HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Times, 1885-07-24, Page 3TILE LIME KILN CLUB.
Brudder Gardner in Jail.
As the members began to fill the chairs
and benches in Paradise Ball, and the
hand of the clock crept along toward the
usual hour for opening, there was much
wonder and speculation over the absenoe
of Brother Gardner. Ib was noticed that
Sir Isaac Walpole, Elder Toots and Judge
Cadaver were in olose and earnest con-
sultation, and when the triangle finally
sounded its note of warning there waa an
undefined fear that something was about
to happen—something nob down on the
usual programme.
SIR ISAAC EXPLAINS
f'My frena," said Brother Walpole, aa
s solid hush fell upon the assemblage,
"our beloved President left fur de west-
ern part of do Stair two days ago to de -
liber a lecktur befo' a body named, 'De
Association fur de Suppreahuna of Corrupt
Legislators.' He departed In response to
a telegram, an' he left in such a harry dat
he took nuffin wid him except a pocket -
comb an' a change of paper eollaha. He
'apected to return in about twenty-four
hours, but he am still absent, an' no word
or line has bin received from him. We
will open de excerotsee by aingin' a song
nstruoted and finished off entirely by
hand by de Hon. Castoff Jinkine, of Var-
ginny."
A JUST REWARD.
Ab the conclusion of the song Waydown
Beebe arose with tears in his eyes and hie
bosom making thirty-six revolutions per
minute. Aa Chairman of tho Comm`lttoe
on Disinfectants and Poetry he had offer-
ed a p-(za of $5 to the best ode to the
watermelon. There was no need of going
any farther or waiting any longer. He
should at once forward his note of hand
to the builder of the ode --a note drawn
at one year, without indorsement or inter-
eet.
HEARD FROM.
Brother Bebee's heroic and philantro-
phio resolution was being vigorously cheer-
ed when the keeper of the Outer Door
announced a communication and sent it
tip to the Presldent'a desk. Sir Isaac
Walpole was visibly affected as he perused
it, and in his nervous excitement he lost
one of the oyes of hie spectacles and
knocked a bottle of ink off the desk fall
upon the Secretary's bald pate.
A THUNDERBOLT.
"My frena," said Sir Ieaao as soon as
he could control his voice and stand on
his legs, "dis message explains de mys-
terious absence of our Presldent. Listen
while I read:
T. JOSEPII COUNTY, MIc1i.,
IN THE COUNTY JAIL,
MY DEAR BRETHREN—At de close of my
lectur' fad' nate i was arrested on de charge
of havin' received a bribe to inflooence
my offishul ackehuns. Dey hev taken
the for a member of de Legislachur, an' I
am charged with havin' received de sum
of $300 for my wote on a land grant bill
to a sartin railroad. While it am, of
course, a case of mistaken identity, an'
while I shall eventually emerge from dia
cell whiter den out -loaf sugar, popular in-
dignashun has so blinded de public dat
you may not see me home fur seberal days
—perhaps a week. Some of you go ober
an' see de ole woman an' lend her a few
ehillins to run de house on until my re-
turn, and some mo' of you be prepar'd
to take a freight train fur dis place upon
receipt of a postal keord. I shall hev to
be identified, an'shall hev to prove dat I
heven't bin widin fifty miles cf de House
of Representatives dada' de present
seshum. Let Sir Isaac Walpole be called
to de char, an' let de meeting go on de
same as if de dishonesty of high public
offlthuls had nob brought die calamity up-
on us.
BRO GARDNER.
CONFUSION.
All was uproar and confusion at once,
Giveadam Jones called for 500,000 volun-
teers, armed with 500,000 bone -handled
razors, to follow him to the rescue, and
to shed 100,000 gallons of blood to wipe
out the insult.
Shindig Watkins said he was ready to
lay down his life, if necessary, and his
words were echoed by Judge Cadaver,
Cohorts Perkins, Trustee Pullback, and
fifty others, and the enraged mob glared
around for a victim.
