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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Clinton New Era, 1878-03-07, Page 3s 'u`ll 7, 1;i HUMOROUS, .4444 or, ° Wealth will never take wings :and fly away, if yon sprinkie a little economy on its tail. A reaent' Bold day is' desarihcd as 'be- ing "cold as the.•glanoe of a rioli plan ata poor cousin." ' There is one trouble greater •than carving a turkey. It consists in riot having the turkey to carve ane sa •s " the hariiest opev;. . ation of a'war Is to stop it.". Tho same is also true of a dog fight. A young lady never wastes -the second • look on a man with a litnpsy collar and a soiled shirt front... She knows he's married. • • One -of the hardest things for wo- man to do is 'to maintain economical notions while looking in. a milliner's 'window. . A. Stratford elan told his wife he was bound to have. a purgatory on the top. of hist new house. Observatory lras what he meant. The Bible tells you not to call a, moo a -fool. But then if .he really..is one what are -you to do, since•tho 13ible.•en joins you `to -%.ell the tcutb ? A Monroe, Iowa, Justice of the Peace - hits ruled that a father has ne right to occupy his prior while the daughter and her b'•anx-'" have possession. His; head is level. • " What's the difference," asked the teacher in arithmetic, "between . one yard and two yards?" "A fence,"•said Tommy. Then Tommy'sat:on the rul'e'r• fourteen ti nes. Times are so hard iaTurkey.the Sul- tan is .trying to get along • with only. three hundred wives. Here in Canada it is as much as some men .oan ..do •'to get along with one. Bank•clerk—" By Jove, yolt lc Iow- upon my word—if I were.to see aghost, you know, I would be a chattering idiot for the rest of my life."' She—" Ljaven't you seen a ghost ?" _ - ' Even an old cast-off rubber shoe can do a little something 'in the pause. A woman " whaled's an insult- ing tramp with one the other day till he felt as meek as a defeated candidate. During the preaching of a sermon, -a five-year-old boy, -noticing a 'glass, of water by the mitlister's side,' walked up to, the pulpit, and asked for a drink, for which,. when the minister had given it' to hint, he said, "Thank you, sir." In answer to a fair correspondent who wants a receipt to hide freckles, we reply that the best receipt for her facial• blemish will be a well -circulated report that she is possessed of one hurl-,. -died thousand. dollars in her oven right- No ight - No one will see any defects in her face after that. An oid darkey, fishing onla wharf at Galveston; was heard talking to the fish he saw swimming around his line in this fashion : " Ginn' e a bite, honey. De children ani a ciyi ; g down to' my house, and I tell you it's fish or Puffin'' in dot 'etablishment. .The editor of the Worcester Press' has one pocket for his gold and another for his silver. That was the .policy' <we adopted when kie commenced the print iug hnsiness. Those pookets are just as good to -day as they ever were ,but We' hive worn out one dozen and a half pairs of pantaloons.. Some of the papers are discussing " woman's light to swear." Nonsense! She don't need any privileges of that kind—not while her facial muscles re-• main in , good working order.. A wo- man swear ! The idea t Why, bless your innocent quills, she can look more rasping things in five minutes than the mate of a steamboat' could say in three weeks. " Why's that baby of yours, ma'am, like that thunder -cloud away off. there?" "I'd have you to know, air, that my baby isn't like any thunder -cloud 1" " Just so; and the difference . between your, equalling baby and that thunder- cloud. is, that while the cloud pours with rain your baby roars. with pelt." The. tortured mother put her, apron to her eyes and burst into tears. A minister was one() engaged to preach to his Sunday School, but after the little people were all placed-- before hitli. in order, he $old them that some .of them might be weary and want too out be- fore he had finished, so he -would ratliir have any who fancied they would like to go, to do so now, and then no.one would be disturbed. For a moment all sat still ; then one little fellow took his hat apd went down the aisle; another' and another followed, until not a' child• was left. Two Germans, fresh from Cincinnati,. visited New York, and one, well so- quainted with the city, invited' his friend to Delronioo's, where a dinner for two and a bottle of wine were ordered, The place and fare were praised until the bill of yv . 11 wase presented. osent d This they Nr y considered an extortion. They paid, however, and while walking down y theGerman e c an comm n Broadway excited er - ed to swear at the supposed extortion. His friend then said, "Do not shwear, Ya co w b. -It is vicked to s ar hdye , God hat punished dot roan Delmonico." " How 1" "I have aline p oket full. mit, spoons." . •r 414 • TELE CLINTON NEW ERA, A APR TALK MWUND t fl4t ,'B O,M1M, Idrotn the S. itrati ino'e Jrurnai. :They were a party of four, and sitting round the 'base-hurnee, drifted into a discussion of the war, "Them 'ere •Turks hev': been Cloned out as slick as geese," remarked a' Yankee. .t! Yes," replied an Englishman, "they hare got the worst of it, that's a fact." An Irishman hero spoke up and said, " the Roosians had nothing- to-Imasteity It tiro"Tu't'u `bT-F also t15 y wi e , llandfal a.vhaythens, anyhow," A Canuck said he expected: "John I3t111 would have been into the serine - [nage before now," ° The Yenkee said " there wasn'tany more ate in Jollnp B li•: '. tf 'our na tion 'wasn his place' you wetllcl have' Been the moat tarnat'.On Pito ,you ever The Irishman here put in his .tar— " The ar—"The yankees, 'hidede. Sarre luucli fight is in •yez, Ye spalpeens. Yez had bother go and alt"Sittiti''EulI before ye blow yet. horn," : ' " That's a fact," said the Englishman, "John'is slaw to fight, but by •gumr when he does fight, be stays there till it, all over." . • The Caneek remarked' that he did not know much about diplomacy, "but if I had' the d'irgetian of Affairs for twenty -foul: pours,: "war would.. be de- clared and the fight going on': "Bravo l" said the Englishman.. i'You. tire .a chip ofthe old block." . . "I guess," said , the Yankee, " yon chaps are good. at the.. fits when you ain't tha' See ;how we ' cleaned out, the Robs,. end ...." " Wes .;it' at Brill's Run?" .aske.d the Irishman. . A.` general laugh'ensued, nt this. sally against the Yankee, whg, :n thipg dis-' concerted,• said he th rnht: Euglaad could uot;now back dow :tori. fighting without taking a back 'seat ,as 'a war • power. . The Englishman was rather puzzled, for three yore 'because I did not bring the party to a stand so long as I.could die• count the paper. Long after l: had ceased to sell the easterner, and considered the debt a forlorn hope, the hanks, like lifted easy souls, swallowed the trnnanctio] like milk punch, Noels faithfully, .OnANua. 'rile pYTNG1 MOLDIER. • "Put me dove," said a'wonnd'ed.BO. e dier in the Crimea to his comrades who were' carrying him ; "put mo down ; -dtr-not-take the; trouble to carry me 'any tilt ler ; tum peg,' 'They then 'pet hint dawn and return. ed to the field. A. few minutes after; stn officer saw .the man weltering in his blood, and said to hint, " Can 'I do any- i, t41n,�r. for 3 ow„? ” hiug, thank'•' nu."''