The Clinton New Era, 1878-03-14, Page 3THE CUNT( T NEW ERA.
a
Almost an.youe con sena. a .boy .an An
errand, but only the wealthy have lei-
• sure to spare to wait for them to get
book.
,A: little girl suffering from the ui'unrps
declared that she "tesla; as though a
lleadachc ..h'ad slipped down into her
neck.” • •
"4,11' sure, it's airy eno>Nlgb to .build
„s. . a ohimley," Paid 0 R,etirk ; "ye howl•
-nide brick up••an'• just- slip another - one'
• under it." •
A, man was taken up lately for rob-
bing a fellow -lodger, " He said lie Qom-
- menced by cheating a printer, and, after
:-- --that,everykhin, rascally -came may to
.The••man- who -conies to .the::depet two.
minutes behind time, and sees the rail-
. road ,train scudding mit at the other
end, derives ne satisfaction' front the
proverb, :'Better.late 'than never." •
A. judge said to a'.00unsellor : No
man of theleast sense would agree with
your opinion.". "I should like to know,"
retorted the lawyer, "how your bailor
can judge whatany man of the least
• • sense wouldo. dg,r.. • .
, A certain little'damsel, being aggro,
voted beyond endurance 'by her big
brother, fell' down -uponhor knees, and.
cried : -,.t0 Lord! bless trey brother Toru..
. Ile lies, he .steals, he swears, A11'.:tioys.
do; us.girls don't. Amen-.". •
" Gentlemen of the jury," said a law-
yer in the court -house, "at the moment'
the policeman- says he saw us in front.
of tbe, hobs :'whioli . wan .bnrglarioaely.
, entered, I :.will prove, that.. vs • wire
locked up, .ilrunk, in the station -house;'"
A young lawyer, Who had. been "4(17mitted" about.a year; was asked' by. e:
friend,. "How do yon like your new
profession ?" 9:' e reply was ti.ccowpani-.
.ed by a brief sigh to suit the occasion=.
" My profession is•rnuch better than :frit'"`
practice." • -
An. old .author: quaintly ;rema•rks i=•,
" Avoid arguments with' ladies-;
spinning yarns iinioiig silks Lind sat os,.
a man is'sur.e to be worsted and twist-.
pd, and When. a 'tntin is worsted . and
twisted,. Le' may.cosicler himself wound.
up-
„
r
A PP a
stranger' approacheshack-steno,
e
"Carriage? carriage; sir'? Here's 'a fast
team' if youare in, a .hurry,," -exclaim a
dozen Jebus. '"Fast!"• •returns the:
stranger, "give. me' 'gni-Slowest team
you've got. -.I'M going for a •doctor for'
my mother-in-1•aW.;' • •
At twenty you knew everythin`; : at
thirty you have: , your doubts; at forty
there .are sorne• things you don't know;
at tiftx you are sur e':only 'of your ig'nor-
Rime :, and after that. you -read 1`1 r•
'Beecher's sermon on everlasting punish-,
merit and hope be is ,right.."
"I used to put the seal. of .affection
on my wife's lips when we were first
married," said a disconsolate 'be.nediet,
".but now I have to''ptit'the seal_(skin)
of affection on her back. The new.kind
-cost more,,but.it can't begin .to. compete
:
with the other for solid comfort'.'!
He appeared to be almost gone..• Role
ling his eyes toward the partner. of: hie
• bosom, he gasped :,--" Bury ma'peaili
the weeping 'willow,, and, planta simple
white rose above my, head"-" Oh, it's
no use," she Snapped„out. ."-Yournose
would scorch the roots I". He got well.
A traveller 'interrogating, a hack-
woodsman, received brief'liut• pertinent
answers, thus: "Whose bouse is tfiisr
Moggs."• "Of what 'builtl" •"Logs"
"Any neighbora.1" ' "Frogs." "What.
is the soilr "Bogs." '"The climatel"
"Fogs." "What do you live on ?"
• " Hogs." " How do you catch them?"
" Doge."