Sir Isaac spoke soothingly. It was a
mistake which had often happened before.
It had often been remarked that Brother
Gardner looked like a member of the
Legislature, and the people who ceased
his arrest would willingly apologize as
soon as their victim was properly Identi-
fied. As for the routine business of the
meeting it had all been upset, and he
thought the wisest policy was to adj /urn.
This decision was concurred to by,
the Rev. Penstock, Waydown Bobee
and other influential members, and
a motion to adjourn was carried. The
half thele became the headquarters of such
an excitement that the polios several
times rapped on the alley door and threat-
ened arbitrary measures. It was finally
decided by the members of the club :
1. To raise $1O and employ a lawyer
who can cry to a jary.
2. To forward a committee of five
members by the first Blue Line freight
train.
3. To demand full satisfaction for the
insult, and to accept nothing leas than
$50,000 damages.
4. To take said $50,000 damages and
erect a new Paradise Hall.
Drouth in Russia.
The dentition provinces of Rabaia are
euffering from a long -continued dronth
which threatens to ruin bho Wheat crop.
The stock .of wheat on hated la also very
low owing to the great quantities that were
hastily eliported from the Black Sea porta
when it seemed likely that they would be
blockaded by Nngland.
A Mongolian Legend,
Thoaa interested in folk -lore may per-
hape be glad to read the following legend
as to the origin of the Russians found by
Colonel Prjevaleky to be current among
the Mongol inhabitants of Udall, and
Published in the Koski Invalule
fcrmertimes there lived inacave, far
away from all people, a goodherrnib lama,
or prieab, who passed his life in praying.
A pair of nomads, consisting of an aged
mother and her daughter, happened to
ga that way, and the daughter while tend-
ing cattle came upon the cave of the holy
lama,who was at that time ill. The compas-
sionate maiden offered himsome sour milk,
but he did nob like to taste it. At last he
gave way to her entreaties and took the
sour milk every day until he'Aot well,
Eventually, out of gratitude for the cure,
the lama married the maiden,
" As soon as the Czaf of that country
heard c f this he sent his troops to kill the
prieatwho had so flagrantlybrokenhislawa
and committed thesin of marriage. When
the troops approached the lama gathered
a bunch of reeds and atuok them in the
ground round his tent, and then by force
of prayer caused them to be all turned
into soldiers, who defeated the troops of
the Czar. The latter sent a second and
a third army, but both were beaten, as
the lama continued to pray and turn luto
more fighting men the reeds broken off
by his first created defenders, so that the
holy lama soon had a great number of
troops. After the defeat of his third army
the One left the lama alone in peace,
but the latter did not wish to live any
longer on the earth. The lama left his
wife to rule the people created from the
reeds, and from those arose the Russians.
They have white bodies and their hair is
often fair, because the stems of the reeds
were of a yellowish color, and the tops
somewhat darker. "
Lenton Juice as a Curative.
Boar in mind that lemons are the most
useful fruit in domestic economy. The juice
of half a lemon in a teacup of strong black
coffee, without sugar, will often cure a sick
headache. Lemon juice and salt, will re-
move ordinary iron rust. If the hands are
stained there is nothing that will remove the
stains so well as lemon. Cut a lemon in half
and apply the cut aurface as if it were soap.
Lemon juice is also a remedy for rheumatism
and for the so-called biliousness of Spring.
In the latter case, take the juice of a lemon
before breakfast, the pulp may also be eaten,
avoiding every particle of skin, Lemon juice
with sugar mixed very thick and taken at in
tervals relieves eougha. It must be very acid
as well as sweet.
A,P237.
ARMS FOR SASE. -Ail kinds,—Saari for tial
JOIIN J. DALzY, Guelph.
ASB YOUR GROCER FOR
IMPERIAL FRENCH SHOE BLACKING
PURE BRED AYRSi01t;ES for sale ; two cows, two
yearling heifers and one bull. Write for desorbs.
tion, price and pedigree to G. F. Beams, Trafalgar.
