The Clinton New Era, 1878-05-23, Page 3MAY .2 3, 1$37S.. THE GLTN`1'O1NNIW ERA.,
HU'MO Outn1u,
tl touching a14)e41 z A sheriff's ofR-
eer's tap.
The—best titne too out corm—When it
aches.
May a turkey be said to he a,ghost-
. when it's a gobblin'1
.MeiRnicholy-tr(iu,s---TAi,e '.weeping -wil-
low and the pine -apple: •
If four quarters make a_ yard, how
many will make a garden.
Riches will never take wings and fly
away if you sprinkle a little .economy
on their tail.
When a rider is thrown over a horse's
head, the horse becomes the power be.
;pini the thrown. •
The man who said that "'Hope' is
brighter when it follows fears' tied just
finished onou,pying a' chair in oonzpany
with his :vife,;s"bonnet, ,
Fire is a good thing in 'a bouse ; but'
it should be in the chimney, and not in
the wife's temper- cooking the victuels,
not roasting the husband,
The English language isialtdequate
to express the forlorn feeling o aa.'bey
who thinks he has stolen a'ditne novel
and finds it to be a cook book''
In a pool across a road in the county.
of Tipperary Is stuck up a ,pole, having
affixed•'to it a board with this insorip.�
tion : "Take notice,, that when 'e
water is over this: board the. "road is. im-
passable." •
A matronly Lady asked one younger'
in years why she did not require, her
companion to teach her ' the ' French
language.-- To which interrogation she
Tepiied that one tongue was enough, for
a lady. .
Bridget--" Wot's,. the most genteel
thing for a lady as is a hidy to carry in
the street, Nora ?" Cook " Sure,.thin, some prefers a three -volume book,
but I prefers a roll cif music meself
quite careless and ars* li:ke:"
• An Illinois ' man, with ,a . foresight
worthy of a bettercause, popped . the
question on a railroad train,and now•
the maiden heat a less -to decide as' to
.whioh county she had better commence
• proceedings in for a bresob of premise..
When Mrs. Grinimins asked her hus,.
band for twenty donate s to replenish
her wardrobe, he said he was in a tight•:
place, and couldn't spar.e:it,., Then she
glanced at his highly colored nose, and.,
sarcastically observed fhat.if` he didn't.
go into so many "tight". places; he
wouldn't be in .a'tight blase.;
The Rev. John•T'l;omson was•.:minis-
ter of Sanquhar. '. He used frequently
to tell of aneeld woman there, who used
to pray most "fervently for a Mr. Tboni--
son, but invariably, concluded with this
caveat : ` Gude Lea, 'it's no`' -.John.
Thomson that I'm praying Tor it's' our
aia William Thomson. W�lha'm;:was'
the name of •her own minister.
A fashion jmirnal says ' Nothing
will be worn' this summer- by; the:. fair.
sex, except longitudinal' striped hose,'
Good-bye ! We are off to .the Fiji Is-
lands where the women, in addition .to.
a red string around the leftenkie,,,wear
bracelets of sharks' teeth around the
waist, and•a fish bone in the nose.
A gentleman whose morning : dram
had been a little too;muoh for him, in.
saddling Ino horse got the wrong end
foremost. Just:: as' be _w.aa., tibsiut to
mount, a friend came up and called his
mint ke. The horse "an
to then
attention
in
gazed for a moment at the intruder as
if .in deep thought, and then said
` You let that saddle alone, How do
you know which way Vol. going' 2'• And
the gentleman passed on, .
_ dr-• --
Wanted
Wonted it Man to "crit with SAW;
'Virginia eii;y (Nov.) Chronicle. •
Y,esterday afternoon a green -looking.
couple, evidently newly married called
at the photograph gallery of Beals &
Waterhouse,, and wantePthoir pictures
taken. Just as Mr. Beals bad got his,
plate ready the man called. him reside
and said he wanted to ask a fairer. " ` "1.
was told' in Carson you took the best
pictures in the State. Now,",yon see,
Sal and I got,liitcled down• there lain
Monday. Now, her folks go a good
deal on style, and they live in 'the
States. They never saw me, and if T.
send my mtig back East they'll be dead
agin me sure. I'm a bl'atned sight bet-
, ter than I look, and when peoplecome
to know me they vote .me a brick,*
Now what I want is to get soma gond;
lookin' young man to sit with Sal. for a.
picture. Will you stand ' in l She's
willin'. Therm big whiskers 'of' yours
will catch 'em surf} and create Harmony,
Yon look like a solid capitalist, and
they take me for a petty -larceny thief,"
M r.. Beals enjoyed' the idea immensely
and sat with "Sal" foe the picture,
,which will doubtless carry joy into. the
household of the Eastern t•elatives in ii.
week or se.