An Irishman has his honest doubts
on the uppermost theological question.,
His •wife died ''recently, and meeting a
friend .on the street,'" ho said. despond-
ingly. .
" Well, the old woman is gone."
" Where'l"asked• his eytnpathizing
friend, who had not heard -of filer decease.
" I don't know, but she's dead, any-.•
how," said Patrick, . •
Hood used to tell a Story of a hypo-
chondriac who was in the habit, two or
three -times 'a week, of. believing him
self dying. On .a certain occasion he
bad one of his terrors while riding out
in his' gig, and happening to 'whip
his
family physician he applied the whip to
the horse to overtake• the old doctor.
n0_110.6t0 ttpplledthe altiixr_to,his own_
horse, • and they had a close time of it,
for about three miles. • The hypochon-
driac finally came alongside the doctor
and exclaimed, " hang it, doctor; pull
up! Pull up instantly! I am dying !"•
T thing you are cried the doctor ;
• " I never saw any one .going so fast."
" "-A-ito'ry is•.to1d of a deacon in Tennes-
see, who was in the habit of riding a
bucking mule- -that is, a mule that can
make a camels back of his ettaight one,
and by a- spasmodic movement of his
nd hump',. discharge it* rider
like a cannon halt The other day they
come to the edge of the worst hind hole
in the State, and the, mule gave unwii:s
takable indications. of bucking. The
good deacon kriecv that he was about to
be thrown, and his mind skurried about
• for a prayer, His table grade came, the
easiest. "Lord for what We ore about
to reeoivo make ua Humbly thankful,"
he exclaimed, and the mule had bucked
Anil he watt in;
Vas nouttetr lienepeckedt
'Any ahentlwan vot'vill go round be-
hind your face,, and talk to Mat of your
book about somedingir, Cite a tslrvisrille,�--•-
1 beard dot Brown says veok before:
ACM &Wild Ma,., v a .Iittlspecked bus -
par d, pot vos a lie 1 De' broof of de
oading vas in de puddings; I am married
twenty years already, und I vos yet not
bald-headed, I don'• vos Ponder some
petty goats gofertments, ebtill T links
it vas better of a feller rill insult. ,mit
his vife, und get 'her advices abtit%t'soi e:*
dings or anoder,
Dem American vowans don'd know
sometfnge never ' aVoud his buspand's.
beesness, and vondein hart dives comes
und"not SO wucli"money ,Gpmeri iii dart'
house, dot makes me not some difference
ma her, Shrill_ she r000st, have der,
puil•baok-in.de-front " hoop skirt betty
goats mit efery kind of"'trimmings,-•
Pooty-soorrdatrt► spendgets-bankropG�
ed all to pieces. Dey feud for de doc-
tor ;
oe-tor;ur,d.ven der doctor, .conies de main
•.five, ' Den dot vornans *as obliged to
marry mit some • oonder mans vet she
don't' maybe like mit four or six shit -
drone, on account of his • first vife • al
ready,. und possobitbly von two matters..
by.law--vone second handed; mid:. de
oder u sbtep-rnudeler-out-law.11, Den she
say by herself : '" I even . vish dot, . I
vos dead a leedle..".
Now, .ov'a Yerwans goes .iue dead;
dot,don'd make a bit of difference: No-
body vould hardly know it, oxoept may,
41.4mself. Hie vife: goes mit 'de pees=
ness on shunt like nobody 'vas happen
to somedings ' '
'Arlat'iean vim'tnana und Yerman,vim-
mina, tacit different kind of :a bee -
pled. :For inehtinct, last year—WA—Same
feller, Mr. Brown, goes in mit' :me' in'
de'putoher poesness togeder. He vas
an' American min -so. vies Iiis�vife.,
Vell many. tine when efery peoples has
got the panii •pooty bad,. dot *omens
comes to her . hosband und says she
meost have money. Den she* goes oat
riding mit: a Carriage. • .
V•once on a time, Brown says 'tom,
"Bender;::• I wouldn't ' be- henspeeked."
