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HomeMy WebLinkAboutLucknow Sentinel, 1892-06-17, Page 20 Ifrleete-ete OK 0-19A1, fronethle. keep ftyWaY e& eivet-TiTri—oft',#ego.exeent 441 WittUr gut to virlAlW an' to 4,511/0/` k dream! oi, strike Teel, falters from the country -w en y mo 'at my dslt . W17004113egt148 streetilooke ettetereeeole. roarin' of the city, with its engines an , ae1t3 bells. 7; 04,..„;*430 rtielCfiktiittie-raliaZrer thir'rliounfalrIST •• !arid. the (1041 44e,e0111447--YOU get so much !--•s'iittle of its sorrow, of its tears and of its ettrife, Veit.V1.Waetto get off with yqu\ and just riot in Ieer3or, 01.04r4404,3)1.1r cool branches like I used to ' • 'When a. bey 1 The Advent or Eittnnuer. The tennis blazer soon will come Vier brighten up the emerald, lawn•, Amid in hie fishing togs we'll see Th i3 fisherman steal forth at dawn. In_yachting sett, with buttons big, . The youth the quarter deck will stritt And 1411i :grayed in coo bright, • claS4414fignre he will out W01-§eet.bintwolk'along the beach ' Ip ot1ngsunt ofnobby style ; Or else arrayed for mountain climbs. • ' Thelininraer hours away he'll while. And as the summer girl he seekt With suits unnumbered, far away IFIls tailor will remain at home, And wonder when he'll get his way. SPLINTERS' NOVEL • I'l4Vitift her heir Or weeasillg Inaull WecisteOat or beenrring Mtt.1!..reautteli's nge io orae other pemeliar w etraYing hiel‘oonfidercel4rYriette44teued'4i9Split v,my to hemeelf. " I never breathed' that Affair ,etf MO to a living soul." " And yetr-wait a bit, now --4 did, too, Tiff .rweie rare &Ways ofroses, spirrea, Memorial DAT wereueeee, Aunt Samantha's. Roma was in the ara• flowers to slimly leer a story to 'liven her up a bit. And so 1 hydrangeas and dentziao, mignonette, began : Once upon a time I knew a fellow,' heliotropes and pansies. litireny floret tributes and then, half unconsciously, Frank's story will be placed over the graves of departed *slipped but bit by bit. I changed • the ,BEr. heroea. With the advent of eunsmer, ap- rwottuantedinvegr8. and did not mention any wanes pear gay coaching parties in Central Park. The roade a,re kepe In perfect order and, the "It's Rosie -that's who is at the bottom trees and shrubs show the gardeners' at of the whole affair 1" . tention. In Madison Square the floral dis- Presently, when he grew calmer, be play is limited to pansies and daieies. The opened Rosie's letter: fountain in the centke of the tiquare sur- rounded with urns of granite, filled with how 4o you take your new honors ? Think of choice flowers. The seats in this park are MY DEAR Oft,D Joerw.-Well, old fellow, and ou as a novelist 1 And you have brought it meetly occupied by the better class 11 ourself you know. You =mut blame of people. ' The park is a nursery play ground. UniowSquare, in the centre of the city, is au inviting spot eud affords a convenient breathing piece for busy shoppers. City Hall Park is a haven of rest from ehe turmoil of Wall street and the busy com- mercial centres. To study human nature in its various phases' Battery Park should be the objective point. Here the emigrant first sets foot on American soil. All nationalities are represented. A party of Danish and Scandinavian women landed yesterday to join their future husbands in Wisconsin. '..Chis perk has been much im- proved. A new sea wall and promenade have been Wilt, from which a good view of the harbor and shipping may be obtained. The Statue of Liberty lifts her enlightening torch and stands in bold relief in the dis- tance. All these parks bre well arranged for the comfort of the people. The best of order prevails and the police enforce a strict surveillance. Decoration Dee, was observed as a general public holiday. There was a parade .of all the posts of the Grand Army of the Re- public, escorts of regular troops, and the New York regiments of the National Guard. The State -troops were the 69th, followed by the 8th, 9th and 22nd regiments, the 7th next ; then came the 12th and 71st regi- ments. The 1st Battery, the Naval Reserve Artillery, Torpedo Corps and Signalmen and three battalions of ma e hies, ambulance corps and ahattery of artillery, with four guns, completed the military display. The parade was 8,000 strong and was reviewed by Mayor