipates our roads, plugs up
parking stalls and mainlines an insane amount
of gasoline in a world running short of fossil
fuels.
The Hummer. A vehicle that met its human
match in Arnold Schwarzenegger, California
politico and ex-bodybuilder who, like The
Hummer, famously swanned about in an
obscenely inflated body (“In a bathing suit,”
said one observer, “he looks like a walking bag
of walnuts”.)
Arnold meeting the Hummer was a match
made in heaven. He immediately ordered six
of them.
The Hummer. AKA the HumVee or ‘High
Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle’, to
give the brute its official military designation.
It was originally created for the American
armed forces back in 1991 to replace the aging
Jeep.
With its body armour, re-enforced chassis
and bullet-proof windows, the Hummer may
have made some kind of sense on the
battlefield. As a domestic vehicle lurching
about on North American highways it was
always just plain silly.
Not to mention pricey. An H3 Hummer –
that’s the unSanforized, somewhat shrunken
model – will set you back a little over $40,000.
If you’re looking for serious tiny-penis
compensation you’ll want to order the bigger,
dumber H2 version, which will cost you closer
to $70 grand.
Of course, if you’re expecting options like,
oh…windshield wipers, mirrors, tires and such
– well, that’ll be extra.
Any gangster-chic cachet the Hummer
might have enjoyed pretty much vaporized
along with 40-cent-a-litre gasoline at the
pump. Gradually, the Hummer image – even
among the brain-dead – degraded from
awesome to awful.
The automotive industry hadn’t seen such a
public relations about-face since the Edsel
disaster of the 1960s. What had been the
voiture de choix for drug dealers and
monosyllabic rap moguls became a magnet for
consumer contempt – even among consumers
who would never dream of owning one.
How contemptuous? Check out the latest
anti-Hummer YouTube phenomenon – a site
called Ihumpedyourhummer.com.
It consists of encounters between parked
Hummers and young male pedestrians. The
pedestrians simulate demonstrations
of…extreme affection…for the vehicles. Said
demonstrations are videotaped and then posted
on the internet for all the world to see.
It’s pretty difficult to reverence a vehicle
once you’ve seen it dry-humped on YouTube.
And the message appears to be getting
through. Hummer sales have cratered.
Rumour has it even Arnie’s had one of his
Hummer six-pack converted to run on bio-
diesel.
But some folks, to paraphrase Steve
Goodman, still ain’t heard the news. There is
an organization in the southern states called
Pray at the Pump which has formally gathered
to get down on its collective knees and
entreat The Almighty to lower the price of
gasoline on behalf of Hummers and their
bulked-up ilk.
And further north, worshippers at the
Greater Grace Temple were treated last month
to a first-of-its-kind nativity scene – of sorts.
Just behind the pulpit and directly in front of
the choir, three giant SUVs – a Ford Escape, a
Chevy Tahoe and a Chrysler Aspen – were
parked facing the congregation.
“We have never seen as midnight an hour as
we face,” intoned the Rev. Charles Ellis.
The reverend vowed to pray and fast until
the U.S. Congress voted on a bailout for that
nation’s embattled automakers.
Did I mention that Greater Grace Temple is
in downtown Detroit?
Hindsight is of course 20-20 but the
question bears asking: why did anybody ever
imagine the average human driver needed such
ridiculously huge vehicles with so many
hundreds of needless horsepower under the
hood?
I suppose some would argue “Hell, boy – it’s
the Amurrriken way!”
I know the comedian Mo Rosen would.
“American cars have to be big,” says Rosen,
“because Americans need their space.”
“Just ask the Indians.”
Arthur
Black
Other Views The hummer: a carmedy of errors
T he nastiest battle in Ontario politics is
also the oddest -- two of Liberal
Premier Dalton McGuinty’s ministers
are fighting against the folks back home and it
could cost their party a power base in the next
election.
Finance Minister Dwight Duncan and
International Trade and Investment Minister
Sandra Pupatello, powerhouses in Windsor
ridings for a decade, are in a feud with
constituents that is unprecedented.
Politicians usually do their best to stay on
good terms with the people who voted them in,
knowing they will need them later.
The dispute started over a proposal to build
a below-grade expressway through part of the
city to speed cross-border traffic to a bridge to
be built across the river to Detroit.
The two ministers favour a plan that would
require less tunneling than the plan the city
prefers and cost less, but the city and some
others claim it will increase pollution.
Mayor Eddie Francis, who is not deterred by
the big names, said the ministers, as
representatives of Windsor, should want better
for their city and are “declaring war on their
own community.”
The Windsor Star says the two ministers are
“putting the boots to Windsor” and it is
unbelievable they would support a plan that
would increase pollution. The newspaper
called Duncan a “former Windsorite turned
Toronto bigshot,” a wounding description,
because politicians like their constituents to
believe they are the same, down home people
they elected and have not succumbed to big
city lures.
