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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Clinton New Era, 1888-03-02, Page 8r WAY MARCH a, 1889. HUMOR Wbialtey lowers the man and raises the devil, ' Wby should a blockhead be pro - ;noted? Because be is equal to any post. Beading by lamplight probably accounts for the different shades of opinion, The road to`success it open to all, but too many want to get there with- out the trouble of going. Sometimes a dude says a clever thing; but generally the best thing be gats off aro clothes. A joker tells of a capitalist so timid that he will not let well enough a loan without good security. .....A great many people who are crazy to get into the social swim are drowned before they can get out. The obscure Arab who invented alcoholic stimulants died more than 900 years ago, but his `spirit' still lives. 'Shall I sing for you, Tom?" Have you a song with a refrain?' 'Yes.' 'Well then, please refrain.' 'See here, waiter, how is it that I find a trousers button in my salad?' Dat am a part ob de dressing, sah." Why is a cornet player like a signal service storm observer? One blows the notes and the other notes 4►4re 'blows.' 'Are there no statesmen left?' asks a politician. Yes sir, a good many. There are dozens of them 1 eft at every election. Jones(who catches the pastor out fishing): Good morning, doctor! Are you studying theology? Minister Yes, Ichthyology. -.. IE is sad to see family relics sold under auction, but the most painful thing under the hammer is generally your thumb nail. A Pittsburg- woman owns up to having been so badly frightened in a recent storm that, as she herself put it, she "shook like an ashpan.' It is a good rule to accept only such medicines as are known to be worthy of confidence. It has been the ex- perience of thousands that Ayer's Cherry Pectoral is the best medicine ever used for throat and lnng diseases. Tidbits tells the story of a con- ductor on a slow railroad train who told one passenger he had been on the road for nine years. 'Then' said the passenger, 'this mi'Qt be your second trip.' ust throw me half a dozen of your biggest trout,' said a citizen to he fish dealer. 'Throw them?' eried the dealer. 'Yes, and then go home and tell my wife that ight'em, I may be a poor snerman, but I am not a liar,' 'Ohl dear!' sighed Widow Jones. John had only made a will, the:e V^ wouldn't be all this trouble about the property.' 'Do the lawyers bother you?' 'Bother me? They al- most worry the life out me. I de- clare, I sometimes wish John hadn't died. An Advanced Student—Jamie (preparing to say the Sunday -school lesson)"Here are my verses, Aunt Ethel, in the last ch��spptsr of Reve=1 iattttlllr.' `irlaud'w il�t'i�l j olluertieslual the Second reader and had prospects fpromotion)-'Oh Aunt Ethel is oJamie going out of the Bible?' $500 REWARD. For many years the manufacturera of Dr Sage's Catarrh Remedy have of- fered,in good faith, a standing reward of $500 for a case of chronic nasal catarrh which they cannot cure. No matter how had the diseases `has be- come, or of t:ow many years standing it yields, ill due time, to their skill. This famous remedy is, sold by drug- gists at 50 cents. Influential Citizen— 'So yer thinkin' uv locatin' hyur, air ye?' Young Physician—Well, yes, I had thought some of practicing here.' Intleential Citizen—'Prac- ticin'1 Look hyur, young man, that's a good openin' hyur fur a doctor ez un'erstans his biz, but we don't want no practicin'; doctorin's what we want.' A woman can carry enough par - cols into a horse car to fill up one side of the car, and pick them up in ono arm when she gets off at a crossiug, and had a pair of twins, carry an umbrella, and bold up her shirts in the other hand. A man would be certain to lose the twins. ,p,,, fenny. • —.•.