The Citizen, 2012-05-10, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MAY 10, 2012. PAGE 5.
Number one on my Bucket List this
week: to track down whoever it is that
runs the U.S. website CareerCast.com.
Purpose: to corner the doofus and give his/her
head a good shake.
CareerCast has just published its list of the
best and worst jobs of 2012. I had to read it
twice to be sure I wasn’t having an acid
flashback from the ’60s.
According to CareerCast, two of the best
jobs you can have are ‘actuary’ or ‘financial
planner’.
Actuary? Best job??? Do you think the folks
at CareerCast actuary know what an actuary
does? My dictionary defines ‘actuary’ as a
person who compiles and analyzes statistics
and uses them to calculate insurance risks and
premiums.
That’s a ‘best job’, huh?
Perhaps it’s because I’m still carrying Grade
10 Algebra, but I would rather be trapped in a
stalled elevator with Donald Trump than spent
a nanosecond sitting at a desk toiling as an
actuary.
As for being a financial planner, let’s see
now…would that be like filling out your
income tax form forever?
CareerCast’s list of ‘worst jobs’ is equally
exasperating. The absolute worst job,
they say is ‘lumberjack’ – what western
Canadians call ‘logger’.
Well, I’d call it dangerous, for sure and
there’s no question that felling trees in the
forest is a strenuous way to make a buck.
But worst job in the world? Do you think the
folks at CareerCast.com ever unclogged
a septic field? Dodged a rodeo bull?
Crawled on their bellies through a rat-infested
attic?
I’ve never been a logger but I have been a
dairy hand and a restaurant waiter – and those
jobs also make CareerCast’s worst job list.
Balderdash. I’ve worked at both those
occupations and, aside from crummy tippers
and the occasional cow tail in the eye, found
plenty to enjoy about them.
As somebody once said, anything can be a
dead-end job if you’re a dead-end guy.
I’d be happy to simply dismiss CareerCast’s
dismal listings with a shrug if it weren’t
for the job they’ve slotted as the
10th worst – broadcaster.
Now hold on just a minute.
I worked behind a microphone at CBC radio
for 30 years and I can tell you it was easily the
best job I ever had.
Well, think about it: no heavy lifting, all the
tea or coffee you can drink, a roof over your
head, a company computer with unlimited
internet access, free review copies from
book publishers and the odd complimentary
ticket to a hockey game, a movie or a stage
show.
No dress code of course – its radio, nobody
can see you. I could read the 6 p.m. news
wearing a Bozo the Clown nose and a purple
tutu and no one would be the wiser.
Plus, all the training you really need for the
job is usually under your belt by Grade 4. Can
you read? You’re hired.
Okay, it’s not quite that simple – but close.
As my first radio mentor explained to me in a
plummy Shakespearian basso profundo: “My
boy, the most important quality you can have
as a radio broadcaster is sincerity.”
Then he gripped my hand firmly, looked
deep into my eyes and added, “Once you can
fake that, you’ve got it made.”
Broadcasting one of the 10 worst jobs?
Nonsense. It’s the best job ever.
And I mean that sincerely.
Arthur
Black
Other Views And I mean that sincerely
Celebrating my sister’s birthday this year
was a little interesting. There were
plenty of options, but this year we
chose to dine... in the dark.
On a recommendation from a friend of my
mom’s we went to a restaurant in Toronto
called O.Noir. And yes, it’s exactly what it
sounds like.
The restaurant tackles the age-old question
about whether your remaining senses are
heightened when one of them is taken from
you.
We sat in the lounge and ordered our food
and then we were escorted, by a blind waiter,
into a pitch black dining room. And when I say
pitch black, I mean ‘can’t see your hand in
front of your face’ pitch black.
So my family (my sister Dana, her boyfriend
Kevin, my mom, Jess and I) were seated and
given the walk-through and told what was in
front of us on the table and what to expect for
the rest of the evening.
The first thing I learned then was when you
pick something up, you better put it back down
where you remember it being.
The first casualty was my butter knife. I had
it in my hand when I was handed a piece of
bread. With the bread in one hand, I had to pick
up my butter with one of my hands, so I placed
the butter knife down and got preoccupied with
opening my butter packet. As you can imagine,
the knife was nowhere to be felt.
So after full-on placing my palm on every
inch of my plate searching for the knife, I
eventually buttered the bun and got to the
business of eating.
Then we got salad. You know those leaves of
salad that are stuck to the plate so you scoop
under them with your fork? Try and find those
in the dark. It was at this point that I graduated
(some would say devolved) to hand-eating like
a monkey in a zoo.
The upside to hand-eating, of course, was
that I finished all of my salad because I could
now find it.
Moving on to the main course, I got a
standard dish of steak, potatoes and vegetables.
I’ll answer the obvious question first: they
cut your steak for you before it’s served.
So beyond that, there are challenges, but the
challenges are greatly outweighed by the life
the food takes on in your mouth. With
everything else in the world gone, you’re able
to concentrate on just the taste of the food in
your mouth. It was truly an amazing
experience.
And if you’re wondering, yes, I did do some
hand-eating with the steak and vegetables
when it got to the point that I couldn’t find any
more on the plate. It turns out there was more
there, I just couldn’t find it.
The dessert turned out to be the messiest dish
of them all. I got some chocolate mousse and
you know when your fork is on a plate
alongside your piece of pie and it slides into
the pie? Well I guess that happens with my
mousse.
The waiter told me the fork was on the plate,
so I felt around the edges for it and couldn’t
find it. I put a few fingers down onto the plate
and I found... mousse.