Tho scenes in the Dominion` Parliet-
@ t f the closing hoar T s a anion
m n in sof t se
e
last Friday,tnake the American Congress
appear by comparison a resli•ectablli' and
decorous body. It painfully evident
that the ". gentleman in politics" has not
taken up his sojourn~in'tho 110W ilonlin-
ion. It' 4t just. as apparent that our
American Congress•does net Munopelize
all the rowdyism. For coarse brutality
our Dominion neighbors Candiscount ns
every tithe. --Syracuse Cdttrier.
'Me l;atteanoq of R thla11to4eo
From the St, Thomas Jenrnal.
'• Seventeen years • two a fernier of
Howard,, Ont., Me. Janirnee Mitten,
went to Detroit and brought with him
out of the 'Wayne County . poorhouse
two children, a boy end a girl.. The
latter he kept in his own fam;jtly, and
-she• is now very oomfortably settled
ter life: The former was taken by Mr.
Charles Motoren, another farmer in.
comfortable circumstances living in the
stone township. The toy, who was.
then nine years of age,. gave hie name
as Johnny Fletcher=.the same by which
he was known in the poorhouse, 119
was well'ctired for by McLaren, sent tp
sch:o(i1 like one of his own fancily, and
trained up-to-'habi-ts• of industry.. and
frugality.. . • H'e never; except to ' Qne
friend, referred to his , early ;life, pot••
manifested any desire to work out•wirat-
ever mystery there might he associated
vt th it.= He honorably served out "all
the. years bis''minority, and bas since
been,in Mr. MoLareres employ tihout
five years. A few weeks ago, however,.
he engaged 'for the season with it fanner
.near Highgate, Mr. Fre& Atkirison—.
But dust previous to the 'time ,agreed
upon or beginning„ service with . Mr.
Atkinson he `Jas. taken' ill, and ' while
'recuperating .he resolved to go t't.Detroit•
and spend 'two or•th'ree.clays. :there:. He
went to Hirst city'teivor•twelvedays ago,.
end among other places visited was the,
City Hall,• where:he ade'the'ascen't of
•the tower•and to.6k fl survey•ofthe city.
There was little or nothing .to • I.eniin',d•
him of the •Detroit of . sewintten: yeers-
ago—infeet everything was•ne'w, and:
great, and strange—but: 'wh'ile leaking
his'snrvtiya suddenrmpulse •seized him
that he w3uld4, like once more fo sen'ti:he
old school -lie 1 ----the `Bishop'.a elio.ol
house,Lwhere he learned: a little mad:
in'* and great deal of mischief twenty
years ago. And so Johnny. calnc down:
and began to Wander to and fro •iti the
Streets of the' city, his,' mind 'all . rhe
wide ben ton•old.asapoi ations, and pia
tnrin�,.things just as he thought they
'ought -to look, on• his return from 'a tru-
ancy of:three or four days.- . Thus oecu
Pied, he'•was a'r'restedb ' a','fence along
which was' .passing,' • and which:
•brought.. back • to' bin a' vision of old•
times, • It:was the identical fence: of
'the Bisbop 'ri 'school -house; over which
be. had- clambered Many a time -=-and
.there;stood;the school -house itself, ,''I,
.frore•to•'tbat•tenoe," Johnny said, it was
like the face:of -an • old friend, And it
awakened :within him many ' tender
memories. He "thought of a. mother",
'and: sisters, and a step father 'he had
left wuliout a 'farewell. sci many -years
ago,..and'rthen'and there he -resolred to
;;hunt,thetn up.•'°Dayet ,buow_:wherre.,,
the: Herringtons live `!" -he" ,asked; a
'wench on the street -for • Herrington
visas lits .stepfather's name. , Yes, she
did, 'and she give'liim their.street- 'and.
knocked
'rrimrber.. �He'found the -place,
timidly at the door, and: a young, lady
eighteen or nineteen'+ears ::opened• it.
"'Does Mr: Herrington'. live . here 4" he
asked:' He was told. Mr.", • fierrington
bad' lived;there- but lie died ahou6 six
weeks'ago. ` yv,ns Airs; ;Hertingtein,ini
Yes, 'but she.* watt •In, bed sick.. • The
young lady ' looked to little scared and.
sugpioious, for : terrington''s .sons by a
former wife we're 'trying: to break: the
will ,• and Johnny was 'supposed• to : be
some prying -:lawyer or lawyers' •clerk_
coming round to -fish for evidence. He'
wanted .to see Mrs. 11., and was with
some hesitation taken to;her room. By
degrees he sot from -her the story of her
;life, and''among.other things she told
how a son of her first husband=• -the lad's
name was John3iy Peace --bad rtin away
to escape a licking ane day, and although
they had advertised for him far and
near,,,n,otIiieg }.,vas ever geard of him ;
they stpposed.he had .drifted into the
army nnd•was killed in the civil war.
This wtis a little "too much for ,Tohnny's
h>tman nature, and -the sequel .may be
left to -the imagination of the reader;
the dead was alive again', 'and the. lost
w's Found. ,His mother's„foy •worked a I.
pomp ete curo•of her illness, ri