— 53r. Pioreo'e : nvortfe'Presc•ription if, at legitirnantc medicine, carefully WHAT ONE MAN ENDURED. compounded by an ex }e;•iu need sand elrillful physician, and ad::;,tc.1 to wornau's delicate organization. It ie purely vtegetnble ,n ita Composition and "'erfe;,ti ✓ br rt,lc•ss in its effects in any conditit,n of the system. For tnurnh,!i siclium•se, tat monied, from whatever cause suiyinr, wctc:c e n•Imrh, indigestion, dys- pepsia and kind;od sy;r,pt.:ms, its use, in small dosis, v, -ill prove '•,•; •; b.•nrnrial. "Favorite e erigriou»isaposit- tive cure for the most ec.n:pllcated and ob- stinate cases of 1, ur• riffica, excessive Cowing, painful goer`:+t.•ua'ion: nnnatnrai suppressions, prolapses, or failing nit 1ha womb, weak back, female weakness;" anteversion, retroversion, bearing -down sensations, chronic congestion, inflammation and ehe.rettou el' the womb, in- flammation, pain and tenderness in ovaries; w n erns tea . •hiaabdomen and nearly half of his liver was torn out. The doctor de. cided be could live but a few hours at the most. His friends, however, were more hopeful. They removed him to Bellevue Hospital, New York. On his arrival there was -still some breath left in his mangled body. The skull , vas trepanned, the bones care- fully set where they could be, the knee -cap of the left leg which was altogether crushed was removed, a sil- ver tube was inserted in the place of the madg'e I organs of the throat. In spite of these frightful injuries, Burns grew stronger, and in seventeen months after entering the hospital was in apparenrly good health and suffering little pain. The injury to the spine was overcome by means of a plaster of Paris cast which enabled him to keep erect. The most serious trouble left was that whenever ex-. cited he suffers serious hemorrhage through the tube in his throat. Lades Only. The complexion is often rer.dered un- sightly by Pimples, Liver Spots and Yel- owness. These it is well known are caused from an inactive Liver and bad blood. Dr Chase's Liver Cure purifies the blood and whole system. See recipe book for toilet recipes, hints and suggestions on how to preserve the complexion. By all druggists Madame Timothy Simard nee Marie Cole, who died at Bale St.Paul, was 83 years of age, Madame Simard bas been married 64 years, and had 14 children and 36 of her gandchild- Fen were married. Her children, grandchildren and great grandchild- ren numbered 250. Don't Wait Until your hair becomes dry, thin, and gray before giving the attention needed to preserve its beauty and vitality. Keep on your toilet -table a bottle of Ayer's HeZr Vigor—the only dressing you require for the bair—and use a little, daily, to preserve the natural color and prevent baldness. Thomas Munday, Sharon Grove, Ky., writes : "Several months ago ray hair commenced falling out, and in a few weeks any head was almost bald. I tried many remedies, but they did no good. I finally bought a bottle of Ayer's Hair Vigor, and, after using only a part of the contents, my head was covered with a heavy growth of hair. I recom- mend your preparation as the best hair - restorer in the world." "My hair was faded and dry," writes Mabel -C. Hardy, of Delavan, Ill.; " but after using a bottle of Ayer's Hair Vigor it became black and glossy." Ayer's Hair Vigor, Sold by Druggists and Perfumers. Pimples and Blotches, So disfiguring to the face, forehead, and neck, may be entirely removed by the use of Ayer's Sarsaparilla, the best and safest Alterative and Blood -Purifier ever discovered. Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co., Lowell, Mass. Sold by Druggists; $1; six bottles for $5, Business Change FURNITURE A '.