Grant. More than 3,000 veterans passed the stand. The parade formed in Fifth avenue, just below Central Park, Square, and then to Fourth avenue and marched down to and Fourteenth street where it dis- banded. Memorial services were held at General Grant's tomb. General Horace Porter delivered ,the oration and the Loyal Legion was present. There were also exercises at the Seventh Regiment monu- ment in Central Park. Flags weir) at half mast and impressive services were held in Many of the churches. The statues in the public squares were altdecorated. Lincoln's statue in Union Square was decorated with flowers 'contributed by the school children. On each side of the base ef the statue were floral shields bearing the words " loyalty," " prosperity, " charity," "peace, " " liberty." The status of Lafayette was encircled with wreaths and garlands of flowers. • The Worth monument and -Farragut's statue were decked with flags. At the close of the war on Aprilthesixth,the first post of theGrand 'Army of theRepublic was organized. The movement met with popular approval and posts were established in every part of the north from the Atlantic to the Pacific. The 13th of May is desig- nated for the purpose of strewing with flowers and decorating the graves of com- rades who died in the defence of their country. The ministerial vacations are now in order and many of the prominent pastors go abroad for the summer months. The Rev. Dr. Parkhurst preached an'effective sermon in the Madison Square Presbyterian church, on Sunday morning. Ile chose for kis text " There remain e a rest." The church was crowded to the doors, and those who went expecting to hear a sensational sermon. were disappointed. The doctor read a. carefully prepared sermon. Hie logic is forcible. He is keen of intellect andproclaims the Gospel of the New Testament ewitla uncertain sound. His sentences are short and crisp. He does not aim at rhetoric. His voice is clear and may be heard distinctly in every part of the church. In his opening remarks he said : " Rest lies in the distance. It is ever before a Christian. To -day we live in expectation. Expectation is the prolific mother of disappointment. The less we expect of life the easier we get along. It is this coetimial thinking that to -morrow is going to be different that makes the trouble." Perhaps no clergyman has had so much publicity of late as Dr. Parkhurst. He has not escaped contumely. His friends in the ministry who have expressed adverse views object, teehis methods and not to the prin- ciple. , He has succeeded in arousing public sentiment and has the sympathy and confi- denee of the community. He is Preeident of the Society for the Pzevention of Crime, and did not represent the church or go 'RS a minister. He went to get the facts to prove that the laws were being openly violated. His own congregation did not know of his intentions, so his wife 139.578, and she dught York. Dr He is a power for good in New Dr. Rainsford, pastor of St. George% Church, is 'Working on the same lines. He would confine vice to certain cliatricts. He believes that every successful movement for cleanliness and order should have its force and strength in the church, politics ex- cepted. He believes that vice should not after a fashion. It wa,s last outwear, u . at (lag 13,was TROX Goniou the Churches sinttitneeeee! eeedIngs of Decoraitlen. Day -No Afro -Ira 1res 10 the Oty, NOW Yak never looked more attractive than it does at the present time. The recent mine and weenier weather have developed the foliage. There wee a great demand for USA 3 poor hale me, for I wrote and gave you a fair warning that I was going to use your name, and I took your silence tor consent. T am sure you ought to feel very grateful towards me. And now, I've just one little favor to ask of you. Den't peach on me, John, dear ; at all. events not until auntie gets alittle more settled down. I was very- indiscreet tq introduce that little " Danger Signal." I never saw auntie in such a rage in all my lite, and that's saying a, good deal, you know. It is not very much to asko seeing that you are so far away Vona the volcano. Your affectionate cousin, Rosin. Now Rosie was a very nice -a most par- ticular y nice -little girl, Sp n r used 1 te to think, until he paid that memorable