HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2010-04-22, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2010. PAGE 5.
Perhaps of all the creations of man, language
is the most astonishing.
– Lytton Strachey
What do we suppose man’s first word
was? Not much more than a grunt, I
reckon – post-prandial or post-
coital most likely, acknowledging a full belly
or satisfying sex.
What a wonder that we could evolve from
such a scattering of glottal oinks and ughs to a
world that, according to Ethnologue, currently
features 6,912 tongues spoken by somebody
somewhere on the earth’s surface. Eighty-six
of those languages are spoken here in Canada.
They range from Afrikaans of South African
immigrants to Xaaydaa Kil of our longest-
standing citizens on Haida Gwai.
And of course, there’s English. About 375
million Earthlings speak that as their first
language but its true power is revealed in those
who claim it as linguistic back-up. Non-native
English speakers outnumber the rest of us by
about three to one. Which country do you
think has the most people who speak or
understand English? Great Britain? The
United States?
Nope – it’s India. Not surprising when you
realize that English is the tongue of choice in
international diplomacy, medicine,
communications, science, aviation and show
biz.
And if you’re a native English speaker as I
am, let us go down on our knees together and
thank providence for our lucky birthright,
because learning to speak English as a second
language must be a certifiable nightmare.
Are you kidding? A language in which you
fill in a form by filling it out? Your house burns
up as it burns down? Wristwatches run but
time flies? You tell people you couldn’t care
less by saying “I could care less”?
We’ve got ourselves a language which says
it’s perfectly permissible to drive on a parkway
but park in a driveway. Our alarm clocks go off
by going on; when the stars come out we can
see them; but when the lights go out we can’t
see anything.
English is also the queen of oxymorons. It
permits us to watch ‘awfully good’, ‘half-
naked’ ‘light-heavyweights’ pummel each
other in rings which are square.
You are allowed, in English, to put your best
foot forward while keeping your nose to the
grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, your
eye on the ball and your tongue in cheek
behind your stiff upper lip.
Not to mention knuckling down with your
nose in the air, your chin up and your feet on
the ground while head over heels.
Unless, of course, you don’t have the
stomach for it.
The adjectival form of ‘quiz’ is quizzical.
So the adjectival form of ‘test’ would be…?
And what’s with the word ‘hemorrhoid’?
Surely that should be ‘asteroid’.
English is a language designed to torment
and befuddle. Imagine trying to teach a
non-English speaker how to pronounce
‘ough’.
It’s an ‘oo’ sound, of course – as in
‘through’.
Or is it an ‘uff’ sound – as in ‘tough’?
Or an ‘ow’ sound – as in ‘plough’?
That’s only the beginning. Here’s a phrase
we can all be proud of: ‘Boughs brought
nought through – thought enough?
And don’t forget the ‘up’ sound of
‘hiccough’.
It may be slight consolation that at least one
expert thinks traditional spelling – indeed,
pretty well all spelling – is on the way out,
thanks to the internet. David Crystal, a
linguistics professor at the University of
Wales, points out that for the first time in many
hundreds of years, much of the printed word is
being distributed without benefit of editors or
proofreaders. Bloggers blog, texters text and,
dare I say, twits tweet – all without any higher
power correcting or rewriting their efforts.
Short forms abound. ‘By the way’ becomes
BTW; ‘IMHO’ stands in for ‘in my humble
opinion’.
Professor Crystal claims to be unfazed by
this development. “The vast majority of
spelling rules in English are irrelevant,” says
the Prof breezily.
All I can say is: WTF? This is all 2
depressing 4 me.
C U L8TR.
Arthur
Black
Other Views S’up with English? LOL!
There is no doubt that cancer has touched
each and every one of us. Whether it has
been a distant relative or a life-long
companion, we’ve all felt the sting of cancer.
In last week’s column I mentioned golfer
Phil Mickelson and his family’s battle with
cancer. His family struggle and triumph on the
golf course was a story of adversity and
redemption that most people could relate to.
In recent weeks, throughout the area, several
fundraisers were set up to battle the disease
that has devastated many.
Haircuts were administered in front of
Turning Heads and Making Waves in Brussels
for four hours on Friday night, with everyone
from yours truly to young girls with hair past
their shoulders getting buzzed and trimmed to
help battle cancer. A fundraising event,
featuring silent and live auctions, is also being
held for a Dungannon resident Mike Alton, a
young man who has been struck with a rare
form of cancer and the financial hardships that
he and his young family now battle as a result
of his illness.
Alton reminds us that it’s not just the over-40
and over-50 crowds that suffer cancer (as many
screening programs use those ages as their
starting dates for regular tests) but that it can
affect the young as well. And young Sarah
Strome reminds us that it doesn’t take a big
person to make a big difference.
Strome was the main attraction at Friday’s
shave-a-thon in Brussels, with the hair on her
head fetching $1,500 towards a Relay For Life
team from Brussels.
