HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Times, 1888-05-25, Page 2r,��1
HE THREAD OF LIFE ;
0R
SUNSHINE , .ND SHADE.
The village of Whitestrand, on the Suffolk contract beforehand as long as. I live never
coeene-stn canis iu a stretch of treeless desert I to shave it."
was and is one of the remotest and moat Elsie shaded her eyes with her hand and
Primitive sputa to be found anywhere on the
shores of N.uglend. Tae railways, running
Inland away to the west, have, left it for
ages far in the lurot ; and even the two or
three Delated roads that converge upon it
from surrounding v111%8;34 10841 nowhere. It
is, so to speak, an absolute terminus. The
World's End Is the whimsical title of the
teat house et Whiteatrand. The little river
Char that debouches into the sea just b
low the church, with its broadestuary
from the low stretch of reclaimed and
slufoedrained pasture land of wiry gtass
that rolls away to the southward.
The very name Whitastrand, as old as the
days of the Danish invasion of the East
Anglian plain, at onoe describes the one
striking and noteworthy feature of the en-
tire district. It has absolutely no salient
point of its own of any sort, except the hard
and, firm, floor of pure white sand that ex-
tends for miles and miles on either aide of
the village.
All Whitestrand—what there wasleft of
it -belonged to Mr. Wyville Meysey, His
family had bought the manor and estate a
hundred years before, when the banking
firm of Meysey's in the S trend was in the first
heyday of its financial glory. Unhappily
for him, his particular ancestor, a collateral
member of the great house, had•preferred
the respectable position of a country clergy-
man to •an active share in the big concern in
London. From that day forth, the sea had
been steadily eating away the Meysey
estate, tillvery little was left of it now but
salt, marsh and sandhills and swampy pas-
ture -lands.
Inked out seaward. " I shan't let you
talk so any more, Winale," said she, with a
vigorous effort, to be aternly authoritative,
" It isn't right ; and you know it
isn't. The instruotress of • youth must
exert her authority. We ought to be as
grave as a couple of church owls.—What a
funny small sailing boat that is on the sea
out yonder l .A regular little tub I So fiat
and broad I She's the roundest boat I ever
saw in my life, How she dances about like
a walnut•ahell on top of the water 1"
"Oh, that's the Mud -Turtle!" Winifred
oried eagerly, anxious to display her nauti-
cal knowledge to the full extent before
Elsie, the town -bred governess. " She's a
painter's yawl, you know. I've seen her
often. She belongs to an artist, a marine
artist, who comes this way every summer to
sketch and paint mud -banks."
"She's Doming in here now, I think,"
Elsie murmured, half aloud,—"0 no ; she's
not; she's gone beyond it, towards the
point at Walberswiok."
•' That's only to tank," Winifred answer-
ed, with conscious pride in her superior
knowledge. " She's got to tank booause of
the wind, you know. Shell Dome up the
creek as soon as she catches the breeze.
She'll luff soon.—Look there, now ; they're
luffing her. Then in a minute they'll
put her about a bit, and taok again for the
creek's mouth.—There you are, you see ;
she's tacking, as I told you. --,That's the
artist, the shorter man in the sailor's jersey.
He looks like a common A.B. when he's cot
up so in his seafaring clothes ; but when
you hear him speak, you can tell at once by
his voice he's realty a gentleman, I don't
know who the second man is, though, the
tall man in the tweed suit—he's not the one
that generally comes—that's Mr. Potts.
But, oh, isn't he handsome? I wonder if
they're going to sail close alongside. ` I do
hope they are. The water's awfully deep
right in by the poplar here. If they turn
up the creek, they'll run under the roots
just below us.—They seem to be making
signs to us now.—Why, Elsie, the man in
the tweed suit's waving his hand to you 1"
Elsie's face was crimson to look upon. As
the instructress of youth, she felt herself
distinctly discomposed. "It's my cousin,"
she cried, jumping up in a terror of excite-
ment and waving back to him eagerly with
her tiny handkerchief. " It's Hugh M,as-
ainger 1 How very delightful 1 He must
have come down by sea with the painter."
"They're going to run in just oloso
by the tree," Winifred exclaimed, quite
exrtted also at the sudden apparition
of 'the real live poet. "0, Elsie
doesn't he just look poetical 1 A man with
a face and eyes like that couldn't help writ-
ing poetry, even if he didn't want to. He
must be a friend of Mr. Ralf's I suppose.