visit to Brighton. .Even new he would do a great deal for Rose, and of at:tura-elle must great Ile Didn't Write it, But it Caused Him Pleat? of Trouble. HE moat odd part of the whole affair was that John Haverstraw Splinter had not the remotest thing • to do with his sudden leap into fame. He had left the London suburb in which he resided early in June, a very ordinary little doctor intent 'Onhuilding up a practice; and 'ever since, except for two short -and too short -weeks at Brighton, he had been buried in a little fishing village away down on the coast of Dorsetshire. • He had gone there to study, and there- fore he left newpapers, story books and cor- respondence behind, , So far as the story books went it cost hiir no self-denial to forego theta. Splinter didn't believe in them; he consirered them very Useless if not absolutely pernicious. A novel had lately dawned upon the literary horizon with the somewhat singular title of " The Girl with the Psyche Knot." It was an effusion in a paper cover, and it had a picture of the heroine with her hair sorewed up into a Psyche knot adorning the front page. Just below it large red letters announced that its author was J. Haverstraw Splinter. bitiw, in the train the previous night, Splin- ter had read a criticism of this novel in one of the evening papers. This paper spoke in the highestterms of its undeniable clever- ness and brought its article to a close with the following little eulogy • • "To readers jaded with the recent glut of effeminate effusions The Girl with the Psyche Knot" will come like a whiff of sea breeze. There is an. uumistakable smack of masculinity about this little book which unconsciously proclaims its author to be a thorough man of the world. Mr. Js Haver - straw Splinter possesses the virtue, so rake in our day, of writing of what he knows." Now, when Splinter'inew his name so un- expeotedlyin print it gave him quite a little start, but never for one instant did he real- ize that it was to his identical self that the article. referred. It was not till he had reached his lodg- ings and had perused a few of the scores of letters which be found awaiting him that the full significance of, the situation dawned upon his bewildered mind. Two or three of them were from publish- ers, offering liberal terms fortis next novel. At last he toured a letter, the hand -writ- ing of which was familiar. Continuing his search until the bottom. of the pile was reached, he found in all four letters which he laid aside. One was from Miss Fry, a wealthy patient of his; another was from Frank Dexter, his greatest chum, and the other two were from Aunt Samantha and his pretty little cousin Rosie. He opened Miss Fry's letter firet. 'SIR, -My sisters and myself would be greatly obliged it you would favor us with your account at your earliest convenience. Wo find ourselves the victims of a confidence wholly naisplaced. We had no idea that you combined with your medical practice a capacity for writ- ing novels My sisters and I have considered you far above the flippancy and worldly ten- dencies of the average medical student. It is with deep mortification that we now discover that the man whorl we trusted. is guilty of writing a most obnoxious noyel, which is on 'sale at all the bookstalls, . Then came the. signature, " Catharine Fry," and Splinter could see the icicles upon it. Splinter gave vent to a long, low whistle, and then tore open the letter from Frank. It was a long letter, covering many pages, but when he had finished it Splinter's face was a sight to behold. There was a time, wrote Dexter, when he realty flattered himself that he had enjoyed Splinter's full confidence. He had lived to see his mis- • take. When, however, for lack of an original idea he had taken the incidents • of an ' affair from real life, which had been con- fided to him under conditions of the strictest secrecy, and had used them in the. most barefaced manner for the plot of his novel, it was about time for some body to characterize him as an unmiti- gated cad. Aunt Samantha's missive was short, but extremely to the point : John : I didn't believe you had enough in ,you to write a book of' any sort, let alone a novel. L read the book and laughed over it, and thought that old frump, Lady Thermo- pyla3, a