=== ND —='UNDERTAKING TO MY CUSTOMERS AND FRIENDS IN CLINTON AND SURROUNDING COUNTRY:--- After over 80 years of business life in Clinton, I have retired from the furniture and undertaking line, and the business will be carried on by my son, J. C. Stevenson. I thank those who gave me their custom for so many years, and ask you to continue your patronage to the establish- ment, as my son has a long experience as a Manufacturer of Furniture and Undertaker and Funeral Director, having for a number of years taken the oversight in both of these departments. Orders entrusted to him will be satisfactorily filled. THOS. STEVENSON, FURNITURE &c. As I will in future carry on the business of Furniture & Undertaking, Albert St,,Clinton As mentioned above, I will endeavor to sell reasonable, to conduct business on f.ir business principles, and hope by giving a good article for a fair price, to command a share of public patronage. lStocktaking and a Great Reduction in Prices may be looked for in a slhol t time, J. C. 'TEV'iENSON The treatment of many thousands of cases of those chronic weaknesses and distressing ailments peculiar to females, at the Invalids' Hotel and Surgical Instituto, Buffalo, N. Y., has afforded a vast experience'in nicely adapt- ing and thoroughly testing remedies for the cure of woman's peculiar maladies. Dr. Yieree9s Favorite Prescription is the outgrowth, or result, of this,great and valuable experience. Thousands' of testimo- nials, received from patients and from physi- cians who have tested it in the more aggra- vated and obstinate cased which had hauled their skill, prove it to be the most wonderful remedy ever devised for the relief and cure of suffering women. It is not recommended as a euro-ali," but as a most perfect Specific for woman's peculiar ailments.. As a powerful invigorating tonic, it imparts strength to tbo whole system, and to the womb and 1te appendages In particular.. For overworked, worn -out, run-down," debilitated teachers, milliners, dressmakers, seamstresses, "shop -girls," house- keepers, nursing mothers, and feeble women generally, hr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription is the greatest earthly boon, being unequaled as an appetizing cordial and restorative tonic. As a soothing and strengthening nervine, Favorite Prescription" is une- qualed and is invaluable in nliayfng and sub- duing nervous excitability, irritability, ex- haustion, prostration, hysteria, spasms and other distressing, oervo,te symptoms com- monly attendant upon functional and organic disease of the womb. It induces refreshing sleep and relieves riontol enxiety aid de - It is merest commmonptace of course that very slight trifles ---a pin prick, an ia:•ect's bite, or something to outward appearance, a little for- midable, is often sufficient to destroy life. But even more wonderful is the amazing vitality exhibited by some constitutions under circumstances which, to all outward seeming must necessarily prove fatal A conspicu- ous case of the kind came under not. ice in Chicago the other day. The accompanied with •' i t 1 heat " As a regulator and promoter of fune- man is a standing wonder to the med• tfonal aetdon, at that critical (,erlod of change ical profession and to every body from Hir•ihood towomanhood, '1''avorite Pre - else who has ever heard of his case. sorlptson" is a perfectly safe retnedial agent, au l can produce only goo•1 results. It is In 1884 he Was engineer on the steam- equally efficacious and vahnN)Io In its efrecte er Cityof Columbia when •it ran on Winn taken for these disorders and derango- meats incident to that Inter and most critical the rocks of Gay's Head, off Martha's period, known as "Tho Cbango of life." ineyard, where it finally went to "Favorite Preacrlption,9"when taken pleCe He stuck to his ,est after in connection with the use of Dr. Pierce s•,F hoiden M•odlcal Disoovory, and emnll Iaxntive she had struck and used every effort doses