HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2011-09-22, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2011. PAGE 5.
Euphemism: the substitution of an
agreeable or inoffensive expression for
one that may offend or suggest
something unpleasant. Merriam-Webster
Dictionary.
Euphemism is a euphemism for lying.
– Bobbie Gentry
I have to go along with Ms. Gentry on this
one. There is something inherently weasel-ish
and underhanded about the average
euphemism. It’s a masquerading device
designed to cushion the sting and befog the
truth. Hence, people don’t ‘die’; they ‘pass
over’, ‘buy the farm’, ‘cash in their chips’ or
‘go to their reward’. Even Mafiosi get mealy
mouthed when it comes to talking about death.
When mobsters whack a stoolie and dump his
body in the river, he isn’t dead; he’s ‘sleeping
with the fishes.’
Used to be if a junkie got caught with your
television set under his arm, he’d be arrested
and thrown in jail. But we don’t have junkies
any more, we have ‘substance abusers’. We
also don’t have jails; they’ve been replaced by
‘correctional facilities’.
We don’t even have television sets anymore.
Now they’re ‘home entertainment suites’.
Old folks, coots and codgers? Sorry, they’re
now ‘senior citizens’ or, more excruciatingly,
‘golden agers’. Pornography? That’s been
upgraded to ‘adult entertainment’.
Please. Glen Gould, Margaret Atwood, the
Group of Seven – that’s adult entertainment. A
skin flick is just a skin flick.
As for baseball, you don’t have to be ‘way
out in left field to recognize the game as a
goldmine for euphemisms – especially
euphemisms of the sexual persuasion. If you
‘hit it off’ with that cute stranger down the bar
with the right ‘pitch’, chances are you’ll ‘hit a
homer’ before the night is done. On the other
hand, if you don’t keep your eye on the ball or
you get your signals crossed you could strike
out without even getting to first base. Oh well.
You can always console yourself with the
notion that the object of your affection was
probably a switch hitter, perhaps even playing
for the other team.
Politicians would probably wither up and
die of asphyxiation without euphemisms.
These people don’t spend taxpayers’ money –
they ‘invest in Canada’s future’. They don’t
drill for oil; they ‘explore for energy sources’.
George W. Bush, an otherwise dim and
spectacularly unqualified president, was
positively poetic when it came to spinning
euphemisms. The Bushies gave America The
Clean Air Initiative – which permitted power
plants to release more air pollution. They also
created The Healthy Forest Initiative – which
sanctioned increased cutting of trees.
Actually, I malign the man. George Bush
didn’t create those euphemisms, a staff flunky
did. George was busy cutting brush at the time.
But Bush wasn’t in the same league as that
master of flannelmouthing, Richard M. Nixon.
When a reporter caught Nixon in a flat-out lie,
Nixon furrowed his brow, waved an
admonitory forefinger and intoned “That
explanation is currently inoperative”.
Ah, but no agency taps the BS potential
of the euphemism as thoroughly and
exhaustively as the Military. They’re the folks
who turned invasions into ‘police actions’,
civilian butchery into ‘collateral damage’,
assassination into ‘termination with extreme
prejudice’. And look at the linguistic sleight of
hand they’ve done when it comes to describing
what the horrors of war can do to the mind of
a soldier.
In World War I it was called ‘shell shock’ –
but that was a little too, well…real. By World
War II the approved term was ‘battle fatigue’.
Still a little too close to the bone. During
the Korean War the term for the condition
was massaged down to ‘operational
exhaustion’.
Still a little raw. Today the label for those
wretched grunts who return from war with
hollow eyes, nightmare memories and
permanently jangled nervous systems? Oh,
they’re just down with a touch of ‘post
traumatic stress disorder’
Euphemisms can be used to hide a lot of
ugly truths – and that’s not always a bad thing.
There was that case of the 19th century ne’er-
do-well son of a rich London family who was
banished to Canada with a small allowance in
the hope that he would get his act together.
Unfortunately, Canada didn’t change him.
He was a drunk and a thief and he ended his
days at the end of a rope in Alberta. The judge
who presided at his hanging felt no need to
bring more shame on the man’s family but it
was his duty to inform them of his demise.
His letter to the family included this
explanation:
“We regret to inform you of the passing of
your son. He was participating in a public
ceremony when the platform on which he was
standing suddenly gave way.”
Arthur
Black
Other Views Calling a spade a shovel
Now I have no problem driving fast. In
fact, I am often found to be driving my
car doing just that. Documentation of
this can even be found in some legal office
somewhere I’m sure.
So when people want to pass me here in
Huron County, it often means they are going
really fast. Which is fine, of course. I’m not
here to judge them, I’m just setting the scene
for this frustrating story.
So I was driving through Winthrop on my
way back towards Londesborough the other
day and my rearview mirror was darkened by
an SUV behind me. As I said, I tend to drive at
a decent clip, so it was obvious, to me at least,
that this man had speed on his mind and he had
somewhere he needed to be.
So it was to my surprise that he was content
in sticking behind my car for the duration of
my drive. In the old days this was called
tailgaiting.
This was all well and good when cars were
approaching us in the eastbound lane or when
travelling over hills or approaching stop signs,
but when all that faced the two of us was open
road, he stayed put, refusing to pass me, happy
to leave less than a car length between us.
Now I’m not that old a guy, but I remember
an old expression that used to be bandied about
from time to time and it started with the letter
“S” and ended with “or get off the pot” and I
think that’s a perfect sentiment for what was
going on last Saturday morning throughout my
drive.
You would figure that someone would either
want to pass someone in front of them
travelling slower than them on the highway, or
at least back off a little, seeing as how any
simple reduction in speed or braking action
might cause an incident when two cars are
travelling that fast, that close to one another.