perfect idiot. And:now all my friends here tell me it's a canital portrait of me. That's what I cannot forgive you -making fun of your poor old stunt I Henceforth you are no longer my nephew ; I wash my hands of you entirely. and dear little iltosie is now to be my heir. Your aunt that was, but is no longr. SAM ANTRA PLUNKETT. Splinter lay back in his chair and fairly " Nes, John -what ? ' gasped- If it hadn't been for his misurr- " Do you think it's long enough for two 2" derstanding with Dexter; Splinter could -Boston Olobe. have felt, comparatively speakine,' light - Strati er--" How is New York this her request. bi=11 tan There was a rap at the door, and a note was handed in. It was written from Brighton, and "said briefly that mamma and the writer would be in town on the morrow and wouldn't Mr. Splinter come and dine with them. They had not read " The Girl with the Psyche Knot " yet, for they could not obtain a poppy of it at Brighton for love Or money. They would get copies as soon as they reached London, however. The letter was signed by " Violet Lansing." " I suppoise it would be as well to read the book myself," he thought. " It would be rather a singular thing for an author to know nothing about his own book." So he went out to the bookstall and asked for a copy of "The Girl with the Psyche Knot." At the Lansings' hotel, to his dismay, he met Frank Dexter. Splinter came towards him and held his hand out. - say, Frank, old man," he exclaimed, " I got that letter of yours. But it's not true what you think of me -really it's not. Trust me jnst for a day or two, old fellow, and I will then be able to explain every- thing." DeXter rose from the piano and stood facing him, with a stern look upon his face. "It's not one of those things which admit of explanation. But this is no place to discuss this matter. I'll see you again. I'd no idea you were coming here tonight." The ladies came in presently, and after Mr. Splinter had submitted to effusive compliments from both of them, Mrs. Lansing suddenly exclaimed: "Dinner won't be ready for half an hour. • Mr. Splinter, I leave Viola here to entertain you, and as for you, Frank, do play something like a good fellow. As for me, I want to finish the "Girl." It's per- fectly delightful." Splinter knew that such an opportunity would probably never occur again. While Dexter in his sonorous voice was informing the community at large that he was " O'Donohue " of the Square," John"Haver- straw, Splinter asked Viola Lansing if she would be his wife. She blushed of course and hung her head down, but before she could give any definite answer Mrs. Lansing broke in suddenly upon them. M ra. Lansing's pleased appearance had undergone a sudden change. " Mr. Splinter," she exclaimed, "is this true? Are you really a married man?" " Why, my dear Mrs. Lansing, of course not ! What makes you think —" "Indeed Then how does it happen that you have dedicated this novel to your wife ? Read that, Viola." She held the book up so that both of them could see, and pointed With her forefinger to an 'inscription on the opening page: " To my wife, whose unwavering love has ever proved my source of inspiration, this little volume is affectionately in- scribed by the author." For one instant Splinter stood there striving vainly to frame some words of excuse. Then, as Viola fell fainting into her mother's arms, he tore into the hall, and seizing his hat, rushed breathlessly from the house, That night, and the day that followed, seem all a blur to Splinter. He entered a train, he remembers, and after a Jong journey he reached Rosie's home. The servants said that she was down in the garden, and there he found her curled up in the hammock; looking prettier than ever. There was a bunch of dog roses pinned into her belt, and somehow all of a eudlen the charms of Viola began to wane. And then Splinter sat down and told her of all his troubles from the beginning to the end-all except the Lansing episode, which he omitted for reasons of his own. Oh, I'm so awfully, awfully sorry, John 1" she said. " And yours was such a lovely long name, John, that I "— They went up to the house in a little while after that and had an interview with Aunt Samantha. Then a long letter was written to Frank and another to Mrs. Lansing. It was jut