What a lovely, romantic, poetical way to
come down from London—tossing about at
sea in a glorious breeze on a wee bit of a tub
like that funny little Mud Turtle 1"
By this time, the yawl, with the breeze
in her sails, had run rapidly before the wind
for the mouth of the river, and was close
upon them by the loots of the poplar. As
it neared the tree, Hugh stood up on the
deck, bronzed and ruddy with his three
days' yachting, and called out cheerily in a
loud voice : " Hillo, Elsie, this is something
like a welcome 1 We arrive at the port,
after a stormy passage on the high seas, and
are met at its mouth by a deputation of the
leading inhabitants. Shall we take you on
board with your friend at once, and carry
you up the rest of the way to White -
strand ?"
It was Tuesday when Hugh Messinger
and Warren Rolf set sail from the Tower on
their voyage in the Mud -Turtle down the
crowded tidal Thames ; on Thursday horn•
ing, two pretty girls sat together on the
roots of an old gnarled poplar that overhung
the exact point where the Char empties it-
eelf into the German Ocean. The White -
strand poplar, indeed, had formed for three
centuries a famous landmark to seafaring
Men who coast round the inlets of the East-
ern Counties.
The elder of the two girls who sat to-
gether picturesquely on this natural rustic
seat was dark and handsome, and so like
Hugh Messinger himself in face and feature,
that no one would have had much diffi
malty in recognizing her for the second
cousin of whom he had spoken, Elsie
Challoner. Her expression was more earn-
est and serious, to be sure, than the London
poet's; her type of beauty was more tender
and true ;. but she had the same large melt-
ing pathetic eyes, the same melancholy and
ohiselled mouth, the same long black wiry
hair, and the same innate grace of bearing
and manner in every movement as her dis-
tinguished rela'ive. The younger girl, her
pupil, was fairer and shorter, a pretty and
delicate blonde of eighteen, with clear blue
eyes and:wistful mouth, and a slender but
dainty girlish are~:"' They sat hand in
hand on oots of the tree, half over-
arche , y its hollow funnel, looking out
er over the low flat sea, whose fresh
breeze blew hard in their faces, with the
delicious bracing coolness and airiness petal•
iar to the shore of the German Ocean. There
is: no other air in all England to equal that
strong air of Suffolk ; it seems to blow right
through and through one, and to brush away
the dust and smoke of town from all one's
pores with a single whiff of its clear bright
purity.
"How do you think your cousin'11 come,
Elsie!" the younger girl asked, twining her
straw hat by its strings carelessly in her
hands. " t expect he'll drive over in a
carriage from haw's from the Almundham
Statism."
" I'm sure I don't know, dear," the elder
and darker answered with a smile. " But
how awfully interested you seem to be, Wini- thank you ; it's ever so kind of you, Hugh ;
fres, in this celebrated cousin of mine 1 but we're here in our own grounds, you
What a thing it is for a man to be a poet 1 know already.—This is Miss Meysey, Win-
nifred Meysey ; Winnie, this is my cousin
Hugh, dear. Now you know one another.
—Hugh, I'm so awfully glad to see you l"
with an unexpected twirl, sbruek her wrist
a smarb blow, and made her drop the hat
with a cry of pain into the river. Tide was
en the ebb; and almost before they had
time to see what had happened, the bat had
floated on the swift stream far out of reach,
and was oareering hastily in circling eddies
en its way seaward,
,Hugh Messinger wee too good an actor,
and too gcod a swimmer into the bar -
gam, tolet slip such a splendid opportun-
sty for a bit of cheap and effeotive theatri•
cal display, The eyes of Europe and
of Elsie were upon him --not to men•
tion the unknown young lady, who,
for aught he knew to the contrary, might
perhaps turn out to be a veritable heiress to
the manor of Whitestrand, In a second he
had taken off his out and boots—sprung light•
lyto the further deili of the hfud•Tur le, and
taken a header in his knickerbockers and
stockings and flannel shirt into the muddy
water. In nothin;; does a handsome man
look handsomer than in knickerbockers and
flannels. The tide was setting strong in a
fierce stream round the corner of the tree,
and a few stoat strokes, made all the stouter
by the consoiousues of an admiring trio of
spectators, brought the eager swimmer fairly
abreast of the truant het inmid•current. He
grasped it hastily in his outstretched hand,
waved i, with a flourish high above hia head,
and gave it a twist or two of playful
triumpn, alt wet and dripping, in his grace-
ful fingers, before he turned. An aot of
daring is nothing if not gracefully or master-
fully performed. And then he wheeled
round to swim back to the yawl again.