of Dr. Pierea's Purgative Pellets Little "to get h off. Th k Liver Pill E 1 Ing full et engh be 1 att d over, er 0 e en tn9 nes w0r e), euros Liver, Kidney and B adder g diseases. Their combined nee also remove3 r when e e r. blood taints, and abolishes cnneerous..and the crank to -oil the eccentrics Hi i scrofulous humors from thea 4,em. arm a ss eau ht in the machinery and "Favor` e- PreserlpiIoii l fethe only g medicine for wtomen, sold by d gg be was thrown sense the crank -pit. Ync�urere,thatltwillgiveeritlsfnetionInevery Down came the huge cranL• u on him ru lets under a os t ve uaranteo from the manu- fs` P naso or money will be refunded, This guaran- and again, and again, and again, the has been printed on the bottle -wrapper, `Vhen finally rel`�R/� ed h0 was ajipar, anal faithfully carried out for many years. eptly nothing bui.mass of broken . Large bottles f100 doses) 91.00, or elk bottles tor• i8 n.0 . bones and mangled flesh. It is. skull For large, illustrated Treatise on Diseases of was fractured in two places, his arms Women (1130 pages, na or-coveredt, send ton cents in stamps. Address, end legs were crushed literally to i , p aces 1Js spine was badly injured, World's Dispensary Med a lard pieee of Reap was torn from Wei Association, 003 Main St., InUFFALO, N. Y. CL1TON 1B1 ERA. THE LARGEST AND BEST l� E-%vspAPER IN THE COUNTY. o#t*** t *5 **sl: - ****t***I One of the best equipped JobPrint- ins Offices in the district. • OUR AIM IS NOT TO DO CHEAP, BUT GOOD WORK. X:\* — ONLY COMPETENT :-: WORKMEN * EMPLOYED s: NEW LETTERS, Naw BORDERS NEW ORNAMENTs,FINE PAPERS, FIN E INKS, NOVEL CotrBINATIONS. Business Circulars --.t .SPECIALTY— NEAT. TASTY; ARTISTIC. OUR SAMPLES -p ere -SEE t„Ai�f t:A 'hI,''�iq_e�c:�_'e,nq tit WIWI n: a 0 tmir A 0 o 0 a a k kn Thott, _Popular HouseCoc4suse, Londesboroo Spring Goods arriv- ing daily and open- ing out very nice. The colorings and pat. terns in Prints and Dress Goods are very attractive, and these goods will no doubt have a rapid sale.; Secure what you want of these early. W. L. OUIMETTE, Lore DESBORO Calbick & Reith LEADING— UNDERTAKERS EMBALMERS ()LIMON :IN I) In our line of undertaking we fear. no competition, as we carry a very large stock of Good Goods, and as Funeral Directors, we are bound to give satisfaction. A call re- spectfully solicited. The Red Rocker T nitr ore, sL, CIJIiNrr ON 9ALBICK & REITH °SOO'PNINfi - UNPARALLELEDI" d CURE FOR HARD TIMES CREDIT CLEARING SALE OF DRYG000S,BOOTS& SNOES ADAMS' Emporium. :x: From now till March 1st, I will offer for sal© the entire stock of DRY GOODS, BOOTS and SHOES and WALL PAPER, on "CREDIT" to reliable parties, till the 25th of Dec., 1888, at the following "Discounts" from present prices. All sales of $5.00 and under, no Discount. All sales from $5.00 to $10.00 5 per c. Discount. All sales from $10 to $15, 7i per c. Discount All sales from $15 to $20, 10 per cent Discount All sales from $20 to $80, 12i per cent Discouut All sales from $30 to 85'0, 15 per cent Discount The stoop -is good, but too Largo at peewit, as I want room for Spring. Goods coming in. Thanking my customers for past favors, I would cor- dially invite them all to take advantage of this sale, and those who have not purchased from me before, will find it to their' profit to try now and be convinced that this is the place for bargains. R. ADAMS, LONDESBORO • 4m� 1111166... BUSINBSS = Amiom.aement, SPECIAL PALLISER'S 40c. Young Hyson Tea beats all comers at the price. 40c. Japan is a beauty. 50c. Black, Green or Japan are not to be surpassed. 