HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2013-01-17, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 2013. PAGE 5.
Here’s a sobering thought: we are all,
collectively, dumber than we were
three millennia ago.
Not my idea – it belongs to Gerald Crabtree,
a research geneticist at Stanford University.
Crabtree posits that if an average citizen from
the city of Athens, circa 1000 B.C. were to be
dropped, Star Trek teleportation-style, into
modern-day life “he or she would be among
the brightest and most intellectually alive of
our colleagues and companions”.
What? Ancient Greeks were smarter than
21st century citizens? Impossible! Consider
the relative levels of sophistication. We
modern Homo sapiens have 18-wheel semis,
iPads and waterproof Tilley safari jackets. The
Ancient Greeks rode donkeys, wrote on wax
tablets and wore bedsheets.
On the other hand, those old Greeks had
Plato, Socrates and Aristotle. We have Donald
Trump, Rob Ford and Sarah Palin.
Crabtree says we’re dumber today because
we no longer need to be smart the way we used
to. Back in the bad old days, if you didn’t
figure out a way to keep the sabre-toothed
tiger out of your cave or ensure that your
family was warm and well-fed the results
were...profound. Back then, to be dumb
was to be dead. Mother Nature, unsenti-
mental matriarch that she is, had no qualms
about pruning dead wood from the family
tree.
“A hunter-gatherer who did not correctly
conceive a solution to providing food or
shelter probably died” says Crabtree, “whereas
a modern Wall Street executive that made a
similar conceptual mistake would receive a
substantial bonus and be a more attractive
mate.”
Case in point: the aforementioned Trump, a
bouffant baboon who’s been bankrupt more
times than Lindsay Lohan’s been arrested, has
his own TV show and a personal line of
cologne.
Some people want to smell like Donald
Trump? Explain that, Darwin.
But, ancient Athenian or contemporary
Canuck, there’s no question that we are, for
better or worse, the dominant species on
Planet Earth. And how did we pull that off?
We can’t soar like eagles, run like cheetahs,
swim like orcas or out-wrestle a grizzly.
Physically we are comparatively pallid, puny
and more than a little pathetic. So what do we
have that our fellow earth tenants lack? What
do we do that they don’t do?
Simple. We cook.
Heating food – be it meat or vegetable –
breaks down the cellular structure, which
speeds up chewing and digestion. That means
the human body absorbs more nutrition with
each bite. Watch a cow or a robin or a gopher
for awhile. They spend most of their time
chewing or pecking or grazing whatever they
can find to chew, peck or graze. Other
creatures are forced to eat or look for food
virtually all their waking hours, but not us.
About two million years ago some anonymous
caveman accidentally dropped a chunk of
mammoth haunch into the fire and discovered
the secret of cooking. That changed
everything. Researchers reckon that had our
Homo erectus ancestors eaten only a raw food
diet they would have had to spend more than
nine hours every day just eating and digesting
food to feed their over-large brains.
So, nine hours for digestion; say, eight hours
for sleep, and enough other hours every day to
build fires, avoid predators, find shelter, forage
for food...That doesn’t leave much time to
invent the wheel.
Fortunately, we stumbled upon the concept
of cooking. That bought us time – time to
invent language and art and science
and...and...Have you met the Segway? It was
invented in our lifetime – only unveiled in
2001 as a matter of fact. The experts promised
it would revolutionize transportation around
the world.
It’s a two-wheeled scooter built along the
lines of a push lawn mower. You stand on it,
tilt the handle in the direction you want to
travel and off you go, at a stately 10 miles per
hour. The Segway is compact,
environmentally friendly, very safe (George
W. Bush fell off his, but....) and cheap.
Well, pretty cheap. I saw one on EBay for
$6,000.
Yep, the Segway is a transportation dream
come true – except hardly anyone likes them.
Because when you stand on a Segway you
look like a dork.
I know I’m going to get e-mails from the 11
Segway owners in Canada saying that I’ve
maligned the vehicle and it’s really a sexy ride.
I respect your position. All I’m saying is,
Socrates would have thought you looked
ridiculous.
Arthur
Black
Other Views We’re older but we’re dumber …
Being associated with mediocrity must
be tough. Sometimes it’s out of your
hands and other times you bring it on
yourself, but either way, when it sticks, you’re
stuck for good.
As the years go on, I often wonder how
many people know what they’re actually
saying when they claim something has
“jumped the shark”. It’s a saying that has
worked its way into the everyday lives of
many, but I personally find the saying’s origins
hilarious.
It was the dawn of a new season of the show
Happy Days in 1977 and Fonzie (Henry
Winkler) was water skiing when he
encountered a shark on the water. In a
cartoonish move, The Fonz physically jumps
over the shark, avoiding danger.
The “event” marked the beginning of the end
for Happy Days, as it began its slow, steady
decline over the next five season, before it
officially ended.
Since then, however, “jumping the shark”
has become commonplace for when something
has gone too far.
Example: If you liked the early work of the
Rolling Stones, but hated the album Goats
Head Soup, and everything thereafter, you’d
say that with Goats Head Soup, the Rolling
Stones jumped the shark.
Everyone knows the saying, but which of the
Happy Days writers could have anticipated that
one simple (although physically there’s no way
manoeuvering over a shark in the air whilst on
water skis could be simple) plot point could
create a cultural phenomenon based around its
stupidity?
No one could have counted on it, just as no
one could have predicted that a solid defensive
shortstop from Mexico would define the line
between mediocrity and usefulness.