In that, however, he had reckoned clearly
without his host. The water proved, in
fact, a most inhospitable entertainer.
Hand over hand, he battled hard agai.tst
the rapid current, tying the recovered
hat loosely around ,his neck by its
ribbon strings, and striking out vigorously
with his cramped and trammelled lege in
the vain effort to stem and breast the rush-
ing water. After thirty or forty strokes,
he looked in front of him casually, and saw,
to his surprise, not to say discomfiture,
that he was farther away from the yawl
tban ever. This waildistressing—this was
even ignominious ; to any other man than
Hugh Maesinger, it would indeed have been
actually alarming. He only thought to him•
self how ridiculous and futile he must needs
look to that pair of womankind in having
attempted with so light a heart a feat that
was utterly beyond his utmost powers,
Elsie's heart came up into her mouth.
She would have given the world to be able
to ory out cordially : " 0 Hugh, that'd be
just lovely ; " but propriety and . a sense of
the duties of her position compelled her
instead to answer in a set voice : " Well,
You've talked of nothing else the whole
morning."
Winifred laughed. " Cousins are so very
rare in this part of the country, you see,"
she said aploogetically. " We don't get
sight of a• cousin, you know—or, for the
matter of that, of any other male human
being, erect upon two legs,and with a beard
on his face—twice in a twelve-month. A.
ee live young man in a tourist suit is quite a
rarity, I declare, nowadays.—And then a
poet too 1 I never in my life set eyes yet
upon a gennine, allswool, unadulterated poet.
v ' .Anetyon say he's handsome, extremely hand-
some -
"Winifred 1 Winifred 1 you naaghty, bad
girl 1" Elsie laughed out, half in jest and
half in earnest, " moderate your trans-
ports. You've got no sense of propriety
in you, I do believe =- and no respect
for your instructress'sdignity either. I
oughtn't to let you talk on like that.—But
as it's only Hugh, Winnie, like my own
brother,"
" What a jolly name -Hugh 1" Winifred
cried enthusiastically. "It goes so awfully
well together, too, Hugh Masain er. There's
a great deal in names goiug welt together. I
wouldn't marry a man called Adair, now,
Elsie, or O'Dowd, either, not if you were to
pay me for it (though why you should pay
me, I'm sure 1 don't know), for Winnifred
• Adair doesn't sound a bit nide ; and yet
Elsie Adair goes just beautifully. Wini'
Fred Challoner—that's not bad, either. Three
ealliables,with the ascent on the first.
Winifred Massinger-that sounds very well
too best of all, perhaps, I shouldn't mind
Wearying a man namedMessinger."
"Other things equal, Elsie put in laugh-
ing.
"Oh, of oeuvre hemuebhave amoustache,"
Winifred went on in quite a serious voice.
" Even if a man was a poet, and was call-
ed Messinger, and had lovely oyes, and
could sing like a nightingale, but hadn't a
moustache• --a beautiful, long, wiry, blank
motiataehe, like the curate's. at Snade—I
wouldn't for the world so much as look at
hurt. No elose-shaven young man need
apply. I insist upon a moustache as abao.
lately indispensable. Not red : red Is quite
inadmissible, If over I marry—and I sup,
pest 1 shall have to, some day, to please
I shall lay it down AS a fixed point
ha the settlements, or whatever you esti
them, that inyr husband mutt have a black
;eaottsteohe, end mutt bind hlmaelof down by
Vanity is a mighty ruler of men. If Hugh
Messinger had stopped there till he died, he
would never' have called aloud for help.