60c. YoungllysonTea is the great leader 60c. Secret Blent Black is a Matchless Mixture 75c. Secret Blench Blank is the Favorite, And is specially called by that name, the Quality is Su- perb. SUGARS at merest profit on refiners prices. S. Palliser & Co's is the. place to buy Good and Cheap Groceries every time. tt ff ft if tt it ft if tt S. PALLI SE R & CO., New ;Furniture : Stock Opened out in ELLIOTT'S BLOC$, .NEXT DOOR TO TBE CITY BOOK STORE, CLINTON. BEDROOM SETS,RPARLOR SETS,LOUNGES, SIDEBOARDS, CHAIRS, &c., ANie A GENERAL ASSORTMENT OF THE VERY BEST MADE TURE AT REASONABLE PRICES. JOS. CHIDL J 'V. FURNI- gMas Goons: The subscriber, while thanking his friends for their patronage daring the past year, would remind them that he has a splendid stock of Holiday Goods, consisting of FRUITS. CANDIES, NUTS, FISH, &c. —BESIDES A FULL STOCK OF Choices°Family Groeeries,China, Crockery and C; lacswE.re. All sat Pottom Prices. • —A CALL SOLICITED,----.• t�. N. ROBSON, CHINA HALL. gt wamtI sig am;aa ewro 91 nP P. mid C1 V"4 mg antx fillO:x�vtd to os mg w u ria z lam m t:- ' 0"00 pp mw F. i+ l.' 7 �p, mh, Oh hl9 t� F] CIn2 2r Gp t-,'pmm ,; lymwm q,°oi `. gr al i O MI0fierVI .4C4 214 S°Ogt+�w,�bamUi al e'n e00 MI �°C1 am2.e°,:,,-.4020-. g 'gam 0 In 0 0 :61.; prp.7,1, "mez.0 m e,c, ..oC 2m ro...Ve 0 ' o.9,0 pFr �K0.3. .0 e ii .... Q°* 1-3:4. pa r ttEn a " �MisPwats'p'pba-ar, it m0 x.99 .a 0m` m-Pa°m'442 itt m }" ▪ • °I'9m a . aip5p'".. S'ISi. id lis' .Se �C)r of rri r�� C.n � 7 orifl1 (,./) The Year of 1887. Cannot let the occasion pass without returning my sincere and heartfelt thanks to the public for their very liberal patronage, and trust that by unceasing endeavor and unremitting attention to the wants and requirements of :: holy customers,. that I shall always merit a continuance of their favors. I will now continue the balance of my large and well assorted stock of FINE FURS AT COST PRICE; If you want a bargain, now is your chance to come and make a selection. G. GLASGOW, Next Thor to the Palace, Albert st , Clinton A A Positive Cure. • A Painless Cure. FACTS FOR MEN 01' ALL AGES. DISEASESM-V21VSPEC=PSC NC. e, TJIE GiRE,IT REALTn REJrEPIPER, Marvel of Heating, and Kohtnoor of Medicines, C= m the terrible consequence. or Indiscretion. Ezposare and Overwork. YOVN Cfp ivr==.L1M-AC1MID Ox.d3D V Who are broken down from the effects of abuse w1B find in No. 8 a radical cure for nervous debility. organic weakness, involuntary vital losses, etc. IYISr'roma Von waren No. 8 BROVLD UBSD,—Want of energy, vertigo, want`etpurpose, dimness of eight, aversion to society, want of confidence, avoidance of conversation, desire for solitude, listlessness and inability to fix the attention on a particular subject, cowardice, depression of spirits, giddiness, loos of memory, excitability of temper, eperT, matorrheea, or loss of the seminal fluid—the result of selt•abusoor marital excess—impo- tenok, `nutrition emaciation, barrenness, palpitation of the heart, bysteri feelings in tomato, tretnblinj, melancholy, dicturbin dreams, etc„ n, are all syptomaot this terrible habit, oftentimes tnnoeently acquhed. Inashort, the spring of vital force having lost its tension, every function wanes in ccnaegnence. Scientific wr,torsand tbosuperintendents of insane asylums unite in nscrlbin0 to the effects of self-abuse the great majority of vested lives which corse ander their notice. If you are incompetent for the arduous duties of business, incapacitated for the enjoyments of life, No. offers an escape from the effeota of early vice. If you r.ra advanced in years, No. 8 will give you full vigor en, strength. If you aro broken down, physically and morally, from early indiscretion, thr result of ignorance and folly, send your address and 10 oouts in stamps for M. V. LV8ON',( 'Treatise in Book Foran on Direasee of Man. Sealed cud secure from observatim, Address all communications to U. V. LIMON. 47 Wellington St. E;, Torohto, A Man without wisdom elves in a tool's paradise. ORES GUARANTEED. HEAL THE SICK. OS A Permanent Cure, A Pleasant Curs 1 0