So he went off and got himself'. tight-
shust pecausehis wife• tells him, blease
don't do dot. Den he sits down on his
peek mit de floor, und if I'am not fiere.
diet time be never would' go bolnp;_,
Yell, dot night me und. my Vivo; ve
had a little talk aboot' sotnetings`; und
,de next day •I :says. to. Brawn, " Look
here roast I. My -Vire she makes sans:.
ages, and vont in -`brit s ori :e: also; my;.
ttrughter.'.she• works py de shtore und
makes head-sheezes';;- rind. your was.
.going out all de time, und a patent' tied
back=cardinal shtriped abtockings.
;'hell; Brown goes home fiend tells hi's
vire about dot ;pen slit; come's„pooty
quick. mit Brown around,' und' ve had a
•hisundtretanding spout sometings, in.
vich, eferypndy took part, including niy
little dog Kaiser. Pooty seen up comes.
ipolicemunsund .arrests'us for•breaohes
of :promise to. hoop the: pieces; and as.:
satilting de:•battery, or sometings.
Russian' Proverbs.
The wolf asked • the goat An 'dinner,
but th'e goat declined: .
A fox sleeps, -but counts hens ''in his
dreams.
The wolf Changes his hair every year,
but remains a wolf • "- '
Dog, why, do you bark ? To frighten
the wolves away.' Dog, why do you
keep your tail between' your legs 1 I,
am afraid of the wolf.
Love,'fire and a cough, cannot be
hid. •
Make.friends'with a bear, 'but keep
hold of the axe. • • •
Measure ten times,,yon•can cut oaily
once.
Everything is bitter to him who has
gall inhis mouth. '
Bread -and suit humble even a robber,.
g full stonutch is deif to instruction.
• If yo1hunt two hares stash
neither. '
God is not in, haste, but His arm is
sure.
Yon may shun the door on tbo devil,
but, he will enter by the window.
Praise not the crop until it is'staeked..
The devil.when old becomes a mock.
It is not necessary, to plough, and
sow fools-tbey grow of 'themselves..
" . With Gild go even. over the sea';.
without Aim not.over the threshold.
Truth is not drowned in water, ' nor
burned in fire. •
A fool may throw a stone into a pond;
it.uaay alea.sevekngt•gep to pull it out,
No bones are broken by" 0. tnotllet's
at._
Many will give advice, bat few give
help, .
To whom God gives employ, Ile gives.
understanding.
Whose bread and whose salt , iC eat,.
His praises'I sing, •
A good conscience is God's aye.
Lies mai-ch on rotten lege ; who lies
will Steal.
When you walk, pray once ; when
you go to sea, twice ; when yougo to
be married,. three times.--Cler 9 yrnrcn's'
�llctryaxitiatt.
A Cleat mute recently died in Florida,.
after.gaining the reputation of being a
most thorough telegrapher and electri-
lien. Ile made use of a sonnder of bis
o*n constrttdtion, and°received by plac-
ing his hand over it in 1111011 a manner
that he could feel diatinetlyevery 'vibra-
tion de the, artnatttre.'
mew? zeigx.
MORTGAGES, NOTES,
AND Omni
Good. Securities Purchased,'
07. W. F4111nAN:
47
Qtlpton, Nov, 9, ,874.
Is not easily earned in these times,
but it cau bo made in.thrgo.moitho
"by' any one of either eex, in any part
I' ■ 1 ■ of the country, who is willing to
we a steadily at the employment that we ,furnish, 860
,0per Week in your own town. Tot need net bo away
Imre home over night. Xou ogn. give your whole time
be 'the work, or only your spare moments, Wo have
agents who aro making over, $20 per day, All who .en,
tloemnonny once can
nadmoney
ea a 011yanAt
reps the
any
other busing*. It coats nothing to try the'Ln0inc,s.