So the napkin was at a premium that night,
but then again, no one could see how filthy my
hands and face were anyway.
I made a point to wear something dark,
because I spill food on myself on the best of
days, and much to my surprise, I made it out
clean that night.
I would suggest trying to eat in the dark
some night this week, but do it the right way
and leave it to the professionals.
Dancing in the dark
Was anyone paying attention to the
debates raging in Ottawa last week
when our Beloved Leader decided
he wanted to rewrite history?
I guess Prime Minister Stephen Harper
neglected to look at his books of politics-past
when he stood and claimed the New
Democratic Party (NDP) (founded in August
3, 1961) didn’t support fighting the Nazis and
Adolf Hitler in World War II (which ended in
1945). I suppose he was right. How could the
NDP support something that happened 16
years before it was founded.
Harper was most likely (although who can
be sure) making reference to the Co-operative
Commonwealth Foundation (CCF) and its
leader J.S. Woodworth who was a staunch
pacificist that opposed violence of any kind.
The whole situation was caused by NDP
Leader Thomas Mulcair asking about
Canada’s military mission in Afghanistan.
Harper had recently stated that special forces
may remain in the war-torn country after the
scheduled withdrawal in 2014.
Now I know in past columns I’ve said I’m
just focusing on the biggest blunders in the
news, and to some extent I really am, but I
think it’s time Canadians really sit back and
look at this situation.
Either Harper is completely out to lunch on
Canadian history or he is trying to change the
history books: something that totalitarian
regimes do to try and control the populace.
The last time I checked, this wasn’t North
Korea.
Harper, when it was pointed out that he had
made a mistake, said the following;
“CCF, NDP, same difference.”
If it wasn’t close before this, my blood
certainly boiled at that point.
It wasn’t the broad, sweeping
generalizations, the irresponsible use of the
one word that, the world over, is understood as
being at the centre of something as ominously
named as the Axis of Evil or even his off-
handed way of trying to claim he didn’t make
a mistake instead of owning it and laughing it
off.
No, I’ve come to expect all that from Kim-
Jong Harper. (Whoops, I swear, unbiased.)
It was the stupidity of the entire situation.
First, his initial claim was one that anyone
with Wikipedia access shouldn’t make and I
can almost guarantee you that Harper has a
smartphone or a BlackBerry that he can do
some quick fact checking on. Secondly, his
dismissal of the mistake was akin to someone
saying, “Stockwell Day, Stephen Harper, same
difference,” and, lastly, displaying that level of
ignorance reflects not only upon himself, his
riding and his party but on all Canadians.
The fallout from the comment was brief but
widespread as the Twitter world exploded with
#HarperHistory – a tagline attached to a great
number of upsetting, mundane or monumental
moments in time (usually) falsely attributed to
the NDP.
Here are some of the highlights:
• “It was really the NDP that helped organize
the stampede that killed Mufasa in the Lion
King (Don’t tell Simba) #HarperHistory”
• “The NDP was on the grassy knoll
#HarperHistory”
• “The NDP delayed passage of the Law of
Gravity by holding it up in committee”
• “The NDP didn’t pitch in for pizza, but
then ate like, five slices”
• “‘The NDP refused to come to the aid of
men when Mordor invaded Gondor.’
#HarperHistory - @KarlBelanger
• “The NDP never supported the mission to
find Nemo. #HarperHistory”
• “The NDP is Don Cherry’s personal stylist.
#HarperHistory”
• “NDP is the reason the Leafs haven’t won
the Stanley Cup since 1967 #HarperHistory”
• “The #NDP told Lex Luthor about
Kryptonite #HarperHistory”
And hundreds more can be found (and yes,
if you find one by someone sharing my name
referring to midi-chlorians, it was me).
(Note: I would be remiss if I didn’t send out
the sincerest props to Jagmeet Singh, also
known as @jagmeetNDP – the NDP MPP
from Bramalea Gore Malton in the Peel
Region. He was responsible for several very
funny contributions to the #HarperHistory
trend.)
It was about the time I got to my third page
of quotes (and found my fourth “Top 20
#HarperHistory” stories in national news
media streams) that I realized I don’t envy
Harper’s position.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a seething
ball of white hot anger regarding his
mishandling of the entire situation, but those
emotions were somewhat tempered by the fact
that I can understand what he might be feeling.
If I make a mistake in my work and it slips
through the cracks in regards to editing and
proofreading, my gaffes are on display for
everyone in our readership area and beyond to
see.
I’m not going to have to worry about
misspelling someone’s name or getting a date
wrong becoming the next trending topic on
Twitter or becoming fodder for the political
pundits.
If I make a mistake, it might reflect poorly
on me and the company I work for, but it kind
of stops there (unless you want to take what I
said in last week’s column to heart and
attribute it to my teachers and parents).
Harper is constantly watched for these kinds
of slip ups and, regardless of how he deals
with the aftermath, once the damage is done
the world will know.
Don’t get me wrong – owning up to a
mistake is an important and effective way to
try and shift some negative attention off of a
person, however Harper declined to do that
instead responding with his “same difference”
remark.
However when you lead an entire nation and
screw up, word will get around especially in
this age of instant digital media and everyone’s
ability to share their emotions and concerns.
Politicians at all levels need to realize that,
whether there is a journalist with some form of
recording device or writing instrument in front
of them or not, what they say can and will be
repeated by anyone in the immediate area.
Don’t expect to make jokes and comments and
not have it get back to your ratepayers. They
deserve better.
Shawn
Loughlin
Shawn’s Sense
Denny
Scott
Denny’s Den
Slip ups, faux pas in the digital age