Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2012-11-08, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2012. PAGE 5. Allow me to introduce myself: I am a bald male. Not bald as in ‘bald eagle’ (the bird got a bad rap. ‘Balde’ is an antique word meaning ‘white’; so-called ‘bald’ eagles actually get to spend their entire lives with a fine, full head of handsome…well, feathers). I digress. I am, as I say, a mature male Homo sapiens whose upper deck is shorn of shrubbery, devoid of pelt, a filament-free zone. I did not arrive at this state overnight, but rather gradually, like a mighty oak shedding its leaves – and not in one season – over several years. I have to confess, going bald wasn’t much fun. I grew up in the Elvis Era, when any young buck worth a dab of Brylcreem sported a poufy ducktail and a greasy pompadour imposing enough to qualify as a traffic hazard. To a man, we dreamed of owning a car, being a rock star and getting laid. We did not entertain the notion of going bald. So actually going bald was somewhat traumatic. Ah, but BEING bald? That’s been a piece of cake. Let me enumerate a few of the advantages: Economy: I don’t spend a dime on shampoos, conditioners, revitalizers, tints, dyes, mousse or gel. You won’t find electric hair dryers or straighteners or epilators in my bathroom. Which of course means… Less bathroom time: Know how I comb my hair for an important event? With a damp washcloth. One pass and Phhhhht! – I’m cleared for takeoff. The BS Factor: Here are two truisms. Number one: There are, in fact, attractive- looking people out there who actually care whether their partners have ‘great hair’ or not. Number two: You don’t want to know them. Think for a moment about the intellectual depth of anyone who judges anyone else on the basis of what’s growing north of their eyebrows. That’s not how you judge a person; that’s how you judge a lawn. Being bald frees you from the time-consuming process of buying drinks or dinner for someone and wasting an evening discovering through conversa- tion how vapid and superficial he or she is. Being bald is like having a social “Get Out of Jail Free’ card. And this just in (literally): a study conducted by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School concludes that bald men are actually perceived as more powerful, more manly and even taller – than men with hair. Well, correction – not men who are merely bald – men who actually shave their heads. “The basic finding is that people view the shaved head as a powerful looking look,” says the study author Albert Mannes. Uh huh. And what about guys on their way to going bald, with wisps and tufts and hair horseshoes around their head? Uh uh. “Men with thinning hair were viewed as least favourable” says Manning. So there you have it, my little studlings. You can have a polished pate like Patrick Stewart or a hirsute noggin like Justin Trudeau – but nothing in between. Personally, and speaking as a guy who has occupied both pedestals, I’d get out the Bic disposable if I were you. Being bald is easier, more hygienic, cheaper and, if the Pennsylvania University study is correct, the more virile way to go. Nobody said it better than the British writer Logan Pearsall Smith: “There is more felicity on the far side of baldness than young men can possibly imagine.” Amen to that. Eat your heart out, hairballs. Arthur Black Other Views ’Tis the season of the chrome-dome With Friday’s cancellation of the NHL Winter Classic, all hope that some sort of hockey season could be cobbled together seems to be lost. Since its inception in 2008, the annual outdoor game has become the league’s crown jewel game. This year the league’s crown jewel was polished to sparkle like never before as two original six teams, the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Detroit Red Wings, were set to do battle at the University of Michigan’s “Big House” a football stadium that holds over 100,000 people. With the sheer marketability of the outdoor game and the critically-acclaimed HBO series 24/7 broadcast for weeks leading up to the game, the New Year’s Day tradition has become something that millions of people, not just hockey fans, look forward to. And while the goal of the Winter Classic has been to draw American fans into a traditionally Canadian sport, this year’s inclusion of the Maple Leafs, one of the most popular franchises in all of sports (success not included), there had been unprecedented buzz surrounding the event. It has been speculated that the plans will simply be pushed back a year, with the Toronto/Detroit Winter Classic to now take place in early 2014, rather than 2013. However, for many it’s just another (big) nail in the coffin of this year’s hockey season. Most hockey fans have lamented the reasoning behind the argument keeping hockey off the ice and the disagreement is no secret. The argument is between the billionaires (owners) and the millionaires (most players – while there are plenty on either side of the following number, before the current lockout, the average salary of an NHL player was $2.4 million) while blue collar hockey fans are left out in the cold. Proposals are going back and forth and with each offer there is a side being “insulted” by the concessions they’re being asked to make. Neither of these parties stand to really “suffer” in the true sense of the word regardless of which way the agreement falls. It is, however, those on the fringe of the game who stand to lose everything. It’s the bar owners who play host to empty rooms with no hockey to broadcast, or the concession stand workers at these arenas that now sit lifeless, or those with sports apparel businesses left with a large hole in their sales as consumers boycott the NHL by refusing to patronize them any longer. A lot of people forget the boom that comes along with hosting a Winter Classic game. “Detroit the Biggest Loser in Winter Classic Cancellation” read a story by the CBC. The City of Detroit and the community surrounding it (the University of Michigan’s ‘Big House’ is actually in Ann Arbor) was set to benefit from an infusion of tens of millions of dollars from a week’s worth of hockey games and events. Now, an area that could really use some good news in