HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Times, 1893-02-17, Page 7T WT GUAM TIMES, FEBRUARY 17, 1893,
':,axed Mrs, .Bowyer Diocusa. DoK
nl.estlo 1a tatters.
When Mr.13owser, oaree up to luncheon
the other day and saw a goat nibbling away
at a piece of stovepipe in the back yard 11e
caught his breath and exclaimed
Well, of tell the silly things you over did
this is the worst I Got a goat, eli? Pro.
bably paid 10 or 12 dollars for him—and of
all the mean and useless auimals on the
acs of the earth to goat is the climax! If
you are left a widow you'll ruu through
every dollar in three months]
Mr, Bowser, calmly replied Mrs. Bowser
as the goat loft the stovepipe to bunt for
frshbones, do you remember when ,you
bought a horse for $250,
What of it ?
Nothing, except that in about 10 days
you sold him for about $100 and was tickled
to death to get rid of hien. You bought
him for sound horse, but it turned out
that he was wiudbroken, spavined, ring -
boned, near-sighted, vicious, 20 years old
and--
It didn't turn out anything of the sort!
You got afraid to ride after him, and what
could I do but sell 11im ? And what has a
horse to do with a goat ? Of all the silly,
senseless thing a woman ever did this is
the cap sheaf ! I'll bet a hundred dollars
to a cent you paid as much as $15 for
him !
And after the horse came a eow, quietly
observed Mrs. Bowser. I coaxed and
argued, bet you were bound to have a cow.
You paid $40 for a red eow. She wee guar
%Mead a now milch cow, The seller guar-
anteed that she would give 19 quarts. of
milk a day. In ono week ---
In one week, Mrs. Bowser, yen drove me
into parting with her 1 You were obstinate
and determined. You used to go out and
torment hor till she was half crazy. I sold
her for fin to save hor life, poor brute!.
Look at the goat chewing an oyster can!
Of all the fool things in creation a goat
takes the cake! I can get a car loud of
goats for $2 apiece, but I suppose you paid
$20 for this one.
And after the cow a pig, ootttinued Mrs.
Bowser, with a sigh of regret. 'You paid
$12 for a $3 pig, went to the exppense of $5
for a pen, and in four days you sold the
pig for $2.50 and smashed the pen into
kindling wood, You thought it world bo
homelike to have a pig. .You figured out a
profit of $30 in three months but --
But what ? shouted Mr. Bowser at the
top of his voice. You were down' on that
pig from the hour that I got him. You
used to go out and pound nim with the hoe
handle and throw boiling water over him!
I found marks on 'aim where you knocked
him down with a crowbar ! I sold him out
of a feeling of mercy, and you kuow it 1
Whatever put it into your head to pay $20
or $25 for a good-for-nothing squint-eyed
sap -headed brute of a goat 1
Then came chickens, Mr, Bowser—$25
for chickens and $10 or $12 for a coop, to
say nothing of poultry books and patent
food. You wanted to hear your own roost-
ers crow in the morning. You wanted
fresh eggs from your own coop. YOU were
going to make enough profit in three months
to pay for everything. In ten clays you—
Yes, in ten days T had to sell what few
hens remained alive for a quarter apiece,
but wily was it ? he almost yelled. Who
went out to that coop with a baseball bat
and pounded them into the earth? Who
sneaked out and raised paris green with
•
1'fl
1. �^lf •a���
BYSPECIAL ROYAL APPOINTMENT "int'
A
Wash Day
AND
No Steam
IN THE
nse
AA D the work
se out clown
that young
girl or delicate
woman can do a
family weenie
without boing
tired.