Terms and.$5 Outatfroe, Address, at once, li; ii4tnsiv
d, Co., Portland, Arsine. • 89 .:.,
A01 NOY OF•
QT.//I'''�T�'igTc7•�,•r.. ,
. , ISOLA, I li' L!. RISK,
Awn
STANDARD,
INSURANCE COMPANIES.
•
Ricks, of all deeoriptions taken at the lowest' rates.
C. BIpo.UT.
Qlinton,reb. 7,1878
CONSOLIDATED I3ANK OP' CANADA
• CAPITAL, ,$4,000,000.
(./1.4 I T'O 'A:O; 1rTCY•
1 u ,erect from Four. to Five per cent. allowed
on Deposits.
M. LOUfvif, Agent.
Clinton, April, 1876.. 1-y
:' RESH
',
• rirr• :► �.�J,r-�r"1'J,��...
ice Y GROCERIEc>�Q ICAIVII�, S
1
Co)i'ectionery,' • Cakes, . Biscuits;' canned Goods,
• 'Clloice'Tobacco, Cigars, &c, •
•
• ra OYSTERS in Beason by tlie'' can or
di•sh. ••
HOT. COFFEE, ' MIN CZ and PORK
PIES, always ready..
A. T. SALT,"
.
• *reroute. STREET
Aiinton, Oct 25;1877,;
aa'er Bags,
ThPaper Ba. S°
p 9'
WrappingPaper
WrappingPapex
We have on 'Band a large as-
soi,tment of -PAPER BA.GC
and WRAPPING PAPERS)
mannfactlred at:the territon
Pape s
.r ,
`M ill Which we offer to
business then at prices as loin
•
AS sari be obtained at the Mill
•
They can be had- either with
printed advertisement thereon
or Without.
E.. tC)LMES & .SON, •
t 1
ONET TO I,t'OAit,
Qin EASY TERMS,
fly WOO* the principal can
l►tl repilifl Ilt pool or all. of
any thine 'during the tqrnl
of Loatnt..
W. W. rARRA.N
Olipton, dareh, 876;..,. _ ....:....
WORTH KNOWING
wirgitE TO.GiuT 61OO1)
cavae GROCERIES
170T•1.,. » '
000D TEA for 90, 40; 00, 00, and 76 Dents per lb.
GOOD RUGAR, 11auntie for one dollar.
GOOD RAISINS, 18 pounds for one dollar.
• A fine assortment of.
Mita , Glass and Crockery, very cheap
'Call and Deo, stook before purchasing Jeer/hero. All
kindt'of Produce taken in oxuhange for goods,
FRES'IZ OYSTERS 'constantly en hand.
ON'INGNAKE"dr AI8k1NSF)AD,
Clinton, Nov, 8,1877.
To the •Ladies.
I . tuE UNDERSIGN1tD. 18. PREPARED To DO
�' Ladies Hair:Dressing in' the most fashionable"
manner, COMnriloe, CIIr 1 AIn, do.,made up. Canna,'
BnAIDe, Swttc oae.IonIans, Purrs, &e., made on short
notice, at reasonable rates. HAI1;nouGHTand SOLD
' J.. DELIfMOIRE. 0 iC73arberEhop,_
Aaron Street, next door to Cominersial Hotel
Clinton, Oot. 18, 1877. ' ' 8m
' ''Awarded. the Highest. Medal et.
l3 T4111101 -Y &.00:
:561 BROADWAY, NE\Y'YORX.
Manufacturers, importers and dealers in
Engravings, Chromes and Frames,
• STEREOSCOPES • AND, :WOWS,.
Albums, Grnphoscopes, Photographs, •'
And kindred goods -Celebrities, Aertesses; &or`
PHOTOGRAPHIC • • 11ZA.TE.11IALS•,
'Wo are headquarters for everything in the . way of
STEREOPTICONS and MAGIC LANTERNS, being
manufacturers of the Micro-Sclentifo Lantern, Stereo-
Panopticon, Tinivorsity Stereopticon, Advertiser's Ste-
reopticon, Artopticon, School Lantern, FamityLnn••
torn, People's Lantern, each style being the best o6• itis
Class in the market.
i,1 Beautiful Photographic Tranepni encies of Statuary
and Engravings for the.winlow. (louver glass..: Manu-
facturers oS Velvet .Fmnesfor sliniatures, and convex
glass pictures.
