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The Citizen, 2011-03-24, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 2011. PAGE 5. Ilove this job. It may not pay much, but it’s full of surprises. Yesterday I rambled into my favourite coffee shop and was instantly accosted by one of the regulars. “Hey, Black!” he said by way of introduction, “You called” (insert Member of Parliament’s name here) a ‘nimrod’ in your column last week. You know what a nimrod is?” A nimrod, I replied, is a fool, a klutz, an idiot, a clown. You think I was too kind? “Hah!” said my inquisitor. “You’re dead wrong! A nimrod is a mighty hunter!” Well…literally and technically – yeah. ‘Nimrod’, according to the Bible, was a great grandson of Noah. He became a king and founded Babylon. He was also, legend has it, a guy who knew his way around a bow and arrow, a spear, a dagger and other instruments of inter-species domination. ‘Nimrod’ ought to reflect that heady lineage and be a word of praise but it’s not. It means, in fact, precisely the opposite. If somebody calls you a nimrod, they are probably not your friend. Elmer Fudd – especially when he’s duded up in a deerstalking cap, his Eddie Bauer hunting vest and toting a shotgun through the bush, fruitlessly flailing the bushes in search of Bugs Bunny – is a nimrod. So what do you call a word or a phrase that actually means the opposite of what it’s supposed to mean? You call it a phrop. A fascinating chap by the name of Sir Arnold Lunn (mountaineer, world-class skier and amateur wordsmith) made up the word by combining ‘phrase’ and ‘opposite’ and lopping their tails off Nimrod-style. We use phrops from time to time – at least I know I do. When I say to the annoying lapel- clinger who’s been dogging me at a party “we must do lunch one day”, what I really mean is “if I can help it, this is the last time in recorded history that we will be in one another’s presence, unless we have the misfortune to share a common graveyard”. Similarly, when someone launches into a critique of something I’ve written with the words “with all due respect” I know that I’m about to be linguistically cross-checked, head- butted, rabbit-punched and groin-kneed and ‘due respect’ will not be much in evidence. Canadians resilient and adventurous enough to watch the Cable TV Public Affairs channel CPAC may happen upon question period from the House of Commons in Ottawa. There they will see phrops flying back and forth like badminton birdies. A reference to a challenge from “my learned colleague” sitting across the floor really means “I can’t believe I have to waste my time responding to this pompous gasbag”. And when Stephen Harper addresses Michael Ignatieff as “the Right Honourable Leader of the Opposition”, his tone, his body language and those rattlesnake eyes portend a classic phrop in the making. Canadian politicians, alas, are not in the same league as a silver-tongued phropist like the 19th century British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, who wrote to a novelist seeking his endorsement, “Thank you for sending me your book. I shall waste no time reading it”. But you don’t have to go to the House of Commons, British or Canadian, to hear a decent phrop. When someone butts in front of you with “I hope you don’t mind…” – he doesn’t really give a bleep what you think. When someone says “I don’t wanna brag, but…” – he’s about to brag. When someone says, “To be perfectly frank…” he’s about to lie. When someone says “I’m telling you this for your own good…” (See ‘with all due respect’ above). But a phrop is not always a weaselly linguistic maneuvre. Sometimes it’s so perfect that it’s sublime. A few years ago, an Oxford language philosopher by the name of J.L. Austen was lecturing a class on the phenomenon of ‘double negatives’ – when two ‘no’ words are used in the same clause. He told his listeners that many languages use double negatives to make a positive; double positives are never used to make a negative. From the back of the class came a voice that muttered “Yeah. Right.” Arthur Black Other Views It’s tough using phroper English Who hasn’t wished that in the middle of a discussion or an argument that they could press pause and gather some more information for their cause? I doubt there are many, if any, of you. But that’s exactly what the tabling of a motion does. When municipal councillors are discussing an issue and someone feels more information is needed or that “now” isn’t the time, the motion to table is their ace in the hole. But councillors have to be sure to follow the rules to the letter of the law, which means that once a motion to table has been passed; that’s it. No more discussion. I have no problem with this concept. Quite the opposite, in fact. If councillors want to take more time to think something over, or pull information from a few more sources, no one can really fault our elected representatives for wanting to further educate themselves so they can make the best decision they can. However, going back to the legal implications of this motion, to comply with the law, once an issue has been tabled, it cannot be discussed until a vote to “raise” the issue from the table is passed. And, in my mind, this is a reality that tends to set in when it’s too late. At Huron County Council’s Committee of the Whole meeting on March 16, a severance application that has been hanging over the heads of councillors for months returned for discussion. While it is simply a severance application in Central Huron that doesn’t conform to the Huron County Official Plan and the Provincial Policy Statement, many see it as a tide-changing decision. The issue drives at the very heart of agriculture in Huron County and asks if it’s time to continue to preserve the agricultural way of life or if the development of homes in rural areas is more important. After a lengthy discussion, Central Huron’s Jim Ginn wanted a positive spin on things and felt that the Huron County Planning Department should be directed to prepare a report not on the drawbacks of allowing such a severance, but the procedure the county should follow in order to allow severances like