NO HEAVY Baetsll
TO LIFT
You )aye
NOW
BY US1NC
igjh
A
their food ? Who jabbed 'oxo with the
alotbespole until the neighbors threatened
to have her arrested? I lost xnoney, but
why? And what'a.that miserable critter
of yours trying to do stow: bucking a;'ia
the here in that fashion? Of an the silly
idhotio things I ever heard of in my life
this, buying ta, goat swoepa the board. If I'd
even paid $2 for hila yo;t'd nava brained
him with a spade,
Aid then you bought a dog, continued
Mrs. Bowser, with a little pathos is her
tones. Re was it setter. Then name a
patient tire escape, which escaped $30 out
of your pocket. Then you bought some
microbe killer and almost killed the cools
and had so pay leer $50 (iarnagee. Then
some one told you to sleep ina lxamtnook,
and you fell•aad broke your leg. Was it
after that you started hi tp disinfect the
house and set it on fire andeaused us a loss
of 158(10.
That mus all awful dose for Mr. Bowser,
He gulped and swallowed and turned pale,
but he felt that the goat was the key of the
situation. Just thou, as if to favor him,
the animal got a beef hone stuck in his
throat and he opened a circus performance
of the funniest kind,
Behold your purchase, Mrs. Bowser,
Isn't be funny ? Way don't yQu laugh ?
Better send word to the idiot asylum and
have about a hundred of the inmates Dome
Clown and enioy it with you! I suppose
your next purchase will be a baby rhino.
cores or a five legged giraffe! If I hadn't
more sense than to—
At that moment a neighbor's boy called
to get the goat, saying he was much obliged
to Mee. Bowser for keeping it for an hour
while he WAS making a pen, The girl aloe
announced the luncheon was ou, and fur-
ther ooaveraatiou was suddenly dropped.
It wile nearly uigbt before Mr. Bowser
could figure up results with any satisfao
tion to nig side, and even us he chuckled a
little he felt bound to,cautidn himself;
Mighty close shave, that way I I made
my mistake in jumping into the goat too
soon 1 Curious woman, Mrs. Bowser is !
She can remember every little thing clear
buck to the flood, and I've got to hold the
reins of government with a tight band or
she'll get the better of me some day!
4leeb1d111g to gasy' p >.+eetiet15
rut aside your own ideas neat walh•day
tatty the easy, clean, 11 SUJVLICttly'" wasr.
POlin hots another wash -day gobywithout
The Plain Troth
Is good enough for Flood's Sarsaparilla --
there is no need of embellishment or sen-
sationalism. Sithpiy what Hood's Sarsa-
parilla does, that tells the story of its
merit, If you have uever realized its bene-
fits a single bottle will convince you it is a
good lnedieiue.
Short sto;?g.
A. high flyer—'.elle oaglo.
'ticking on the stage has now become a
high art.
Rome po>plo are 44, plain and disagree-
able as the truth.
The only fresh weed' fish in' the Canary
Islands is the eel,
What author does ucotly like to see at
his door? 1Volfe. i
'Brazil has passed t lavi encouraging
Chinese immigration,
It takes the shortest the for the worst
things to happen,
Perfectly white cats,
eyes, are nearly all deaf. ;.
Give a man a new
he will write his owe na
they ,have 'blue
pan to try, and
ae.
Two modern Italiau foe jars holding
about twenty quarts, are almost identical
in shape and size with tl amphoras found
in Pompeii.
Among the Saxons, whet} drinking
hoalths, as many cups w :e drunk as there
were letters in the name of the person
complimented.
It is estimated. that it oasts the well -to-
' do people in this country $125,000,000 an-
nually to support charitable institutions,
while at least $500,000,00t) aro invested in
permanent building); where the needy are
cared for.
The best -lighted city in Europe is
Milan. American machinery Duly is em-
ployed in its two central stations. A cur-
ious feature of the system of distribution
'is that the wires; instead of being carried
on polos, are suspended from the brackets
under the eaves of the houses.
The highest praise has been won by
Hoov's ''ills for their easy, yet efficient
action. Sold by all druggists, Price 25
cerate.
Cought in His Own Trap.,
Two ministers were once conversing
on extemporaneous preaching.
Well, said the elder of the two,
waxing warm. Yon are ruining your.
self by writing your sermons and read-
ing them off. Your congregation can-
not become interested in your preach
ing, and if you were called upon uuex-
pretedly,ur:lessyou could get holes of an
old sermon you would be completely
confused.
