HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2012-09-20, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2012. PAGE 5.
When it came to slapping names on
chunks of this country our
forefathers (and mothers) were a
relatively adventurous lot. They tapped
royalty (Victoria, Regina, Alberta), explorers
(Vancouver, Hudson), local topography
(Montreal, after Mount Royal), forgettable
politicians (Kitchener, Hamilton) and
saints (Sault Ste Marie, St. Catharines, St.
John and just in case we missed the point – St.
John’s).
Occasionally they aped their betters
(London, Warsaw, Paris, Berlin – all in
Ontario); other times they realized they
couldn’t improve on the originals and simply
stole the First Nations names already in place
– Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Toronto, Mississauga.
Eclectic and wide-ranging – not a dull or
boring name in the lot.
Not like, well, Dull and Boring. You’ll find
the former in Scotland and the latter in
Oregon. Dull (population 84) is a tiny village
in Perthshire; Boring is a not-so-tiny burg of
10,000 or so Oregonians located about 20
miles south of Portland.
Ironic when you think about it. We
Canadians are the ones with the rep for being
dull and boring, but you wouldn’t know it by
the names of our towns and cities. As a matter
of fact, a visitor might get the impression
Canucks are downright colourful – and
unabashedly randy.
From the far north (Steambath Lake, Yukon;
Hump Island, North West Territories) to the
Deep South (Middlesex, Ontario) Canada has
a steamy sheet of place names that would
make Madonna blush.
British Columbia has a Sin Lake, Moan
Creek, Shag Rock and Peekaboo Falls.
Alberta can claim Sexsmith and Spanking
Lake. Saskatchewan? Well, there’s Lust Lake
and Climax, for starters. Manitoba gives us
Love Lake, Cuddle Bay and Strip Rapids.
In Ontario there’s Flesherton, Bottomlands
and Peeler Lake.
And Quebec? Quelle surprise – la belle
province teems with suggestive nomenclature
– Lac Brassiere, Lac de la Caresse, Lac Eros
and even Lac Latex.
Plus – (gasp!) – the Gaspe penisula.
The Maritimes won’t be left behind in the
erotic topography department – not while
there’s a Kissing Brook, a Lover’s Cove
and an Etang Slippery Stick to be found on
your GPS.
And then there’s Newfoundland. Even if the
entire upper two-thirds of the North American
continent was as dull and boring as, well, Dull
and Boring, we’d still have Canada’ youngest
province whistling and twirling its moustache,
winking like the porch light on Hugh Hefner’s
pad.
Look at the names in that province! Never
mind the obvious Dildo and Come-by-Chance
– how about Bare Bum Pond? Naked Man?
Leading Tickles? And my favourite – Pinch
Gut Tickle.
I’m not sure if that’s an S & M option
or an illegal wrestling hold, but it sounds ‘way
more intriguing than Lloydminster or
Sydney.
Naming geographical entities is a tricky
business; you want to be careful who gets the
honour to take it on. There’s a city named A in
Sweden and a bay named Y in the Zuyder Zee.
France has a village named Ws, a river named
As and a lake named Oo.
On the other hand, there is a town in Wales
that goes by the name of
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwy-
lantysiliogogogoch.
Some people think we’d avoid confusion
and misunderstanding if citizens got to vote on
the names of towns, rivers, public buildings,
etc.
Don’t bet on it.
Recently, a Slovakian government opened
on-line voting to name a bridge over the
Morava River. Seventy-five per cent of the
populace came up with the same choice.
And that’s why the new span over the
Morava River will be known to posterity as
Chuck Norris Bridge.
Arthur
Black
Other Views
Canada’s x-rated geography
People in Huron County should be asking
a lot of questions about what’s going on
with Huron County Council in
Goderich, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up
about getting any kind of an answer.
A lot of big decisions have been made in the
last 12 months that have cost county ratepayers
a lot of money, but all the decisions have been
made in closed session.
To everyone’s knowledge, Huron County
councillors have operated within the letter of
the law, only entering into closed session when
the law dictates they should, but from a
ratepayer standpoint, even operating within the
letter of the law can be frustrating.
Costs associated with the two biggest issues
I have covered at Huron County Council in my
time with The Citizen have gotten out of
control. The numbers are not exact, but they
are huge.
The county paid approximately $85,000 in
legal fees to uphold the bylaw on the
composition of Huron County Council,
another $85,000 for the report on governance
prepared by consultant George Cuff. There are
unknown costs associated with the report of
James Hoare of London, who was brought in to
audit the use of county-provided vehicles and
mileage charged to Huron County by the
senior management team. Hoare’s audit is
thought to be directly linked to three members
of the team no longer working for the county.
Speaking of senior managers, Chief
Administrative Officer Larry Adams and
Treasurer and Deputy Chief Administrative
Officer David Carey were both placed on leave
in May, while Director of Human Resources
Darcy Michaud was placed on leave in early
August. Because their leaves were non-
disciplinary, the three men received full
paycheques while sitting at home until their
employment with the county officially ended
on Sept. 11.
In addition, details of the trio’s exit have not,
and will not, be made public – ever – as they
are personnel issues.
This keeps their departures open to
interpretation, leaving ratepayers to wonder if
Adams, Carey and Michaud were handed
severance packages and if so, what’s the total
cost of those packages? With all three
members reported under the Public Sector
Salary Disclosure Act (also known as the
Sunshine List) earlier this year, one can only
imagine the size of severance packages, if they
do exist. Adams was reported to have made
over $166,000 in 2011, Carey made over
$144,000 in 2011 and Michaud made over
$122,000 in 2011.
