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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2013-05-02, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, MAY 2, 2013. PAGE 5. “I was a good typist; at my high school typing was regarded as a secondary female sex characteristic, like breasts.” – Margaret Atwood I’m not surprised that Margaret Atwood was a good typist. She’s great at everything she does. Me? I’m a lousy typist (my breasts are no hell either) – but I don’t fret about it because when it comes to typing, Fate has given all of us, ept and otherwise, a great levelling device. The typo. Anybody, saint or sinner, genius or journeyman, can make a typographical error. It’s simply a mistake made in the typing of a document or other printed material. Now, thanks to that infernal computer Nazi called Spellcheck, typos are even easier to make. Yew sea wad eye mien, don’t ewe? Typos are usually meaningless but occasionally hilarious. Not long ago the Toronto Sun ran a short item apologizing for an error. “Incorrect information appeared in a column”…the piece began. Unfortunately it ran under a boldface headline that read “CORRERCTION”. A college catalogue description for a course in Shakespeare: Intensive analysis of Hamlet, Macbeth and Anatomy and Cleopatra.” A luncheon menu: “Today’s special: Dreaded Veal Cutlet.” And the New York Post is a two-time loser. On Monday it ran a story that said “…Sergeant Alfred Blaine is a 20-year defective on the New York police force.” The next day it ran a correction: “Sergeant Alfred Blaine is a 20-year detective on the New York Police Farce.” My favourite typo occurred nearly 150 years ago. It was made by a German chemist studying the iron content of vegetables. In transcribing data from his notebook, the chemist ascribed 35 milligrams of iron to each 100-gram serving of spinach. Big mistake. He should have put a decimal point between the three and the five – i.e.: 3.5 milligrams per 100 grams. It was only a dot – the smallest typographical mark you can make – but it transformed a so-so green into a miracle muscle builder and eventually gave us Popeye the Sailor man. “I fights to the finich ‘Cuz I eats me spinach I’m Popeye the Sailor man.” The popularity of the Popeye comic strip increased American consumption of spinach by over 30 per cent. So. Truth in advertising? “Me muskels is hard ‘Cuz I eats me chard.” Nah. Just doesn’t sing. Arthur Black Other Views Errors and that typo thing Well, it happened. There had been rumblings around the Superbowl that it might happen, but it wasn’t the NFL, it was the NBA that is home to the first openly gay male athlete in one of North America’s top four leagues. The cover of this week’s issue of Sports Illustrated shows 34-year-old basketball player Jason Collins under the headline “The Gay Athlete”. Collins, a centre with the Washington Wizards, is now the first in one of the world’s most macho arenas to admit that he is gay. Modern statistics tell us that around one in 10 people are homosexual, so it should be no surprise to us that the four major sports leagues, the National Basketball Association (NBA), the National Football Association (NFL), the National Hockey Association (NHL) and Major League Baseball (MLB), are full of men who prefer the company of men. Again, if modern statistics are to be believed, one man in every baseball team’s starting line- up (nine position players plus a designated hitter) could be gay. Being a baseball fan, that was how I always quantified this far-reaching statistic – thinking that when you’re watching a baseball game, statistically, at least one person on the field, at any given time, is gay. Yet, until Collins made the brave decision to come out as gay, no active player had ever come clean about his true life, choosing instead to live a lie, fearing the repercussions of making the revelation while still hoping to make a living as a professional athlete. In the last year or so, of course, there have been those who have said they would be uncomfortable with a gay teammate, namely the NFL’s Chris Culliver of the San Francisco 49ers and MLB’s Torii Hunter, now of the Detroit Tigers. However, in response to those two outspoken voices, there have been numerous prominent athletes who have come out on the other side, like Hunter’s teammate and a personal favourite of mine, Justin Verlander, who says he would welcome a gay teammate and that he thinks most of his peers would too. Now with Collins doing what he has done, times will be interesting in the short term, as well as the long term. Now that North America has its first active gay male athlete, will it open the floodgates? Will the news be overrun with gay athletes eager to tell the truth about their lives for the first time? Or will Collins stand alone for years before another man has the courage to do what he’s done? How Collins is received will also tell us plenty about the world around us. Will he be jeered and reviled by fans? Will he be shut out by his teammates? These are all questions that need time in order to be answered. As 42, the cinematic story of Jackie Robinson, the legendary baseball player who broke Major League Baseball’s colour barrier, excels in movie theatres, there will no doubt be comparisons. Robinson faced violence, ridicule and even death threats as a result of his decision to play baseball in the United States. Time will tell what Collins faces as he continues his career. His team, the Wizards, is currently on the sidelines as the NBA playoffs unfold, so we may have to wait until this fall, when NBA teams hit the courts once again, to see how he is received by teammates, fans and opposing fans. For the time being, however, many of us will cheer for Collins as he embarks on this new chapter of his life, but there will no doubt be some who make him regret the decision he’s made. Blazing a trail Shawn Loughlin Shawn’s Sense Afew months ago I was in a motor vehicle collision. Skipping the details, I needed a new (to me) car afterwards and was fortunate