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Tice dream worlds
.... • ...
Here's how fat eats get that way
upholstery at will, and want out
at five in the morning.
If I should grow old and
lonely, I would prefer a snake as
a pet. Like cats, they just sleep
and eat. They also eat mice, But
they don't come fawning and
whining and robbing fiercely
against your legs when you're
getting their food out. They
don't want out hi the middle of
the night. And they don't get
- pregnant every six weeks.
It's a welt-known fact that
cats have no love for anybody.
Not evert for other eats, A
beautiful female will marry any
flea-bitten, one-eyed, torn-eared
philanderer -who comes along.
And tom eats are just plain sex
fiends.
In some ways, rats are like
children. When they're kittens,
they're sweet and loveable and
cuddly. And always making a
mess. When they grow up, they
mooch unashamedly, stay out
half'the night, sleep half the day.
And are always making a mess,
My wife isn't fond of cats,
and I loathe them. But we
always seem to be stuck with
one. Daughter Kim picks up a
stray kitten and brings it home,
With the deepest misgivings, we
adopt the scrawny tittle wretch.
They're always female, which we
don't find out. until too late.
Then Kim breezes off
somewhere, and we're guardians
and grandparents. Theres no
parleying about birth control.
Kim insists that het protegee
must fulfil her function as
female, After the drama of the
delivery, and the period of
nursing, we have a hysterectomy
performed. And in about four
months, the Mini, sleek, pretty
young thing is a great fat cat,
knocking off tilts end tins of cat
food, and producing nothing
except extreme irritation.
Try to get her to put her out
when you think it's "time" and
she darts upstairs and under, a
bed. Have you ever tried
crawling under a bed to catch a
cat who doesn't want to go out
into the snow? It's a good way
to give yourself a stroke, from
sheer rage.
Leave her outside and she
darts between your legs when
you're bringing hi armsful of
groceries, and high-tails it to
safety wider another bed, or
down cellar the door of which
your stupid wife, or husband,
has left open.
The solution, of course, is to
have her put away. But
somehow I've never been able to
accept euthanasia. After all, you
-don't kill your kids, or even
your parents, just because they
drive you wild.
Many will not agree with me.
But I got off to a bad start this
week. All set to go to work
Monday morning. Cat in back
kitchen, with an odd Took on her
face. Threw her out. Went into
the downstairs powder room,
and there was the 'evidence. Not
one, but two distinct evidences
of massive diarrhea. '
It's the only good thing I can
say for them. At least they know
enough to go to the bathroom.
THE CLINTON NEW ERA
Established 1865
Amalgamated
1924
THE HURON NEWS'RECORD
Established 1881
Clinton News-Record
A member of the Canadian Weekly Newspaper Association,
Ontario Weekly Newspaper Association and the Audit Bureau
of Circulation (ABC)
second class mail
registration number — 0817
SU5SCRIPTION RATES: (in advance)
Canada, $6.60 per year: U.S.A., $7.:50
KEITH W. ROULSTON — 'Editor
J. HOWARD AITKEN — General Manager
'Published every Thursday at
the heart of Huron 'County
iv Clinton, Ontario
Populatibn 3,475
THE HOME
OP RADAR
1N CANADA
4 Clinton News-,FlecQrci,,Thursdpy, February 26, 1971
44/(0,70.1 comoseiti
A look at future trouble
pockets.
The regional government took over the
system and would give no compensation
although the residents thought there
should be some. The regional government
also gave the villagers a hefty water rate
increase,
In Beamsville, where the water system
showed a profit of $12,500 in 1969, the
new rate nearly doubled the old.
There are a lot of other complaints.
Hunting licences used to be sold in each
town. Now they are sold from a central
office in Beamsville where the office
hours are 9-.-5 and the office is closed on
Saturdays. Residents complain that
working men just can't get to the office to
get a licence and since they must sign
personally, no one else can go for them.
Recreation costs have risen because
much of the work used to be done
voluntarily. Now committee members get
$20 per meeting.
"For residents of many of the smaller
communities," the article says, "regional
government may ultimately bring an
improvement in some services or
amenities. But right now, there is a
corresponding loss of many little services
that often were carried out on a volunteer
basis."