VALUABLE FARM FOR SALE -100 acres, 3i
miles east of the city of St. Thomas. For
particulars address J. J. LEWIS, Now Sarum. Ont.
"OBESOLINE 2 !"
The Royal English Horse and Cattle Linament and
Wash for DomertIo Animals just introduced from Eng.
land, where it has been in use over 12 years. Cures all
ek:n diseases ; heals outs, bruises, and sprains. Cures
mange on dogs, and when used In the bath, (about a
teaspoonful to a batt)positively destroys fleas, lice and
Ml 1t sects on dogs pessary, or any other animal. Bob -
ties 25e, 50c. and I.00 eaoh. Circulars free ; write for
them. NESS k O., 750 Craig St., Montreal Agents
wanted everywhere. Good inducements to good men.
Apply at once for tunas and particulars.
FOR PLEASANT SEWI O
----USE ONLY
Clappertc n's Spool Cotton 1
Warranted EVIL Length, and 10 run smooth on any
sowing maohiae. See that OSAAPPZRTON's name is ea
he label. AVB' For sale by e11 Dry•Goode Dealers.
Prevention Better Than Cure,
Many of the dissasos so prevalent in these days
are caused by 'tieing soaps containing impure and in-
fectlousmatter. Avoid all risk by using PERFEC-
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your grocer for PERFECTION. Manufactured only
THE TORONTO SOAP Co.
Tho Eagle Steam
Washer is Cho only
Washing Machine in-
vented that a weakly
woman or gir, 14
years old without
the use or wash.
hoard, can with ease
wash 60 to 100 pieces
in ono hour. Agents
wanted all oto. Can-
ada. sample sent for
trial ondterritory given. Ladies make good agents; no weer on
clothes, and every lady will buy after trying it; warranted
to wash calicos in ave infante,, cotton good, In 20bedclothes
10, or no rude. Address, PERRIS & CO Patente.awdalann-
raetnrers, 79 Jarria Street, TORONTo.caanada
ONTARIO LADIES' COLLEGE,
WHITBY, ONT,
Will reopen September 3rd, 1885. Tho Increasing
popularity and success of this lnetitution may be ao.
o ,unted for by its pleasant and healthful location,
its elegant buildings and grounds, its moderate
chargee, and its superior facilities for affording a
finished education In literary, musical, and fine art
studies. Four Professore, and ten lady teachers, all
epeoialiete in their departments, besides a teacher of
walking, riding and oaliethenloe, are prepared to do
thorough work, and meet the reasonable expecta-
tions of the beet patronage. Students are prepared
for teaohere and matriculation examinations. $142
secures board, laundry, and tuition in English and
modern languages, muelo, drawing, and calisthenics,
for one year. Those drafting admission should make
early and definite application to REV. J. d, HARE,
SL A, Principal.
THE ALLODIAL .ARt U S
Giving valuable information to intending puroharera of
ands and houses.
R. W. Iirittie & Co.
Real Notate Agents Oommieslouer,, Valuator,, Trio).t es, ar d Financial Agents ROOM 0,, Arcade, -
Vonge Street, Toronto,
fiend let, stamp for a. ors v of the aper.
UUUR
WELL BORING
BUY THE STAR,
Will bore 5 to 25 inch hole; hand or boresepower • 20
feet per hour, Our eom12100d augur and Rook Drill a
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ur Catalogue.
6$ diary Street, Halmilton, Ont.
VALUABLE SECRET AND RECIPE
For a treatment for Catarrh, hoareenesa, bronchitis
sore throat, tto. Going both local and constitutional
this treatment always effects quick and permanent
cures of even the worst caeos. Catarrh causes halt
of the cases of ooneumption, and thus merles off year.
ly thousands of victims : it le folly to neglect it in
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Cure guaranteed or money refunded. Address,
t►T . Lt.. .®. Ya 3Ca
CANADA PERMANENT
LOAN at sA'ti1NGa COMPANY
INOOnPORATSD A.D. 1885.
s1:113S01t1'BED CAPITAL 0000,900
PAID UP CAPITAL 2,200,000
RESERVE FUND 1,100,100
TOTAL ASSETS 8,800,000
OFFICE s—Coyh1 Bldgs. Toronto St, TArsitta.