`• Catalogues of Lanterns and Slides,: with 'directions,
•for using, sent on application. Any enterprising Iran.
can make money with a.Afagio Lantern,'
la" Out oat this advertisement for fntnre:reference.
I:SE11 ANBROS.,
.BE.OKERS,:
REAL ESTkTEANO:INSUR NCE AGENTSi
Money bent on Mortgages for 2, 3, or 5 Years.
• 11.10IttGAGtES BQUGBIT..
AMERICAN EURRENOY BOUGHT A�Ii.SOLD.
r NOTES OF HAND DISCOI1NTED. is
'interest atC per cent allowed Dn..depoaits„,
Peal Er4ate bouilit and sold on commission.
•INSURANCE°'art 'LOW RATES
Ftrst•61.tas Fntx, Uri, and AOCIDExT Insurance Cern-
panics reareeouted,
We can how give loans on first•claes wear tit at 8 per et
OFFICE -ON HURON STREET, ,CI,I`lTON, •
VV IS 1&1i '.4..N1 'URO .
Clinton, A6g..27, 7877
ONDEBTAKINC,
THE SUBSCRIBER BEGS LEAVE TO STATE
- to -the public thathe keeps constantly on hand
a large and superior clans of
•
'0OFF4I118CASItETS-
. 'A,P—� 1
Coffin . Trimmings alid Robes,
With a splendid IiEARSE., PtAIS doe i'S0s always,
on hand.. Parties can be supplied in one hoar, air
any time, at
TEN" PEA.
Than can be Invented et any other plaeo,
x ---
A full stock of FURNITIJR,.
Aiway5 "and' TF1OS. STEVENSON
Clinton, 'afar 10,1877,
KNOWIiyreailln and truths
rho incati able truth9 eon-
taisted in the best med,rtt
book ever issued; entitled
SEL? PItESEPVA'rt0:T
Priceonl $1,,8entbyms1
y o
�i ei
L ■ fee t
..E mi p
S
7W
Y p
.. ,.catsnfEx::anstcdVitatity Pr.ulatnropccilnc;
Norm. and 2hysicai Debility; and the etttllcav
et ncomlttnt 110 and untold miseries that rrsult
tncrefro»r,and contains More 'than 50 original pre-
collations, any' elle of whichle•wortft the price at
tile book. 'Iltit book 400.5 writieII 1»' 1110 moat cw.
t,n•ivcntftlrtrobably't ttnto0t'akilfulyraclitioucr
• itt.itncrir•u, towiromtv,tt awardedAgeliland few.
tilu,l molal t.y. tftr Notional :Medical Association.
A 16tnphlct, illnntrated with the vS)y finest
Well t:et!ravin ,a -a friar.
v lyrf art and beauty H���
s ut rare to ole. Sena
( 1t at Mire!, Addreoo '..
1'f C1i()6)? hNJ.'UIGAL �ir s
INsT11l;Tlr No. 4 Bul. HysEL■
tw••lt S'.,13ostou, Rase,' �.
J
.,,„ :-.,,., ,max , �•�,.:� 4.44
us..
GO.OD^a_
1156-0•011F71,,Ilr*Mente., 'CC
RESIT
R
I have pleasure in informing the young: gentile-
.
men of Clintonand vicinity, that have
.. v � fir, ha � just
opened to:
clay
a lot of especially nice goods for
r
the Spring Trade consisting o f nem patterns rns in
WEEDS .. winter
SPRING TWEEDS COATINGS The
being sove �mild, and heavy goods being in
u li demand, : that I have : �„ �clud d
such slowc on e to
bring cods thtwill, sell. Also,� a tot
of very
fine FUR HATS, all shades a
�� and prices, about
..fier cent less ss than
last year,rc s
I anticipate a large increase in my already large.