For instance, Vineland once bought a
small snowblower for $1,500 and a local
man volunteered to run it without charge.
Streets and sidewalks were kept clean at
little cost. When the regional government
took over the blower was shipped to a
regional works department shop where it
sat unused. It was finally suggested that it
should be sent back to Vineland and it is
now in action again with the volunteer
driving but being paid an hourly wage.
The most, troubling part of the whole
article is the knowledge that the Niagara
region is a relatively compact region and
therefore should be fairly easy to
administer. What could happen with a
sprawling area like the Midwestern
Region? Perish the thought.
richest nations in the world with one of
the sparcest populations, is overcrowded,
what hope in heaven is there for the rest
of the 'World.
The truth is Canada can support a far
larger population than it does at present.
We haven't begun to use the vast areas of
our country that are potential homes for
millions. Our own area here in Western
Ontario could support a sizably larger
population than at present. The prairies
are under populated and studies of the
mid-Canada region are just beginning.
Perhaps, with the advance of science, even
the Arctic will become readily inhabitable
some day.
Someday our "leaders" and educated
men like Mr. Chant will begin to see the
fallacy of centralizing all our population
in a few, huge, stinking garbage heeps
called cities along the southern edge of
the country and begin to move toward
establishing the population of the nation
in all inhabitable sectors of the country.
Let's hope it's not too late when they
finally come around.
A disturbing look into the future was
provided recently by an -article in the
Toronto Globe and Mail reviewing the
situation in the Niagara Peninsula after
one year of regional government,
To say that things are not running
smoothly under the new arrangement
would be the understatement Of the year.
St. Catharines is threatening to secede
already (one stumbling block to that is
that there is no provision for secession
under the provincial legislation setting up
the region).
A year ago the 26 municipalities and
two counties in the peninsula were
dissolved and formed into 12 local
governments and one over-all regional
government. The new giant municipality
covered 719 square miles and contained
350,000 people.
The region is administered by a council
made up of 16 members elected directly
to the council and the mayors of each of
the 12 local governments. Each of these
councillors 'is paid $5,000 per year. The
region also has a chairman at $20,000 per
year.
The regional government looks after
health, welfare, water, sewage, police and
roads designated as regional roads. The
local governments carry out the remaining
municipal functions and collect taxes.
Nearly every area has a beef of some
sort.
St. Catharines is unhappy because it has
a third of the population of the area but
only a quarter of the seats on the council.
It also has to pay 47 per cent of the
regional cost.
One of the big problems was the
decision to establish a regional water rate.
Such a rate for instance tripled the cost of
water to St. Catharines water users. In the
former police village of Vineland the
villagers asked their township council 19
years ago for a new water system. The
township refused so the villagers raised
their own money and built their own
system. The plant was paid for, not by
regular taxes, but out of their own
Plenty of room
Sometimes one has cause to wander
about the intelligence of some so-called
educated men.
Take for instance the statement this
week by a Donald Chant, chairman of the
zoology department at the University of
Toronto,that Canada has twice the size of
the population that it should have. Chant
claims that the 21 million people in
Canada have the environmental impact of
a population of one billion and suggested
the federal government not only do away
with baby bonuses but establish a system
of rewarding couples who have small
families.
Maybe it's all that polluted air in
Toronto that keeps Mr. Chant from seeing
beyond the boundaries of Metro. Maybe
he can't see that the United States
supports ten times the population of
Canada with less land and fewer natural
resources or that China has over 700
million in a country smaller than ours.
' Granted, Canada isn't likely to, and
probably shouldn't get to the 200 million
point of the U.S. let alone that of China,
but the point is, if Canada, one of the
Well, I've got the
snowmobilers of Canada on my
back, almost unanimously, after
a recent column which suggested
mildly that the machines are
instruments of Satan at best, the
finest tool for tioise-stink
pollution since the automobile
took to the roads.
That makes up about
one4marter of my readers. This
week I shell alienate another
two-quarters of them by giving
my unvarnished opinion of eats.