STRAIGHT LOANS,
OR CREDIT FONCIER PLAN.
She Company hae a large amount of money to lend on
Real Estate securities at the lowest current rate of In.
tritest repayable either in one sum or by instalments aa
may bo desired by the borrower.
Applloatian0 may be made direct to the undersigned
by letter or otherwlee or to the'looal representatives of
the Company throualsont Ontario. As the Company
always has funds on hand no delay need be expecte
Expense reduced W minimum.
Mortgaged and Municipal Debentures purchased.
J, 1011031t1tT BOON, ManagingDireek ,
1 CHURCH STREET, TORONTO
CAUTION!
Each Plug or the
MYRTLE NAVY 1
1S MARKED
sEWD FORc1RcUL r N
IsjoitrftE
. STEA
BOIL
84 PUMPS
TE:REQUIOEMENTS
PURPC SE.SAR. ,tf):SN,48QVER .+T0
1.11VIONts MALT -MI
60,000 acres of improved and unimproved farming
lands. Send for our Real Estate Journal.
POSTAL a0 CREITii. Evart, Michigan.
J. & J. TAYLOR
TORONTO SAFE In'ORKS, i
ESTABLISHED 1855.
MANUFACTURERS OF FIRE
AND
Burglar Proof Safes
STEEL 'FAULTS, VAULT DOORS,
cofilat1NAT1UN BANK LOCKS,
Prison Locks, and all kihds of Fire and
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Patentees and solo manutaeturere of Fire-prool
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have been demonstrated by actual testa to be the
best fire -resisting sates now made, A number of
econd-hand Fire -proof Safes now In stock, at low
prices—also Five 'lecond•Ffand Burglar•Proof_Safee,
suitable for Prim. Bankore or Jewellers,
FACTORY AND SALESROOM,
H7 & H9 FRONT STREET EAST, TORONTO
In Bronze Lettere.:
NONE OTHER GENUINE]
Conntrystorekeepere and others Dandling and
Packing Butter will find It to their advantage to
use the
Celebrated Walker Butter Worker.
Special sizes for use of farmers, Price list and o1r
oulare Benton application to
JAMES PARK *tt SON,
41to47 Sr. LAWRENCE MAREBT TOE Oh TO,
GURNEY & WTI1tE'S
STANDARD SCALES
Arc the Beat, At.
tested by the Fact
that thorn are more of
our scales in use In
the Dominion than
of all other makes
combined. any,
Stock and Coal 17
Scales, Farmers'
Drain and Dairy Scales, Groccrs'at-Butchers'
genies, scales for Domestic Esc.
Housekeepers, Consult Your Best
Interests
By purchasing a scale, and In buying ono be euro
to get the boat. Our Kielce are fully warranted in
every particular. All sizes Railroad, Warehouse
and Mill Trucks. Alarm Money Drawers.
For sale by the Hardware Trade generally, II-
luetreted Catalogue and Price List forwarded upon
application.
GURNEY & WARE
HAMILTON.
W&asuouelts—Montreal and Winnipeg.
CUT THIS OUT
The New Co -Operative
• u
ewing aachines
--ARE THE --
BEST IN THE MARKET.
NEW }STAND! NEW FUILNITIiBE!
Latest improved Attachments
Agents price for similar machine $80
Our prioo only $25 each.
Before buying send as stamp for our elegant photo
,rads and,ample of sowin .
ti: Machines guaranteed for three 70810 and sant on
II al.