I had my head shaved there, donating some
money on behalf of my girlfriend Jess and me,
but it was nothing compared to what was
donated on Strome’s behalf.
I have several family members who are
battling or have battled cancer in the past and I
know how important their local hospitals and
charitable organizations are to them, going
above and beyond to say the least.
My father, as well as several other people
close to me have volunteered as drivers for the
Canadian Cancer Society, driving patients to
appointments when they are too ill to drive
themselves. My dad has also taken his hair
down to the wood on several occasions in
conjunction with Cops For Cancer.
I admit that I have held some skepticism in
recent years with some charitable
organizations and health care alliances. I know
nurses who work very hard on the front lines in
small hospitals, building the relationships that
become life-saving during long-term hospital
stays. Having said that, in the recently-
published “Sunshine List” I was disheartened
to discover that the upper echelon of such
organizations make very large annual salaries.
This is no surprise to me, but just how big
some of these salaries are, certainly was a bit
of a surprise. It comes as even more of a
surprise that such salaries are being paid at a
time when hospitals are being closed and a
good doctor can be hard to find, literally, for
many orphaned patients in the area.
So when it comes to whipping out my wallet,
I can honestly say that I have done so with a
slightly more cautious approach in the years
since I have been an active member of the
media.
When I see fundraisers held at a local level,
raising money for people we know and love,
there is a certain comfort in that and a sense of
satisfaction in helping your fellow man.
And when event organizers do their good in
the community, knowing they’re doing so
without a high-six-figure cheque coming to
them, there is a certain comfort in that too.
Premier becomes bookworm
Some real action
Aproposal to name a library after
former Progressive Conservative
Premier Mike Harris is raising
eyebrows, because many wonder if he ever
read a book.
But it also may show all politicians are
capable of change. Harris, who did not show
much interest in words when he was premier,
has co-chaired a campaign to raise funds for
the $25 million library to be shared between a
university and community college in North
Bay.
This is the area he represented as an MPP
from 1981 to 2002, the last seven years of
which he was premier.
Harris as premier was never seen as an
exponent, admirer or promoter of the written
word. He was a teacher for a short time before
switching to run a golf course and his speech
was plain and direct.
He used a limited vocabulary without
oratorical flourishes or flamboyance and
sprinkled with slang such as “by golly” and
protesting he was getting “a bum rap” and
being confronted by “bafflegabby,” which you
will not find in a dictionary.
Harris once called himself “Mike, the guy
from next door” and while politicians
sometimes contrive to appear one of the
masses to attract votes, his speech seemed
natural.
It also often was earthy, as when he mouthed
across the legislature a Liberal was an
“asshole” and used similar expletives against
reporters.
Harris was not as polished a speaker, for
instance, as lawyer Ernie Eves, who succeeded
him as premier, but lasted only months.
But Harris with his commonplace language
could be said to have held his own in the
legislature, where what is said and who said it
matters more than how.
He also was the principal author of the most
influential book in Ontario politics in recent
decades,The Common Sense Revolution,a
hefty compilation of promises mainly for
cutting government and taxes, through which
he swept to power in the 1995 election.
Many disagreed with his policies, but no one
would doubt they were thought out and
worded well to appeal to the public mood of
that time and the means of achieving them
meticulously detailed.
Harris had aides and researchers to help him
with the technicalities, but the book still stands
as mainly his work.
Other premiers have shown more passion for
and skill with the written word. Bob Rae, the
New Democrat premier Harris defeated, later
wrote a book describing his political career.
Many quarreled with his opinions, but no
one denied his writing abilities. Rae, however,
could never be confused with the guy from
next door. He was a Rhodes Scholar and
well-educated son of a diplomat. Rae
also showed his fondness for books among the
arts by turning up often at parties to launch
them.
In the 1960s, Progressive Conservative
premier Leslie Frost, who identified so closely
with the province he was called Old Man
Ontario, wrote two books after he retired.
His first,Fighting Men, was a history of a
regiment in which he served in the 1914-18
war, and he explained modestly he tried to find
someone with more literary skills to write it,
but wound up writing it himself to give it more
of a grassroots touch.
The other was Forgotten Pathways of the
Trent, which clearly was not going to be a
national best-seller, but an offering from the
heart.
Liberal Premier Dalton McGuinty has some
literary leanings, because he said when
traveling on political duties he has written
poetry to his wife saying how much he
appreciates and loves her.
Harris once hinted he knows some poetry
when he said his political career resembled a
line in Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not
Taken , “I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference,” and
his policies were not those of the
mainstream.
The former premier who had little time for
words appears now to have concluded that
others can benefit from using them well and it
is difficult to begrudge him his change of
heart.
Eric
Dowd
FFrroomm
QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk
Shawn
Loughlin
SShhaawwnn’’ss SSeennssee
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In any moment of decision, the best thing
you can do is the right thing, the next best
thing is the wrong thing, and the worst
thing you can do is nothing.
– Theodore Roosevelt
Final Thought