.. "Shall 1 get you a little 'wate ! said the kind-hearted offlQer. " No, thank you ;; I am dying." "Is there nothing I can do for '"you ? Shall I writelto your friends `?" "T. have no friends that. .eau write to.' But there is one'. thing for. which I would be much obliged. In'n)y'- keepsiack you will •find a Testament; will you. open it at the fourteenth chsap- ter of John, and near the end of the chapter you will find a verse . that he - gins with ' Tierce 2' Will you read it to me?" The ofiiner did,so, and re •d the words, ".Peace'I •leuve.with. yon, my peace 1 give unto you ; not as the world givetb give I unto. you. 104 not your heart be troubled, neither let it be. afraid." ''' Thaank you, sir," said . the -dying alar: "I have that peace; .I ani going to the Saviour ; God is with pie I want no more."'These were his •last words, and his spirit ascended to be with Him he•loved. . • Millions of. dollars' worth Of property has-been destroyed by the floods in the ;itnveitte vidiery •-and the C,. literi,is Legislature bus voted $25,000 for the relief of the sufferers. . .He said .that Russia had not 'leen lion- • Tt. elegtch :die • sontytimrs said;.:to est in going- into --the- fight,- tills- had-LpOmess a thyhutrsoi. It this is the dist• pulled: the wool, over England's eyes by ..t eCertainly do t't catch. it rom he 1 they i. f t. false pretenses. As -to Turkey, he con=,- climate. At Oban„ It ,Scotch v^ ton -if sidered she would hardly have accepted rained ! at 'ear -2'91 dtt 3 =s out ore ifeshe had not es pected England a y C p slbie 3G5: would help he.rbefore the bnrl .' of ,the• struggle.' •• • : "They fit, .rely, anyhow," said the Yankee. "There's good stuff' in them 'ere'Turk.s," • The Canuck said if England wanted. nien in Canada, this country could. fur nish 100,000 as good .hien as any . in the worldi' ' .By this time the English:man'e' blood was wiirni,..and his •patriotism, at a high' pressure. " I tell you.' what it .is dads, Eng- land ng -land. will fight.. I feel it in lay bones. And :.fo't•. •the honor of old 'EnglAnd . I Hope she will. But you •see before .a war commences there is always' a heap of talk. tut then you car .see from the preparations going on that' shemeans business, and when slie :fights 'she does, so to win. England has. got :loth' the men end the Money to•battle with the whole world;' "Thein's ;my''sentirients" said the Ctlnu'ek. i'.I'nl far war," said the. Irishman, i •"'as• Gineral Bonyn rt: 'said whinn\\.be crossed .the Rhine, first in war, first in in leace, and first in the harts av, me aounthrymin.'' Bonypart didn't say that," said the. Yankee. ." It was Washington," • "Divil a'ha'p'orth I care who quid it. Shure it's. there,..anylrow.". "Then; gentlemen," .said 'the Eng- Lishman, "I'li declare war." . ' • "I'll send the fleet through the Dar- danelles," said the Canuck, "A.nd I," said the Irishman; "'Vi11 declare• the. Roosians licked, as they Will be.". " Well," remarked. the Yankee, "it. ain't no use for me to say any more, as you've wattled the hull .'bi 21"ne8l;, SO VII take a ehaw of terbacker." . . BlllOii.TENINGI OF CREDITS,..` 'ik' the Editor of the Monetary Titre, Dghit Sia.