Cats, like snowmobiles, have
their uses. They're handy to
have around a farm, where they
help keep the vermin under
control, They have, in the past,
been just the thing for the
proprietors of some chicken
palaces, when the price of
chickett was high.
There were some in prison
camp, presumably to keep sown
the rat's, Their numbers were
diminishing with increasing
speed, until the German -catnp
commandant issued the dictum:
"Prisoners will cease and desist
killing and eating of long-tailed
rabbits." He had a sense of
humour. Which is more than you
can say for a tat,
Then, they are useful when
kittens, for putting on calendars.
And finally, I'll admit they
provide company of sorts for
lonely people, who pamper
them, stuff them with tidbits,
and turn them from sleek felines
into bloated, contemptuous
parasites who take over the best
chair in the house, shed hair over
everything. claw the tug and
Flying my big Boeing 747 in
to the office yesterday, the
morning after seeing the film
Billy Liar on the late, late
television movie, I found my
thoughts turning to the joys and
perils of fantasy, there being, I
suspect, more of the latter than
the former.
I often fly myself in to work,
especially on foul weather days,
though not always in an airliner.
Sometimes it is a bullet-ridden
Spitfire,
It's not a thing I do
consciously, you understand. I
just find myself in the garage,
turning on the ignition key, and
suddenly I'm checking the flaps
and ailerons, taxiing out into the
drizzle and getting airborne
about half-way down the block.
Some mornings I feel my eyes
are the eyes of eagles.
You can see how this relates
to Billy Liar, a marvellous old
picture having to do with a poor
prune whose downfall is that he
can never conic to grips with
reality. The phenomenal success
of the film originally was surely
related to the fact that there's
something of Billy Liar in us all.
Fantasy, which is imagination
running amok, is a subconscious
SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO
The Clinton New Era
February 28, 1896
From Bayfield News: — The
Presbyterian congregation is
beginning to navigate for a new
organ. We understand they will
give us a high-class
entertainment in the near foture.
As this is a large and flourishing
congregation, no doubt a new
organ will soon grace the church.
T. McKenzie; our popular
townsman of planing mill fame,
has completed a thorough
change iii the building formerly
occupied by Mr. Walter Coats,
fitting tip the same for Messrs.
Plumsteel mid Gibbings, for
general dry goods, putting iii
plate glass fronts, etc., and
making a neat and commodious
store.
SEVENTY.FIVF, YEARS AGO
The Huron News-Record
February 26, 1896
Judged by the number of
people seen skating on the new
rink, the pastime is a favorite
one, for in addition to the
youthful ones generally seen on
all rinks, there may be seen men
of all ages, and the prettiest of
rminak.trons gliding gracefully over
the vast sheet of ice in the new
The Messrs. Reynolds and
Carbert had a lively time in
attempting to deliver two beef
cattle Monday afternoon. Both
became very ugly and had to be
allowed to return from whence
they were brought,
FIFTY-FIVE YEARS AGO
The Clinton New Era
February 24, 1916
The officers, band and men of
Clinton's 161st Battalion left
this morning for Bayfield where
they will spend the day in aid of
recruiting. They return on
Friday. The women of
Middleton Church will serve
lunch on the march out today.
The O.C,h is closed for two
weeks on account of the
device for fulfilling some
psychological need. A man or
woman who suffers any form of
deprivation, whether it be
spiritual or physical, always
compensates by visions and
caprices of the mind. There may
be no premeditation or pattern.
One man's Boeing 747 is another
man's Racquel Welch. But every
one of us has a secret
compartment of sweet
hallucination.
Imagination of a conscious,
controlled nature is, of course, a
wonderful gift and almost
essential for success of any kind,
but I sometimes think that it is a
curse when it goes beyond
control, when the castles a man
builds are only in the air.
This is the way it was with
Billy Fisher in the film and why
the late, late viewer might
identify himself with Billy. I
own to that myself. As a man,
no less than as a child, I spend a
hellish amount of time in a
golden world of heroic conquest
and high adventure, entirely
cerebral.
It occurs to me that, like the
thin man striving to get out of
every fat man, there's a romantic
measles.