The young divine used all his ele-
quence bot all in vain, to convince his
brother that the written sermons ex-
pressed his thoughts and feelin s, and
if called upon he could preach extem-
poraneously.
As we ure of she same fnith,said he,
suppose you try me next Sunday
morning!. On ascending the pulpit
you can hand we to text from any part
of the Bible and I will convince you
that I can preach without Ilevinglooka
ed at the text before I stood up. Lilae-
wise, I must he allowed the salve pri-
vilege with you, and we will theta sea
who will make the best of it.
The idea seemed to delight the older
preacher, and it was immediately
agreed upon.
The fotiowing Sabbath, on mount-
ing the pulpit, the senior brother hand•
ed the younger Minister a slip oft
a diets was written : 'And the; ass
spike,' from which the younger divine
pr,'ached a glorioosly good sermon,
eluiining the attention of his delight-
ed bearers and ellarnting his old friend
with his atucluenee, For the atter•
noon the younger minister handed a
slip to the elder. After rising and
opening the Bible the old man glanced
at the slip and thee' in *doleful voice
he read aloud : 'Ani I not thine ass V
1?ausing a few minutes he ran his
fingers through his hair, strttightenetl
his collar, blew his nose in a nervous
jerking way, and read stgain: 'Aro I
not thine sets ?' Another pause,during
which delay silence reigned, and again
the old divine read in solid tones, 'Asn
I not thine ass!
rlillon glancing at his friend, who
sat directly behind, he said, in a sad
voice, T think 1 ata, brother, 'rho
Miltitsn.
The latest whim for the owners of dogs
is to.make them wens shoes in the house
for the purpose of protecting the polished
floors. They are made of chamois, with
leather soles.
A. fast penman will write at the rate of
thirty words a minute, which means that
in an hour's steady writing he has drawn
his pen along a space of 300 yards.
It has No Equal.
DEAR SIRS,—I have used your Rag-
yarCl'e Yellow Oil for many years,
and have found it unequalled for burue,
scalds, outs, etc.
•
Mur A. Comma Erin, Ont.
He Was Suspicious..
Even a statesman is picked up some-
times, remarked the M. P. to a crowd of
listeners. On one occasion I was going
over my district to get posted, and in my
rambles I ran across an old fellow away
up on the head quarters of a creek. Re
was hoeing corn in a field near the road,
and I stopped to talk with him.
Good morning, I said pleasantly.
Mornin', he responded, but never stopped
his hoeing.
Bight nice looking field, I remarked.
Might be w'.trs, bo replied, still hoeing.
Excuse me, I ventured, but I'm the
Member of Parliament from this district.
Airyeti? he asked, still hoeing. I voted
for yoa,
I'm much obliged, I'm,sere, I said. I'm
up hero now taking e. look over the country.
Well, I hadn't no objection, he said,
still hoeing, of you don't take nothin' else,
and he looked at mo so suspiciottsly that I
bade him good day and rode on.
How to Got a '•tiunligbt'' nature..
Send 2d "Sunlight" Soap wrappers. (the
large wrapper) to Lirvl,rt Baan., Ltd., 43
Scott St., 'Toronto, and you will receive by
post a pretty 'Dieture..free from advertising,
end well worth framing. This is an easy
'Way to decorate your home, The soap is
the hest in the market, and it will only
cost 1c postege to send in the wraopers, if
you leave the elide open. Write your
address carefully,
wiilienne Royal Crown i etnedy, A'reetegt careen
Rutleanr natality,
e1asn tt aigie, Psndyidtc
Yankee Curiosity.
Mr. Depsw, at the New England Dinner
in New York, called Yankee curiosity a
social irritant and a natural blessing, He
said : They have questioned me as to my
birth and genealogy, religion and politics,
assets and debts, and income and expenses,
where I intend to die and expect to bo
buried, and the style of monument I have
selected for my grave. When Chief Justiee
Coleridge, of England, was here,' took him
up to New Haven in a private oar to visit
Yale. A typical Connoetient man jumped
on the oar in the New Haven depot, and I
said : ilify friend, this car is private.
Oh, said he, fnueral ?
No, I answered.
Wedding ?