about a week later that Splinter remarked : " I say, Rosie." yes. e " Do you remember what you said about any name being so long ?" " Yes, John." " I say, Rosie." ' inaintaies that a.minister is a apiritual physician and should not refuse to go into the wide; of the worst disease if duty - threit 121W-atisCana reoveue oug -pup:Moans EAR einners. • The subscriptions to the Grant Memorial fund endure the building of aneappropriete monuneeett. Contribution boxes Were placed in public resorte throughout the city. Up to date over three thousand dollars has been The first of a series of concerts was given. in Madison Square Amphitheatre on Mon- day evening. Gilmore% Band was the at- traction. The soloists were Signor Raffay- ole, Signor Carnpaeini, Mise Ida Klein, Mr. Herbert L. Clarke and Signor Sartori. The roof garden a the same auilding and the tower were dedicated. This will be an attractive place during the warm season. The performance on the roof was given by a mandolin orchestra, arid skirt dancing by Miss Minnie Renwoqd. The New York Herald is starting . a fund to supply the poor with ice during the heated term. The politicians are organizing for the campaign. There are to be no trolley wires in New York. The objections are not to the poles but to the wires themselves. New York wants no overhead wires. A syndicate are anxious for the right to build and operate the trolley system under the elevated roads. A commission has been formed to inquire whether the people of New York and Brooklyn want to be united under one local government for a greater New York. The warm wave has arrived and the mercury rose to 90* at 3 o'clock yesterday, Wednesday. Two days of summer heat will be followed by cooler weather. The ways that are dark and tricks that are vain still flourish. Bunco men lie in wait for the unwary. Thefts occur inbreed daylight, aud the precaution to " look to your watches' and • "beware e of pick- pockets" is impressed on the public mind by conspicuous notices in all public places and street ears. HAMILTON. WAX WitiPIATIVANT E'4 JIINE. AA* the Segiuning of the Astronoss‘tit • - Runiut.er, The choicest gift in the power of June to beatow to summer solstice, Which occurs on the 20th, at 6 hours 16 minutes in the evening, as the ewe eaten the sign of the Crab and astronomical manner begins. The moon quarters early in the morning ofethe-20doef-Juneaundethe-followingsdayeui.--------- in couiunction with Saturn. Oa the 6th there is conjunction with Uranus. The next conjunction ia with Mars on the 14th, followed five days later by Jupiter end the waning orescent being at their closest for the month. Neptane's turn comets next. On the 24th Mercury and the young moon hobnob together, and on the 25th we have Venus ia conjunction. e. BONNET STRINGS. To Wear or,, Not to Wear Them. That is the Question. Venus graces the month by appeariPFi her role of greatest brilliancy. She 1 21 pursuing us as we revolve about the and as she draws_nearer her size increases. She is, however, yielding to the strain of the chain that binds her to the sun, and before the mouth closes the beautiful queen of the night will De lost to us. Mars is morning atar, although he rises a. little after 11 o'clock in the evening and gets up earlier and earlier as the month advances. He is growing large quite per- ceptibly and at the close of June will be four times the size he was when the year began. In August, when he is in appo- sition, he will be a most glorious object and we shall have his ruddy face to gaze upon throughout the night. Saturn is evening star. His steady light, of a alightly ruddy tinge, makes him queite easily distinguished, as he bears south abat 7 o'clock and is about half way betw%n overhead and the horizon. Jupiter is morning etar and rises about 2 o'clock. He is nearly at the average dis- tance from the earth, but is gradually ap- proaching us and in consequence gaining in brilliancy and size. -New York Times. " I am getting old," said a pretty woman in a Sixth avenue car the other day. " I realize ib this spring whea I try on those gauzy, girlish -looking hate. The other day 1 put on one of those hats with a Tam o' Shutter crown,and it added ten years to my age. I- must have fallen into the.' sere and yellow leaf' state, for I used to look well in anything a little rakish. 