Better peace with honour, on the damp bed
of a muddy stream, than the shame and sin
of confessing one's self openly beaten in fair
fight by a mere insignificant tidal river. It
was Elsie who first recognised the straits he
was in—for though love is blind, yet love is
sharp-eyed—and cried out to Warren Relf
in an agony of fear : " He can't got back 1
The stream's too much for him !—Quick !
quick 1 You've not a moment to lose 1 Put
about the boat at once and save him 1"
With a hasty glance, Relf saw she was
right, and that Hugh was unable to battle
successfully with the rapid current. He
turned the yawl's head with all speed out-
ward, and took a quick took to get behind
the baffled swimmer and intercept him, if
possible, on his way toward the sea, whither
he was now so quickly and helplessly drift-
ing.
(To BE CONTINUED )
Who'll/heat OW.
Crop reports received by the New York
Herald last week from various parts of the
United States indioete that there will be a
very large shortage this year in the supply
of winter wheat. All over the country the
season is from three to four weeks late, In
moat localities the lack of warm rains baa
retarded growth, while ip Minnesota the
oold rains and snow of last week have had
an equally injurious effect, at the same time
preven lug the farmers from proceeding
with their spring seeding operation, In.
the four Central States—Ohio, Mioligan,
Indiana and Illinois—which have produoed
forty-one per cent, of the winter wheat in
the United States during the last five years,
the situation is serious. The Oinoinnati
Price Current, which is a recognized author-
ity on the subjeot, estimates that the pro•
duction of these states will not exceed 80,•
000,000 bushels, against 132,000,000
bushels lent year. In other sections
also—among them California—the outlook,
though not so bad, is unfavourable. The
meet careful estimates place the total lhort-
age of winter wheat throughout the country
at about thirty per cent., while the indica+
tions are that there will be a considerable
decrease iu the aoreage of spring wheat.
In Manitoba seeding is progressing favour-
ably. List year's acreage will be increased
somewhat, but for reasons with which the
North West farmer is well acquainted no
predictions can be made as to the probable
yield of the harvest. Spring is from three to
four weeks late in this province, and, while
the fall wheat has suffered severely thereby,
seeding has also been greatly delayed. The
general outlook for this continent, therefore,
is not a bright one, especially as the antici-
pated shortage is not likely to have much
effect on prices. With bountiful crops in
the other great producing areas of the
world and increased facilities for getting
them to the great markets, variations in the
American surplus product have little influ-
ence over prices in Liverpool.
Celery Growing.
In her prize essay on celery, in Vick's
Magazine, Mrs. C. H. Root, of Bepon, \7is.,
recommends the following method fox prepar-
ing for and cultivating the Drop :
1. Send where you will be sure and get
good seed.
2. Prepare a seed -bed out of doors, in a
sheltered situation. You will get your
plants early enough by so doing, for they
grow much faster and are stronge r than
when grown in a hot bed.
3. Sprinkle the bed often to keep it moist,
and whet. the young plants are about three
inches high transplant them into rows put-
ting them about one foot apart.
Warren Relf turned the bow toward the
tree, and ran the yawl close alongside till
her tiny taffrail almost touched the roots of
the big poplar. " That's better," he said.—
" Now, Messinger, introduce us. You do
it like a Lord Chamberlain, I know."
You won't come up with us, then, Miss
Challoner ? " asked Hugh. Elsie bent her
head. " We mustn't," she said candidly,
"though I own 1 should like it. It's so
very long since I've seen you, Hugh. Where
are you going to stop in the village ? You
must come up this very afternoon to see me."
Hugh bowed a bow of profound acquies-
cence. " If you say so," he answered with
less languor than his wont, " your will is
law. We shall certainly come up. --I suppose
I may bring myoldfriend with me—the owner
and skipper of this magnificent and luxus-
loos vessel?—Wove had the most delightful
passage down, Elsie. I never in my life felt
anything like it. The blood of the old
Soakings comes upin my veins, and I've
been rhyming " viking " and " liking," and
" Striking " and "diking" over since we got
well clear of the London Bridge, till this
present moment. —I shall write a volume of
Sonnets of the Sea, and dedicate them duly
to yore --end Miss Meysey:"
4. When the plants have become stalky,
have a trench about one foot deep, put into
it equal parts of wood ashes and good, rich
dressing and rioh black soil, and work all
together with a hoe.
2 Set plants about four or five inches
apart and be sure to straighten out the root
and press the soil firinly around them.