His name was Mario Mendoza and while he
was a great defensive baseball player between
the late 1970s and early 1980s, his hitting left
much to be desired.
With a career batting average of .215,
Mendoza spent just as many seasons batting
under .200 as he did batting above it, resulting
in the even batting average of .200 as “The
Mendoza Line”.
It’s a common baseball term, but only
recently did I discover that there was an actual
soul behind the naming of the Mendoza Line.
Anyone with a batting average under the
Mendoza Line is often a player that coaches
and management have a tough time justifying
their place on the team to anyone, despite any
other contributions they may make to the team.
So here it is that poor Mario Mendoza, who
no doubt came to the United States of America
from Mexico looking for a better life, who put
his heart and soul into nearly 10 years of
professional baseball for Pittsburgh Pirates,
Seattle Mariners and Texas Rangers will
always be known as the very, very bottom of
the basement where a baseball player might
still be considered valuable to his team.
Mendoza no doubt worked hard every day to
improve, but yet here he sits. Just as the writers
of Happy Days will be remembered for a
classic television series, but viewers will
always remember when the show jumped the
shark and when the show gave us “jump the
shark”.
Unfortunately there is no accounting for how
the human memory works, and sometimes we
tend to retain the negative, instead of the
positive.
So whether you’re Winkler, or Mendoza, or
you, it could always be a misstep for which
you’re remembered, not your triumphs.
Jumping the shark
Shawn
Loughlin
Shawn’s Sense
O ver the past year or so I’ve replaced
a lot of things I own including, but
not limited to, my cell phone, a
video game console, a camera and countless
other little gadgets.
At first I just saw it as the cost of
deterioration and (with the cameras, my car,
my laptop, my cell phone and other things) I
saw it as the cost of doing business.
Recently, however, going through all of my
old bits and baubles from my past, I’ve noticed
something that I’ve long suspected: older
things survive better than newer things.
I’m not just talking about that tank of a
refrigerator people have in their basement that
would likely save the life of Indiana Jones if he
was about to get stuck in a nuclear detonation.
No, I’m talking about more modern items
and the fact that I’m paying more and more for
less and less quality is really bothering me.
The trend isn’t something that I’ve noticed
over my near three decades. It’s really a
creation of the last five to 10 years.
A prime example is my Apple MacBook
Pro, which I bought just over five years ago to
replace my Apple PowerBook.
For those of you scratching your heads,
these are just laptops.
The older of the two laptops, which I bought
a decade ago for school, is still running and is
being used by a family member.
Despite having a part replaced after I was hit
by a car while walking to class, this laptop,
which is getting to be as old as a Grade 5
student, is still operating just fine.
The model that I bought to replace it five
years ago, however, isn’t.
The screen has burnt out, the disc drive isn’t
working and it hasn’t been through anything as
rough as being hit by a car.
The model is, plain and simple, inferior to its
previous incarnations. The first one is still
alive and kicking while it, the replacement,
less than half the age of the original, is ready
to be put out to pasture.
When I first became a journalist, I decided
to invest in myself by buying a decent camera.
I figured if I couldn’t be a fantastic
photographer, I could at least have good
enough equipment to make the photos I did
take look better.
Within three years, I figured it was about
time for an upgrade. That original camera, a
Nikon D60, is still working fine. It’s found its
way into the hands of a family member and, at
last look, was taking pictures just as well as it
did the day I excitedly unpacked it.
I replaced it with the Nikon D3000 (don’t
worry, the numbers are pretty arbitrary. The
D3200 is better than the D3000, obviously, but
beyond that, it’s not to scale).
Here we are, just over a year after
unpackaging it and I’m currently without my
camera (and feeling pretty professionally
naked because of it) as it needed to be taken
into the shop and repaired (for more than half
the cost of the camera body, no less).
When I was younger, I was rough on things,
but they still lasted years and years. Now I’m
older, still clumsy and klutzy, but a little more
careful with things (especially since I’m
paying for them myself). Unfortunately they
don’t seem to be lasting.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect to buy
something and have it last forever. The world
just doesn’t run that way anymore.
However, I more and more find myself
giving the boot to companies that treat me
poorly or sell shoddy products.
I bought a new laptop recently and I got
away from Apple. After what I spent on the
last laptop, they wanted more than half the
price of the laptop to fix what was wrong with
it and I said forget it. I can buy a Windows
laptop every three years for the next decade
and still not spend that much.
I would have gotten away from Nikon for
my camera needs, but I’ve done the research
and, even if my D3300 was a lemon, there isn’t
much better out there. Also, all the equipment
I’ve invested in is Nikon-only, so it would be
quite an expense to switch now.
I guess the one company that has impressed
to some extent, is Sony.
I have a Sony MP3 music player, video
camera and cellular phone right now because I
find them reliable, rugged, reasonably priced
and easy to use.
I was an early adopter of the infamous
iPhone because of my experiences with Apple
(having owned an iPod since the first
generation), but I still find the Sony products
to be far superior for one reason: value.
They offer a reliable product for a
reasonable price and, in my books, that will
always win.
So to anyone out there with ideas of creating
the next camera, the next laptop, the next car
or the next cell phone, do me a favour and
build it well.
Make it with high quality parts and put the
time in to make use of that quality. Make sure
it will last and make sure it’s a reasonable
price.
If you follow that recipe, you will find
yourself customers who will keep coming
back, and they are worth their weight in
gold.
A good product will always win out
Denny
Scott
Denny’s Den