1 affected fore and aft caps, saucy little turbans, aud \looked • well even in a billycock hat. Oh, the times that was 1" And she heaved a sigh that sounded genuine. " Speaking of headgear," Eaid her com- panion, " how much bonnet strings become some women! They cover a scrawny neck, and hide the tell-tale line that is so apt to lurk under one's ear. Some one has said that no woman over 25 should omit them- strings,I mean. " Jo," she said, turning to the third girl, " you ought to have them on this minute." " Humph," said number three. " If wearing strings is equal to owning that I am over twenty-five then I am not going to do it. It would advertise my age. if I don't wear them the fact that I am twenty- seven may never dawn on people. See?" " I have been called Mrs. several times lately," remarked the first speaker. . " I wore that little black, velvet hat last Winter with a matronly strap under the ebin.. I had occasion to wait in a drug store while a prescription was being filled, and I gave my name without any Miss or Mrs. Presently the clerk called, Mrs. Smith, your parcel is ready.' The same thing happened in the Express office one day. I felt quite 'set up about it, and I charged the dignity to the bonnet strings." -New York Recorder. Conidn't Get Ahead of Alger. !wow Married People Alight be Happier. Married people would be happier -if home troubles were never told to a neigh- bor. If expenses were proportioned .to receipts. If they tried to be as agreeable as/ in courtship days. If each would try to be a support and comfort to the other. If each remembered the other was a, human being, not an angel. If each was as kind to the other as when they were lovers. If fuel and provisions were laid in during the high tide of summer work. If both parties re- membered that they married for worse as well as for better. If men wore as thought- ful for their wives as they were for their sweethearts. If there were fewer silk and velvet , street costumes, and more plain, tidy house. dresses. If there were fewer " please darlings " in public and more common manners in private. If masculine bills for Havanas and feminine ditto far rare lace were turned into the general fund until such times as they could be incurred without risk. If men would remember that a woman cannot be always Braiding who has to cook the dinner, answer the' door -bell half -a -dozen times, and get rid of a neighbor who has dropped in, tend a sick baby, tie up the cut finger ot a 2 -year-old, tie up the head of a 6 -year-old on skates, and get an 8 -year-old ready for school, to say nothing of sweep- ing, cleaning, dusting, etc. A woman with all this to contend with may claim it as a. privilege to look and feel a little tired sometimes, and a word of sympathy would not be too much to expect from the man who, during the honeymoon, would not (says an exchange) let her carry as much as a sunshade. " The boys in blue know how hard that is," he said. " If put on the Republican ticket, the devil himself won't catch him. I followed him up through Michigan a few years ago. At a farm house I met a lovely young girl and asked her if she knew Gen. Alger. " Oh, yes 1 she replied, he has just been .here.' Then took out a stibk of candy and gave it to her., Did Gen. Alger give you candy?' I asked. ' Oh, yes !' she said, he gave me a whole paper full of nice candy. Not to be outdone, I pulled out a dime and gave it to her. Did Gen. Alger give you any money-?' I asked. ' Oh, yea!' she answered, he gave me Whole silver dol- lar.' Then I thought I would get ahead of Alger. I gathered her right up in my arms -she wasn't over 15 or 16 years old -and kissed her rosy lips. Did Gen. Alger kiss you.?' I asked. Oh 1' she said, Gen. Alger is such a nice man. _He kissed ide, and he kissed ma, too 1' Then I gave up. in despair. I couldn't get ahead of Alger.' " - John 31. Thurston. • Bathing For Sleep. There is always a difference of opinion as to how a bath should be taken -that is, in respect to the-Aemperature of the water. One authority assures us that a hot bath is a strong stimulant and should never be "used by a person in strong health. Ninety degrees is the limit of the warm bath. It is the highest temperature safe to use and it is almost as high as any