—I observe you have already treated npdm"this subject, -but• -yeti have overlooked pile thing, which is this 1 The great . evils of the system of credit in. out' centres was not an much as touched upon, at the meetings id Montreal and stn+bee lust month, and no wonder the Merchant's. were not.unanimetia. The evil is not to 'leech in the first credit as An the strbse• quent renewals, As a general mule the wholesale merchants do not get paid with- in two years 1st credit, 0 nuns., renewal i0 full, 4 mot., two-thirds renewed' for 4 mos., and one-third 4 tuts. loran. , and blessed and happy the merchants who get paid in this manner! I hare inquired into liquidations lately, where :mounts have run for a number of years, and troth, ing but renewals have been received., Now,. if merchants could only got paid in six months, Canadian business would become to them an Eden where the sweat of the brow was not required by which to earn their living.. • If banks would not receive rcneerale— and the3+,,e n mei _r attish them or require explanations t :at paper is no n Mich a character—thethe wholesale mer chants could not afford to give such renew• ale as they do and retailers would learn that they had ad but a short shrift in which' e Let us have the ni - to play any games. b g Iis11 system, iv here a dishonored note briugti and the'Enlist] idea i)onse nances d serious q xSG that renewals are as bad as bankruptcy;. find a reformation of the commercial mode of procedure will assume a definite shape. 1 have myself' discounted the same paper ,l�p 11 , ti l C Irk ��ni IPaliCB � it C���dl � t rill l �l o U b I' -J ELON .SNELL, JN'Ordw ch, TS .0 AGENT POE ,THE .ABO -.E- COMPANY,— 1 Farm.Bisks taken at 78 cents per $100, for tYte term of 8 years. This Company insures against' loss by are or damage by lightning. ISOLAtlEI► RESIIPENCE' Will oho; be takeirby, the above Company. Pordwioh, Jan. 17,1877. • liVIOFiTGAGES,; NOTES, ASU OTHER ..Good' Securities'Purchased. • .. W. w. FA tRAN Clinton. Neg..9, 1874. , 47 Isnot enaily'enrned in tbeae times, but It'caa be made in three months by any one of either sex, tit any part of the country, who is',Willing to wore atonally at tjio employment that we luruleh. 808 per work in your own town. You need not be away from home over night. Ton, can give your .whole time to the .work, or only your spare moments. SYo have agents who are making over 520 ,ver day. All who en. gage et ones can make money fast. At tbo present timemnney cannot be made so easily and rapidly atany other business. It costs nothing to try -tiro business, Torras and 58 Outfit free. Addeese at oricb,11. 1Limrax ,t Co.,Peetlend, Blaine, • , dG AGENCY Or ISOLATED RISK, AND 'ST:14NDAED, INSURANCE • COMPANIES Make of all descriptions taken at the 'lowest spies. C. I.IDOuT. cite ion, Fele. 7,1878. CONSOLIDATEI1 BANIC OF OANAIIii•, OA VITAL.. ' St:;,060,0110. • CIL INTON ACxENOV". Cru ;avant from Four to Five per cent allowed on Deposits: M. L01t(111, Agent.. ( Teton, April, 187 6. 1-y P.R&iSE O Y S -!.. S r..1.r, S ' .. .41:"FA. L 1. ', 1 .t I I '1 1 ----- 1 1' O lei E '110 •LtOA.11 a ON • EASY .TERMS,; Hy Which Lite principal coil #ate ,t'epaId l:iI part or, ail al... nlilt� ii»e (llturing the :term Of L1►3140, AIPPI.Y TO W. W. F.A.RRAN. Clin4on, Marelx,1870, WOISTH. ISMO;%WIN ori wipop, iro oor Goor. . p Al b:PII 1 11 ' 000. TEA, 'for 80, 0, 50, 80, arta' 7G oents•por lb GOOD BUGAR, 11 pounds for one'dollar. GOOD ItaISIN8,.18 ponndsfor one dollar.' A flue asHortment of Ohina, G1ass s,nd Croe.; 'Cor 'oboe a ckrY Y 01,t1 and see stock before purchasing elsewhere.. All kinds of Produce taken in exoltange for goads. FItE$l OYSTERS. constantly on Nand. • ' OUNINGRA8U7 &s AIKEN11EAD. - .Clinton, Nov. 8,1877. To the ,Ladies...