Any 18dy wanting a machine will do well to tulle to
I'H* CO.OPICHATIV=
Sewing Machine Co.
t 22 amass fi SOLiIIt, BAUILTOltt
Allo Line Royal Mail Steamship*5
SoIilsg during winter trona Portland every Thnrsda
and Manth: every Saturday to Liverpool and inantnwm
typal Quebec) Ovary Saturday toLiverpool, calling at Lo
dondorry to land mails and paosen ora for Scotland as
Irei►ud. Also 'TOM Baltimore via Halifax and St, John',
N. 18.. So Liverpool fortnightly during summer moa1bI
The steamers of the Glasgow lines sail during
winter
to and from Halifax, Portland, Boston and Ihlladsl-
phla; and during summer between Glasgow and Mon.
tr- al.weekly• Glasgow and Boston, weakly: and Glasgow
and Philadelphia, fortnightly.
S'or £re!ght, passage, or other informed$*
apply 90 A Sohnmaoher it Co., Baltimore; B
Canard & Co, Halifax; Shea & Co., 84. John's
57. F. 1 Wm. Thomson it Co., St. John, N. B.
Ulan £r. Co., Chicago; Love & Aldon, Neff
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JOHNSTOto FLUID BEEF
It fa the only preparation 'of the ;dad valet
cantatas all the nutritious, together with 814
stimulating, properties of beef, and the 01113
000 .which ham the power to supple nottrisia,
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.ALIS iNg c c Iai i Cil -E8
(IN AFFILIATION WITH VICTORIA UNIVERSITY, COBOURG) BELLEVILLE, ONTARIO.
This Co.lege, founded In 1814, has had iu attendance over 3000 different students. 99 offers unanrpaerel facili-
ties for "general culture" and for matrioulatisn io Arts, Law etc„ at a moderate cost. The Collegiate Course
embraces both `matriculation work" end seleoted etudieo lu Science and Philosophy. The Academy of Music
has awarded 20 dip'omss of graduation in three years, It wee never so popular as now. The Business Coheir
le sudor the direction of a practfeat eco untant, Ornamental .Ycamamhlp a specialty. Rho School of Art ra
in affiliation with the Ontario School of Art, and teaches its coursers,
ar A special course of lectures for conference students of the Methodist' Church, in which the Rev, Dra. Gar-
man, Jellars, the Rev. J. B. Clarkson, M.A., and others tyke part, will be given during the winter months.
Vir A reduction in 'fees t f 10 per cent. (instead of a defini e rum as formerly) is granted to etudents taking two
or more Departments. Bath ladies and gentlemen admittei.
FOR "ANNUAL ANNCUNCEMENT" AHD CIRCULARS. ADDRESS
lE EV. V6'. P. D017 -]EIEC., M.A., PRESIDENT.
Of
ass
0
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oz.
$10 Reward, for the Conviction
Dealers who of -M O L'Sferior Oil of Other
far and Sell In- V Manufacture for
ccs
Pezi
LAR
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l'ei
tat
Eureka Cylinder, Bolt
Cutting & Wool Oils. ger sale by all leading dealers. 111IcCo Bros. to Co.,
SAMUEL ROGERS & CO,
--MANUFACTURERS OF—
—AND OTHER--
in'1V.L .E11.. G 3C -3C 3E 17t7 101 CP Xi 9S
GOLD MEDALS AND FIRST PRIZES WHEREVER EXHIBITED.
Queen City Oil Works, Toronto.
MERIDEN CAUTION
BRITANN A
COMPANY.
FINEST
Goods stamped Meri-
den Silver Plate Co.,
are not our make. If
Pon want reliable good,
L rteinsist on getting those
r l,,i.1ai •, -m.ade by the
1.01 IT
•
0;/
Electro Plato,,
ERIDEN BRITAN
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AMILTON, , • ONT.
Examine Their Superior 11 erit !
NEW... HARRIS I10T AIR FURNACES'
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THE E. & C. GURNEY CO.
(L13SlTED.)