These events also lead into the mysterious
resignation of Huron County Clerk Barb
Wilson, who resigned abruptly in the afternoon
of Sept. 5 after performing her duties as clerk
at the regular meeting of Huron County
Council earlier that day. Wilson cited personal
reasons for her departure, which in the end,
was just days before three of her colleagues
would be formally divorced from the county.
Let’s not forget the salary of an acting CAO
while all this is going on, and the eventual
replacement salaries of these four employees.
I’m not normally one of these people who
calls for an inquiry into everything and I
understand that some issues need to be dealt
with behind closed doors, but lately it seems
that dealings at the Huron County level can be
compared to an iceberg. Ninety per cent of the
discussion is happening below the surface,
leaving just 10 per cent of the hundreds of
thousands of dollars worth of spending
bobbing atop the water.
Cleaning house
Shawn
Loughlin
Shawn’s Sense
Monday morning I got to the office
and I began doing my morning
office routine; stretching, rubbing
my eyes, swearing I’ll get more sleep next
weekend and then shaking my mouse to wake
my computer up from its own slumber.
I then start up my web browser, check the
news headlines of the hour and begin to check
my e-mail.
This morning was a bit different from most
Mondays, however, as I found the inspiration
for this week’s column not from the antics of
Rob Ford or news about impending National
Hockey League (NHL) or teacher walk-
out/lockouts, but from an e-mail from my
father.
We referee together and often have debates
about interpretation of the laws of the game.
In the e-mail he informed me that a
discussion we were having (which I felt was a
ridiculous topic to be covering at the time)
about the presence of headscarves in soccer
had been decided by the International Football
Board (IFAB) on July 5.
The members of IFAB will determine the
exact colours, styles, materials and crafting
allowed at their next meeting in October
however the ruling is already in effect meaning
that headscarves are allowed on the pitch right
now.
While there is no paper trail I could find to
follow, I have to imagine that the ruling comes
about as a reaction to the fact that it could be
considered an infringement on individual’s
religious rights to make someone remove a
piece of religious clothing.
I’ll add the typical rider here that should
accompany most my writing about religious
topics; I’m not siding with or against any
particular religious group or belief here...
unless you consider football or refereeing a
religion. If you do, get in touch with me. I may
consider signing up for your church.
I guess the most important thing to
remember when dealing with soccer or
football is that the letter of the law isn’t what
is most important to referees; the spirit of the
game is what guides us.
If I had to choose I would say that’s the
biggest difference between soccer and hockey:
Hockey rules are rigid, soccer rules are meant
to keep the game safe but not to be
continuously interrupting it.
It’s for that reason, parents and players, that
every handball and trip isn’t called. If you take
nothing from this column other than that, I’ll
consider that a miracle.
The game is meant to continue in a safe
manner provided that infringements do not
hurt the offensive team or provide them with
an unreasonable opportunity or create a
dangerous situation.
That said, I think that things are getting out
of hand and I believe that IFAB is not only
creating a situation in which people are going
to begin pushing more religious items on to the
soccer field, but doubling back on themselves.
Referees are held responsible for the
equipment of players on the field. If you attend
a professional game you will find that cleats
are checked and, if the referee allows
headbands, wristbands or anything outside the
basic equipment outlined in the Laws of the
Game, those are checked as well.
This will be creating one more place for
unsafe items to be tucked away, be it
intentional or not.
I don’t allow sweatbands on the pitch when
I’m refereeing, as an example.
Some people have said it’s a good idea to
disallow them because they can have tacks or
sharp objects in them. Others say that they
aren’t safe because they can be grabbed or
used to choke someone.
In reality, it’s all and none of these reasons.
The stated reason I don’t allow them is
because the rules don’t say they are allowed.
The actual reason is because there are just too
many what-ifs to deal with and I have better
things to do than check six different headbands
before kickoff.
Ignoring all the safety factors that allowing
people to wear items that cover the majority of
their head, there is still one major problem
with IFAB’s decision and that is that it goes
against one of the board’s previous decisions
(or at least how I read it, it does).
In allowing headscarves, they are allowing
individuals to do something that a previous
ruling would not allow them to do; carry their
religion on to the field.
Specifically, the only decision made
regarding Law 4 (that outlines player
equipment) states the following: “The basic
compulsory equipment must not have any
political, religious or personal statements...
The team of a player whose basic compulsory
equipment has political, religious or personal
slogans or statements will be sanctioned by the
competition organiser or by FIFA.”
Now, while I realize that headscarves are not
a religious statement or compulsory
equipment, but my belief goes back to
following the spirit of the law instead of the
exact wording: The ruling prevented people
from advertising religion, brands or political
beliefs while playing.
Allowing people to wear something because
their religion says they should is the same as
them wearing a shirt that says “I’m of a certain
religion and I’m proud of it.”
Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything
wrong with people wearing such clothes and
making such claims off the pitch, however the
standing ruling states they aren’t allowed on it.
I guess what this really boils down to is that
soccer is one of the great equalizing forces in
the world, it balances all the players.
Because it’s inexpensive compared to other
sports, because the equipment is inexpensive
and (except for your cleats) completely
covered while playing, it doesn’t matter how
much you spent on your gear or where you
pray. Everyone is equal. Or they were. Let’s
keep soccer simple.
Separating religion from sport
Denny
Scott
Denny’s Den