For destroying a horse
without first securing a
veterinary certificate that the
animal was suffering, the
Toronto Humane Society was
ordered by court to pay the
owner $25. He had sued for $60.
It was the first case of the kind
reported in Ontario.
FORTY YEARS AGO
The Clinton News-Record
February 26, 1931
The Chautauqua programs are
starting Friday evening,
February 27, and are ,of
unsurpassed merit. They are
presented by artists of universal
distinction. Conic out and help
your community support this
great Canadian educational
feature that is brought tight to
your own homes.
In Trinity Church, Bayfield,
during the six Sundays in Lent,
series of sermons will be given
by the rector, Mr, Paull, on
certain great questions of the
day.
Keep off gravel roads until a
general thaw comes is good
advice to motorists of the
district — And then keep off
until the toads dry up, might be
added, Nothing outs up a soft,
wet road so quickly as motor
traffic.
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO
The Clinton News-Record
February 28,194'6
Frank J. Selke, Publicity
Manager,. and David "Sweeney"
Shriner, star right winger of the
Toronto Maple Leafs, are
expected in Clinton this
afternoon and -evening as guests
of Clinton Lions Club,
"Sweeney" Shelties, one of
modern hockey's "greats," will
give a demonstration of hockey
free to school children and
others in Clinton arena after
school is out at four o'clock this
afternoon.
Item from the "County
News" column: SEAVORTH
who is clawing for release in
every drudge.
In most cases it is probably
just as well that this inner man
so rarely escapes from his prison.
I have a dear friend, for
example, who, like Billy, is a
compulsive liar because of
letting loose his daydreams.
Oh, he's harmless enough.
Those who are close to him
know that the colossal business
deal he speaks of is non-existent,
that his triumphs in assorted
boudoirs are purely imaginary.
But in aspiring for acclaim or
notoriety by projecting his
fantasies he merely becomes
pathetic.
I remember, myself, that
afternoon when, alone in, the
house, I put on some Ellington
records, turned the volume up as
high as it would go, and then, on
a whim, conducting the band
rather flamboyantly, though
suavely. I was the Duke. Only to
look up and see a quartet of
unknown visitors standing on
the porch watching me with rapt
interest through the window.
So a man learns, painfully,
that his interior alter ego is best
restricted to imagery.
Trying to find a shovel or two of
coal by scraping out the bins is a
popular pastime in Seaforth
these days. One is lucky to find
that much because coal is a
scarce commodity. Dealers here
are spreading it out thinly, a bag
or two to a customer, and still
there is not enough to go
around.
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
The Clinton News-Record
February 23,1956
Fa, Laura Johnson, officer
commanding the School of Food
Services at R,C.A.F, Station,
Clinton, entertained
representatives from the
Toronto daily newspapers,
Kitehener T.V., a Kitchener
newspaper and a Belleville
newspaper and the T. Eaton
Company, Toronto. The group
was escorted through the school,
which is the only school of its
kind in Canada.
Claiming the Canada
Temperance Act is the best
liquor law available, Huron
Presbytery of the United Church
of Canada last Wednesday urged
Goderich Jaycees to refrain from
campaigning for repeal,
Another big winner was
selected last Saturday afternoon,
The real trouble with fantasies
is that, like unpleasant dreams,
they come unbidden. A man
prone to them never knows
when they'll strike.
They emanate from some
mysterious, Tibetan lost horizon
of the brain, often, in my case,
with stunning Cinerama color
and dimensions.
Thus, just as in my misspent
youth when I very often drifted
off into my dream world 40
seconds before being asked to
stand and list the nations of
Europe, even now I may become
totally detached from reality
when circumstances make it
essential that I be all there,
Lord knows what tiny heights
of success I might have scaled
had I not spent soinuch"titne in
Tahiti on the dream-now-pay-
later plan. (I often fly myself to
Tahiti on nasty mornings in my
747 jet.)
This explains my own strong
affinity with Billy Liar just as, in
earlier years, I recognized myself
with terrible clarity in Thurber's
Walter Mitty and, in fact, my
own plane, like Walter's, always
goes pock-a-ta-pock-a-ta.