The newspaper suggested Duncan has
grown big-headed as finance minister, hopes
to take a second run at becoming Liberal
leader, when McGuinty steps down, and no
longer is interested in doing anything as
parochial as helping Windsor.
This does not hold up totally, however,
because a candidate for leader will not go far
if he cannot win support even in his home
area. Duncan may merely want to demonstrate
he is a tough finance minister who can save
money.
Duncan has retaliated by demanding
Windsor call off its “high-priced Toronto
lawyers” and nothing could suggest to those
back home their politician has kept his roots
more than deploring Toronto and lawyers in
the same breath.
Windsor also has one of the highest jobless
rates in the country and the newspaper accuses
Duncan and Pupatello of failing to speak for
the city on this issue and being “pathetic and
missing in action.”
It says New Democrat leader Howard
Hampton and Progressive Conservative House
leader Bob Runciman have spoken up for
Windsor, and Duncan and Pupatello should
give them part of their pay.
Duncan also is at odds with city council
because he refused to write a letter supporting
its request for provincial funding for tree
research and explained a minister cannot be
perceived as supporting a project in his own
riding.
But ministers are seen promoting projects in
their ridings every day and Windsor
councillors are asking why they bothered to
elect Duncan and Pupatello, if they cannot put
in a word for their home areas.
The two ministers, and Pupatello
particularly, also are getting a rough ride for
travel expenses that rival the Queen’s. The
newspaper scoffed the minister leaves
Windsor, where many are desperate because
they cannot afford food, to rack up $100,000
travel expenses in a year staying at the world’s
most expensive hotels and this is “a long way
from bagging groceries at the A and P.”
The mayor said he is able to talk with
Pupatello, “although with her hot Italian blood
on one side and my hot Lebanese blood on the
other, these can be very heated discussions.”
But Francis and Duncan have been reported
as “barely on speaking terms” and the mayor
said constructive contact with Duncan has
been severed. “He’s disengaged and this wall
has come up and I don’t know where it comes
from.”
Such rifts between MPPs and constituents
are almost unknown and the Liberals should
try to patch this up soon. The constituents do
not sound in a hurry to forgive and forget.
Eric
Dowd
FFrroomm
QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk
The phone, bane of my existence,
screeching harbinger of unwelcome
interruption, heralded its alert. Miffed,
I picked up the receiver and offered a not
unfriendly, but nonetheless abrupt, hello.
The voice that responded was clearly
immature; the dialogue that followed less so.
I listened as the young man introduced
himself to me, articulated clearly the reason
for his call and politely asked if it might be
something the newspaper would be interested
in covering.
Only when I responded “absolutely” did the
professionalism slip a bit to reveal a youthful
excitement that coaxed a smile to my tired
face.
Several nights later and Halloween had
arrived. An early knock came to the door, but
while these kids were interested in food, it
was not for themselves. They were collecting
for the needy, before setting out to trick or
treat.
Later came a young man, the leader of that
group, who with a disarmingly genuine smile
lingered a little at the door. He thanked me for
the assistance in promoting the group’s efforts
and provided an update on how things had
gone.
An incongruity struck me. Here was a
unique balance, a boy displaying the expected
exuberance typical of his age, yet underlining
it with a poise well beyond his years.
Jacob McGavin founded Kids Care in
Brussels and has worked tirelessly to help
others around the world and locally. It was
one of these fundraisers which prompted that
phone call one evening. But his achievements
neither start nor end there.
You don’t have to talk to this 13-year-old
for long to recognize he’s one pretty cool kid.
And this past week, even more have noticed as
it was announced he was one of 12 recipients
of this year’s Ontario Community Newspaper
Association’s Junior Citizen of the Year. There
were 117 nominees from across Ontario.
When we contacted the school to suggest
Jacob be nominated, principal John Carr
eagerly agreed. The attributes he listed in the
nomination range from Jacob’s academic
achievements to community work and
competitions.
There are times when covering the news of
our communities that a name will come up
over and over. But I can’t recall one who has
shown as much diversity as Jacob. We
congratulate him on the deserved recognition
he is receiving and his parents on raising such
a fine young man.
However, for every leader there are
followers and while Jacob has demonstrated
the kind of skills and innovative ideas that
earn this kind of accolade, the fact that
countless numbers of his peers were ready to
help in some of his projects is a heartening
reminder. While the faces and names may not
be as well-known, they are tangible examples
of what young people can do and of the
promise they offer for tomorrow.
There have been comments made about
telling the good news stories and I can’t think
of any that shine brighter than this one. The
community should be proud to have a young
man like Jacob McGavin in their midst.
But there should also be pride in the many
others who haven’t lived long enough to truly
appreciate the trials of this world, yet know
far better than those who have that even the
simplest unselfish act can make a difference.
Kudos to all of them, those young people
whose light shines, however softly.
Ministers fighting their own
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If it were not for hopes, the heart would
break.
– Thomas Fuller
Final Thought