its financial pages is left out in the cold again. After visiting Detroit several times throughout the baseball playoffs (yes, I went to a World Series game and yes, it was freezing) I have to wonder how a walk through that community would change some minds. Perhaps holding a bargaining meeting in downtown Detroit would give the players and owners a new perspective on things and once they saw how bad some people have it, maybe the numbers being volleyed back and worth wouldn’t be as “insulting” as they have been in New York and Toronto boardrooms. Losing touch Shawn Loughlin Shawn’s Sense Travelling to and from Brampton most weekends has given me a lot of time to indulge some of my more eclectic radio listening habits. As I’ve mentioned before, I do enjoy listening to CBC Radio. While it is nice having intellectual stimulation during a drive, the biggest bonus I get from the station is that I don’t ever have to concern myself with changing it; I haven’t run into a program or song on the station that turns me off a listening experience as thoroughly as some pop music that I’ve reached over and changed the station. That means that, for more than two hours, I can focus on driving and listen to something interesting. Last Sunday I was listening to Tapestry with Mary Hynes. Hynes was interviewing Tim Kreider, author of a New York Times essay called The Busy Trap which talks about how inundated people have become with life’s schedule. I can’t really connect with Kreider. As a writer and cartoonist he freely admitted on the show that his parents indulged his creativity most of his life by paying his way. I don’t begrudge him that benefit nor do I begrudge my parents for me not having it. All I can say is that I really can’t connect with him on a personal level because of that. However, I can connect with his writing. He talks about how he doesn’t always answer the question of “How are you?” with “Busy.” He says that far too many people are having that busy problem. Me, I discovered the cure to that problem a long time ago. When I was in school I had my brain poked and prodded until they declared that I (for all intents and purposes since there isn’t a physical test to determine this) had Attention Deficit Disorder and possibly Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This opened some doors for me that otherwise may have not been opened. Things were offered to me like note takers, but one of the biggest changes that was made was one that was left up to me: course load. For university students, a 100 per cent course load is (or was) five courses at 15 hours a week (for class time). Of course, the rest of your time was supposed to be spent reading and preparing for your courses. It was suggested that I would do better with an 80 per cent course load and, looking back on my decisions, they were right. For one semester I took an 80 per cent course load and felt somehow unengaged. I took a 120 per cent course load the next and began to realize how in over my head I was at that point. Had my courses all been different, I probably would have been fine but, as with many first year courses, you’re looking at the basics of things to fill in the holes (or gaping chasms) your high school education may have left. It became far too easy to forget what I was learning where. That was when I learned to place true value on the time you had that wasn’t claimed. I eventually settled for an 80 or 100 per cent course load depending on how close I was to my degrees, but I took every opportunity I had to hang out with my roommates, even if that meant cancelling some shifts at the call centre I worked at to play road hockey in our back yard (which was nearly 80 per cent cement). Suffice to say I learned then, and continue to learn all the time, that having free time should not be something you feel bad about. If you have a few extra hours to yourself, you don’t need to immediately fill them up with another volunteer position or some oft- ignored (because it’s unimportant) chore. Busyness is good when you need it. It can give you that extra surge of adrenaline to continue working hard. On the other hand, if you spent all your time being busy, only stopping what you’re doing to consider what you’re doing next, it won’t be long until you’re a frazzled ball of nervous energy always worried about where the next task will be coming from. Listening to Kreider, I came to realize that I am like him in one way; when people ask me if I’m busy, I can usually say no. Aside from refereeing soccer and my job, I have very little to keep my nights filled. Without children, a second job or an unhealthy amount of volunteer positions, I find myself able to put my feet up a couple days a week or hang out with my friends and it’s important that I do that. Why is that so important? Well it goes back to another editorial I wrote about my new drive to work: it provides a buffer zone. Hanging out with my friends, for me, can take the form of playing online video games, playing board games, watching movies or playing dominoes. Things can get pretty heated among us all, but the important thing to remember is that we all are having enough fun that we come back time after time to play together because it’s a good way to unwind. It provides me with a place and a time to unwind that isn’t tied to a particular time or a particular place, if that makes sense to you. Anyway, I know I have, on previous occasions, talked about the importance of slowing down and letting the world pass you by so that you can see what it looks like, but this is a bit different. This is about not having to take that time out of your schedule. That time of reflection, release and relaxation needs to be something that happens organically from time to time because forcing it just doesn’t work. So if you feel your schedule starting to tighten up to the point where you answer every question with some variation of “I’m busy, but sure,” remember that you need to take time for yourself. After all, when you face down whatever personification of death you believe in, I can nearly guarantee that, unless you work for a toy or game company, you won’t regret spending time out of the office. How am I doing? Well, not real busy Denny Scott Denny’s Den