No.
Excursion?
No.
Well, then, would you mind telling me
what it is for 7
I explained and pointed out the Chief
justice. Firm looting man, lie said : got
afoocl head; by the way, what might hie
salary be?
Atlas nand have learend se ndthir'g
abetit the weigh of the world.
The man who plays the first violin
its A orchestra is always pron.init.
'hie playa teoond'to alone.
0.2 008 ^u_go!' i :.., tJ, + r ''71
4'HCGilf n 9 p
{
G011ull Gil ' f E '
R-6177
; Wi�l�` d sgi..•. X48
Cures Qlcn3um:rtion, Coughs, Croup, Sore
nihroat* Sold by all Druggato ono Guarantee.
l;nru Lame Lido, Bac', -or ChcrtShllah'ePorotie
Ploctec wili wee grcc tratcsfrctior,-'-o cent,.
dire. T. .l1awi in3,C ntOthutoo ti,�'onu„s:tyl7i
F 1 h Y'
� �ai101a s P'I alt„or e`ir2VJJD slf2 ZrIN're. X
etY7tSwr'iitt;V r�"'9'e;neatifora 2 iatt4t'DdRNdt.ene
3ceOr'wad. " ;'er37yspc .,la eiritcr,o::ICiduo;7
vmubleitezeels. 1. ricoascii..
'• f 4mr..nf-r'� ��'F.s"r G.i til, t✓J Cru
kftiveYon C,atnrr•e? Try t ieRexnerly, lt'tallt
1>n,=itivtiiy mauve sari Coe ya.t. Price 50 ots.
Chis lnieetr.r for t e t c r sfrxl trestnicut is
l;urnt.,bec. Cres 1 nits h sl cut dies
rare solei one, "Ts—an!.. ? t: tl a Qatia10Ct1ou..
For over indulgence in Eat-
ing for Drinking it is a Specific
For Sale by All Druggists
And 'Wholesale by 1.01%1110iti'
DRUG CO., London Ont.
HALSTED & SCOTT
-#-J A_5..T=Thl Rs..
Josephine Street • - Whrhatn, Ont.
J. A. HAL$1'so,I W. SCOTT,
Mount Forest. Listowel.
Deposits Received and Interest
allowed.
Money Advanced to Farmers and
Business Men,
On long or short time, on endorsed notes
or collateral security. Sale notes bought
at a fair valuation. stoney remitted to all
parts of Canada at reasonable charges.
Specie,' Attention Given to Col-
lecting .Accounts and Notes.
Agents in Canada ---'rhe Merchants' Bask
of Canadal
Oftice Hours—From 9 a. m. to 5 p. m.
A. E. SMITH,
Arco.
,1 orwy .
Syr Lip,
the lung healing virtunc of the Pine
ineri with the soothing and expectorant i`
reiee of other pectoral herbs and ban's. j
61 P E:F=1' CLII1E FON Il
", G
' "oar:.eucts, Asthma, Bronchitis, Sere'1'hro,t, Il
r: :tr:t al! T nnOAT, BRONCHIA:_. r:ad e
i ii x t n' r . Obstinate coughs which
t r s lrieid promptly tar t. ;. 4
pit.,,sa„t;„u,. cy tip.
F(' ;=.^rhJL ac. AND t::]^.,
Yt El,s�•.,!yvs-q/\ . . "AML'WXIi.•JT+6l.JNAFIlA'MaTTwd
HAVE YOU
C.
Q
i•) "Backache,
) means the kid-'
»cys aro in
ef, trouble. Dodd's
i Kidney Pills give
prompt relief.•
•`: "7.5 per cont.
gas
of disease is
'? first caused by
t.. 'd.cordcred kid-
411fIght as well
'r erg to have a
healthy city
:)ithout sewer-
arie as good
"7, herdth when the
eidneya are
r egged, they tire
Sold by ail dealers or smithy tnaiton receipt
rn,t pr,ee to tenidts, per box or six for $r.50.
11r L A. Smith te Co. Toronto. Write far
, .kney Tales.
the scavengers
cf the system.