enough to have a family member who was looking to sell one. I was able to buy their car which was a similar year and mileage to mine and continued on with my life. It had a few bells and whistles my old car didn’t and was missing a few things that my old car had but, in the end, it was fine. I haven’t had any major problems with it that couldn’t be addressed with a little know-how (that I don’t have, but am fortunate enough to know people that do). My new car is a Hyundai Elantra. Normally, that wouldn’t matter to me. My old car was Pontiac G3 Wave. I’m not a Pontiac guy, or a Chevy guy or a Hyundai guy, I’m a “Get me from home to work and back again and I’m happy” guy. I’m also a guy who really liked my old car, an Oldsmobile Alero. Really, aside from the point A to point B thing, I’m just happy if my car isn’t white and/or covered in ugly decals. I know that some models boast great durability and fewer repairs but I know at least one person who has had a problem with every kind of car, truck and motorcycle on the road today. I don’t put much stock into people mocking car makers with sayings like “Fix it again Tony” or “Found on Road Dead” or “You dodge a bullet by not buying a Dodge” or anything like that. If a car works for me, that’s all I care about. That and it being red. I really miss having a red car some days. It matches my hat. Or at least, that’s all I cared about. Hyundai, through an ad agency called Innocean Europe recently posted an advertisement on YouTube for a vehicle that produces 100 per cent water emissions. Did they do it with some scientist explaining the vehicle’s virtues? No. Did they show how it can compare to other vehicles on the road? No. In the ad, Hyundai, through Innocean Europe, portrayed a man attempting suicide by running a pipe from his exhaust to the interior of his car. After a few seconds of staring at his house, the light in the garage comes on and he walks out and into the house. Presumably, he’s after a rope or gun or other implement to finish the job the car couldn’t. Either way, the message here is that the man couldn’t commit suicide because of the fact that the only emissions the car produces are water-based. The best way this agency could convey this message was to have a man attempt suicide. I consider myself a fairly risque person when it comes to comedy. I can smile at a lot of things people think are crude, but I would balk at making light of death for commercial gain... except for the Darwin Awards. Suicide though, that’s a subject that I just don’t think anyone should talk about except in the most serious and reserved tones. There are reports that Hyundai didn’t approve the commercial or that it was never meant to see the light of day, but the cold, hard truth here is that someone, somewhere thought this was a passable idea. I often jokingly ask my friends who chose the marketing side of communications over the editorial side whether they had to remove their soul before or after their successful job interviews to enter commercial sales. It’s an old joke, and is akin to calling people snake oil salesmen, but I unfortunately have never felt it rang truer than it has with this ad agency. It embarrassed me, to be honest. Sure, I bought my car used and didn’t pay a dime to the Hyundai corporation (and don’t start boycotting your local Hyundai dealership because of this, this was a poor decision made far above the heads of and on another continent than anyone local) but it just really made me embarrassed to get in my car and drive to work. If you’re ever on the internet, you may find there are a lot of withdrawn or banned commercials and adverts. Some of them are banned because someone hid a message somewhere but didn’t hide it well enough. Others are pulled because they are overtly sexual in nature. Others still are banned or removed simply because they fail to get the message across. Most of these are funny. Suicide, again, doesn’t fall into that category. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this mistake has been made. Other vehicle makers, including Citroën and Audi, have had their vehicles featured in nearly identical commercials where a man tried to commit suicide. These advertisements, however, even took it a bit further. The Citroën advertisement featured a man who, after failing to die to the fumes of his car, ran it into a tree only to be saved by the airbag. The Audi commercial featured a man trying to kill himself by closing his head in the window after failing to do the job with the vehicles clean diesel emissions. Heck, Citroën even went so far as to call their vehicle one that wouldn’t let you kill yourself. Those advertisements, which looked to be an attempt at gallows humour versus the Hyundai one which was very somber, are still visible online. This newest commercial, however was pulled before it could be banned and Hyundai has issued an apology but I don’t think that goes quite far enough. (Editor’s Note: You may still be able to find the video as other users post it, however, The Citizen does not endorse it or suggest watching it. Viewer discretion is advised.) The North American part of the international Hyundai corporation has made an announcement damning the video and its message but, again, I don’t think this is enough. I think that Hyundai needs to work to right this wrong. Unfortunately, suicide isn’t something that can be cured or healed en masse. I’m sure, however, that a sizable donation could help organizations like Kids Help Phone or suicide hotlines. In the end though, using any death, especially suicide, as a means to show off the features of a new vehicle is, in my mind, an unforgivable act. When everything is said and done, I guess the best thing I can do is take my business elsewhere. So, Hyundai, I may drive one of your vehicles now, but I can guarantee it will be the last for a very, very long time. Denny Scott Denny’s Den Suicide isn’t a way to sell new cars “The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.” – John D. Rockefeller Final Thought