Tailoring business, - -' as I have :engaged Mr.
_..
Kennedy's 'valuable services for another year; as
t'. gentlemen can' assure th •
Cutter, andesu
... themselves
that every r: effortwill. a made by him togive
eY�•. �- •h.
them perfect salisfaction.Pleasa give-us
ive us a call.
As next month is . our stock -taking
sea
eon
I in
tend giving large reductions inprices on a
l.
•
classes of goods. People desirous of' laying
largestocks of g
oods for future use, will b
e sure ure
ofbbargains ." Come and get what you want
,.
'at the., lowest rices.:;
t'.•
—IV VATEit1400 `HOUSE.
• 'CLIN•TOIN, Feb.. 1.4;-1878.
REMOVAL.
1;1 �' :
While thanking hit; many friends for the liberal patronage
•
l a ' . •bestowed on him in the past, would inform them that,he
has removed to his new 'store, in VICTORIA BLOCK,
where he will be pleased to meet•all his old'customere,
and,as many neer ones as• may favor him with their pat-
ronage. He has outland a large stook of
r • Heavy and. Lig fLHARNE__
4 . .•
Robes, Horse Blatisketp, Wlrtpsy ate.,
�.. a. :•',• Whicb he will sellae cheap as any maker in the County..
INSPECTION OF STOOK AND PRICES SOLICITED'
BOOMS TO-LI:T.-Several rooms to let, at reasonable rates, suitable for .offices, &c., in
:the story above the shop, in the building known as Vietoria Block. • '
Always on hand, first and evoond clave Sl3INGLES whish wlll be'soldcheap for cash.
Clinton, ran,. 24, 1878.
S . TWITCH ELL,
Harness 'Hiker, Saddler &c;,
P.ROt. SALTURr,
13L'O8 TO. INTIMATE TO °T E`, I't1Iit.td GENDR
1] Amey of Clinton and neighborhood that he is pre-
pared to gine lessons on the Plano and Organ, and 01150.
in rho cultivation of the voice in singing bless inetme•
tion Having been -under thainetrnotiottotProf.:Rat,
ter, of New York, whose eyetem he nkei, he feels amid
dent of, giving entire satisfaction. Apply at the real,
donee of Re*. Mr. Connive, B. C. It.
diinton,Nov,28,1877.
N o°ti ce �fR inovai.
• J.• BIDDLEComBE,
Watch• acrd Clock faker,
JEWSLLfIt, ere.,
VVnnld res. ecttully annoanoe to his euafotneed and. the
sobers g. nerally, that,Inca thA lat0 dieoetfone fide, he
bas seanred the
Start: lately p 000u iedb by Mbssra !1. Pallitor.tt 0o.,
'Where he wilt keeppn haila•aoleeb aeaertment of
ClobkNitg0hes. Iowofry, andSilverwareat alt klndf.
Which he will sell at reasonable tater, -Repairing of
every deportation promptly attended to.
J: 1sXDbLECOMBE, Mesar Rymer.
Minton, J'an, 24, 1878,
1.21.440
- NES Z16rEli ,
OTTAWA, Oct, 12,1877.
A VTHORIZED DISCOUNT ON AMERICAN IN-
Ll votcasuntilfurahernotice, 8par emit.
.
.1.70IINS011,
domnriesionerof Onstomd,
CLIlffTON
PUMP FACTORY.
11IE.strnsoRIBER DESIRES TO••RETIcRN me
a. aineoro'thanks tor the liberal share of patronage
afforded him, and would also intimate that he has, dor.
fog the past winter, Jaid in a largo stook of 6ret•01aa»
material, and la now prepared to stake and put in, the
mon wtm mmol PUMPS,,,
Of oveiy description, on the SnontaeT Noyrce, anti
On thorned reasonable terms,
liemeniber the glace-•�'Iezt door' to A.
Mathesott'a 81ackerntth •Shop. •
J'A,'1fEg tERGu8ON.
Clinton, April 19,1877.