Does yours?
at the Clinton Merchants'
Appreciation Day draw, when
Mrs. Robert Welch of R. R. 2,
Bayfield, won $119.38 with a 20
percent coupon.
TEN YEARS AGO
The Clinton News-Record
February 23, 1961
Mrs. W. M. (Mary) Nediger has
been appointed Clerk of the
Third Division Court of the
County of Huron. She succeeds
C. ,l. Livermore, who resigned at
the end of January, Mrs. Nediger
is familiar with the work, having
started with Tom Steepe when
he was Clerk and continued
through the period during which
Mr. Livermore served in that
capacity.
Robert P. Allan earned second
place for the bushel of oats class
at the Western Ontario Farm
Show in London this week, The
variety was Russell. Robert
Fotheringham, Brucefield,
earned third place with his bale
of first cut hay. White beans still
seem to be the specialty of
Huron County Growers. Top
three prizes in this class were
won by john McLachlan and
June McLachlan, both of R. R.
3, Kippen, and Robert
Fotheringham, Brucefield.
Letter
to the
Editor
The editor,
We again send our sincerest
congratulations to the two ladies
in our town who are very
intimate friends, who have the
distinct honor of celebrating
their birthdays on the same
dates as that of the late two
most prominent Presidents of
the United States.
Mrs. Adam Oantelon of
Rattenbury Street who
celebrated her 90th birthday
Feb. 12 on the same date as that
of Abraham. Lincoln,
Mrs. A. D. McCartney, a year
younger, of Frederick Street on
Feb, 23 on George Washington's
birthday.
Mrs. John Vincent.
The tough
step up
BY ANDRE ARCING
Graduation from Grade 8 is a
long sought after triumph for
many a student, but the thought
of going to the "big school" in
only 64 more days, puts the
living fear in them.
Oh sure, they were the elite of
the public school, they won
battles and became respected,
but now, their older brothers tell
them, they are the lowest species
of mankind, not worthy to be
looked upon.
"Now you're a nobody," they
say, "just a grubby grade niner!"
Just think of the
psychological hurts and
frustrations a shy young man
must have in grade nine. The
others may adjust by sheer
bravado but not him. He dares
not to raise his head, takes all
the taunts and jeers from his
classmates with a fearful
meekness. This student gasps
when the teacher asks him a
question. Is life really worth it?
But wait! A young girl notices
him. She talks to him. She lets
him know that life has a
meaning; there is a future. The
young man needs her like a
tonic. Every day before class, if
he can only say something to
her, joy wells up within him.
What a personality she has!
Oh no, she's looking at that
hockey player. But she's turning
back, Oh no! Just talking to that
girl across the aisie;Maybe
look at me if I give her a smile
Dare I? Do it! Do it! He
attempts a weak smile.
She smiled at me, she likes
me, boy is she good looking.
Well she's got a crooked nose,
but she looked at me!
Valentine's Day comes
around! The young man doesn't
expect anything from hi
classmates. But maybe the gir
will give ! At home, tilt
night before he made a beautifu
valentine. All lace and red paper
for his own (sigh) love! But ht
was anguished. I don't dare
Somebody might find out about
it. No they won't, she'll hide i i
and pass a thankyou note.
The next day he stood in tit
doorway of the classroom trying,
to summon enough strength ir
his weak knees to place tla
valentine on her desk. Shaking
like a leaf, he quickly threw tht
valentine on the desk, ran to hi
and buried his head in a book
Of course, she got hundred.
of valentines and took the
longest time in reaching his
She's opening it. She's going tx
love it. But look at all tit
people. The young man wa.
melting like a St, Bernard. She',
got a smile on her face.
Oh no! She's laughing
pointing at me. I'm getting red.
The kids are almost dying of
mirth. That dumb kid! What r
joke.
Tears formed ie his eyes, but
he brushed them away angrily.
What do I care. What do they
know about life. I don't care,
don't! He buried his head in hh
book. The only girl to show hirr
kindness ever! She was just a:
false, just as selfish, just at
mean!
But his heart hardened. Neve:
again, said he. I won't be made ;
fool by somebody else, caul,
when I grow up I want to be
Grade 13'er,
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