HomeMy WebLinkAboutClinton News-Record, 1958-07-31, Page 3THURSDAY, SLILY 31, 1.958 CLINTON NEWS-RECORD PAGE TIMEX
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Readers in other parts of the
country will pardon it if I tuaai
the spotlight into my own back-
yard, for once_ I can't help it.
As a loyal Brute peninsulan, . I'm
'in such a state of tlamb,nrg indig-
nation that my blood is boiling.
▪ *
Did you read that piece of as-
inine advice offered by the Tor-
onto Defence organization?
When asked what the people of
Toronto should do in cask°, the cily
was hit by a hydrogen bomb, do
you know what this assortment of
boobs replied? It stated that the
survivors were to head for tilve
Bruce Peninsula.
* * *
Well, all I can say is: "Hold it,
-boys! You're off the rails, aranmd
the bend, your Did is flipped, and
your marbles ere trolling all over
the lace In addition, over my
dead body." Things are bad en-
ough. around here now, what with
the cormmercial fishing gone dud
and the sewage system needing an
overhaul. Don't let's pile horror
on top of calamity. * *
•Whaf a colossal nerve! Just
like that, they're going to walk in
an us, without so much as a by-
your-leave. Just move in, bag
and baggage, when the going gets
tough, like so many shiftless re-
latives. * * *
I don't notice Toronto saying:
"Here, we've got too much in-
dustry, 'This town's getting too
big and rich. Let's send some of
our new industries to the 13ruce
Peninsula."
.1, *
We belabour them with tourist
latenature, extolling the beauties Oil
our Peninsula So where do they
go on holidays? They go to Mus-
kiaka, or Lake Simtoe, or Baia,
and muddle around happily with
thousands of other Ho *
No, just won't do, and I'm
amid the Toronto Civil Defence
is going to have to come up with
another snappy idea. Because if
they try to force it, of course,
we'll secede. All we get now (roan
Toronto is a few noisy new'spapets
and some lousy TV programmes.
Toronto, on the other hand, would
Abe in. dire straits if we stopped
sanding them our choice beef and
dairy products, along with 98 per-
cent of our brightest young peo-
ple, as soon as they're old enough
to work. * * *
And, if they tried to get tough
about it, we'd stop them cold. We
have enough stones on the Bruce
Peninsula to build a barricade that
would make the great wall of
China look like a curbing. And we
have what is' probably the most
concentrated collection of rifle and
shotgun eocperts that ever slipped
up a trail, one jump ahead of a
game vv.arden. * *
If it came to a siege, we'd' live
handsomely on beef, pork, lamb,
venison and trout. We've plenty
of milk and we're ahnost sur-
rounded by fresh water. We have
enough timber to keep our home'
fires burning for forty. years. lit
would be tougher to crack itharn
Troy.
* *
Now, alit this may seem a little
far-feteheict, !but I've sounded the
opinion tif the natives pretty thor-
oughly, and they're ready to
to the death against an invasion
that would make those of Genghis
Mart look like a Sunday after-
visit from the [Motives. * * *
Don't think we're completely
oald-biloorled abotit this whole
thing. We realize that Toronton-
dans are people, too; or near en-
ough, and as Christian souls, we'd
be duty bound to give them a
hand, if worst cache to worst. • * *
However, let's not Make this a
one-may deal. Alter all, the U.S.
and Beitain are expected to sub-
sidize countries they !plan to in-
vade in case of necessity. We're
willing to rtake in. the Hogtowners,
on certain conditions. I've been
authorized by the Shadow Cabinet
of the tentative Bruce Peninsula
Republic Ito offer Toronto the fol-
lowing terms.
* * *
First. From now until the bomb
all lloronnanians will pledge: to
spend all their vacations on the
Bruce Peninsula, and their money
freely while here. Second. An
annual tribute of oil and coal,
sufficient to heat every home on
rtlte Bruce Peninsula, shall be paid
by the City of Toronto. (The
bomb might come in winter, and
they'd expect to be warm when
we took them in). * * *
Third. The City of Toronto shall
year, until' the bomb drops,
pay each [family on the Bruce Pen,
insulla the sum of $1,000 for the
inconvenience, expenses and plain
nuisance it will incur when the re-
d'u„oves arrive. That's cheap, when
you think of some of the people
who'll be coming along. • * *
Fourth. The City of Toronto
shall maintain aft all times, in the
cellars, cupboards and roothauses
of the Bruce Peninsula, an ample
supply of foodstuffs to feed for
two years the entire population Of
Toronto. Nothing fancy. Just a
few thousand' tons of canned hams,
a couple olf billion feet Of salami,
ten or twelve freight cars of
smoked oysters, and about $20
million worth of liquor. Just the
essentials.
• * *
Well there it is—the Four-Point
Plan for ;the evacuation or Tor-
oavbo. Simple and sensible. We've
got room for them all up here on
the Bruce Peninsula, plus clean
air, courteous drivers and a lot
of other things they couldn't even
buy in the city. If they're ser-
ious about Coming here when the
(bomb arrives, we'll talk turkey
on those very reasonable and hum-
ble terms. Otherwise, we'll sec-
ede and man the barricades.
In the first 1.1 morbths of the
current fiscal year the federal old
age security pension operated on. a
deficit of $91,900,00
SUGAR and SPICE
(By W. (Bill) B. T. Smiley)