6. Sprinkle the roots enough to keep them
fresh till they are firm in their places, and
then give them all the water you have e mind
to ; the more the better.
7. When you have grown enough to
oause the leaves to lie over, hill up the stalk
enough to hold them erect. Continue the
hoeing process at intervals of two weeks, all
summer ; be careful to do it when the
weather is dry, and in the afternoon when
the dew is off. Be sure when hilling to
hold the stalks together to prevent the
soil from getting into the heart of the
plant.
8. Such portions as you wish for early
celery bank to the top by the 1st of Sep.
Umber. For winter use bank the top from
the first to the middle of October,
-w.ei••-
Senl41'or Voorhee oto Senator
gThe rude simplioity of Republican man.
ners was strikingly illustrated during the
sane which occurred in the United States
Senate the other day. Senator Ingalls
°hose the occasion to make an attack on the
Demooreta and singled out Senator Voorhees
for a special tirade of vituperation, The
t ensas Senator deolared that the Brea -
dent's election had been brought about by
fraud, thatthe solid South was atilt in arms,
aad that the Democratic) leaders were rebels.
and traitors, Mr, Cleveland, he said, had
been counted into elfin by a partnership
between footpads and sneak•thieves, be•
tween Dick Turpin and Uriah Seep. He
accused Sonator Voorhees of being disloyal
and of being a Knight of the Golden Cirole,
In the middle of Senator Voorhees' reply
Mr. Ingalls interrupted by enquiring bland-
ly if the soldiers of Indiana had not threat.
ened to hang him once on a time. An inter-
change of choice epithets then occurred,
"dirty dog," "liar," "infamous sooun.
drel," being some of the terms applied.
Senator Voorhees oharaoterized the chargee
as "putrid, foul, despicable lies," and said
he Spurned them, spat upon them and kick.
ed them from him, The situation was red -
bot for a time, but the irate belligerents
finally subsided and the Senate adjourned
to talk over the matter. The Chicago Her-
ald of the following clay, in commenting on
the occurrence, referred to Senator Ingalls
as a " reptilian blatherskite representing
the rottenest political society in the United
States."
The In eckenzle River Region.
In moving the adoption of the report of
the Committee on the Resources of the
Mackenzie River Basin, Senator Schultz
contributed some information and sugges•
tiona not contained in the report. He advo-
cated the leasing of the barren grounds, and
also about 200,000 square miles of lightly -
wooded country to the south and west to
some fur trading company, who would, as
in the case of the Alaska Fur Company, pay
the Government for the lease and consent to
a limitation of the numbers to be taken an-
nually of some of the more easily killed fur•
bearing animals. He pointed out the noes
sity for the preservation of the wood buffalo,
partly beoause they were the last remains
of a speoies nearly extinct throughout the
world and spoke of the great value in cros-
sing them with domestic cattle, the progeny
resulting only needing about one month of
stabling and being well suited for the vast
pastoral area of the country. Their flesh is
not only good but some thought better than
that of the domestic animal and their hide
or robe heir g worth separately more than
the whole value of the domestic animal.
He stated the revenue that the United States
derived from the leasing of pertain rights to
the Alaska Far Company to be about
$600,000 and argued that as Alaska only
cost them 7,200,000 that we might expeot
to derive a revenue from our Northern
region, which, Weider; being nearly ten
times as great in extent, was richer in all
fur bearing animals, with the exception
of the fur seal and set otter. It also pos.
sensed mineral. wealth "nd timber ranges
far exceeding those of Alaska.
As for Winifred, with a red rose spreading
over all her face, she said nothing ; but
twirling her hat still in her hand, she gazed
and gazed open eyed, and almost open-
mouthed—except that an open mouth is se
very unbecoming—upon the wonderful
stranger With the big dark eyes, who had
thus dropped down from the clouds upon
the manor of Whitestrand.
"I'll put her in nearer," Warren
Hell said quietly, after a few urinates,
glancing with mute admtration at Elsie's
beautiful face and slim figure. -We'll
lie by here for half an hour, Hugh,
and if you prefer it, I'll put you
ashore, and you can walk up through the
srounds of the Hall, while I navigate the
hip to the Pisherman's Ueda, up yonder at
Whitestrand,"
As he spoke, he put ever the boom for a
moment, to lay her in nearer to the recite of
the tree. It was an unlucky movement.