`y "Delay is
dangerous. Neg-
lected kidney
troubles result
in Bad Blood,
Dyspepsia, Liner Complaint, and
and
the Meet clan. !,
got'eus o f all, dt
Brights Disease,
Diabetes and go
Dropsy.”
"Tho above ft
diseases cannot
exist where ire
Dodd's Kidney 4 •
Pills are used." ted
TRADZ SALE
1n connection with nv Leather Rootand
1 Stores.
eep s
full etoek 01
SHOE DRESSING?
%Iathawny. , Whitmore's, Zanoni, *each Dressing,
IioIIpse, 111xby'e, Perfect Hid, ere, in 10, 15 and SDo
sizes, by the gross or dozen. dacnnot's French
Sleeking and Oray's climax waterproof.
.kms J t ?,
In Leather, Horsehide, )n;;ilsh 1Slp, Porpoise, tto
Cotton and 'Rifle, in al Iongths,
Button fasteners and lotto, Rork soles, kc,
81-10E LF AT RER,
Peso'!; Remedy for Catarrh is rho
est, Easiest to i15e, tied Cbeapest.
Said by druggists or sett try Mail.
sic. 1$,'1'. Hatelt1ne.\' 6rr'eo, 1'a.
Shnorr Alma, bal and 01 an
also native kip nd upper,
sale.
il>txatiiia>rt Pantren Ra
TR111 TAMA,
Trains arrIre depart aelollowe:
LIrAYUip
,..'S6 ». at. •..., ....Yat Teranie ... ,:,:u ti
thOo ie, rn s.eo
':Otl;r,nt kor.erswaker.......,:Ctu
10:35 p. sit " 10:51 •:
-
d'$ .V8 irt��i ttA:k. A13niye: AT Wt%Oil
0:es to to.Torottto,Ouciph,t'altncrctee, 6:r. 3%71411:30 <, ie t'3
3:50 n.nt.
3rezzonia Kip and Caif ; 1
Spanish and slaughter 1
1
11
HARNESS LEATHER,
Best brands on hand in oak and hemlock, Spools
took for traces in oak.
Patronage solicited, Prlcesguaranteed. A posts
^,rd will secure quotations ora,call front my t ravel
C
W. J. CHArNAN,
Tanner and Leather IMe:cltant,
1Vreaw ar
•' °• Clinton '•
7:15 " „.. Palmerston, Ittiscd 10.4' ,s
a 43 a. in ,. London, an ..., ...ilia •Y
s:50 p.m. " 7:to n
thee tam, ..... ., Kincardine, ate ., ...,. £war?
3,37 p.nt " Inttt
10•eK •' 't 7:15p,
CAVEATS,
TRADE MARYeS,
COPYRIGHTS, eta.
For information end free $andbook mite to
NUNS fa CO. 861 13xxaADWAY, NM Your.
OIvory Putout eureantoken securing by us is patents brought helorr
the public by a notice given free or charge in tit
Amerlav
Largest Circulation of any ecleutl3e paper in tit
world. Splendidly tiluettrathd. No ftatell*gen
man should be without it. Weer'Y 3.00p
¶oar: $1,80s1�:m nthe;. Ad ea WJ r t3t):
t'UnLisiii"BS, 3131 Ixroadwu ,Naw YoCity.
FOR TiiE BEST VA1013
is
IN
ORD ER 'YD CLOTHING,
H.A.TS,
GO TO
tBSTER'S
CAPS, SHIRTS,
COLLARS, CUFFS,
Cheap for KASH,
AT --
0
t,
ATV.
1-iJ 13 S T Iii! Hi } S, �}
t
14ftr'E�sx,'
• r12h s}�,
11;11°
X145. �'`"'r' •�5
qiepe
Jy�
All intending purchasers of stoves for
winter will save money by buying from:
SU
Having bought a very large variety of
HEATING AND COOK
ma„ +s<v mv. Ve
.-..diP
to choose from
;ya:t,•ery stpve guaranteed against breakage
to give complete satisfaction.
D. SUTE1RLA.N D.
'iughMn, Ootobor 8th 1801.