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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2013-11-21, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2013. PAGE 5. Lenin was a half-pint. So were Stalin and Hitler. Genghis Khan? A shrimp for all his bloodthirstiness – no more than 5' 1". The French artist Toulouse Lautrec didn’t even make the five-foot mark, which is why Parisian courtesans called him “Our little teapot”. Well, one reason. There are lots of famous people who never could have made the basketball team. Dolly Parton’s only five feet tall and Danny de Vito’s not even that. Then there’s the baseball player Eddie Gaedel, who played for the St. Louis Browns back in the 1950s. Truth to tell, Eddie was no great shakes as a baseball player, but he was hell to pitch to. He was 3’ 7” tall. I have a soft spot for little people, probably because I was a bit of a runt myself until puberty kicked in. I remember too well what it felt like to be picked last for the football team, answer to names like ‘Shorty’ and ‘Midget’ and to only come up to the mid-torso line of kids my age. (Although close dancing could be heavenly.) Mostly though, it’s not much fun being a little person in our macho culture, so it’s comforting to know that in other locales being short isn’t a handicap, it’s a total asset. Germany, for instance, is a great place to be short. Especially if you’re also a duck. A German writer named Erica Fuchs has single-handedly created a whole intellectual sub-culture founded on, well, Donald Duck. Really. She created an imaginary literary world in which Donald is a feathered philosopher, quoting Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. Uncle Scrooge has been re- christened Dagoberto and the kid nephews – Huey, Dewey and Louie – have been re- dubbed Tick, Trick and Track. Sounds whacky (or quacky), but last year in Stuttgart, academics from all over Germany convened for the 32nd annual convention of something billed as “The German Organization for Non-Commercial Followers of Pure Donaldism”. Plenty of respect for small fry in Iceland too – as the industrial giant Alcoa, Inc., discovered when a company spokesman announced plans to build an aluminum smelter there. Not so fast, they were told by the Icelandic government. What sort of provision has been made for the protection of the Huldufolk? “What’s a Huldufolk?” Alcoa reps asked. Icelandic elves. In the end it took another six months of negotiations before the Icelandic authorities decided that the Huldufolk had been mollified and construction could go ahead. Legend has it that the Huldufolk live under the surface rocks of Iceland and are fiercely protective of their homesteads. Some Icelanders build tiny homes in their gardens for the Huldufolk. They have ceremonial bonfires and leave out treats for them on Christmas Eve. Do all Icelanders believe in the little people? A survey found that about 10 per cent emphatically do. Another 10 per cent do not. The other 80 per cent aren’t saying. Even the Icelandic pop star Bjork is equivocal about the Huldufolk. “We believe nature is stronger than man,” she says. I’m down with that. Hats off to the Huldufolk, I say – and a doff of the Homburg to all those fervent Donaldists in Germany. At least the Donald they venerate is a duck, not a Trump. Arthur Black Other Views A big hand for the little people Shawn Loughlin Shawn’s Sense There are a lot of jokes out there aimed towards certain countries and their people. There are a line of (many) jokes where people just say ’Murica (meaning America) when someone mentions something ridiculously unnecessary and likely obesity- causing. For example, one person might say, “Did you hear about that bacon-flavoured mayonnaise or that bacon-scented deodorant?” to which the response would be, “’Murica.” People joke about British people having bad teeth, French people surrendering at a moment’s notice and Scottish people having a temper. As Canadians, we face the regular ‘Ehs’ and the ‘aboots’ and the questions about our polar bear pets, igloo homes, and whether or not we know So-and-so from a city hours away from us. (I always say yes to the latter, it’s just fun). Some may call it nationalism, others prejudice, but whatever it’s called, I know why people do it. Sure, I haven’t done extensive scientific testing or anything like that, but I’m pretty sure I figured out why, as Canadians, we feel a need to distance ourselves from Americans or the British. I know why Scots feel it necessary to say they are a unique entity and why Irish do the same. We do it for two reasons, or really one reason spawning another. The primary cause is school spirit. From a young age we’re put into competitive situations. One class competes against another, then one school is put against an other, then, in organized sports, one town is pitted against another. The second reason is a need to label people as coming from somewhere. When we meet someone new they are either from where we are or they are an outsider. This is born from putting so much stock into what classroom you are in or what school you attend. Now, I’m not criticizing here. Competition breeds creativity, it breeds intensity, it teaches children a valuable lesson; you won’t always be the best especially if you don’t try the hardest. You will never make it to the Olympics if you don’t try and, like the old joke says, the only way to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice. So it’s not hard to see why we become fiercely defensive of our towns, provinces and nations and it’s not hard to see why generalizations are created to belittle other geographical locations. What bothers me, however, is the fact that I’m an Ontarian and a Canadian. What does that mean? Well it means that, right now, the world links me with two incredibly poor role models: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and reportedly brothel-visiting, prostitute-hiring Justin Bieber (and thank goodness for the train wreck that is Miley Cyrus or a lot more people would be latching on to the Bieber news). I’m not overreacting either. It’s been awhile since Ford or Bieber have found their way in to my column because, like many Canadians, I tend to distance myself from politics and like many of my friends, I try to distance myself from Bieber as much as possible. However, while playing some online computer