- ! MBE UNDLRSIGNED IS 1'REPARt10 TO Do' 11. Ladles Hair Dressing if . the most fashionable manner. COMBINGS, CUT 7Tntn, &o., made up. Cams, Bn4xpe, SwIronss, 1'nrzEa, Purrs, &e;, made on short .notice, at rodeong bio rates. HAIR BOUGHT and SOLD J. BEL}410BE, 0 K Barber Shop. Huron Street, next door to Commercial Rotel Clinton, Oct. 18,1877. . • 8m . • Awarded'the Highest Medal at. Vienne. E. & H T. ANTHONY & C( 501 DJtOADWAT, NTyW TORII. biandfgothrers, impeltere and dealers Engravings, Chromes. and. Frames, TEREOS.COPES ND <' IEwS, Albums, GS ta11 oscope$, 1'bogogritptlts, Aud'kindred goods--bolobrities,Aerteeees, &C. • -PHOTOGRAPHIC 1kIATE..t.;,IALS• ,. We are headquarters for .evorythfng in the way of S URIiOPTICQNS and MAGE LANTERNS, being manhfaotuiois pf the Mioro.Selenti o T intern, Storoo_. Panopticon, Univoraity.Sierooptleon, Advertisrr'e Ste- reopticon, Artoptieon, School Lantern, FamilyLan- tern,•Poopla'a Lan tern, each style being the best of its close hi the market. . . Beautiful Photographic Transparencies et Statuarg• and:Engravinge fox the Wine.ow. Convexgbtss DRanp lecturers of Velvet' Frames for Miniatures, and convex glass pictures. .: - Catalogues of Lanterns an'd'S11dos, with directions !or tieing', sent on application. Any enterprising man. can make mane, with.a MagiaLaatern: • e tt oat title ad'vertfe to i r utur r forma o. t e e eat O future o 1 WISEMAN BROS., 13ITOk ERS E GE' � ,,. E l [ST TE:AND INSURANCE A TS -REAL A AC N Mone ' Lent an yltortgages • for 2, 3,. ora Years, . 1i1f1It.C(xAG:CS BOt. (T>•1T. . AMERICAN CURRENCY BOUGHT' AND SOLO. nsi,.gOTE8.017 HAND DISCOTIN)ED., ,eti. Interest at C per cent allowed,, on deposits. )?('(tl Estate bou lit, and aolrl on co»t?,liaxioll. INSURANCT at LOW RATES Pi ire-olaes rtnx, LsX t , and • Aocian sT Inenrante' Com. pinies.reprercated, Wo can Rodti gine tears on. arst.alacits secur iy at 8 per of OFFICE ON 11 ON STREET, CLINTON., 'W'i1 I Z%LAN' Clinton, Aug'. 27,1877 • 1�ND����NINli; ri ino.SIIBSOBiBEBBROSLEAVE TO STATE A. to the pablte that bo keeps constantly on hand n Targe and superior chum of OO,FF'IN`S, CASKETS, Cof lu Trimmings and Robes With vptenrtid HEARSE. Pr,Afi Cot'rina always Ott hand, hafting can be eupplied iu one hoar, et • • �. any time, at 'fo rrr OF -ars Than eau. beprecuredatany othnrylace. x---�Y A full stock of FURNITURE Always on handl. IROS. f3t!'13VENSON. Beteg gay 1a ri -187 . o to y o 7 wittioWooraitiitiviiiiiiaineterxenalitinerniiitenne Confectionery, Cal slliecuitei Ca »ct Choles Tobaeeof elgarae &e. OYSTERS Season b y y the can or rel- O in= diel'. _ ts� 730Z' CUi'FJ>;, 141 tvON' and POFt'Y"C' PIES, Y y always read . A. T. SALT, ;' VICTORUA STREET' Clinton,.0'ati- 28,1877. • KNOWnrrtadlw,s'nnd practicing thea ttdfiatbletrnti eon• tuned 1n the best reed,sai boots over issued, entitled= �mrr ap�0 ¢�y�s i■1 yl:LI`-t�liFSEIt� STiO;!T . tl Y S E LFRn oteee 1113 $101. ri.u'. t rt endless til and t at Debility, 1 tr , rtnno1nitant 1 )` lV"rt•vo y 1 themfro n,tt end untold miseries th.ttresu t "nal ire. thrrcfrmtt,trul'eon tsittsntordtbttte0or, t l acv,T,Liana, any;on., of which leworth the price of tit:: not lt. This bo,.k was written by the most ex. teo tat itin et iful r n the C,1 111 Ante lea. owltom3 whd [ 'land etiv-. rdtot s urtl 1 ,u Antriic,t,tntrHom+�,t atw f; tiled moat by the Nattotnil ♦u <litl+tl ltsbobiition. A Pamphlet, hl estr.dtn.i With the 'very finest ' i 1,r.Er. .. rtrL. 't .!, ext 1 if HEAL Vet C.31.1111 tmi,l b a tt) •- b,•nt t r to rll .+,; ad f,r it at privy. y. C.hTn 53 I F l,l) 3iJ'•.UI(l1lT, . : o. 4 71n1. 04'lh 5t,r ,�..tsyunr idCatil. , �. LV E•I1ra- JJD .. I have pleasure in informing the, young gentle- men g . Y g �'; nen of Clinton and vicinity, that- I have j s , ,nd to a opened e a lot. o especially nice• goods fo p g .