Now I’m a young man who learned how to
drive on the streets of Toronto and the most
travelled highway in North America, the 401,
so I can handle the pressure, but I wonder how
some of the more timid drivers among us might
handle an idiot driver of these epic proportions.
No doubt it would be intimidating and
probably a little confusing. I know I sure was
confused.
I certainly had my growing pains learning to
drive the roads of Huron County, especially
starting with The Citizen in October several
years ago, just before the snow began to fly. It
certainly took a little getting used to.
For example, when coming to The Citizen
office for my first day, I left early to ensure I
would get to work on time despite any traffic.
For those of you who are familiar with
driving in Huron County, you’ve now resumed
reading after having a hearty belly laugh.
Traffic in Huron County is essentially
restricted to a lane closure due to construction
or following a tractor for a few hundred metres.
Traffic, in the true sense of the word, doesn’t
really exist in Huron County.
However, as far as driving here goes, I think
I can say that I’ve adapted to the point where I
can safely say I get the hang of it.
So this guy on Saturday had me scratching
my head. Of course it’s happened before and
no doubt it will happen again, but that doesn’t
make it right and it certainly doesn’t mean it
makes sense.
So to this gentleman, I think I speak for all
Huron County drivers in saying, we’re all very
impressed. You’re man enough to tailgate
someone, but not man enough to pass them.
Congratulations. Men everywhere are envious
and women everywhere are fanning
themselves off to cool down.
Life in the fast lane
PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment
of Animals) is really no friend of
mine.
Aside from the fact that I love burgers,
spaghetti, tacos, chicken fingers, chicken
burgers, steaks, meatballs, hot dogs, sausage,
peameal bacon, side bacon, Canadian bac...
where was I?
Oh yeah, PETA.
Suffice to say, PETA is no friend of mine –
while I certainly appreciate their efforts to stop
people from treating animals inhumanely, I
think that their recent direction, with
advertisements like a scantily clad (but still
totally covered) obese woman on a billboard
that says “Save The Whales – Lose The
Blubber: Go Vegetarian”, or their fear-
inducing billboard that flat-out states “Feeding
Kids Meat is Child Abuse. Fight the Fat: Go
Vegan” is trying to force a lifestyle on people
that can be downright dangerous.
Add to that their newest idea; a
pornographic website that will feature nude
photos and videos alongside photos and videos
of animals being mistreated, and I think
someone has crossed a line.
PETA is advocating treating animals more
ethically while treating humans pretty poorly.
They are mocking overweight people with
their billboards, and capitalizing on so-called
attractive people with pornography.
It would seem to me that PETA has
forgotten the golden rule of do unto others as
you would have them do unto you.
If someone feels strongly about it, they go
ahead and be a vegan and veg out (no pun
intended) to their heart’s content.
If, on the other hand, they don’t want to eat
meat, but still feel comfortable drinking milk
or eating cheese, they can go ahead and
become a vegetarian.
However, trying to force other people to
follow their lifestyle, well that’s where I have
a problem.
I like meat and that’s not going to change.
I appreciate PETA’s efforts to stop animal
testing, and preventing all animals from being
inhumanely treated, what I don’t appreciate is
their plain-and-simple forcing of a very risky
diet on other people.
Also, linking an individual’s weight
problem to a whale seems a stretch at best – I
don’t know many people who eat whale.
Back to the matter at hand; veganism and
vegetarianism.
These aren’t lifestyles you can pick up just
by changing your buying habits.
It’s not a simple choice like cheering for a
sports team, switching to natural gas or buying
a hybrid car.
People need to research any diet change
extensively and consult physicians to be sure
their bodies can handle that kind any kind of
dietary change.
Showing these kinds of advertisements
could result in people getting ill, or worse
dying, due to a lack of essential vitamins and
minerals.
Encouraging veganism, one of the strictest
dietary plans available with something as brief
and as visible as a billboard is irresponsible.
Humans are designed to eat meat – whether
you want to look at our omnivorous tooth
structure or the fact that we’re part of a food
chain that has traditionally involved meat,
humanity thrives on meat.
Our digestive systems develop the enzymes
that break meat down and make it usable by
our body.
We have, if you believe in evolution,
evolved to the point of having the ability to
create tools and hunt prey to eat it, if you
prefer creationism, God created us with the
necessary appendages to hunt prey and “ have
dominion over the fishes of the sea, and the
fowls of the air, and the beasts.”
If someone decides that they want to go
against all that, all the more power to them.
However, don’t try and recruit people via
subversive advertisements, scantily-clad
women, fear-mongering or pornography.
I treat vegetarianism, veganism and all other
dietary forms the same way I treat politics – if
you want to have intelligent discourse and
debate the advantages and shortfalls of them
go right ahead. If you want to use
advertisements to promote the virtues of your
choices, that’s your right, however, do not
slam someone who has made a different, or the
opposite choice from you, and don’t try and
convert them to your cause.
The right of choice is one that all humanity
should have, regardless of whether they are
members of PETA (People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals), PETA (People Eating
Tasty Animals), or individuals like Jennifer
Pozner, the executive director of another
advocacy group Women in Media & News,
who believes PETA (the first one) is
“extremely disingenuous”.
“They have consistently used active sexism
as their marketing strategy to garner atten-
tion,” she told Reuters News Agency on Sept.
19 earlier this week. “Their use of sexism has
gotten more extreme and more degrading. This
may be, in their minds, the only thing left at
their disposal to lower the bar.”
Food for thought.
Shawn
Loughlin
Shawn’s Sense
Denny
Scott
Denny’s Den
Let’s try treating humans ethically