this. It was a positive way to approach a very divisive topic. So a motion to table the issue until such a report could be produced was passed. There was a gallery of people beyond the rail that day in Goderich who had asked and had been given permission to address council on the issue. Can’t do it. Huron East’s Bernie MacLellan asked if a timeline could be attached to the report. Too late, can’t do it. It’s like a judge asking a jury to strike testimony from the record. In other words; all that stuff that just happened, it didn’t happen, even though you saw it happen. Ginn’s decision wasn’t wrong, but even he, after the motion to table had been passed, was disappointed that the group couldn’t speak. Several other councillors tried to beat around the bush to discuss similar topics, but were reined in by Chair Bill Dowson. Being able to table a motion is important, but often it seems like councillors forget what a kill shot it actually is. It’s like the mythical big red button in the U.S. President’s office. Once it’s pushed, there’s no going back. So now the motion is delayed for at least one more month and if those people wish to speak again, it’s another day off of work and another tank of gas. It’s an important weapon to have but sometimes its strength needs to be considered before it’s pulled from its holster. Motion to table Procrastination pays off in ways you can’t imagine. Whether it’s paying a bill, or packing boxes, procrastination seldom puts you ahead, but as long as you manage it, it shouldn’t put you too far behind. Ashleigh and I recently signed our lives away on a mortgage for a perfect house here in Blyth. We’ll be moving to our new house at the end of this week. We’ve got the moving van lined up, some friends and family to help, and we only need to do one last thing – pack up. I had anticipated having plenty of time to do this over the past week and a half, unfortunately, I took ill during prime packing time. This leads me to a good rule of thumb - don’t procrastinate when packing. There are few activities that are less enjoyable than carrying, packing and lifting when you’ve got a five-alarm headache and a cough that creates small barking competitions with neighbourhood dogs. Hopefully, by the time you read this, everything has been packed and is ready to be loaded on to a truck and shuffled into our new home. Anyway, back to procrastination. Once upon a time, I idolized procrastination. It sounds weird, but think of some of the lives that people try to sell us on – the laid- back lifestyle of sitting on your deck and reading, enjoying a boating trip around the lake, sipping a cup of coffee slowly while staring out your back window. These aren’t the kind of things that you can do if you’re seizing the day, in my mind. These are the kind of things you can only do when you’re putting off something that needs to be done. Whether it’s something as pressing as getting yourself packed up for a big move or something as inconsequential as getting the grass cut, there’s always something that needs to be done more than watching the sun come up from your deck while you enjoy a fresh scone. Even music reinforces the idea of the laidback lifestyle, or at least the music I listen to does. Jump in my car (but let me know ahead of time) and hit play on my stereo. I’ve got a mixed CD in there right now that features a couple of my favourite songs; Eric Church’s Smoke a Little Smoke and Toby Keith’s My List. Church’s song starts as follows; “Turn the quiet up, turn the noise down, Let this ol’ world just spin around I wanna feel it sway, wanna feel it sway And put some feel good in my soul Drink a little drink, smoke a little smoke.” Now, I’m not a smoker, or a drinker really, but I really like the message behind the message in this song. It talks all about slowing down, letting the world go by. I like that. I like the idea of relaxation, which could be why I came back to Huron County when all my friends went to, or stayed in the city. There’s an underlying charm here, a slower way of life. That’s not to say we don’t get work done here, it’s just meant to say that people seem to appreciate time they’re not working more. Back to the songs. Keith’s song talks about exactly the opposite of how I was told the world works. Keith talks about putting off work to do the important things – enjoying life, spending time with family and simply relaxing. I like the idea of going against the grain like that. I’ve been taught, from a very young age, through school, through media and through observation that if you’re not busy, you probably should be. I tried living my life like that during my first few weeks of post-secondary and I burnt myself out. Since then, I’ve taken every chance I can get to goof off, to play games with my friends, to pretend I’m still a teenager and able to play sports all weekend then go to work on Monday unaffected. I’ve put things off because I know I’ll have time to do them later, and I’ve paid the price (as I am now with sore muscles and a hacking cough). I’ve done all this because I think it’s important to keep a connection with why I go to work every day. Yes, I enjoy my job, and yes my career is one of the ones I’ve always wanted, but a job is a job, love it or hate it, and you need it to do everything else you want to in life. While I no longer idolize procrastination (it’s something to be utilized, not sought after), I do feel that taking that time, and enjoying what you have is important in reminding you how you got it. So, the next time the lawn can wait a day, remember, it will still be there tomorrow, but will the opportunity to connect with friends and family be as readily available? When the time comes to put away that freshly folded laundry think: Will the chance to sit back with a cup of java and jive to your favourite band always be so open? Think about those things that maybe don’t need to be done right away before you give up your precious time to do it. Remember; variety may be the spice of life, but balance is the meat and potatoes you spread it over. Shawn Loughlin Shawn’s Sense Being ill, moving, and procrastinating Denny Scott Denny’s Den