•.?�.• yf the Spring Trade, .consisting of new patterns in SPRING TWEEDS AND COATINGS. The winter being so very 'mild, and heavy goods ' being in: such slow demand, tri t - I have concluded . to bring goods tbat.,, -.._ Also, a lot of ver r . fine . FUR : HATS all shades _andP rices 'about 25 per cent -less than last ear's prices. G � p • largein�ral I� anticipate• a -cease in : alrea large my dY .:. Tailoring business, as.: I have engaged Nr. P. Kenned 's valuable services for another year, as y Y �, C ttei , andgentlemen can assure themselves....-: that everyeffort will be. made • hiin .to give :.•.by ._. .• g themsati • f a call.° perfect satisfaction. Please aloe us As - next month is our stock -taking t king seion, I in- tend tend glving large reductions in prices on an classes of goods. Peopie desirousof laying in large stocksof goods forfeature use, w'llbe sure of big bargains. Come`' andget what ou wan g � Y. at the lowest prices. CiwiL TRJ.CD-Y- WATERLOO• CJ•LI NTON,,. Feb. 14, 1.87 8. 0r '-10 • ., • ,: 11 • • REMOVAL.: -JAS, TWITCHElL, lil�•r>I a Maker, Saddler;. Sic., *bile thanking Ilia many friends for the liberal patronage . bestowed on binrin the past, would inform them that he, has removed to .his new store, in "VICTOI;UA BLOCK,. ' where he will be Itleased to meet all his old customers, and as many new ones as may firer hitn.with.their • renege. Ho has on band a lairge stock of Heavy and Light HAR.NEss7 Rubes, Norse Illinnlcets, Whips, dcc , Which he will sell as cheap lie any maker in. the County.. - ,, INSPECTION OF STOCK AND PRICES I#QLICITED. lt00i1$ Tt) LEN. --Several rooms to let, at reasonable rates, suitable for offices, &c„ is the story above the shop, in the. building known; as Victoria ,Block, k- ' Always on hand, first and second class SB1NGLES whfel will'be-sold cheap for caste. Clinton, Jan. 24, 1878. -PROP. SALTER, Bis8 i'O =Trawl; `x0 THF; PUBLIC GENEA- Ants et Outten and neighborhoodthat he is pre- pared to gtvts Icltonq on the flans And Organ, and also in the motivation 'of the voice in singing 11505 instrnc- tion. Navies been udder the in5tritction.of Prof. Bat, ter, of New 'Cork, sih,5e system he' 1144, be feelsoonb dent of giving entireeatfafaction. Apply at the resi- dence otRev.Mr. Conti fee,1t.0,11, • Clinton, Nov, 28,1877, • ra N o ti ce Removal. J..BIDDLECOMBE,.' 'lafch and . Clock Maker, �r ' .1•EWgLL1tR, &c4 tVonld respectfully announce to his enstomera and the t tic r' ail thet.sin the lee disastrous fire kb tit nbr od t b 9 y+ r g has seemed d alta a ... , Store lately 000upied by 'Resort~ s', ?allieer & Oo,, Whore bew . ill'kec On hand a Saleet assortment of 'keep Clocks, Vatchhes lbwelrY+ and Si1vorware atilt kinds, 7l1a1 1 ho wilt bolt at reasonable tater. Repairing 0? every t1eioriptlonproe »tlyattended'to. oilattln,,7an,.2'^l, 1818. ' I. DfDbt1tC0SMT31 AmMar srns*T. • CUSTOMS DEPARTMENT OTTAWA; Oct,12,:1877. •,i tHT110Iir'LED' DISCOUNT' ON Ab1BItICAN`ZN� XI. 'Vetoes until further nowt, s pie Dont, tbme. dommfsson e of as C'NTON PIMP FACTORY.• TTU111 SURSCRtrER l 1lsl:ltES TO nitttatN 1111' 1 etnbere thanks for the liberal Share of patronage afforded him and would also fatlmat& that hoe dnc- ing the pant winter, laid in a Tatgo stock of 8ret- olAet material, iprepared t la , s sow a make and put ins Ehe MOST . SUPE TOR PUMPS, P Sa Of every description, on the SHORTEST Nortcd,,an& on the -most reasonable terms.' rms Remeniber then place -next door to Vit; Ddathesoil a Biaiikemith Shop. JA12ES PARtiUBQl x. Clinton, April 19,1877.