games, and telling people where I’m from, the first thing they ask me about is the two of them. They ask how close I live to Toronto (for Ford) and Stratford (for Bieber) and ask how those things affect Canadians. It’s gotten to the point that people have replaced the image of a stereotypical Canadian, the one with a hockey jersey and stick standing in a winter wonderland with curiously strong beer at hand, with images of Rob Ford and Justin Bieber. That means that Canada is now synonymous with a man who openly speaks of his sexual activities with his wife (Ford) and a young adult whose antics just keep getting more and more reproachable. While that bothers me because the success of both individuals may lead them to believe we not only abide these bad habits but actually approve of them, it bothers me more because there are so many great Canadians out there that people could respect for their work and their (comparatively) normal and tame lives. There are Canadian actors and actresses like Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Rachel McAdams, Ellen Page, Jay Baruchel, Cobie Smulders, Joshua Jackson and one of the greatest Canadian actors (in my opinion) Nathan Fillion. And that list is really just recently successful actors. Like or hate their music, there are plenty of Canadian musicians out there that set a far better example than Bieber. You can enjoy Lights, Our Lady Peace, Alanis Morrisette, Feist, Tegan and Sara, Nickelback, Avril Lavigne, Danko Jones, Carly Rae Jepsen, Johnny Reid or Serena Ryder. And as far as politicians go, well, let’s just say that Ford has a lot of apologies to make before he can even think about becoming as respected and admired as some of his contemporaries out there. I’m sure that Bieber-mania and Ford nation will pass, but in the meantime, the Canadian flag seems to be less a badge of difference from our neighbours to the south and more a target for questions about the most recent screw-ups by some of our better-known, but poorly behaving popular people. I, for one, hope that Ford resigns and gets the help he so desperately needs, that Bieber begins acting his age instead of his ridiculous- looking hat size and that we can all look forward to a time when Canadians are once again viewed as overly-polite hockey-nuts. As far as misconceptions go, that’s at least one we can all aspire to. Note: While some stipulations remain intact regarding journalists and their ability to report in the Olympics, as outlined in my column last week, a late-breaking announcement was made stating that journalists would only not be allowed to take video. This clarification was explained by the International Olympics Committee stating that it had to do with the broadcast rights. Journalists can ‘tweet’ and post pictures online of events and results, but they can not take video. Denny Scott Denny’s Den What are kids (and politicians) thinking? Can’t get away... Living where we all live and doing what I do, it’s impossible to not want to weigh in on the Rob Ford circus that has engulfed Toronto’s City Hall and mesmerized North America with its bizarre twists and turns. The concept of Ford and his defence that he’s doing what the people of Toronto elected him to do fascinates me. No doubt there have been bad politicians before Ford and no doubt that more will follow, but it’s impossible to think, in this day and age, that the people of Toronto, and really all of Canada, could be so helpless as this saga plays out. I guess my question is when and where does the public’s role in democracy end? Is it on election day? Or is it through the duration of a politician’s term? At what point does Ford realize he no longer represents the people he says he does? I say this because it is hard to find someone who will support the mayor these days. On Friday, Toronto City Council voted 39-3 to strip Ford of a good number of his political powers, which came after a Nov. 13 vote of 37- 5, that asked Ford to take a leave of absence. His fellow councillors have now taken to physically turning their backs to Ford when he speaks at City Hall as a show of non-support. Premier Kathleen Wynne has called Ford’s behaviour “truly disturbing” and has said she will intervene under specific circumstances. Ford, of course, was ousted as the volunteer head coach of the Don Bosco senior football team back in May. He has been asked by those involved with the city’s Santa Claus Parade to stay away this year. The Ford Motor Company has asked the mayor to stop using its iconic crest to support his political brand and the CFL commissioner has asked Ford to not attend a playoff game between the Toronto Argonauts the Hamilton Tiger-Cats after he made truly repugnant comments about his sexual relationship with his wife on Thursday while wearing an Argos jersey. Ford seems to have few places left to turn, yet he insists that he was democratically chosen to lead the City of Toronto and he has no plans of vacating his chair. In the days following Ford’s admission that he smoked crack cocaine while in office, an Ipsos Reid poll has shown that nearly 65 per cent of Torontonians would not vote for Ford. The same poll also shows that Ford would lose the election, if held last week, finishing behind Councillors Karen Stintz and Olivia Chow, and John Tory, who many suspect will run for mayor in next year’s election. At what point are voters trapped by their own decision? It seems Ford is holding many hostage as measures to remove him from office are limited. The situation at City Hall is a stalemate in the truest sense of the word. Most of his colleagues and many Torontonians have urged Ford to take a leave of absence not only for Toronto’s sake, but for his as well. People want him to get help and they fear for his health, but Ford’s bullish defiance and refusal to consider anybody’s desires but his own have pushed away even those who have tried to help the mayor better himself. While the daily revelations at City Hall may be outrageous to many, watching someone embroiled in a prison of their own making, whether it be through addiction or poor decision making is a situation that, to many, is all too familiar. Ford has refused every life- preserver thrown to him and seems almost insistent that he stay on his current crash course, no matter the consequences. Unfortunately, he’s dragging many Ontarians behind him on the tracks.