Winnifred was sitting oloaeto thswater edge
with her hat in her hand, dan dangling over the side
rhe boom, flapping suddenly in the wind
The Chicago Tribune recently published a
summary of about 200 reports received by
prominent grain shippers at representative
points thoughout the principal corn and
winter wheat Statesshowing surplus of
i
wheat, corn and oats n store and in farmers'
hands as compared with the same time last
year, and aoreage and condition of the
wheat winter Drop. The winter wheat re-
ports shown for the entire'seetion covered a
surplus in store and in farmers' hands of 70
Ten gent., acreage 95 per cent. and condition
68 1.2per cent. as compared with the same
last year. The estimated shortage reported
in Il lints and Indiana alone would amount
to 43,000,000 bushels. The reports on corn
for the entire section covered show amount
in store and cribs at stations, as compared
with last year, 48 per cent. and surplus in
farmers' hands 60 per cent. Oats in store
at stations 72 1.2 per cent. and surplus in
farmers' hands 85 per gent.
A Newfoundland clergyman, praying for
sealers on their departure, offered up this
touching petition :--" Forbid, 0 Lord, that
any seals should be brought 'within their
reach on the Sabbath day lest they should
be tempted to transgress ; but if they should
be brought in contact with them on that
day, Thou knowest the weakness of our
poor fallen nature, and also how poor they
ate and how many hungry °nee there are at
home, and should they take seals, mercifully
orgfve."
Unimaginable Gulfs of Space.
The great Lick telescope, although not yet
in full working order, has demonstrated its
siulaerior power by its clear presentation of
objects located in the solar system, and its
discoveries in the indefinitely more remote
stellar universe. Its lest performance is said
to be the discovery of suns, infinitely remote,
in that great gulf of the sky whioh, because
it has proved to be so empty to all other tel
escopee, has been called, derisively, " the
hole in the sky." Mr. Boutwell once wanted
to see Andrew Johnson shot out through that
"hole in the sky"—never dreaming the al-
leged hole was occupied by a universe of
suns, many of which, very likely, are bigger
than ours, and all of which probably have
their own systems of attendant planets.
Suns so remote that their light, flashing
through the star depths at the rate of 187,
000,000 miles per second, takes a thousand
years to reach. our world, may well have re-
mained hitherto unseen, buried in fathomless
space. It takes a fraction over eight minutes
for the sun's light to roach the earth, but
the sun is only 92,000,000 miles distant. It
it is useless for the mind to try to grasp, in
a "realizing sense," even such distances as
ninety-two millions of miles. As to the
shoroless depths of outer space, peopled as
it may be to all infinity with circling suns
and systems, nothing less than eternity for
alt mental development would serve to
qualify human minds even approximately to
grasp the mighty reality.—[Hartford Times.
Cheap Slaves for Canada.
The Times of April 27 contains a report
of the•procecdings of the London Conference
in connection with the National Association
of Certified R3formatory and Industrial
Schools, from wifich it appears that amongst
the papers read was one by Mr. James Ran-
kin, M.P., containing the following state-
ment:
" Great success hag attended the emigra-
tion of children to Canada. A great num-
ber had been emigrated to that country,
and the failure had been less than eight per
cent. The cost of keeping a child in the
workhouse et the present time was about £9
per annum, and in an industrial school about
£17 per annum, whereas that child could be
fitted out and sent to Canada and place& in
a good situation at a cost of £15 only."
Mr. Rankin contended, therefore, thatsend-
ing them to Canada was" the cheapest meth-
od of dealing with waifs and strays." The
Times of April 28 contains the testimony of
Mr. Hedley, a Poor Law inspeotor in Lon-
don, given before a select committee of the
House of Lords, on the subject of pauperism.
Here again it was stated that the deporta-
tion of pauper children to Canada was" a
very cheap method of dealing with the ques-
tion." But why do these philanthropists
and officials, all of whom no doubt mean
well, put out of sight the probable conse-
quence to Canada of this system ? Has Mr.
Carling nothing to say in the matter.
Appearances are Deceitful.
"Um! Yes t Singular 1" he said, as he
stood at the cashier's desk in the restaurant
and felt in his pockets.
" Been robbed, I suppose ?" sneered the
cashier.