one would be likely to take it. But physicians often prescribe a higher temperature for certain physical • • ailments. A salt bath taken at night at a temperature of 80 to 85 degfees will often induce a pleasant sleep when nothing else will./ It ,has a peculiarly -soothing effect upon the nerves and will send restless babies, tired with teething, into,-• whole- some sleep, when narcotics are aka t .use- less. The best salt for this purpos is rock salt, which may be purchased for a small price by the peck at almost any grocery store. Fasten the Rugs Down. Rugs have nearly driven carpets out. There is a gain here in health and cleanli. ness, though with some disadvantages. There are rugs.that will not stay in place, but insist on turning up, tripping the unwary foot and committing all kinds of mischief - making which such a depraved floor -covering may be guilty of. Where such is the ease it is best to have sockets sunk in the floor at the corners to hold them down. Any carpet Man will prepare such sockets and fasten the rug in them in such a manner as to make the fastening almost invisible. Rugs which are made up from carpeting are often very troublesome and refuse to lie in place until they are shrunk to the floor. In order to shrink such a rug it must be free from all. dust. . The floor must then be cleaned as clean as possible and the rug stretched and nailed firmly to the floor. When itis securely down it must be , damp. be licensed: To enforce the present law ened thoroughly and allowed to dry on the would be to make the evil stronger. He the tenement houses, boarding houses and k floor. Tit for Tat. thinks the evil would then be forced into hotels. In the course of Ms sermon he Chumley (who is off the track) -Tell me, said : " You cannot remove ate evil without ' Pat, do you know where the C. H. & D. putting something better in its place. Let depot Is? us know where vice is and it will be easier' Patrick -Shure, how did yez know ine to deal with it. We can then bo sure that name was Pat ? the police cannot blackmail it." He dill' Chumley -Oh, guessed it, dear boy. cussed the drink evil, and favors making Pt2-Well, then, yez can just guess where bar -rafts as good as possible, and keeping the depot is. them open at certain hours on Sunday. • Rev. John Balcom Shaw, of the West -To the woman editor of a woman's hearted. End Presbyterian Church, is preaching paper who is see ting some i new in e He could exist without the patronage of season -pretty lively ?" Native-" dust so 1" Municipal Reform." He wants to -unite Bathing suits this year, the Detroit free the Misses Fry, and he knew quite well so. The preachers seem to be having all 1 all the churches in the crusadeagainst vice. Press suggests more material and a little that some of these days Rosie would be the fun." -New York Herald, ' Ho approves of Dr. Parkhuret's plan. He modesty. Tbe Preacher of the Wature• Rev, S. Magni Getthere : Well, have you discovered anything ? Private Detective -Yes, I have unearthed an A 1 scandal. Rev. S. M. G. -Have the papers got it yet ? Private Detective -No ! Rev. S. M. G. -Good ! Leave your notes with me. Have the bulletin board hung out and rubh dodgers around town announcing that I preach an " Extra " tonight. Makes a Difference,. Chicago Tribune' : Mr. Billus-Chug- • water, 1 am having a lightning -rod put on my home. Do you believe in lightning rods? Mr. Chugwater-I haven't much faith in them. But what kind of roof tas your house? "A tin roof." " What kind of tin ?" " What difference does it make?" "Alt the difference in the world, BMus. If it's American tin it's protected already." -Boiled starch is much improved by the addition of a litttle salt or dissolved gum arable. -Ethel-I hope the men aren't going to wear those horrid broad -brimmed straw hats again this summer. -Maud-Why Ethel -Because they MIRA 011e)8 bangs up so much. -Miss Elder -Well, I maintain that women can do anything men can." Mr. Ganam-,-Oh no. The auctioneer's business is one woman cannot go into." "Nonsense She makes every bit as good an auctioneer as a man." " Weil, just imagine an un- married woman getting up before a crowd and exclaiming, Now, gentlemen, all I want is an offer.' " -Naturalists say that a. single swallow will devour 6,000 Iltes i3O a day. •11, F$