"Perhaps. Let's see. Did I change my
pantaloons?"
"Oh, of course 1"
" 1 guess I did, and left all my money in
the other pair."
" Say, that's too old to go down here,
mister 1 I want six ,y cents!"
"Yes—yes, but you see—"
" 1 see a dead beat, who'll get a good
kicking if he doesn't hand over the cash ?"
" Mercy 1 But you don't take me for a
dead beat, I hope 1"
" Sixty cents 1"
" But I've left my money."
" Sixty cents, or you'll get the bounce!"
" 'I'll;go out and borrow it."
" Oh, no 1 Hand it over, or the kicker
will take oharge of you."
"Let's see ! Did I change my clothes?'
Yes, I did. But—"'
" No buts about it'! I want sixty cents!"
"But I must have slipped come money in
my hind pocket. Ah 1 so I did, and here it
is,"
And he fished up a great wad, tossed the
cashier a $50 bill, and while waiting for
his change shook hands with two backers
and drew his check for $5,000 to settle a
real estate transaction.
The cashier is still in bed, and the dootor
says it is a very serious case.—[Detroit
Free Press.
Col. Ingersoll's Logic Assailed
In the current number of the North Ameri-
can Review Mr. Gladstone replies to the he-
terodox assertions of the distinguished
American infidel, Col. Robert Ingersoll. Mr.
Gladstone takes the ground that the Darwi-
nian theory of evolution, so far from invali-
dating the truth of revelation as given in
the Scriptures, is entirely in harmony with
it. He, moreover, defends the ethics of the
Old Testament and the actions and teaching
of the early prophets. He assails the login
of Col. Ingersoll, and olafms that it is not a
sufficient objection to the truths of spiritual
phenomena we cannot put to the test of in.
dividual experience to say " I do not know."
The whole subjeot is treated by the ex -Pre•
inter of England in a suggestive and most
reverential manner,
A Woman's Charms
soon leave her, when she becomes a victim
to any one of the various disorders and pe -
culler "weaknesses" that are peculiar to
the fair sex. The condition of tens of thou-
sands of women to -day is pitiable in the ex-
treme ; they are weak, bloodless creatures,
a prey to mental anguish and bodily pain ;
in a word, "broken-down," from any one of
numerous causes. To this unhappy multi-
tude we strongly urge the use of Dr.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription, an infallible,
world -famed remedy, for all " female" irre-
gularities and "weaknesses," and which
restores the worst sufferer to vigorous
health, and reinvests her with all the charms
of figure, face and complexion, that receive
such willing homage from man.
The barber who dressed the head of a bar-
rel has been engaged to fix up the looks of a
canal.
A Ship that Will Not Sink.
" One oondition laid down in the contract
by the company was that the now liner
should be unsinkable. This ie a brave gua•
rantee on the part of the builders of a groat
ocean steamer, even in this extremely soten-
tifio age.. The ship thus warranted is the
City of New York, a new °bean boat of the
huge capacity of 30,600 tone built by Messrs.
Thomson, Clydebank, Glasgow, to the or.
der of the Inman company.
It is Not Unlawful.
Cungresa has enacted no law to restrain
a person from going about in a badly con•
stipeted condition, or with a distreesing sick
headache, rush of blood to the head, bad
taste in the mouth, bilious complaint, or any
kindred difficulty ; but the laws of health
and comfort will suggest to any one ao afflict-
ed the wisdom of hastening to the nearest
drupelet for a 25•cent vial of Dr. Pierce's
Pleasant Purgative Pellets—the mostpotent
of remedies for all disorders of the liver,
stomach and bowels, Purely vegetable,
pleasant to take, and perfectly herniae.
Why are mosquitoes the most religious of
insects? Because they first sing over you
and then pray on you.
$500 Reward
is offered, by the manufacturers of Dr.
Sage's Catarrh Remedy for a ease of catarrh.
which they cannot cure. This remedy euros
by its mild, soothing, cleansing, and healing.
properties. Only 50 cents, by druggists,
Principal Deaoon—" Now, l3rudder John.
sing, does yo' b'lieve in open or close cone.
munyun,sah ?" Canidate (diplomatidally,
not knowing the deacon a views)•- Well,
some likes it open, and some closed; but f°,
me, T says, leave it ajar,"